Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hodge Podge

I've been tagged for several things lately. Since we are T-minus 2 days from travel and vacation, I'm going to lump them all into one lovely post.

It's a skill which I am uniquely gifted: The Lazy and The Efficient. I couldn't live any other way.

I was tagged by Alex for "8 Things"

The rules: Answer the questions, make sure you mention who tagged you, and tag 8 of your blogger buddies.

8 Things that I am looking forward to:

1. Disney World!
2. The end of the school year for Buddy.
3. Enjoying the pool this summer (we have a private pool up the street we join each year).
4. The warmer weather!
5. My hair cut today!
6. My eyebrow waxing today!
7. Eating a lot at Disney World.
8. Walking off some calories at Disney World.

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Two loads of laundry.
2. Emptied the dishwasher.
3. Reloaded the dishwasher.
4. Colored my hair.
5. Ate lunch.
6. Made a few phone calls.
7. Played outside.
8. Stayed home ALL day!

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Blink and be at Disney World with our van and all supplies.
2. Forgive more easily.
3. Win the lotto.
4. Have X-Ray vision.
5. Help my son with his math homework. Or at least know the correct answers for 5th grade math. That's just pathetic.
6. Have good poops ALL the time.
7. Lose the freaking 8 pounds I need to lose.
8. In general, be more of a fixer/handy-type person.

8 (2) Shows I Watch:

1. Survivor
2. American Idol

And, just to be belligerent, I tag NO ONE, but feel free to steal it.

I also was tagged by G from From The Myst:

1. What is your current obsession? Disney.

2.Which item of clothing do you wear often? I ALWAYS have a bra on. Always.

3.What's for dinner? Last night was Little Caesar's Pizza, no idea on later on, probably leftovers and everything that needs to be eaten before we leave town.

4.What are you listening to? The TV, but I'm not sure what's on.

5.Say something to the one that tagged you. G - you are super sweet and I love your blog. I'm glad we've "met"!

6.Favorite vacation spot? My own back yard.

7. What I'm reading right now? Blogs and such.

8. Four words to describe myself. Honest, Loyal, True, Shameless.

9.Guilty pleasure. Box o hooch. I love the wine.

10. What do you think you will feel about your life when all is said and done? I think I've experienced much, enjoyed much and wouldn't change much.

11. What do you look forward to? Jeebus, Pete - I'll Pete and Repeaty. THE DISNEY VACATION.

And lastly, Vevay gave me an award. It comes with strings attached! You will see how I daftly handle the requirements, but never tag another soul.

I'm smoove.

The Honest Scrap Award:

1) Tell your readers 10 things they don't know about you, but that are true.
2)Tag 10 people with the award.

1. I have never eaten a Brussels Sprout, Lobster or Ribs. I have no plans to correct that in the near future.
2. I think early (mid to late 60s, really early 70s) Bee Gees songs might be the best music. Ever.
3. My mom taught me that it's better to catch flies with honey and not vinegar. Sometimes, I fight that advice.
4. I have Multiple Sclerosis, but it doesn't have me. I DARE it to go head to head with me.
5. I lost both of my parents within 14 months of each other. It sucks to be an orphan at 36.
6. I like being alone.
7. I like knowing what to expect in life, sometimes, life doesn't comply.
8. I don't like yellow gold on myself. I couldn't care less if it's on someone else.
9. When I voice opinions about things, I never think about people I know, so if I offend you, let me know.
10. I am too busy today to respond to comments and comment on blogs.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

She's Not Here

Remember that brassy bitch who swore to rip the insurance company a new butthole on Monday?

Well, she doesn't live here anymore. I am no longer in the PMS stage of life. Sorry if that's TMI for some of you.

I really don't give a shit if it bothers you. I'm just happy to know that I won't have ANY days of my vacation ruined by the certain special planning one must do for the female trouble. I had to call and cancel my annual exam with my OB yesterday. I'll have to see the nurse practitioner after we return, but I am going to be begging for a hysterectomy. I mean, really, how much injustice must I live through?

Now, the snivelly weepy bitch takes her place. I've cried at several commercials, already. And, I want to scrub the house until my fingerprints are no longer identifiable.

That's my MO.

I plan on being home all day today, so perhaps I can get some deep cleaning in - in between laundry and semi-packing...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Whore's Toothbrush

A few weeks ago, I placed an order online for some common drugstore type purchases. Hey, the prices were cheap, I needed the stuff and shipping was free.

It saved me a trip to the store.

And, I got a freebie in the package:

It's a sample of the new Colgate "Wisp" toothbrush. It's a tiny little toothbrush with the paste already applied to the tiny brush and individually packaged, so one can brush anytime!

When I showed the Evil Twin what I got for free, he said, "That's marketed for one night stands!" And I, of course, didn't believe him.

But, it is feasible. I remember many a night when I was out whoring around and had no device with which to brush my teeth.

Talk about waking up with fuzzy teeth! You know, the little fairies who come to knit fuzzy cozies on your teeth after a night of drankin'?

I wish I had a supply of self-pasting li'l toof brushes around back then!

Thank goodness for packs of peppermint gum! I've always carried bunches of that stuff. I have a "fresh-breath fetish".

But I think I'll invest in these li'l brushes too. I mean, why not???

Monday, April 27, 2009

614 - I Can't Come Up With a Headline

I am really glad that the Evil Twin and I went to the grocery store yesterday - we had to pick up all the remaining supplies we would need for next week's trip to Disney World! That's a whole lot of shopping right there. It was a big load of shit.

I'm also glad because today, I will spend the day on the phone. The Evil Twin's insurance changed slightly back in July, only no one notified ME (the insurance person) of the changes.

See, Buddy had his yearly check up with his - and the only pediatric opththalmologist in town - eye doctor. He HAS to see an opthtalmologist because of his prematurity. His vision is listed as a MEDICAL problem, not just an everyday type of situation. We don't have just regular vision insurance - that and dental are separate policies that we have to pay extra for. And, really it's cheaper to pay out of pocket for general stuff.

Anwyay, as USUAL, I got a bill on SATURDAY for $150 for that appointment with a note saying it's not covered under the plan. It has been covered for years and now???

So, today, the person the insurance company wishes death upon will call back to slay the dragon (the insurance company). I tell them "Why, yes, I DO have all day. Isn't that convenient?"

I'm not trying to scam them out of anything. So don't think I feel entitled to have this service covered - it always has been and still should be because it's a medical problem. Also, I am very glad and lucky that we do have insurance too, but get frustrated by all the red tape! (I just wanted to clear that up, not that anyone said anything, but I was writing in a hurry this morning and wanted to add those points in).

This is my sad, pathetic boring blog - I AM SO GLAD someone let me know that!

For the love of Pete, Anonymous in Louisville Kentucky, thank you for telling me my blog was boring. And, for also letting me know that you thought "someone should let me know."

You know what I think? I think you are a mother fucking coward to post an anonymous comment on a month old post.

You're pretty clever there, Ms/Mr. Anonydouche.

If you think it's boring, offensive or you don't like my cleavage shots, then DON'T LET THE MOUSE HIT YOUR ASS ON THE WAY OUT! (the cleavage shots line was for Ms/Mr. Seattle Washington who anonymously asked about whether Buddy might be ashamed of his mother posting pictures of her cleavage - GASP! - it's skin! Next time, y'all might get a shot of my elbow!)

Obviously, I'm full of the PMS and hatred this morning, so I'll end this here. Pray for me as I make multiple phone calls this morning. Sheesh.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Somewhat Random

On Thursday evening, I had my birthday dinner. We didn't go out Wednesday evening because #1. That was my Juicy Juice party and I knew I'd be eating lots of pizza during the day and #2. That is the day that the Evil Twin always goes to the Chinese buffet with his co-workers and they eat until nearly comatose. We both realized that neither of us would be super hungry at dinner time, so we just decided to wait.

It was my choice - of course, but I couldn't really pin down where I wanted to go. Finally, I asked Buddy if he wanted to go to the "place where we can throw peanuts on the floor" (Logan's Roadhouse) and he was more than okay with that.

We left the house immediately after the Evil Twin got home from work, so we were there by 5 ish. I had a feeling, though, that most of the restaurants around town would be crowded because it was the first sunny semi-warm day we've had in forever and it was close enough to the weekend to pretend it IS the weekend.

I was right. But, we only had to wait a minute while they cleared a table off for us. I saw an unbelievable display of "humanity" walk through those doors in that one moment though.

We were seated and ordered. The kids had a great time cracking peanuts and then throwing the shells on the floor. Sissy would just bang them on the table until she cracked one, then would excitedly exclaim (each time, as if it was a new revelation), "Look, a PEANUT inside!" (what else might one find in a peanut shell???) LOL.

After our food arrived, a young couple with their little boy and infant daughter, in the carseat/carrier were seated at 2 o' clock from my line of vision. When she (the mom) sat down, I was treated to a full view of about 2 inches of her ass crack.

I said to the Evil Twin, "I don't want to hear another word about my low slung pants. Ass crack right behind you." And he said, "I'm not looking." Then, I said, "Sweet young thing." So, of course, he looked and kept looking! LOL. I even got my camera out at one point and took a pic of the Evil Twin and Buddy, then plotted to turn the camera quickly and snap the ass crack - not that I care, but I thought it was funny. I just couldn't stir up the courage. Her husband was sitting to her left and I was afraid to be caught by him. LOL.

We also saw lots of really morbidly obese people shuffle through. It was great. When we left, I remarked to the Evil Twin, "Wow! Nothing like mud flaps and butt cracks!"

On the way home, we stopped at a big box hardware store and bought 8 (eight) 50lb bags of play sand for the sand box we had bought the weekend before.

We chose this one:

The kids LOVE it!

I also got my new hammock in on Wednesday, but wanted to wait until Thursday evening to put it up:

Not the best shot, I know, but I need to wear it in a bit. I did sit in it for a moment and it's very comfortable.

And I did take pictures of my cake, but not until after it was cut. The kids were soooo anxious to; "get to it", I barely had time to make a wish and blow my one candle out! :-)

The side view, above. You can see why they call it a "checkerboard" cake.

And the top view:

Around here, we like to really maximize the celebration time for birthdays. So, I typically celebrate my birthday from April 22 to Mother's Day - whenever that falls (that second Sunday in May). I figure, "Why not?" Both days are for ME, ME, ME, right?

One more thing, before I go: one of the moms from my playgroup asked about a certain bush or shrubbery thing we have in our yard. She remarked how lovely it is and I agree that it's pretty, but I have no clue what it is:

Anyone know?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Happy Happy

Thanks for all the lovely Birthday wishes yesterday. I am officially one year older than Earth Day - it was started in 1969. :-)

The juice party/playdate was a success. The kids had a great time and the moms had a great time (at least I did!). I had picked up pizzas prior to the party, so we had pizza and juice. The kids REALLY seemed to like the juice. I sampled the different varieties and thought they were all quite good.

Which means a lot coming from a person who only likes water and wine (like Jesus!). Oh, and the occasional sweet iced tea from McDonald's or Wendy's...

And speaking of Wendy's, I made the Evil Twin run down to ours and get me a sandwich at about 10:30 pm. I really, really, really wanted a Big Bacon Classic, but they don't have those on the menu anymore, so I got a single with cheese and everything plus bacon. Voila! A big bacon classic - almost. It was so damn good I nearly cried.

Anyway, prior to all that: when the Evil Twin walked in after work, I noticed he was carrying a small white box. He had said he was going to pick up a cake after work. Now, we all know the cakes from the grocery stores are usually on a black plastic sheet with a clear plastic top. So, I was curious.

He had stopped at Spring Hill Bakery for a cake. That bakery is renowned here for having the BEST cakes and pastries around. It's also not the cheapest place in town. I was thrilled! It was a checkerboard cake with vanilla frosting with chocolate piping. It's some of the best cake I've had in a while.

What a great surprise! :-)

I had a bit of wine last night - not as much as I would have liked but I had a slow start and I was tired. So, I got in bed early. I'll make up for the lack of wine consumption tonight.

I took a few pictures after the juice party yesterday - I totally forgot to get pics of before. They had sent me a table cloth and everything, but after the kids had pizza, it had some sauce on it, so I took it off and threw it away. Dang it! I was just too busy to remember the before pics. Oh well, what matters is that everyone had fun. I'll upload pics later.

And now, I'm off for a glamorous Thursday. I hope you are too!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Big Day Ahead

Today, I have to hit the ground running.

Somehow, I got roped into doing a Juicy Juice House Party. I don't even remember how I got signed up to do this. (Ed. note - she gets tipsy and signs up for shit online).

The House Parties are popular right now. Apparently, lots of companies are looking for ways to spread the word about their products, so they offer the opportunity to host "parties" to individuals.

The company in question (in my case - Juicy Juice) then sends the host a package of their product samples, plus goodie bag treats, etc. This way, the company can get the word out in a relatively cheap manner. The hosts of the parties do all the work - by inviting their friends (in my case - Sissy's playgroup) and "advertise" the product.

So, I'm going to order some pizzas and the juice is in the fridge chillin'. They sent me 8 full containers of their newest product - their Immunity and Brain Booster juices.

I already buy their Harvest Surprise juice - because it contains 100% full days serving of fruits and vegetables in a 8 oz glass - or something like that. And, we all know Sissy doesn't eat well (unless it's dumpster diving) and she certainly doesn't like ANY vegetable, so that's one way I sneak it into her little bossy body.

They also sent me reusable plastic bottles (like the kind you can put a beverage in to take along, not like baby bottles), mini decks of playing cards, reusable shopping bags, growth charts, coloring books and coupons for their product.

I put the goodie bags together last night, which is why this is late this morning.

The Evil Twin helped me arrange the dining room to accommodate more guests - our table has a hidden leaf in the middle, but it definitely takes two people to pull the table apart to set it up. However, we now have seating for six, plus a few extra stools and of course, the couch and love seat in the den (living room area), so I think I can comfortably seat lots of moms and tots today.

Unfortunately, it's only 40 degrees right now and not supposed to be above the mid 50s at the high today AND the forecast is calling for rain (more of it!!!!), so we won't be able to play outside - and we have such a nice backyard too! Wah!

Speaking of, my cotton rope hammock snapped a rope, so I had to order a new one. I found the same product, only in a synthetic at the same place I ordered the first one. It was on sale and free shipping and it should be here tomorrow!

Just in time, too because we're supposed to have a beautiful weekend!

I hope you all have a fabbo Hump Day. I KNOW I will. ;-)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

If U Seek Amy

A few (couple) of nights ago, I posted something on Twitter. It was a line stolen from something I had read from Scandalous Housewife's blog. There were a couple of reviews of the show called "The Cougar", which is a reality based "dating" show where the "cougar" is the older, more experienced partner (typically a female) looking for a many years younger male partner for fun and games.

I have no problems with that set up, but the show seemed contrived and ridiculous - and we all know it totally is all that, but I also know that people will watch that crap and be seriously emotionally invested in it, too.

So, when the Scandies posted updates of the show, I was thrilled. I didn't have to watch it, but I could get a play by play in a snarky way and still experience the shame, humiliation and degrading without having to actually be a party to watching! Excellent!

As we all know, these "reality" dating shows are a hoot. But, in the opening sequence of this one, one of the "contestants" greets the "cougar" with :

"I want to give you an Australian Kiss." She questioned that. He leaned in and told her it's like a French kiss, but down under. Then he winked at her.


I like that. If I weren't so busy laughing.

So, I posted something similar on Twitter only I said, "I think the Evil Twin needs to give me the Australian Kiss - Like French kiss, only down under". I was totally joking.

You WOULD NOT believe the responses I had.

People need to get a sense of humor. I don't think anyone sells them, but to me, that one statement is comedy GOLD.

When I told the Evil Twin about it, he laughed for a full minute or so and then, referenced it through the evening as being hysterical.

And now, what the title is about:

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Littlest Dumpster Crab

On Saturday, we usually have "Saturday Night Special" which means either the Evil Twin or myself will run out and grab fast food for lunch/dinner. However, we had gone out to eat on Friday evening and I just had to have a McMuffin on Saturday morning, as I hadn't had one since Ash Wednesday (gave up the bread and baked goods for Lent).

I had some cube steaks I had to prep or throw out. So, about mid-day, I made country fried (or chicken fried) steaks, scalloped potatoes, cornbread stuffing and rolls. That was to be our big lunch/dinner thing. Of course, Sissy sat and picked at her plate and ate next to nothing.

Later on, she said she was hungry (go figure) so I got her some pepperonis - she likes the cold pepperoni slices right out of the bag. Then, she was thirsty, so I gave her a box of 100% apple juice.

When she finished her juice box, she asked if she could throw it in the trash, and I said, "Yes."

She went into the kitchen and returned holding a roll. A roll she had already taken a bite out of. Buddy noticed it first and asked, "Where did she get that roll?"

Then, I turned to see her taking the bite out of her mouth to hand it to me. She had retrieved the roll from the TRASH CAN! Yes, my darling daughter is a Dumpster Crab.

She was so hungry, she scavenged a filthy dinner roll from the garbage!

The Evil Twin threatened to call CPS on me! LOL.

We all laughed SO hard about this situation that we embarrassed her and she cried.

Go, Family! We're awesome!

Later on, Buddy mentioned that he thought he saw a piece of scalloped potato stuck on the end of the roll. GROSS!

Honestly, I was feeding her. I had no clue she would reach in and pluck something from the trash!

It was HER roll that she had not eaten at dinner, so I suppose that makes it just an inkling better.

Still. Can I get my "Mom of the Year" award yet?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Q&A

Natalie asked "WHAT IS YOUR NAME??????????????"

And, I'm sorry I can't answer that here. If you'd like to email me at - I will gladly tell you, but I live in a very small town and need to remain anonymous for this blog. :-)

Ron asked: "Hmmmm..... Let's see... Were you ever in a movie that involved a man getting his taint shaved??? ooops.. no fair I know the answer. :)"

For the rest of you: I was in a movie, directed by my ex-boyfriend that involved me getting my right nipple pierced. It was called "A Piercing Look" and it featured three segments of piercings. I was the first, then at a completely different location, a guy had his taint pierced (it ain't your balls and it ain't your asshole... it's that "in between area"). And yes, he had it pierced on the film. It was never distributed and I am under the impression that I am the sole owner of the last copy of the movie.

Warren said: " the stripper thing too.

Related to that, what sort of jobs have you ever worked? What would you love to do if you were not a SAHM?"

I have worked many jobs. My first job was at Rax Roast Beef (I don't even think they exist anymore). Prior to that, I babysat. In college, I worked for the school newspaper in layout (pre-press work), I've worked as a waitress at the dog track and a seafood restaurant, I cleaned a lawyer's house once a week, I worked at Lazarus during the Christmas season, I was a temp employee at a law office when a regular employee was out for maternity leave. After I graduated from college, I worked at several places doing graphic design/glorified secretarial work. My last job before now was as Executive Secretary for a social service agency. I cried when I quit to stay home with Buddy. It was such a great job.

I love my current gig, but if I went back to work, I think I would like to pursue a career in Real Estate. I'm really drawn to that field.

powdergirl asked: "Sooo, Just wtf is your bra size anyway?"

I currently wear a 36DD.

I got another question by Ron, which was dittoed by Alex:
"Have you ever performed a rusty trombone? How about a Cleveland Steamer? LOL....."

No, I have never performed a rusty trombone or had a Cleveland Steamer. Thank goodness. I do have standards, ya know?

All Click asked: "You're still taking me with you to Disney, right??"

Of course, honey, if you can fit in the cargo area of our van once it's packed up, you're more than welcome to come along. I promise to get lots of pics!

Pwn Star asked "Would you rather:
Have your parents walk in on YOU having sex, or, you walk in on THEM having sex?"

Well, seeing as how my parents are both dead, I'm sure if I believe they keep an eye on us from the afterlife, they DO catch us sometimes! LOL. Supposing all parties were alive, I would much rather have them catch us. After all, the Evil Twin and I are married (not that it matters much), and we have two kids together. I'm pretty sure they knew we had/have sex. But, I was adopted. I can still blissfully believe they may have had sex a time or two and just let that image go! LOL.

I had an email from a friend who had questions. This person does not have a blog, so I'll list the questions here:

1. What is the meaning of your tattoo?
Actually, there are three tattoos. The first one is the lizard in a circle. For that one, I just liked the imagery. The 2nd is a Rose, which is a flower I happen to like much and the third is a tribal design that hides the last part of the Rose tattoo, which had the vine flowing thru the circle and dripping blood. No one ever understood that part of the rose tat, so I had it covered up with a tribal design.

2. Ever flash someone other than ET?
I flash people on a regular basis. I'm sure most of our friends would like to say "Put your titties away!" But, I can't help myself!

3. Do you have lots of "kinda" friends or a few very close friends? (My wife has one type I have the other).
I tend to keep a few tight friends, but I'm open to acquaintances, too.

4. Favorite board game to play with friends?
The Evil Twin and I enjoy Yahtzee and Scrabble, but only infrequently. We're not really a board game family.

5. Favorite meal? Something you could eat 3 times a week if you had to.
Anything Mexican, definitely. And I could do that 3 times a day 7 days a week.

6. Ever had an RC and/or Moon Pie?
I have and hope to never experience that again. Blech.

7. What happened to HNT?
Oh, I was just trying that on. I think my cleavage gets stale after a while. I'll need to put my more creative hat on for HNT.

8. Newly Wed Game bounus question: Where is the oddest place you made whoopie?

I'm assuming you mean with the Evil Twin. Sadly, that's been most tame. In his home office? The Guest Room sometimes (OK - guest - I wash the sheets every time anyone even breathes on them!). With anyone else? In assorted cars and abandoned buildings. One time on the concrete steps of the Kanawha River! Oh! and one time at the top flight of stairs in a parking garage. And one time in the kitchen at a party in Morgantown. Whew. I really am a whore!

LeighMo asked "In your opinion, is or is not the Hokey Pokey what its all about?"

I don't think so. The Hokey Pokey is fun, that's for sure. And, I think we should ALL consider the Hokey Pokey in a regular everyday way. But, we should not consider it as "that what it's all about".

Jan asked: "so you are almost at that magic 100, what wonderful gift will you be teasing us all with???"

So, I could say, the 100th follower gets to request a photo, but I don't do anything too over the top, so how about an extra post for the day, whatever topic follower 100 asks for? I'm 7 away, let's make this happen!

Dave asked, "Q: Life seems to be good. You have a wonderful family, a great husband (at least he draws good) and you seem to enjoy living the "glamorous life of a Hausfrau". Is there any thought of, once the youngsters are of an appropriate age, giving up the stay at home mom lifestyle and going into the work place?

And if so, what line of work would you consider pursuing? Something simple like Wal Mart Greeter or part time librarian, or would you immerse yourself into a post child-raising career like real estate or brain surgery?"

I'd love to pursue Real Estate, as I stated above. However, the best fit, jobwise for me, would most likely be administrative work in a school, so I could have the same schedule as the kids. Ideally, I plan to be a stay at home mom for the rest of my life. That's how much my kids mean to me. My mom was a stay at home mom all of my life and I want to be there for my kids.

And, an Anonymous question: (I turned that feature back on the other day and shouldn't have) "Do you ever worry about always putting picture of the "girls" on you site and one day one of Buddy's friends or the parents run across you site and are offended? What would Buddy himself think of his own mother posting such pictures?"

What I'm showing is skin flesh. There is nothing pornographic about the photos I post. It's just cleavage. You see it all the time out in public. I have personally seen more revealing tops in public myself. If anyone is offended by that, they have some serious psychological issues they might want to see someone about. And futhermore, if anyone is offended, there's always the "next" button on Blogger. Don't let the mouse hit your ass on the way out.

Finally, my boy fattie20xl had a few questions:

#1 who's your favorite disney princess? Snow White.

#2 what's your view on porn? It doesn't bother me - in fact, I enjoy a session with YouPorn every now and then.

#3 if the evil twin was to demand that the livingroom/bedroom be converted into a startrek themed room... would it be the original series or the next generation? or would it be more like starwars? I'm fairly sure that it would be the original series, but I would prefer TNG.

#4 do you know the difference between startrek and starwars (i'm pretty sure only about 30% of women do... ) Yes, I do. And, I watched most of the Star Trek series on TV. I haven't seen ALL the Star Wars movies, but I did see the first one in the theatre (waited in a very long line) when it came out. I think I was 9 (1977?).

#5 what's the worst thing you've ever done? That's kind of relative, isn't it? I mean, what I might consider bad, some might consider mild. I've taken every drug known to mankind, except PCP and tea. I've egged someone's house. I've TPed several houses. I slept with a guy my girlfriend liked. I'm guilty of my fair share of white lies, but I don't cheat and I don't steal. I had sex with my ex boyfriend on the top floor of a parking garage, doggie style. I don't know? Any of that bad?

#6 can you give milk chocolate my number? i kinda have a thing for her.... I think I gave you all the link to her website, but she's all sold out! Here's the link if you missed it: Booty Babe art by Spencer Davis.

Alright, hope you all enjoy this. It took me all night and part of this morning to compile.

Open Floor

I've been so busy lately, and so short of material to blog about - all my busy is boring - I thought, "Hey, ETW, you have loads of new readers. Now is the time to open the floor for questions!".

So, that's what I'm gonna do.

Have a burning question about me that I haven't covered? Put it in the comments.

By now, you know I'm honest and not shy about most topics, so let's get those questions out there!

Basically, my current busy is our craptastic Easter Break week (Buddy is out of school this week), but the temperature has been less than "spring-y", so it's pretty sucky.

I'm still working on details for our trip to Walt Disney World coming up VERY soon. I want to have a game plan lined up so we can do as much as we'd like with as little lines as possible for our first visit. Having two children who are 8 years apart and won't be able to do the same rides is making me unglued!

There are also several appointments between now and then that are adding to the stress.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

You'll Get Nothing. And LIKE It!

A prize for the first person to guess that movie line. It's not difficult, either.

The prize is my undying love, but most of y'all have it already.

I got nothing and I kind of like it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I Had To Beg For It

A blog topic for today, that is! I sent out a Twitter, asking for any ideas.

One idea - a very good one - came almost immediately, but that one will take me a few days to complete. I will get to it, though.

A second idea - delivered by direct message - suggested this: Write about either: Second chances in life. Or a time in your life when your first impression about someone was wrong.

Since I'm a selfish bitch who has had more than my fair share of 2nd (3rd, 4th, etc.) chances in life with my loved ones, and I'm too hell bent on carrying a grudge than extending that same luxury to most others, I'm a bit ashamed to broach the first topic.

I consider myself to be a very intuitive person. I can "read" people easy and fast. In fact, I can tell in about 5 minutes when I meet a new person if they are worthy of my time or not.

But, I'm also a fair person and will give a person a chance or two to relay information where I might change my mind on them.

One time, I didn't give someone a second chance to make an impression right away. (I guess I am mixing chances and impressions here).

Back when I was at the university, I met a guy. The guy was dating a girl who I considered a hanger-on, and a bit of a skank. I asked him to come with me and he left with me and stayed with me.

And, here's where my story gets muddled. I thought SHE was bad news. I thought HE was the love of my life.

I married him. She ended up getting pregnant by someone else and we often saw her falling off barstools drunk in her delicate condition. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl, whose open adoption had been pre-arranged.

In my cynical manner, I just assumed she got pregnant and gave the baby up for adoption for the amounts of cash the very wealthy adoptive parents were throwing her way.

In the meantime, my husband began to drink more and more. He couldn't hold a job and he often used me as a punching bag.

Now, how was I better off at this point? That's all hindsight now. I realize my folly and feel the appropriate amount of shame and outrage I should have felt at the time.

I ended up leaving him after only 17 months of marriage. It was such a farce. Such a ridiculously stupid mistake on my part.

The above mentioned girl and I actually took time to get to know one another better during this time. It turned out, she was a very nice person and I regretted the way I had treated her.

She and I have limited contact.

Things would be better if she wasn't married to a controlling man who monitors her every move. They have a son together (who is Buddy's age), so I think she stays for their child.

It makes me feel sad for her and a bit guilty. Here I am in a stable, loving, long term relationship where there is much reciprocation (i.e. we give one another the freedom to enjoy our lives both together and separately and we're good with that and she is in a one-sided, controlling relationship and deserves much better).

So, yeah, after I gave her a SECOND chance, I realize how wrong my FIRST impression had been.

I'm gonna have to chalk that lack of intuition up to too much partying at university, rash decision making and not enough time listening to my inner voice.

Ever since that time in my life, I've realized I needed to give people more of an opportunity to prove themselves worthy or worthless.

Thanks to my bud, B, for the topic! Very intense and it really made me think. :-)

Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter Weekend

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Ours was very relaxing - which means that very little was accomplished. That's fine.

Sometimes I need a few days of downtime.

I've been reading Ada, Or Ardor by Vladimir Nabokov for a couple of weeks now. It's nearly 600 pages, if I don't add in the "Notes to Ada" section, which I fully intend to read and that comes to 606 pages.

Anyone who has read Nabokov knows that his novels are not the "summer beach reads" and with the kids and my crazy schedule here lately, it's taken me more time than normal to get through this book - although I have really enjoyed it so far. I'm almost at the end! If I didn't have a three year old, I could have finished it in a weekend, but oh well.... :-)

My little playgroup Easter Egg hunt went well on Friday. We did have some early rain showers, so we had to have the hunt indoors. It was still fun.

I was able to get all my chores finished and still throw together a veggie tray:

We had a really nice turnout with lots and lots of food!

And, speaking of food, you all know I gave up bread for Lent (that would be bread and all baked goods), so for Easter, I had half of an Easter bagel, with cream cheese! For lunch, it was Easter pizza and finally, for dinner, the piece de resistance, a Baconator from Wendy's.LOL! I haven't had a hamburger since Ash Wednesday! I needed that. AND, it didn't make me "sick" either, like it has sometimes in the past.

When my parents were both alive, my mom always did the traditional Easter meal, but since they're gone, we just kind of wing it here. The kids get lots of candy in their Easter baskets, so.... it's just kind of a "meh" kind of day.

It's been a "meh" kind of few weeks around here and I've got a lot on my mind. Some pressing family matters (no, we're not sick or anything and the Evil Twin and I are NOT on the outs, but just life in general stuff), so I've been preoccupied.

I do hope you all had a wonderful Easter!

Friday, April 10, 2009

A Few More Hours

In a few hours, I'll have a houseful of moms and their children here for the egg hunt in my backyard. We're doing the plastic eggs filled with goodies.

I went a little overboard buying candy this year, but I knew I'd have to provide plastic eggs for Buddy's school egg hunt and anticipated that I'd need to donate eggs for the playgroup egg hunt, too.

Plus, I bought a few special "treats" for my kiddos for their baskets (like larger hollow bunnies and Reese's bunnies, etc.). There is a boy in Buddy's class with a serious peanut allergy, so I try to find a variety of things to send in for the class that are not associated in any way, shape or form with peanuts or the processing of peanuts.

It's been a long time since I hosted a play group activity at home - the other group I was with was when Buddy was a pre-pre-schooler and he is 11 now, so I'm a bit out of practice.

I think it will be fun today, though. I'm really hoping the weather holds out for all of us and isn't too chilly around noon- ish.

The greatest thing is that Buddy is home from school and can be a good helper. He is SUCH a godsend when it comes to stepping up to the plate to care for his sister and other littlies.

A few nights ago, the Evil Twin had been invited to a private "concert" for the California Guitar Trio.This concert was at an individual's house and there were limited invites. I know the Evil Twin had a great time, but he was gone for several hours of the evening.

So, it was just me and the kids. Buddy helped so much around bedtime - picking up, getting Sissy's covers straightened, etc. It just made my heart so happy.

(Just had to brag on Buddy there for a bit).

And I'm off!

Time to shower, throw a veggie and cheese tray together and get ready for more chaos! I thrive on it! ;-)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Easter Break

Before I get started here, let me say that I'm sorry about the nasty feet/toe pics yesterday, but I just HAD to make my point. Ya know? Thanks for all the wonderful and funny comments - I'm sorry I couldn't reply as I usually do, but it was a hectic day of trying to get things done here at home. Okay, on to our regularly scheduled program:

Buddy goes to Catholic School, so their schedule is just a little different than the public schools - especially when the most holiest of all holidays for Catholics (that would be Easter) is concerned.

The local county schools had their "Spring" break (I guess bringing religion into it is verboten anymore) was weeks ago. But, the Catholic schools ALWAYS have the week after Easter off and they call it Easter Break.

Call it "Captain Fudgesicles Week" or what have you. I really don't care. I'm just looking forward to a small break in the normal routine. (And, I'm Catholic!).

I like the school schedule for the most part, but I also enjoy some down time where we don't have to be planning for it, making sure uniforms are clean, homework is done and deadlines are met. No packing of school lunches for me next week!

Buddy is off on Good Friday and then the whole week that follows Easter. I'm quite sure I will be most ready for him to return to school by the end of that time!

His school had their Easter Egg hunt today. He came home with a full baggie of loot.

On Friday, the playgroup I joined for Sissy will have their egg hunt. It will be in our own backyard - we're just about the only family with a flat, fenced backyard in the group.

Buddy can be my "helper" that day. He's so good with his little sister and all smaller kids.

I guess Friday evening will be reserved for hard boiling and coloring eggs. No one eats the damn things. I don't know why we even do it!

My personal schedule for the next month and a half will just be nuts. So, if I don't reply to every comment or even comment on every blog, please know I'm out here reading and stuff.

I just need to back off for a bit. I'll still be posting here, of course. 'Cause I'm a shameless hussy.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Dear Anonymous

A few days ago, I wrote about my secret love of my toes and feet. I don't like anyone else's toes or feet, so I guess that makes me a fascist or a "footist" or something.

I'm quite sure I'm guilty of many things in life. I'm a bad girl.

But, I had the random anonymous comment (as I am wont to have - which does not mean "I WANT to have" - use your google or dictionary, friends) who stated:

"overall they look nice, but the toenails are WAY too long - they aren't supposed to look like fingernails. I was at a pool in Arizona last week - most people there had the grossest feet - just big old dry calluouses all over their feet. Cover that crap up!"

Anonymous, I couldn't agree more on the ashy, callous feet you witnessed. That just needs to stop!

But, I do have an issue with you saying my toenails are WAY too long and look like fingernails. My nails are flush with the toes, so they are not like fingernails.

Would you like to see excess?



Look on...

That's hot!

Got one more for ya!

NOW, look at mine again, no touch ups....But, is there a difference? I say "Hell yeah!".

Anonymous, I hope you've enjoyed this little toenail-scape I've presented for you. Your commentary proved to be great blog fodder for me, so THANK YOU.

You're welcome, by the way.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

#600 - Bittersweet

Our son, Buddy, is in fifth grade and as such, is set to "graduate" from elementary school to Middle School.

He told me today that he needed a baby picture for the yearbook. This picture would be not identified as the person, it was a guessing game.

Because of his perilous prematurity and his 6.5 weeks in the NICU, I asked him what age range he wanted his picture to be.

He said, "None of the pictures where I'm in the hospital. None where I have tubes and wires coming out of my nose."

These pictures were our first views of him, though. When he was born.

He doesn't want this. He was four days old in this picture. He weighed about 2lbs, 5oz.

I think it's kind of sad that he doesn't want any of his "baby" baby pictures. I found two - in a quick run through of old photos we have filed away - he chose one where he is about a year old.

I wonder how much of his prematurity he actually understands. He still doesn't seem to grasp the concept that I was adopted and that his Nana M is the mom who gave birth to me, but his grandma (who passed away in 2005) was the parent who raised me.

I guess those are tough concepts for a young someone who has never lived them.

This is post #600 for me and it is late - since I normally set my things to post at 6 am, but I had trouble with the scanner! So, it's an hour later than normal, but I'm sure you'll live. I know I will.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Best Weekend EVAR!

This was such a wonderful weekend!

Saturday was not super warm, but it was nice enough. About a week or so ago, several local gals on my Twitter account and I had made plans to have a girls' night in at my house for Saturday night.

Sarah from The Putnam Scoop was here, as well as another local - B - who doesn't have a blog, but she sure does have a great sense of humor.

I had picked up some cheese cubes, veggies & dip and cocktail wienies along with a couple of bottles of wine (definitely better quality than what I buy for myself). Sarah came by with a bottle of Merlot and B brought a bottle of Spanish Red wine, a cheeseball and crackers.

We ate, and drank and chatted - we had the best time. I just really enjoyed spending time with these 2 very interesting and sweet ladies. I don't get to do that very often! All in all, a really great evening!

The next morning, the Evil Twin and I woke up around 8 am Sunday morning, the kids both piled in bed with us and we laughed about silly things.

After we got out of bed, the Evil Twin got my Sunday paper for me - as he always does - such a keeper! I started going through the Sunday circulars. I always like to browse.

Then I saw it: the new DSi was released on Sunday. (For those not in the know of such things, this is the next generation of handheld game from Nintendo - up from the DS Lite).

I just knew we had to have one. I jumped in the shower, ordered the kids to get dressed quickly, and called Toys R Us, who assured me that they had plenty and there were no lines.

We got there about 20 minutes after my phone call and the electronics department was all but deserted! Yippee. Buddy ran to find a game he wanted and I snagged the Crosswords game for myself.

You see, all this was a ploy to get my hands on Buddy's "old" DS Lite and have it to play games on myself. Plus, the kid had a crappy birthday. His birthday is January 21, less than a month after Christmas and he really couldn't think of anything he wanted, so we bought him clothes. Just what every 11 year old boy wants, right?

And before you accuse me of spoiling my children: Let me tell you - My children are only allowed to ask for 3 things from us for Christmas and then 3 things from Santa. That's it. They get other random gifts from extended family.

But, they do not get a ton of things. And, they're grateful for each little gift they do receive.

So, I looked at this as an opportunity to score a DS Lite for myself and also to make up to Buddy for his lame-o birthday.

Besides, Sissy had been promised one new toy for doing such a great job using the potty and she had her heart set on a doll called "PJ Sparkles". We had looked all over for her, but the best I could find out was that she was only available at Toys R Us.

While Daddy mowed the lawn, the kids and I went on a toy spree. (well, not really spree, just picked up the few items we had in mind).

Buddy playing his new bright blue DSi in the beautiful sunshine yesterday!

I was able to get a half hour nap in my hammock and we had Taco Bell for dinner.

Friends and wine. Toys and sunshine. Naps in a hammock and a dinner that's sure to haunt me. It just doesn't get any better than that!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Strange Confession 1

I've shared a lot on here. More than a lot.

But, this is a weird one.

Most people think feet are icky. I'm one of those people. But, I'm partial to my own feet. I think they are downright darling.

Yes, I have a weird birthmark on my left foot and yes, I'm 40 and wear a toe ring - in the warmer months. What of it?

And yes, I'm in need of a new pedicure, but notice how my 2nd toe is not longer than my big toe? How they all go down in size in order?

I think that is cute.

The Evil Twin says it's not natural, but I really don't care.

Plus, for a tall girl (nearly 5 foot 10), I only wear a size 7 shoe - for my overseas friends, I think in European sizing, that's a 38. And I know that because I'm in love with Naot's.

I also take really good care of my feet. I use a pumice stone in the shower, then use lots of lotion on them so they stay soft.

I love being barefoot and wearing sandals, so I keep the old tootsies sandal ready all year round!

Around here, you never know when that will be.

I'll be taking my Naot Paris and my soon to be freshly painted toe nails to Disney World in THIRTY DAYS! :-)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Busy Day Ahead

I'm sorry that I wasn't able to respond to comments yesterday. Y'all seem to have liked the hot dog ad! It's actually part of an ad campaign for the KCafe (Kmart) and represents that they're selling Nathan's hot dogs (wieners), and now, they're only 2 for $2. I have no issue with Nathan's dogs. In fact, I think they're quite tasty. But, they just don't look very appealing in that ad.

Anyway, yesterday was a busy, but fun day. In the morning, I had to make/take 3 really important phone calls, but I also needed to be at a playdate down the street for a local group I joined so Sissy can socialize with other kids her age.

When Buddy was little, I had joined a group in the county where we lived at the time. While I am sure the group dynamics have changed over the years (if that group still exists), I had a really lousy experience with the group at the time. I had never really encountered such snobby people.

I stuck with the group for a few reasons: For Buddy to have a chance to play with other children and learn important socialization skills - For me to have a chance to meet some other stay at home moms and lastly, for a group experience of attending events that I normally wouldn't have done on my own.

When Buddy entered preschool, I stepped back from that group and was so relieved. Shortly thereafter, we also moved to a new county, so I didn't even have to run into some of the snots out doing my errands and such.

When I met a local mom here who told me she had started up a group, I was leery at first, but decided that I needed to make an effort for Sissy's sake.

I'm glad I did.

These moms are down to earth and really nice. The playdate went well, but of course, left all us moms exhausted! When you get a houseful of 4 and unders together, it's always interesting!

I had considered participating in HNT (Half Naked Thursday), but in reviewing the shots I took last night, I think even the three that turned out presentable may even cross the line for my little old blog here.

Oh, hell... might as well.

May be NSFW. Don't scroll down if you're unsure.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A Strange Wiener Ad

Every now and again, we get ads in the mail for assorted local businesses and/or coupons.

I appreciate the coupons, but the ads can be a bit ridiculous. And redundant.

This one is just TOO weird:

Note how the wiener portion of the hot dog just rests right up on top of the bun.

I have never had a hot dog that looked like that. The supposed toppings would just be all over the place.

Why should this ad make me want to frequent this place and order food? It doesn't.

See, that's the problem with getting a degree in Advertising Journalism - I find offensive ads left and right!

I have even been known to call places to let them know their marquee has a major misspelling or grammatical error. I know they don't care, but I do.

That being said, if I read your blog.... please use the correct usage of too, to and two and their, there and they're. These aren't difficult concepts.

I can forgive a typo - it happens here ALL.THE.TIME.

#1 Reason: I'm half lit from drinking wine.
#2 Reason: I'm dealing with the family life and barely know my own name.

Seriously, check the dogs on that ad! Weird!