Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Buddy's Buddies

Momming a teenager is quite interesting. When he's in a good mood, we can have lots of fun joking around about stupid things. When he's not in a good mood...well, look out! I begin to wonder if it's the same sweet baby child from years ago.

Then again, he does look an awful lot like me, so I can't ever deny that one. He's mine, fo sho.

Like most kids his age, he does have a motley crew of other pimple faced youths he hangs out with. His best bud for the last few years just lives right up the street, so they walk home together and will often either both stop by here after school or both walk to his house to hang for a bit after school.

This boy is super sweet. He has a great family - they're all really nice folks.

We'll call Buddy's friend D, cause that's his initial. D is polite as all get out. He has also earned the nickname "The Loudest Teenager Alive" by the Evil Twin and I, because the kid has a powerful set of lungs. He just doesn't seem to have an inside voice, but he does have a big family, so maybe increased volume is needed at his house.

Anypoodle, one day D stopped by after school and he and Buddy went downstairs to play on the Wii (It had been in Buddy's room, but he decided it would be more fun on a larger TV in an area where there is also more room to move around). They played downstairs and I didn't think anything about it.

Later in the evening, after D had gone home, the Evil Twin went downstairs to work on his computer. Sissy was with him. I was cleaning up in the kitchen when the Evil Twin appeared in the doorway, holding a Magnadoodle. He held it up and said, "Sissy found this on the futon." Well, I thought he was just being silly, because the Magnadoodle said "Suck a Cock" - and seriously, that is something the Evil Twin would do and then blame it on invisible forces because he knows it would make me laugh.

I said, "No, she didn't! You wrote that! Stop being gross." He said, "I swear, I didn't write it." Then, he called for Buddy. I said, "That's not his handwriting, he didn't do that either." When Buddy saw it, he said, "D did that. I was playing Soul Caliber and he must have left it there." The Evil Twin said, "Well, your sister found it. Just tell your friends to hide evidence like this next time."

Of course, we both thought it was funny, in that typical teenage way. We didn't think it was funny Sissy found it, but even being a stellar reader, she didn't understand what it meant. The Evil Twin told her it didn't mean anything, it was just silly, but not to repeat it or think about it anymore.

I'm sure Buddy was mortified and if he mentioned it to D, I'm sure he's mortified too. If they only knew how much we have laughed about this incident, maybe they'd feel less mortified. Hell, who am I kidding? They're teenagers, they're mortified by everything. It's just their nature.

I hope this finds you in a cheery mood, my hooligans. Enjoy your Wednesday and I'll be back!


Monday, December 17, 2012

Livin' la Vida...

And staying busy! As it happens every year, when Halloween approaches, my calendar goes on steroids and I'm left scrambling trying to fit it all in, get it all done, etc.

This madness continues until about March. After Thanksgiving, my neices' birthdays (one in Nov., one in Dec.), Christmas, Buddy's birthday (Jan) and Sissy's birthday (Feb) and the occasional threat of bad weather thrown in and it's a chaotic mix for sure.

Due to my crazy schedule and my MS, I've been having trouble making it to AA meetings on a regular basis. Well, long story short, my "sponsor" didn't like that and ask me to "rearrange my schedule so I'd be less exhausted and able to get to meetings more often."

After I asked her if she knew *anything* (even one fact would have sufficed) about MS, she replied, "No", nor was she willing to look anything up on my condition and considers most everything an "excuse", I told her to stuff it. And, poof! I'm done.

Just like that, my schedule cleared up a whole hell of a lot. The way I see it, her job is to give advice when it comes to alcoholism. Advise about any other health condition is outside of her expertise and is best left to the neurologists and those who must live with it. I have a choice to pick up a drink or not. I have no choice how, why or when MS will affect me. Not even I know that.

I'm a free agent. But, that does not mean I will abandon the program completely. I will still do my reading each day and I will stay in touch with a few people in the program I've come to know and trust. I just won't be going to those silly meetings.

I've never been a "joiner" and I don't enjoy hobnobbing, especially when so many people get on my nerves. Stress will drive me back to the bottle faster than not attending meetings will.

As I said, I am not falling back on my own freewill in this matter. I will continue with the principals of the program as I set out to do several months ago (that also being said, I have only been sober for 67 days...still yet, the longest time ever, not counting my pregnancies....where I did not drink, AT ALL). Anyhoot, there ya go.

It's a freeing experience. I feel good. Positive. Happy. Well, that and the fact I changed a certain someone's ringtone on my phone to the "wicked witch" music from Wizard of Oz. I'm not naming names or even implying who that might be. After all, it IS alcoholics ANONYMOUS for a reason, right?

Hey, batter, batter, batter....(I'm trying to distract you for a minute). Have a lovely Monday, hooligans and I'll be back.


Monday, November 19, 2012


And by the title, yes, I know this is petty. Since January of 1998, after Buddy was born extra super prematurely, I have been a stay at home mom. We didn't know where we were going with it or if it was even possible to maintain and sustain on a single income.

The Evil Twin is not a lawyer, doctor or hell, even a plumber (those guys make a LOT of money!). He's a good husband, a great father and works his butt off to allow the children and I. He doesn't do it because he has to, he does it because he wants to. He wants the children to have their mom available. If they wake up sick or if the school calls me an hour into the school day because one is sick, I can be there.

Over the past how many ever years (15?) I've been at home, not much has changed. Society still doesn't think I contribute much and these "opinions" are frequently said right to my face. The other interesting question I receive on a regular basis is "When do you plan on going back to work?" #1. I do work and #2. No one ever said "ETW, you have a college education. Don't blow it by putting your children first, get out there and show society us liberated women can 'have it all'."

And all this blather is just to bring me to today's point. People who have jobs outside the home, doesn't matter if it's day shift, night shift, whatever - they are allowed by law to have certain break times and typically a "lunch" period. I rarely get either.

Back when Buddy was younger, before Sissy was born, I took my schedule seriously. When I was in between chores and felt hungry, I'd fix myself something to snack on for lunch. I didn't answer the phone, the door, or do anything but sit and eat my little plate of cheese and crackers or whatever I felt like having.

These days, I just don't eat. That will change..starting today. I just had breakfast. The phone didn't ring. The Earth didn't stop spinning on its' axis! Sure, I lost a few minutes where I could have been doing something more productive - maybe even getting a shower!

Well, I did multi-task a little...I wrote this while eating. Writing is another luxury of the well-heeled, apparently. Maybe I'll just allow myself a few minutes of writing and eating (at the same time) and that will help me get back into the swing of things on this nearly dead blog.

With that, I am going to get back to reality. My dear hooligans, have a wonderful Monday!


Monday, October 29, 2012

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Bad Driver,
Last week, while taking my daughter to school, you pulled out from your parking spot on a 2 way street. However, this 2-way street has cars parked on both sides. Drivers take turns pulling over close to the curb to allow drivers from the opposite direction to pass as space allows.

I had the right of way and was trying to get down the road as you pulled out from your spot. Thereby, you effectively trapped me between your car and the cars parked on the side to my right. Not wanting to take off anyone's mirrors or quarter panels, I slowed down to make sure my Land Yacht (aka "The minivan") could pass safely, so that we both might be on our merry ways.

Instead, you proceeded to yell and carry on until I rolled my window down and said, "I'm sorry, but I had the right of way." I was told, "Well, if the sun wasn't out and you would fucking learn to drive...."

#1. It was a beautiful morning, not a cloud in the sky and it was 8am. That's what the sun does. It shines. I'm sorry it was shining in your delicate wittle eyes, but that's why God made those flaps on the top of your car over the steering wheel. You move that flap down and it will reduce the glare. I promise!

#2. I do know how to drive. I know I had the right of way and you were clearly in the wrong to pull out when I know you saw me coming and realized I had no open space to pull over to my right.

#3. You pulled out from directly in front of your house, so I have your address and now, I even have your license plate number - since you tend to park out in front of said house every day and I drive by it every day. I'm a good person, but I wouldn't get too lippy with someone who knew where I lived.... Just sayin'.

#4. I prayed for you as I drove off. I understood you must be a troubled young man to act so belligerently and to cuss at a lady (with her 6 yr old child in the car, no less). I hope you were not such an asshole to the next person you encountered that morning.

God bless,

Dear 2nd Bad Driver (same morning, different moron),
People use the church parking lot across from the elementary school to quickly park and get their children to the cross walk, so they may safely enter their school. I'm assuming you were there dropping of your offspring. Your child/children must have been safely inside the school as you tore through the church parking lot like a bat out of hell...I had to grab my child by the straps of her backpack and pull her back, lest she get run over by someone in such a hurry, the safety of small children is of no consequence to that person.

I hope you caught the stink eye I threw your way, but I also added your dumb self to my growing prayer list.

Watch the lead foot, pal,

A general PSA:
If you read this blog, you will hear me bring up my involvement with AA from time to time. I promise it will not be often, because I am not one of those zealots who feels a need to constantly discuss my life choices as if they need to be your life choices as well.

I would like to say just this, though: AA is a fellowship made up of many different people and personalities. On occasion, a fellow AAer will slip. It happens. None of us are immune. However, a slip does not mean the program doesn't work. It just means one person did not do the next right thing (the next right thing is staying sober). As we grow along spiritual lines, we strive for progress. We may never achieve perfection, but our goal is progress towards that end.

I'm tired of walking on eggshells. The program works if you work it. In fact, the Big Book states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves." (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58).

The key word here, for me, is HONEST. You all know that here on this blog, I am honest to a fault. You all are some of my favorite turds, I'd never shit you. (Thanks, S, for that wonderful phrase). It's time to count myself among my favorite turds and quit shitting myself.

Now you know... AA is the sum of all its' parts, not just one person who may backslide at some point.

I feel much better now. :-)

Happy Monday, hooligans/turds. Stay warm!


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Hogging My Time

I've never been big on watching TV. Sure, I'm addicted to Survivor, but I think I missed an entire season here recently. I don't even turn the thing on during the day.

I have watched daytime TV in the past and let me tell you, it is BAD. Really bad. Even the content on the cable channels stinks.

So much for me being a soap opera watching housewife, huh?

Until I discovered all the shows I could choose to watch on my Kindle, using Amazon Prime (prime members can stream many shows and movies to the Kindle for free).

I got tired of playing my word search game one day and decided to check out the offerings. I've watched a few movies and most of the television shows (the free ones, anyway) aren't really things that might interest me.

However, I did decide to check out "Parks and Recreation" which was on a few years back. It's a sitcom starring Amy Pohler of SNL fame. I had seen some of the previews years ago and thought it looked kind of amusing, but didn't really have the time or inclination to get into it.

But on my Kindle, I could watch the shows, for free, anytime I felt like it. With no commercials... I'm pretty much a sucker for free and convenient. I ended up watching all 5 seasons.

Then, I decided to watch the pilot episode of "Friday Night Lights". I wondered what all the hype about this show was back when it aired on broadcast TV. The pilot really didn't reel me in much, but then I had to see what happened in the next episode. And we all know where that can lead - like a gateway drug, I was sucked in and currently watching the 2nd season.

I'll watch it 'til the end, because I'm a little OCD like that. These free shows are eating up all my free time - as if I had so much free time to spare anyway, right?

I need to start pacing myself if I ever hope to get anything accomplished around here. The insidious boob tube via Kindle is taking over here and I'm getting a bit worried. I don't have much time to read or blog or fold laundry or even have a quick nap, you know, all the important things in life.

Sooo, if you wonder where I am, just know I am wasting my life on watching whatever I can get my hands on from Amazon Prime. If this keeps up, I'll have to join AAA too (that's Amazon Addicts Anonymous, not the car thingy).

I really need a life. Until then, have a happy Tuesday my hooligans. I'll check in again when I pry my eyeballs off the portable time waster.


Friday, October 5, 2012

Picture Day

Tuesday was picture day at Sissy's school. I knew it was coming up, but I didn't really give it much thought. I just woke up, found a cute enough outfit for her, brushed her hair and made sure her face was clean.

I started to wonder if I was just a bad mother. I mean, shouldn't I be all concerned about going out to purchase a NEW outfit, get her hair cut, etc. etc.?

Then, I got over myself. I only buy the smallest package of the school pictures. They're usually not that great. I think I take better pictures of the kids at home, anyways. (and it's cheaper!).

Upon reflecting on school pictures, I don't think Buddy had one taken the entire time he was in middle school.

Unlike my mother, I don't wait around with baited breath to get that envelope of school pictures as a memento of that school year, so that I can say I have every year of school pictures and then throw them in the picture pile in the end table.

In fact, I think many of us would like to pretend those pictures didn't exist. I was a child of the 70s and 80s. Not exactly the 2 most wonderful decades for clothing and hair styles.

One year, I just about fell off my chair - Buddy brought home the "pre-order" envelope from school for the pictures. There are always a few options, but the one I found the most interesting was an extra charge if you wanted your child's photo AIRBRUSHED (photoshopped) to remove "flaws", like acne, or glare off eyeglasses.

I mean, sure he's a teenaged zitster. I was too at his age - and I have the pictures to PROVE it. Also, the kid has been wearing glasses since he was 18 months old. We're used to seeing him with glasses. There's gonna be a glare, we've already established that years ago.

After a healthy dose of photoshopping, who would know if it was their child or not? Let's brush out the glasses, acne and braces...oh, and don't forget that unsightly group of freckles! I wonder how a child with a port wine stain/birthmark on their face would feel if their parents paid extra to have that birthmark removed from their school photos?

It's a sad state of affairs when children will grow up without embarrassing school photos to reminisce over in the years to come. If you don't have at least one (or more) shitty school pictures, you really haven't lived. Besides, we need that comedy gold for our own children someday, so they can say, "Mom, you were a total dork!"

Take it easy on this beautiful Friday, my hooligans!


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

My Man Boy

Buddy is growing up. He'll be 15 in January and I'm still not sure where the time has gone.

He is taller than me and wears the same size shoe as The Evil Twin.

He has facial hair and I caught a glimpse of his underarms over the summer when he had on a loose fitting t-shirt. He had a full-on afro going on in his right pit and judging from my excellent sense of smell, both pits are full of the man-boy hairs because dude rocks the BO to knock me out! Pew!

And yes, he has deodorant. No, he doesn't use it on a regular basis unless I hound him. I say things like "The ladies don't like a dude with BO." and hoping that will help, but I think his man-boy mind is more full of video game action and not much of the lady action (which, I guess, is kind of a good thing.).

I was at the Mart yesterday (my usual Monday haunt) and I bought him a pack of GOOD disposable razors. I figure I'll let him try a few out and see what he likes best before investing in the crazy expensive razors. Like the one the Evil Twin and I use.

Instead of the usual stink-eye, I actually got a heartfelt "Thank you" from him and I noticed the package was opened and one razor was out on the sink last night. He showers and does most of his stuff at night, but he uses the deodorant, toothbrush, mouthwash, Proactiv and hairbrush in the morning before school.

I bought the Gillette Sensor when it first came out. I was in college and I had heard great things about this thing. It was marketed at men, but I didn't care - it was still cheaper than any of the "bimbo" version of razors. I loved it so much, I still use it today and I even gave the Evil Twin one when we first met. The replacement cartridges are so out of this world over-priced and I am one cheap mofo, so I tell ET to put his used cartridges in a ziploc bag and I use those.

We all know facial hair can only take about 3 - 4 shaves before the blade is too dull for sensitive skin. However, leg hairs (and other spots I won't mention) can take a blade into the next century practically!

Anypoodle, my boy is growing up and I must say he is a fine man-boy. He gets on my nerves, but then again, he's 14. That's, like, his job. And the less I know about his job, the better.

Ahhh, teens. I hope I make it a few more years because it won't be long before Sissy is pushing all my buttons and we all know girls can be 10 times worse than boys.

With boys, you only have to be worried about one penis. With a girl, you have to worry about every penis on the planet.

I'll be surprised if Sissy isn't in therapy by her early 20s. ;-)

Have a great Tuesday, my hooligans.


Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Family Fun

One of the greatest joys of having children is getting to razz them for whatever reason. I like to use my concerned and/or serious voice when approaching some bizarre topic.

For example, Buddy and I were in the car and I looked at him and said, "Buddy, I happen to think I'm the best thing since sliced bread and if everyone around me would just feel the same way, things would be SO MUCH better."

His response, complete with eye roll: "Here we go again."

We went o Chick-Fil-A for dinner the other night. I said to Buddy, "I'm going to get the spicy chicken sandwich this time. Because I am spicy, ya know? Rawr!" No response on this one, other than the look that says, "Kill me, now, because my mom is clearly insane."

I redid my hair back to the bright purple. But, I did it after the kids left for school, so they saw me looking "regular" (as regular as it gets with me, anyway). Then I showed up at Buddy's school to sign him out for an orthodontist appointment. He came down the hall and I said, loudly, "How do you like my hair?"

Buddy: "grumble, unh, mermermer." Which is his teenage way of saying, "I have to go to my locker and get my backpack before we leave." Nice, he has learned the deflect and change the subject style of answering awkward questions. I'm proud of him.

He learned from the best, ya know?

And then we have Sissy. I'll let you all in on a secret, I was born with a congenital defect, very rare...I was born without a Shame Gene. On top of that, my gatekeeper is in the Bahamas sipping on Mai Tai's, so I'm just on my own here. The Evil Twin and I like to sing the "I like big butts" song by Sir Mix-a-lot. We also sing "Big Bottoms" by Spinal Tap.

It's just a treasure trove of songs about butts around here.

Over the weekend, Sissy was feeling creative. She drew an alien looking creature and it has a word bubble beside the mouth area. It says (and I quote) "The only way to get to this party is you have to like big butts and do not lie." There were two little misspellings: buts and liy, but I thought it was an excellent effort along with the fancy alien-ish artwork. Perhaps aliens are still working on their English language skillz, but obviously, they are much closer to perfection than most of the posts I see on Facebook and around the innerwebs.

It's my first day of not having to leave the house at all, except to pick up Sissy. It's an early dismissal day, though, and that means I pick up at 1 pm instead of 3pm. Still, it gives me a good amount of free time to catch up on housework. And with that said, I'm going to get back to it. Lots to do, little time to do it.

Have a great hump day, my hooligans! I will see you soon, same bat time, same bat channel!


Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Graduate

I graduated from my therapy class yesterday! I kinda miss seeing everyone already, but we exchanged numbers/ facebook info, so we can keep in touch.

I dropped Sissy off at school this morning and came back home. Generally, I would drop her off and go to my class. That felt a bit strange, but I've managed to jump back into my old routine and am keeping myself busy...Well, not just busy, but BUSY! I still need to make 2 beds, vacuum, tidy up a bit, work on some laundry (already have one load in washer and one in dryer, get the bill paying up to date, go to the bank, make a few phone calls and go by Sissy's school to purchase her Book Fair selections. Plus, I need to swing by the grocery and pick up a few items.

I'll be even more exhausted than usual, but at least I can get more done since I'll have the extra 3 hours at home in the mornings now. :-)

I felt sad leaving my friends, but I also know that there is a waiting list for that program and someone who is in need right now can take my spot.

After I got home yesterday, the door bell rang and it was a delivery of flowers - for ME! It was from the Evil Twin (and the kids, although they didn't know of it until I told them). It said that my family was proud of me and that they loved me. Awwwww.

Now, if I can keep Bella from eating them, I can enjoy them for a while.

I have laundry to grab and fold now, so I will end this here. I will be back in action tomorrow - around the same bat time, on the same bat channel. I have so much to say!

All my hooligans have a great Thursday! I've missed you!


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

It's All Good

However, I'm still trying to find a "good" time for me to re-establish my bloggy habits.

I used to always write in the mornings, after the house was quiet (everyone at school/work). It was an easy way to ease into the day. Now, I hit the ground running Monday thru Friday mornings.

I have to get Sissy to school a bit after 8 am and I need to be at my therapy class by 9 am. My class usually is out just before noon, but I have to drive home, get lunch, do whatever housework I can squeeze in there before picking up Sissy at 3 pm.

It makes for kinda hectic days. Then, I volunteer at Sissy's class on Thursdays, from noonish to 3....just making copies and whatever else the 1st grade classes need.

Yesterday was day 30 for me (no hootch!), so the Evil Twin took me and the kids to the Hibachi Japanese House. We ate like pigs. I'm lining up other "rewards" for the future: new tattoo, day at the spa, dinners at some of my other favorite restaurants, etc. There's just no telling what I'll come up with!

How would you treat yourself? I need some suggestions here.... And, don't say "loads of wine" either. Because that's just not happening.

I'm going to try to cross a few things of my to-do list, so I'll check back in when I can!

Have a lovely Wednesday, hooligans.


Saturday, September 8, 2012

Breaking All Da Rulez

Here I am, posting on a Saturday! What is my scoop?

I don't know. My delicate pea-size brain is overloaded with ideas, topics and stories to tell, however, my schedule Monday through Friday doesn't afford me many opportunities to really take the time to concentrate on putting words on the screen in any sort of meaningful fashion...then again, when has that ever stopped me??

Let's face it - my random blathering has always kept ME riveted, at least - but when my morning classes are over, I'll definitely have more time to lull you all into a warm and cozy stupor. You can thank me later! :-)

Anyhoot, many of you know I have a summer "uniform" (cotton top, not of the t-shirt variety, shorty shorts and sandals) and my winter "uniform" (some sort of lounge pants/pj pants, cotton top, not of the t-shirt variety, and shoes appropriate for cooler weather. I change into jeans before I head out of the house).

Soooo, I'm wearing my summer uniform and Buddy says, "Mom, those shorts you have on wouldn't pass the dress code at my school. Think about it." (Shorts must be long enough to reach the end of your fingertips while your arms are at your side).

I happen to have very long arms, so I'd be stuck wearing bermuda shorts or pedal pushers - I refuse to wear capris - and I'm not real keen on the length of shorts that would meet the dress code.

I said, "Well, it's a good thing I'm not a student at your school then."

Again, he said, "Think about it. What are you - 40, not yet 40?"

"It's not polite to ask a lady her age." I shoot back.

"What year were you born then?" he queries.

"I'm not falling for that bullshit, you can just do the math in your head. But, if it's burning a hole in your soul to know, the answer is 44." (secretly, I'm thinking: 'Ha! He thinks I'm not yet 40! Score one for momma!').

Buddy is 14, in High School. He should be a rebel without a cause. How did I raise such a stick in the mud? :::sigh:::

That doesn't mean I can't drive by his school in my wicked mini-van, windows down and stereo cranked to this:

And yes, I bought the CD.

Have an awesome weekend, my hooligans. Do what the ETW would do and never grow up, but at the same time, keep your noses clean. :-)


Monday, September 3, 2012

Doing It Like Dory

For those of you without small children, Dory is a character in the movie "Finding Nemo". She's a funny blue fish with a case of short term memory loss, so she forgets things almost immediately. She's a hoot.

But, one thing she always says is "Keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming."

And that's kind of how I view my life now (without the short term memory thing going on, though I DO get addled easily).

So, I just keep reminding myself to "keep swimming"....Keep going...Keep doing the "next right thing".

It's been 21 days since my last drink. If you're reading this on Tuesday, it'll be day 22!

Things between the Evil Twin and I are better than ever before. I think we both have a new found respect for one another. Almost 20 years of being together, 2 children and the everyday stresses of life in general made us lose sight of that respect.

I'm much happier these days. I indulge in many of the things I once loved with abandon. Reading is my number one activity. I also love green grapes and Southern Red Velvet Cake ice cream.

Of course, the Evil Twin and the kids are top of my priority list and we've been having a great time getting involved in things as a family.

If I'm lucky, I will attend 4 AA meetings this week. I try to squeeze them in according to time and location.

The people at AA are much like Chic-Fil-A employees. They're just so darn nice and happy, welcoming and very interested in offering help of any kind. Whatever planet the CFA employees come from must be the same planet the members of any given AA meeting are also raised on.

Giving up my security blanket has been very difficult, but it's time for ETW to grow up.... That doesn't mean the end of the purple hair, though. A girl has to have some fun in life, huh?

Hope my hooligans are doing great! Slowly, but surely, my regular routine is falling into place and that means I'll be able to spend more time on the ol' blog here and reading all the other blogs I've had to miss out on lately due my life-chaos.


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Not Dead, Just Hanging On

August has not been berry, berry good to me.

Well, I guess it has been in a way, but I'd have to say more bad than good. The Evil Twin became increasingly frustrated and angry about my drinking. He talked me into a stint at rehab at the hospital.

What can I say? The food was good. The other patients were cool and I was happy to make some friends.

I didn't fare too well otherwise. I was discharged and got drunk that evening. Let's just say that went over as well as a turd in a punchbowl. The Evil Twin and I weren't getting along at all.

I ended up having to leave the house. Luckily, a friend from my recent rehab stint took me in and we took care of each other. I won't go into particulars, but after about a week, I was back home with the Evil Twin and the kids. And, now, I'm trying to catch up with all the things I missed in my absence.

The Evil Twin and I have a renewed commitment to one another and it's almost like we're starting over in love and life.

I've been scared straight. It's been 13 days tomorrow since I've had any alcohol whatsoever.

This is my new life. I'm happy here. I attend an outpatient rehab program in the mornings and attend an AA meeting every day (well, I have missed a day here and there due to scheduling conflicts). I enjoy my morning program and the AA meetings, too.

From now on, I'll leave the drinking to the amateurs. I've fought too hard to go back down the pathetic path I was on.

'Til next time,

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Happy Birthday, Man of my Dreams

That's right! Today is the Evil Twin's 53rd birthday. Boy, I bet my mother in law feels old (he's her first born) :-).

I've known the Evil Twin since he was 33 and I was 23, so the years have just flown by.

2 houses, 2 kids, several pets along the way and we manage to stay busy. I appreciate that he is willing to do anything for our children and even though he has a temper, he does try to deal with my faults and defects of character. I think I do a better job of dealing with his faults, but that's just the way our personalities are.

Evil Twin - I do love you. I know I screw up all the time, but I'm working on it. Rome wasn't built in a day.


That Time of the Year

The start of the new school year is upon us. Our first day is August 17. I'm sure that day will be quick to get here. It always is when I am least prepared.

We have one newly entering High School (and I'm really not old enough to have a kid in High School), and one entering 1st grade.

We sent Buddy to a private Catholic school and spent a fortune on his education....He did better at the local public middle school.

Sissy has been at the public school all her teeny tiny little life. And, I.LOVE.IT.

The staff has been friendlier and more accessible - and we are out NO money - than the pricey private school. Our kids are both gifted in the smarts department.

School starts on a Friday! Sooooo stupid. Why not start on a Wednesday or something?

Anyway, it's looming large. I'm always a little nervous at the beginning of the year, but typically, it turns out fine.

I must say the families at the public schools are MUCH friendlier than the uptight bunch at the private school.

I went to a baby shower this past weekend for a mom whose son was in Sissy's kindergarten class. Everyone there was super nice and I was being my usual goofy self. They even laughed at my jokes - at the private school, I would have been looked at like I had a dick growing off my forehead for saying the same things.

Example: Mom at private school: "I've got 5 bottles of wine in my Nissan." Mom #2: "We just got back from wine country for our anniversary. I have 4 cases of wine in my Volvo." Me: "Well, I have a box o' wine in my fridge." Not even a snicker...They could have at least given me a pity laugh! Beyotches. (Actually, I like Volvo mom - She's uppity, I recognize her as such, but I also respect her. The other one just got on my last nerve, plus, she wasn't friendly to the children).

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that I really like the public schools (the ones in our district at least).

I meant to post this yesterday, so I hope y'all had a happy Monday and I wish you a happy Tuesday as well. I miss my hooligans and can't wait to get this stupid cast off so I can type the "regular" way (as opposed to the slow hunt n' peck.)


Friday, July 20, 2012

Just Call Me Grace

I went to the Mart on Monday - just to pick up a prescription and some cat food. It was just me n Sissy.

We had just walked into the front doors, but before the 2nd glass doors where the carts are.

Suddenly, I was plunged ass over tits, the entire contents of my handbag tumbling out. I had on my Croc flops (my Croc flip flops I bought at Disney World - they have cute Mickey Mouse heads on them ).... Anyhoodle, I guess the rubbery sole stuck to the floor and I went down.

Because my handbag was on my left arm, I held out my right to break my fall. All it did was break my wrist.

Like the little trooper I am, I completed my shopping despite the excruciating pain. I mean, I was already there.... I wasn't wasting gas just to go back home empty (but still broken) handed.

I went for an xray that evening and was called on Tuesday to confirm my suspicions and got an an appointment for the orthopedic doc on Wednesday.

The day after my fall, my hand looked like this:

By mid day Wednesday, I left the docs office sporting this purple cast:

Yes, I am right handed and because I had two little breaks, they had to set the cast with my thumb immobilized and all jacked up out to the side. At least I still have a career as a hitchhiker. I can do some tasks with my first finger and cast in stone thumb, but writing isn't one of them.

I can still type, albeit slowly. So, my posting promises to be even more sporadic than usual.

I broke this wrist in the same place when I was 10 and wore the cast (without the jacked up thumb setting) for 6 weeks.

I have an appointment to go back in 3 weeks to get another xray...I'm hoping that means I have a chance to get this sucker off earlier than 6 weeks. I know it's going to be stinky, withered and weak, but maybe I can get a week-ish to recover before school starts on August 17th.

Ironically, just when I have loads of stuff to share, I may have to pace myself since even typing is time consuming for me. Bad for me, good for you? Debatable. I guess it depends on if you need some mediocre reading material on any given day or not.....Lucky you!!! It'll be like the mystery grab bag at the dicey beach mystore on The Strand. Only cheaper. :-)

And,that's it, my hooligans. Enjoy your Friday and weekend. Try doing chores with your non-dominant hand for a day and get a glimpse into ETW world. To experience the pain, I recommend a hammer to the wrist. Otherwise, just go for the one hand thing.

I'm sorry to seem like I'm whining - but, really, I'm just trying to make light of it. Some people are born without limbs or lose them entirely later in life. You learn to make the best of it and learn new ways to function. I have always had the utmost respect for those who won't be "the same" in 6 weeks or whatever. They gallantly overcome many challenges and live amazing lives. Now, my respect is really brought back to the forefront.

That's my story of shopping at the Mart and eventually getting a purple cast. Anyone want to swing by and help with re-doing the color in a week or so? You can see me *naked*. LOL.


Monday, July 16, 2012


The Evil Twin had last week off work. We're still trying to recover from the power outage. We were able to do a bit of work - calling the insurance to make a claim, The Evil Twin and Sissy spent a long time in the yard picking up debris. You know, that sort of thing.

We also got some relaxing in, so that was nice.

I'm glad to be back in my regular routine, though.

That means laundry, y'all. Lots of it. Hot laundry on hot days is really not much fun.

During our nearly weeklong plunge into darkness, we contemplated washing undies in the utility sink and then in a true white trash fashion, hanging them out back on a line. Thank goodness I had some items in the dryer (already dried, but not removed) that I'd been working on before the no power debacle and I was able to find enough clean items to cover us for a few days (while we desperately said prayers for electricity).

We did not have to resort to the back yard line with undies hanging on it. Whew! I think I would have just driven to the nearest open store and bought new packs of undies for the crew. Although the Evil Twin doesn't like to wear things until they've been washed, I suppose he would have sucked it up and worn brand new ones.

Ah well, back to my boring regular life...not having to think about ways to provide food that didn't involve electricity. We actually bought sterno and would have been out on the patio like a bunch of hobos if necessary. Luckily we only had to endure "Little House on the Prairie" inconveniences and not those that would have made us look like hobos.

Happy Monday, hooligans!!


Monday, July 9, 2012

In The Dark

Since Friday, June 30th - about 7:30pm - until Friday, July 6 around 4:30pm, we didn't have any power in the house. We had some big storms roll through the area which left about 500,000 people without electricity. Some people are STILL without power.

It stunk big time. We did the best we could. Almost all the restaurants lost power, grocery stores, gas stations and NO ONE had any ice.

Since we had no power, we had no way to charge our cell phones and no access to internet service. The Evil Twin was able to charge our phones in his car on his way in and out of work, so when mine did have a charge, I would try to check the news channels and let people what was going on and why they couldn't reach me.

Of course, this had to happen on some of the hottest days we've had this year. It didn't take long for the house to become sauna-like. Luckily, we had our lower level, which is mostly underground and stays cool year-round.

Unfortunately, by day 3, we had to toss out everything from the freezer and fridge. I had been shopping not long before and most of the food we tossed hadn't even been opened yet.

The Evil Twin had arranged to take the Thursday and Friday after July 4th off work, so he could enjoy a long weekend. However, since we didn't have power, AC, food, etc., he decided to just go in those 2 days and take this week off instead.

I am not even going to jinx us by saying anything more about the power. Maybe just to say I was born in the right time period. There is no way I could live like that every day. We did have water (some people didn't) and our water tank is gas heated, so at least we got decent showers. I just couldn't use my hair dryer, which resulted in some interesting ponytail looks.

I missed you guys and my internets a whole bunch and I hope you missed me too. I didn't fall off the face of the earth, just had to live like a pioneer woman for a few days. LOL.

Hope all my hooligans have a great Monday! (with electricity):-)


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Middle Aged Hipster? No, Zitster

I love my moisturizer, I couldn't go a day without it. I use some other products on my face, but nothing has changed in a very long time.

That's why I'm surprised I've had three blemishes recently. I've been half-assed using Buddy's Proactiv. It might work better if I actually did the entire routine.

Why must I be so disgusting? I think I'm a bit long in the tooth to be sporting blemishes...Although I am apparently not too old to bleach and color my hair purple again.

I had let it go and dyed it all back to my original color (or the closest match thereof), because my hair had been abused by bleach and dye for far too long. I decided to give it a break.

I have a friend whose son was in Sissy's Kindergarten class. They became fast friends and we enjoy doing things with the family. We were at a birthday party for another classmate a few months ago and I said something about being 44.

She said, "You're not 44!" I said, "Yes, I am. I was born in 1968." We became FB friends shortly there after. Her birth year? 1985. I was a junior in High School.

But, I guess it's a nice compliment that she doesn't think I look my age and that she enjoys our conversations and spending time together. I have been that way most of my life too - i.e. being the oldest child in my family, I've always related better to people who are considerably older than myself. I can get along fine with others who are considerably younger than myself, too, but I've tended to gravitate to older friends.

Now that I've reached that "older friend" status/age, I should rethink my friendship picking strategy. After all, maybe they can give me advice on dealing with these blemishes!!!

Happy Wednesday, hooligans. Have a great one!


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Bird in the Hand

My day yesterday was completely thrown off when I went to check the mail. Usually, I'll go down the front steps, but I was cleaning up the kitchen after lunch and was closest to the back door.

I like to keep the door open, so we can enjoy some sun through the storm door. Bella, the cat, enjoys it too. It's like Kitty Kable in our backyard with squirrels, birds, rabbits, etc.

When I went out and got to the bottom of the concrete steps, I saw an itty bitty bird just sitting there. I kept my distance for a bit and observed it. He (?) kept opening his little beak and chirping. He could hop around, but not fly.

I looked up into our trees to try to find a nest he may have fallen out of and didn't see anything. I knew if I left him there, he would most certainly die. I also knew I shouldn't touch him.

I sat on a stair and kept watching. Finally, I decided I had to do something.
Since we have the two parakeets, I keep a smaller cage in case there is any emergency situations and one or both need to see a vet. The parakeet cage is actually large enough for Cockatiels and not easy to transport.

I scooped up the little fluffy feathery dude and called for Buddy to help me get the smaller cage. I got pooped on a couple of times. Blech! But, the little fella was obviously scared.

He seemed okay in the cage, while I called a local vets. Amazingly, they had an employee (a vet tech) who has cared for and hand raised several wild birds, getting them healthy with special food and then releases them back into their natural environment.

Sissy and I loaded into the car and Mr. Feathers got to ride shotgun, with the seat belt around the cage. :-) We took him in and in short order, the empty cage was returned to us. I spoke to the tech, just to make sure he would be well cared for. The receptionist I had spoken to earlier on the phone told me that little ones who fall out of the nest typically don't have good odds, but I was confident that this lady would have the resources and knowledge to give him the best chances.

Sissy was heartbroken that we weren't bringing the little bird back home with us. She cried for a long time. I told her we did the best thing for him and that he would be safe and happy there. She said she didn't care about any of that, she was just sad we'd never see the little guy again.

I recolored my hair purple and rescued some wildlife. Pretty cool day, huh?

Have a great Tuesday, hooligans! And remember, always stop to rescue an animal in need. :-) It makes your heart feel 3 sizes larger! :-)


Thursday, June 21, 2012

WV Day

Was yesterday. June 20 marks the day WV officially seceded from Virginia and became its' own state. It's been 160 (? - Don't ask me, I'm an import) years and people STILL don't realize WV is NOT the Western part of Virginia.

Placing an order on the phone:

ETW: "Yes, West Virginia."

Customer Service Person: "I have a cousin who lives in Roanoke. Is that close to where you are?"

ETW: "No, West Virginia and Virginia are separate states. Roanoke is in Virginia." (in my head: "Did this person really graduate from high school?").

CSP: "Ohhhhh."

I think that's why WV is shaped like a big F You to the rest of the US. Look at it:

Turn your right hand, so your palm is facing you, and try it. ;-) You'll see the obvious evidence that the people of WV have a great sense of humor!

The Evil Twin had the day off, so we went to the grocery and did a couple other errands. It was a good relaxing day and we were able to get stuff done around the house and chill a bit, too. :-)

Hooligans, I hope you have a lovely Thursday. And, I will be back soon!


Monday, June 18, 2012

The Nerve

I survived (barely) the dance rehearsal/recital weekend. Friday evening, I spent 5 miserable and cold hours watching the rehearsal. It was just me and Sissy. We arrived home at midnight because she was starving (I wonder why?), so I got her McDs. I also needed to put gas in the van, so it was just a very, very long ordeal.

We had to be back at the auditorium by 1:30 on Saturday, even though the show didn't start until 2:30. I am a "follow the rules" person, so we were actually a little early. Sissy's first routine was #12 on the list of 40 (!!!!), not including #41, the grand finale. In fact, in the line up, her group was #12, #27 and, wouldn't ya know it, #40.

It started a little late (imagine that!) and I decided we'd be leaving after her last routine, but before the finale. We got out of there at 7P! The Evil Twin and I were freezing and starving and our butts were numb from sitting in the not so comfy seats.

When I took Sissy up to the staging area - where they line up the dancers about 3 to 5 dances back - I wanted to let someone know not to hold her backstage for the finale, but to release her to me.

I saw another mom, a mom I know and in fact, lives just up the street from us and I've known her for several years, since we all attended the same pool. She had been working backstage, and her daughter is one of the main dancers, so it seems they're always hanging around. But, I knew that she would be able to help me...I just needed to know who to speak to about getting Sissy after the last routine.

It was obvious I was standing at the doorway for a reason. She was busy looking thru some costumes, so I stood back and waited until she was done with whatever, then - GET THIS - she turned and looked at me, smiled, turned and walked away! I even had my mouth open to ask, "Who can I speak to about....." I didn't even get one squeak out.

I KNOW she knows that place like the back of her hand. I also know she could've answered my question or if not, directed me to someone who could.

I get snubbed like that a lot. I get dissed on Facebook by people I thought I had some semblance of a relationship (guess I cared more than they did). Almost all of the moms at the pool stopped speaking to me after a few summers.

I didn't do or say anything offensive. I didn't use bad language (I rarely do). I know I am not like most moms, but I certainly try to blend in regarding certain situations.

Am I really a terrible person? Is it my breath? I'm just not sure.

I'm not brokenhearted or anything. I don't need more friends. I've always kept a couple or three close to me all my life and am not the social butterfly type.

However, I am also not so petty to ignore someone just because there may be something I don't particularly like about them. Oh well.

Have a great Monday, hooligans! I still have errands to run! Yahoo (not). :-)


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Make The Glitter Go Away!

I like to wait 'til the last minute, so today, I've been putting Sissy in her costumes (total of three), taking notes on what needs to be taken in, etc. I really only have one ballet skirt that will need a pin and one tap costume belt that will need a pin.

One outfit makes her all itchy and the clip on earrings she has to wear for two routines pinch her ears half off.

It'll be interesting when Saturday rolls around and I'm backstage doing her hair and make up. I considered false eyelashes, but figured that might go over as well as a turd in a punch bowl. She is NOT my prissy girl who just goes along with people (Mom, for example), pulling her hair, curling her hair, making her sit still for mascara, eyeliner and lipstick.

I went and bought her some make up that will be flattering to her skin tone - she is lighter than me. But, I do understand the need to really overdo the facial definitions. If not, she will just blend in with the scenery and not be seen from the stage lights. It's nice to have been sent to several charm schools and then learn from the best: the Drag Queens.

My little tartlet will look amazing...or at least as amazing as I can get her to be until she throws a fit and say "Fuck it. Go on with your bad self." My patience only runs so far.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be worn out by Saturday evening. I think this will be the end of the dance lessons.

This is a fitting example of "be careful what you wish for.", huh? Momma's not as young as she used to be.

AND, at this point, the house is covered in glitter and sequins.

Stay tuned. Tomorrow, I have a tale of Three Turtles. If I didn't love these kids so much, I would have gone bonkers a looooong time ago!

Have a happy Thursday, hooligans. Please say a prayer or send good thoughts my way for this evening. I can't say why - it's nothing like I might have cancer or anything near that pressing, but I'm gonna need some courage. Thanks, guys.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012


Or 12:34...This is post 1,234 and it is exactly 12:34 on the clock right now. I have a friend who loves it when she looks at the clock and it's 12:34, because all the numbers are in a row.

Personally, I like 4:22, but I haven't seen that time in the AM in a loooong time.

Anypoodle, I guess over 1200 posts is not to shabby in the scope of things. I don't always have anything interesting to say, but when I have diarrhea of the mouth - LOOK OUT!

We're gearing up for Sissy's Dance Recital this Saturday and there are so many things to remember/do. I still haven't tried on her ballet costume, the tap costume was a wee loose in the shoulder straps when I tried it on her in February, so either: Let's hope she has grown or feel sorry for me trying to take up those straps with a needle and thread.

And, yes, I do have a sewing machine (squeee!), but it seems like an awful lot of trouble to haul out just to tighten 2 little straps. I'll just pin it and do it by hand, if necessary. Friday evening is the dress rehearsal, so I need to work quickly.

I also have mounds of laundry, kitchen work and grocery shopping. I need to find time to sort thru bills (not as quick and easy as most people think).

Alright, hooligans, I'm off to check the laundry and take care of a couple other little things, then Sissy and are off to the Mart. :-) I hope you have a Happy Hump day!


Friday, June 8, 2012

A Week of Summer Fun

We've been busy this week. I'm trying to catch up on housework, banking and trying to keep the kids entertained.

In our little burg, they're having a Fair/Carnival for the first time since the early 70s. They're raising money for a community center for the younger people in our area.

Our two kids had never been to a rickety old carnival before, so we figured it might be fun for all. I invited a friend of mine and her two boys (the younger one and Sissy are good friends) to come along with us. She doesn't drive and the family only has one car. Her husband works long and late hours, so I figured they get bored in the evenings - they were thrilled that I thought of them, although it was really nothing on my part. Giving a friend a hand is never a big thinking process for me - Generally, I'm a "more the merrier" type if I know the "more" well.

We didn't tell the 3 smaller kids what was going on. I did tell Buddy, but I said, "You can't tell the poo poo diaper babies what we have planned because it's a surprise." It was funny to listen to the smaller kids try to guess where we were heading.

When they spotted the ferris wheel, they all went bonkers...Except for Buddy, who at 14, is way too cool for that sort of display of happiness. He DID have a good time, though and rode several rickety rides with my friend's 9 year old, who was too tall to ride the same rides that Sissy and her Bestie were under the height limit to ride (the "kiddie" rides).

Here they are entering the area of the carnival:

They held hands or were hugging each other all night. :::Swoon::: I love my future in-laws! :-)

Of course, it was the typical carnie atmosphere. Complete with toothless individuals with crappy prison tattoos, but it was fun and crowded, but not too crowded.

I told the children that they just haven't lived until they eat carnie food from some dude with a herpe on his lip. Even I had a funnel cake. Who doesn't at a carnival? Those things are tasty as all get out. And yes, I did have diarrhea this morning. Thanks for asking.

I've got to run off and plan dinner and also deal with laundry. I hope all my hooligans have a super happy Friday and a wonderful weekend!!


Thursday, May 31, 2012

Tootsie Update

I went to the docs yesterday afternoon. He was particularly concerned about the swelling, redness and edema on the top of my foot.

Lucky me, I got an order to get x-rays. I'm supposed to hear something today, but as of this time, I haven't gotten a call. Even if I broke it, even if there is a hairline fracture on another bone, there really isn't much they can do about it.

I haven't had a shower yet and had a few things on the docket for today, but I guess they can wait 'til tomorrow. Then, I just got a call to expect the window guys to be here around noonish to replace some windows that had breaches in the seals. Thank you, lifetime warranty!

I guess we'll be having a late lunch today.

Crap happens and I just have to roll with it. That's ok, I have plenty of work to do around the house. I'll just be hobbling around to do it all. Awesome!

I know all four of you are on the edge of your seats to find out more about my foot and I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything. :-)

Have a great Thursday, hooligans....It's almost FRIDAY! Yay! Enjoy your day and the weekend. I'll be back tomorrow.


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

No Pain, No Gain?

I beg to differ.

Yesterday morning, Sissy woke me up earlier than I would have liked and upon leaving the bedroom, I was yawning and shuffling along. I know this house like the back of my hand, so I wasn't concerned about inflicting bodily harm.

I was OH SO WRONG. We have an older house, which means our heating/cooling vents are not flush mount to the floor, but rather semi wall mounted, on the floor, but have a half of a triangle shape.

In my half sleep stupor, my little left pinky toe cracked into the corner of that vent. The pain brought me to my knees and I spilled the cup of water that is my ever present BFF.

Ok, so at first, it just was a little on the sore side, but then... it started to swell and change colors.

This morning 3/4 of my foot is swollen and bruised. My toe was black yesterday and this morning, it's more purple. I can move it and walk on it (not well - I kinda have to walk on my instep). I don't think anything is broken, but the Evil Twin wants me to get it checked out.

I see my regular doc today later on.

What do y'all think? Medical attention necessary or just ice that mofo, build a bridge and get over it?

And an extra value-added side view:

Momma needs to repaint her toenails and do something about the cuticles, but at this point, I'm not so concerned about the glitter or even proper trying to look decent with my feet. So, try to block out the hideous toe care. I've been busy, y'all!

Hooligans, have a great Wednesday. I'm off to get a shower and get ready for my stunning foot appearance at the docs office.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Network FAIL

When I am home by myself, the TV never comes on...unless I decide to watch something I've recorded on the DVR. Once the show is over, I turn the TV off again.

The kids' last day of school was Thursday, May 24 and when they are home during the day, the TV is often on.

I pick either kid friendly shows/cartoons (iCarly, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) or I'll pick things like "How it's Made" or "American Pickers" or "Sand Wars"... shows that are not filled with profanity and offer some sort of interesting content.

Well, the other day, I had it on the channel that plays iCarly. During a commercial, they were promoting a new show premiere, "Rags". I just happened to look up and see this:

WHAT? A major network? And, I saw this frame several times before it mysteriously disappeared. I saw it the first time I saw the ad. You know this went thru several dozens of producers, directors and who knows who else and they didn't notice it before broadcasting it.

This picture was taken when I paused the frame and had the Evil Twin figure out "what is wrong with this?" "Didja see it??"

A few days later, the frame was back in the commercial, but the spelling was corrected.

I noticed it in a split second, so that tells you what kind of spelling geek I am. Hey, someone's got to do it.

Have a great Tuesday, hooligans! Hope you all had a nice long weekend and continue to have a nice week!


Monday, May 21, 2012

Number One Sleepover

It has been a long, very long school year.

This weekend, Sissy had her first sleepover. She had invited her dear friend from school over - those two are like peas in a pod. One thing I noticed is that girls are much quieter than boys, but just as messy. Her room is a disaster zone.

Anyhootch, the girls watched a "Hello Kitty" DVD, then the "Tinkerbelle" DVD. By that time, it was 10:30. The Evil Twin got them tucked in and I thought for sure they would sleep in a bit on Sunday morning.

Nope. They were up just after 7A. They had already changed out of their PJs and into "daytime" clothes because they wanted to go out back and play. They proceeded to track sand from the sandbox and chalk from the sidewalk chalk inside. After that, ETW declared a "no shoes in the house policy". And, I also made them use the hose to clean their feet off before coming inside.

I can't tell you how many times I heard that back screen door open and close. They were thirsty or someone had to use the restroom. Then, those little hooligans wanted breakfast. What do I look like - a short order cook?

I made them go wake up Daddy to go to McD's. With these two, it's monkey see monkey do. Sissy's friend wanted a fruit and yogurt parfait and OJ. That's what Sissy had as well. Even though neither of my children are OJ fans. Buddy just outright despises it and Sissy is not a fan of most juices.

Once fed, they ran out back again and had a great time. 11A rolled around and now, they wanted lunch. What do I look like - a short order cook?

It was peanut butter sandwiches and a little tiny cup of Coke on ice for the both of them.

A little bit later, they wanted a snack. Geez! The thing about these girls is that they may only be 6, but they are both built solid. They are not overweight at all - or even close to it - but they are solid muscle.

The evening before the awesome sleepover, one of Sissy's classmates had a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. I dreaded it, but managed to make it there. Friday was a long day. Saturday was a long day. Sunday was a long day, but you know what? I actually had fun!

I'm exhausted today and Buddy has his 8th grade trip to the amusement park tomorrow. Then, on Wednesday, Sissy has her Kindergarten "Fun Day". I need to send her to school with a swim suit under her clothing (they're doing water activities) - Let's see if we have a swim suit that fits. Otherwise, I'll be out shopping this evening. It's all fun at the end of the year for the kids....For parents, not so much.

I hope all my hooligans have a great Monday!


Thursday, May 17, 2012

I got my Mother's Day wish

I really, really wanted a white gold necklace. The Evil Twin had told me to pick what I liked and order it. So, I did. I'm not gonna turn down a "choose it yourself" gift. Those are my favorites.

It takes me a while to look around and decide on something, but I finally did and the chain arrived on Tuesday. I put my skeleton lady cameo pendant on it and I'm in love! The chain that came with the pendant was made of some sort of mystery metal and I have a hard time with doing a clasp by myself, so I had worn it in the shower a few times.

It didn't look so good and it smelled weird. I'm all about things that don't smell right. It will drive me crazy. I don't buy paper towels with a pattern on them or toilet paper that isn't all white. I can smell the dyes and for me, the odors are just too much.

I buy Febreze by the boatload. Lysol, Tide, Bounce detergent sheets....all of those pass my sniffer test. I even smell glasses from the cupboard before I use them. I also generally smell plates and utensils, too. I'm weird, what did you expect???

Now, I have a new necklace I can wear in the shower and it won't get all grody and corroded. Life is good, huh?

Have a great Thursday!! :-)


Monday, May 14, 2012

A Good Day to Wait

It's all rainy and gloomy outside. I had some things I did want to do today, but I'm waiting on our contractor to return to finish a repair.

I don't mind. His wife and I graduated high school together - and were, in fact, in the same home room all three years. We've known them forever. He and I worked together at his Dad's company before Buddy came along (and I quit to stay home with the baby).

We trust him and I would leave him a key if I *really* needed to leave the house, but my errands can wait. Besides, I like to be here if he has any questions or needs anything. I always tell him to make himself at home and he does. He knows where the sodas are in the fridge and if he wants anything else, he is more than welcome to help himself (food wise, not our personal belongings, but he's not the shady type LOL).

It's a good day to stay in and just chillax. I had a wonderful day yesterday. The Evil Twin took care of the kids and made the meal of my request: burgers and hot dogs on the grill, side of chips. That's all I wanted.

I was so lazy, I didn't even get a shower! My OCD side said, "ETW, what are you thinking, girl? Get yo stank ass in the shower." (yes, my OCD side has an attitude and a little ghetto humor). But, I just ignored that bitch and pulled my greasy hair back into a head band and proceeded to lounge on the sofa.

It's all good. Right?

I hope that all my hooligans - moms, dads, everyone - had a great day yesterday and that y'all have a great Monday as well. Mine has been peachy! :-)


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Another Weird Week

My sad little schedule has been turned upside down again...

Have I mentioned how much I hate the last few weeks of the school season? It seems like they want to cram every little thing in at the last minute.

I am NOT a last minute kinda gal. It makes me all nervous and then I get a rash on my butt. Seriously. A rash ON MY BUTT. Knock on wood that said butt rash has not been around this year (so far).

However, maybe the butt rash is mocking me and turning up as a patch of psoriasis (or some sort of flaky skin problem) near my left eye. Luckily, my hair covers it. But, if this Cortizone10 doesn't do something soon, I'll have to pay a visit to my doc. And, I hate appointments. That's why my hair looks like shit right now. I just don't have the energy to pick up the phone and make an appointment.

I have one hairdresser. She's been my one and only for over 20 years and she stays busy. No walk-ins around that place. I need to call her before the kids get out of school - and that date is hurtling ever so fast at me right now.

I'm a nervous wreck because Buddy has an end of the 8th grade year field trip coming up. To King's Island, which is an amusement park approximately FOUR HOURS AWAY FROM ME. I don't like it, not one bit. Do you think anyone would notice if I followed the tour bus and then stood outside the gates and cried?

And to think my parents put me on a plane when I was 12 - by myself - to visit relatives for three weeks one summer. I had a great time and they even trumped spoiling me over my parents. That's saying something there because my parents were champs at the spoiling. Like it was their job or something.

The Evil Twin thinks I need to chill and let Buddy experience some freedom. I asked his friend if they could be "Bus Buddies", but everyone laughed and said it sounded too close to "butt buddies". Then, I said, "Well, could you two at least hold hands in the park?" Again, gales of laughter all around. I guess I can't keep him shielded at all times forever...

It never gets easier, does it? People have told me that lie since he was born.

Time to get ready to pick up my Sissy baby girl. Hope all of my hooligans are having a great Thursday and a less hectic week than yours truly!


Friday, May 4, 2012

Running Out of Steam

The kids only have 20 days of school left and my schedule is even more hectic than usual. Today is the Kindergarten "Teacher Appreciation Day" and I said I would bring some sort of fruit tray. It starts at 11A, it's almost 9 now and I haven't even made the purchase.

When it comes to perishable food items, I like to wait til the last minute to get it. That way I can be relatively assured it's as fresh as it can be.

I'm also cooking a beef brisket for dinner. I put a dry rub on that mofo last night. I just dumped a bunch of spices that sounded good into a bowl, stirred it up and went to town. Then, I put it in a rubbermaid container and back in the fridge overnight. I did some research on cooking methods - I've never done a brisket before - and it looks like low and slow is the best. So, I plan on cooking that beyotch for about 6 hours. I need a roasting pan and a side dish or two. I'll pick up what I need at the store when I run out to get the fruit tray.

To say I'm exhausted is an understatement. And, it's also why I didn't have time to update yesterday or the day before.

I'm just so glad it's Friday and maybe I can catch up on some rest and chores (alternately, of course - I like to pace myself...or maybe I'm just lazy. Hmmmmm.)

I hope all my hooligans have a great Friday and a great weekend! :-)


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Can You Smell....Oh, Nevermind.

That's supposed to end with "what The Rock is cooking?", but I didn't want to sully his name in any way.

I had to go to the police detachment down the road yesterday to renew my registration. I go there every year and like it because it's very convenient.

However, yesterday, I went around 11:45. It's a teeny little building - not much larger than our main bathroom.

It was packed to the gills. I hadn't anticipated "the lunch hour crowd". It was also hotter than Satan's nutsack.

There was a guy a few people in front of me. He was covered in flop sweat and didn't have any teeth. To say he was disheveled would be on the kind side. He seemed nice enough, though and was plenty chatty.

OK, we're talking a very small space with about 10 or so people crammed in and it's HOT. Did I mention that already?

I know you can see where this is going: small, hot room...toothless man covered in flop sweat....And, I have a very keen sense of smell. I'm not going to name any names or even describe the person I think was responsible for the overwhelming BO smell. But, it was bad.

The line was moving ever so slow. I was in that sardine can (and I think perhaps a sardine can might smell better) for close to ONE FULL HOUR.

I have never been there when it's that crowded. But, my plan was to get the registration and then move on to the Mart and be back to get Sissy by 3 pm. I knew when I was finally released from my tiny hell on Earth, there was no way I'd make it to the store, shop and be back before 3.

Sitting around for an hour with a weird bunch of people really zaps your energy. I came back home and waited for the Evil Twin to get home from work. Then, I dragged my sorry self to the Roger of K. (which is not too far from where we live - the Mart is about 15 minutes away in a different little town).

And now, I am off to do laundry duty, empty the dishwasher, reload the dishwasher, make the beds and assorted other chores on my daily list. Don't I have a adventurous life? I mean, what with the practically passing out from heat stroke to get a sticker for my plate on the van to tooling around the grocery, then coming home to cook? For a good time, email and maybe I'll let you run around with me and experience all the good times! :-)


Monday, April 30, 2012


I looked at the school lunch menu yesterday and realized that May 24th is the last day. Typically, the last day is sometime in early June. But, we only had one snow day this year (and the county builds those into the schedule), the kids will get an early Summer break.

Good for them, I guess. LOL.

It'll just be more crunch time for me to get things finished - you know, the usual variety of chores, appointments and whatnot that are easier for me to do by myself.

Yesterday, the Evil Twin took Sissy to see the "Chimpanzee" movie. Sissy asked why I didn't like theatres and I said, "Because I seem to have an "Idiot Ray", so the most annoying movie patrons can find me and sit in my close proximity." I did not add, "Which makes me all stabbity and feeling a desire to kill them."

OK, I would never kill them, but I might make a scene. I'm good at that, y'all.

Anyhoodle, when they returned from their little outing, the Evil Twin informed me that there was a family behind them who did running commentary on the film, said "Awwwauh" every. single. time the little chimp Oscar was shown (about every other frame) and also remarked about the "bad tribe" of chimps by saying "Oh, no!" or "Uh oh!".

And, I am vindicated! I will enjoy the movie when it comes out on DVD in the privacy and silence of my own home.

Although, the Evil Twin said he had seen his fill of chimpanzee vaginas and buttholes, and that he also enjoyed the part where the larger chimps ran across a group of smaller monkeys, then plucked one out, tore it apart and ate it. That's nice for the kids. I'll have to hide my eyes for that scene.

I'm SO glad I stayed home! :-)

Have a great Monday, hooligans.


Friday, April 27, 2012

Friday Fun

Last week, the Evil Twin had to buy a new lawn mower. We are on two lots and the front is very steep. He wears soccer cleats and has to use a self-propelled mower to then spend about 4 or 5 hours getting the yard into a golf course like state. We have more yard equipment than most professional landscapers.

Anyhoodle, the mower gets major usage. And his died weekend before last. OK, this is not something we can just shove to the side. We don't want our lawn to look like our neighbors across the street - the "man of the house", from what we hear, has a bad back. However, I guess his back is okay when he is tilling up a large area in the front to plant flowers and construct a rock retaining wall.

Then we have the neighbors on the other side. The house was purchased by a contractor at least 2 years ago. The folks who live there are renters. The home itself is only partially remodeled and the "yard" is a hot mess. In the process of this remodel, our fence that runs in behind this home is destroyed. We've been assured that it will be fixed, but come on! There is a quarter of the house that still lacks siding. The "yard" is not maintained. I call the city (along with a few other neighbors) regularly, but the deal is: they'll send the contractor a notice of fines, but if he makes even a tiny effort once a month, he skates.

They can let their property go to seed, but we won't. So, the Evil Twin has his new mower. He hasn't used it yet because it's been rainy around here for a bit.

Since he got a new mower, I decided it was time for my own new mower. For the carpets and floors. That's right - a VACUUM! Now, our Electrolux works fine, but it was made in 1985. It's a canister, which I like, but it's also kind of bulky to lug around. I'm used to it, but I hate that every time I use it (almost every day), I end up banging up my shins trying to get it to different areas.

My ingenious little brain decided Momma needed a new house toy. Here I sit.... My Dyson DC39 canister is on its' way today!!! And I'm gonna put that bitch through its' paces. How you like them bird feathers, Dyson?? The hardwood floors? Area rugs? Porcelain tile? Berber carpet? And, let's not forget the cat hair!! Oh, you are in for a treat! I can't wait 'til it arrives! I'll let y'all know if it meets the ETW's standards on appliances.

I'm also going out to lunch today with a beloved friend. She works at a very swanky restaurant in town. I've never been to it, so I'll have a little adventure trying a new place. I can't wait.

It's a good way to kick off the weekend! And, I hope all my hooligans have a great weekend, too.


Thursday, April 26, 2012

An Interesting Week

I honestly wonder when I will have a week that isn't like a three ring circus. I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself. Yesterday, the schools were on an early dismissal. Don't ask me why...I still haven't figured it out. But, I also had to be home for two service calls and also be ready to pick up Sissy by 1P. Buddy was having some issues with his laptop, which is still under warranty (Thank Ghandi), so I had to wait on the tech person to come by to fix it and then, I had to wait on someone to swing by and look at a home repair job that is out of the Evil Twin's or my skill set. By the time I met with both parties, I didn't have time for a shower before I needed to pick Sissy up from school. I was already exhausted from Tuesday (Sissy's dance makes me INSANE), so I wasn't really of a mood to deal with much else the next day (Wednesday). Today, I'm finding it most difficult to rustle up any motivation whatsoever. Don't get me wrong....I have a good life. I just get overwhelmed when too many activities seem to stack up and often overlap each other. Sometimes in life, you just have to suck it up and deal with it - and I do, but that doesn't mean I have to necessarily LIKE it. I keep on keeping on. Even if being in bed with the covers over my head sounds much more appealing. LOL. After all, the world might stop spinning on its' axis if I just threw my hands up and went to live in a treehouse out back. Sure, it sounds appealing, but I like indoor plumbing and hot showers (with mega water pressure - I don't enjoy taking a shower that feels like the water gods are merely just spitting on me). I'm just slightly spoiled to "Happy Shower Time". My exasperated parents sent me to Summer camp many years in a row and then I also lived in the Marshall University dorm for a year, so I know a shitty shower when I find one. The Evil Twin removes all the "low flow" valves from our water sources. If we're paying the bill, then we want a good amount of water. A pox on whoever came up with the low flow shower heads and made it mandatory. I fart in their general direction!! Welp, that being said, I'm headed off to my good shower time. I hope my hooligans are having a great Thursday! Love,

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Something New? Again?

Those of you who use Blogger have by now noticed that "they" have changed the whole set up. Again. Now, I have to learn this new system. Have I mentioned that I am a busy person? I've had my "smartphone" for a year and a half and still haven't read the entire users manual. The manuals for my cameras? Collecting dust. Thanks, Blogger. Thanks a lot. I suppose I'll get used to it just like everything else new that falls into my lap. But, dangit, I don't have to be happy about it! I feel like so many things are just trying to get under my skin lately. Nothing terribly bad or end of the world type stuff, but things that make me have to juggle my routine and sometimes, I have to leave a few things undone. Like the ol' blog here. If my day has any variables, then I have to shuffle stuff around and most times, that means leaving things in the dust. Do I blog or get to the grocery? The family likes to eat. Do I work on laundry or blog? I can't send the crew out naked. I don't mind my lot in life - I actually enjoy it. I just don't enjoy having to re-arrange my schedule at a moment's notice or for what ends up being a total waste of time. I didn't do a damn thing this weekend, since my birthday was Sunday. Around here, we don't do anything elaborate for birthdays or anniversaries, etc. The birthday person has the final say, but it's also diplomatic - everyone can throw in their own thoughts. Birthday person can agree or veto or come up with their own plans. I wanted a relaxing day. That's what I had. And, it was wonderful! We watched a movie. The Evil Twin went out to pick up lunch and the birthday girl's bottle of wine. But, it was back to the regular routine on Monday - or not so regular as I would have liked. New and confusing Blogger. Time wasted on an important detail in life (I'm not going to discuss it - it's nothing bad, but we had an important appointment and a no-show of the important person we had arranged to meet). Good Ghandi! Why can't people just DO what they say they will do? So unprofessional. I'm outta here. Laundry, vacuuming and kitchen detail await my most inspired assistance. Have a great Tuesday, my hooligans and we'll chat soon! :-) Love,

Wednesday, April 18, 2012


I didn't have a chance to post yesterday because Tuesdays are my "cram 10 pounds of potatoes in a 5 pound sack" type of days.

It didn't warm the cockles of my little heart any that yesterday also seemed to be "How many cars can pull out in front of ETW as she goes about her business". I was cut off so many times, I lost count.

When I wasn't being cut off, I managed to get behind a gaggle of morons.

One car had what appeared to be an elderly man at the wheel. I'm pretty sure he died in 1972 and no one told him to go to the light. They just propped him up in the car and put a (very lightweight, apparently) brick on the accelerator.

Another genius practically came to a full stop on a 4 lane road while trying to maneuver into a turn lane. TURN LANE. That's what it's for. You don't Turn from the left hand lane if there is a perfectly good turn lane right beside you. Signal left, then move into it. Then you can stop and wait on traffic to clear before you make that scary, scary left turn. Moron.

How do people pass the driver's test when they have clearly either A. Not read the handbook or B. Perhaps skimmed thru it and promptly forgot everything?

It all started out around 8A when I was taking Sissy to school. I dealt with a handful of seriously stupidity.

Later, Buddy had an appointment with the orthodontist. I like to make the appointments as late in the day, so he doesn't miss much school. So, I went and picked him up, then I had to go to the bank and drop something off and then, I had to pick up Sissy from school.

She gets out at 3 and his appointment was 3:20 in downtown Charleston. That's at least a 20 minute drive, depending on traffic and/or random idiots who have no business having a license. So, I picked her up about 20 minutes early. I mean, who would pick her up? We don't have family nearby and I don't really trust anyone else.... Sometimes, I just have to go with the flow. Do the best I can, y'all.

Then, at 7P, Sissy had her dance class. My van's gas meter thingie was all beeping at me and I was running on fumes. We left a little early, so I could fill 'er up (to the tune of $52 and change!) Thank goodness I don't drive much, so a once a month trip to the gas station is my typical MO.

Add to that, Sissy's dance class is loud. They have two separate classes that night, so the (different) music is blaring. They have Tap, Ballet and then Modern (Jazz). Sissy likes to take her shoes into the room and do them herself. Some of the other girls need help or can't tie their laces, etc. This means that when they move from tap to ballet, dozens of little dancers run out, using their loudest voices...this happens for 3, count 'em THREE shoe changes during the hour lesson.

I have to sit there and listen to the chaos. I take my Kindle and try to read, but can't concentrate. I hate idle chit chat with people I don't know well, so that usually goes over like a turd in a punchbowl.

I've already invested $230 in recital costumes (aka: Junior Hooker outfits) for June, so we'll stick it out. I think Sissy wants to do Karate next year. :::Sigh:::

I'm going to a spa event this afternoon at the place where I had the chemical peel last week...They're giving away prizes and junk and if I get something free, it's for ME! Love freebies. Maybe I can relax after that.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, my hooligans!