Wednesday, April 29, 2009

She's Not Here

Remember that brassy bitch who swore to rip the insurance company a new butthole on Monday?

Well, she doesn't live here anymore. I am no longer in the PMS stage of life. Sorry if that's TMI for some of you.

I really don't give a shit if it bothers you. I'm just happy to know that I won't have ANY days of my vacation ruined by the certain special planning one must do for the female trouble. I had to call and cancel my annual exam with my OB yesterday. I'll have to see the nurse practitioner after we return, but I am going to be begging for a hysterectomy. I mean, really, how much injustice must I live through?

Now, the snivelly weepy bitch takes her place. I've cried at several commercials, already. And, I want to scrub the house until my fingerprints are no longer identifiable.

That's my MO.

I plan on being home all day today, so perhaps I can get some deep cleaning in - in between laundry and semi-packing...


  1. Poor little chicken, I feel your pain. Hormones are a BITCH!

  2. I have pity for anyone who comes within fifty miles of me during my time of month.I may cry...or...I may stab you! Bwahahahaha!

  3. Ha! I thought I was the only one who counted days between cycle to see if vacation was going to be mood altered!

  4. Another business idea: Start a house cleaning company that only employs women for about 3 days a month. The only problem is, you can't let the women in the company meet each other or their cycles might start to go in sync, and that would screw the whole thing up.

  5. It's good to know that you will be in good shape for the trip. Have a BLAST!

  6. Haha, I asked my doctor if there was a way to remove the offending uterus and either get a non offending one OR put it in storage until I needed it.

    She didn't think it was funny.

  7. Yay for a safe vacation!! Now just try not to kill anyone today.

  8. The one good thing about being my age is not having to worry about that anymore!!

  9. Woo Hoo! Hate it when Aunt Flo visits on Vacay - talk about ruining a trip! It ALMOST happened to me when I was in CA 2 wks. ago - but, I did some "manipulation" to make sure that wasn't the case! whew!! Have a great day!! :)

  10. I am so excited about your vacation; especially since I have pre-Disney age kids (I think 2 & 4 is a little too young), and we will take them in a few years.

  11. Hey at least you are putting those hormones to good use :) Get that cleaning done lol. I hope mine kick in soon b/c my house is falling apart around me.

  12. Better to get "stuff" out of the way now before you travel! Sounds like the vacay has lots of "potential"!

  13. I have been on a hormone rush for 5 months now and still have 4 more to go. I find my self crying for no reason these days! Thank God I'm not hooked on Little House on the Prarie anymore!

    Start packing now so you will remember the little things. I'm so excited for you!

  14. I'm still PMS'ing and I'm still effing pissed about it.

  15. Glad that you will not have your monthly visitor will you are gone. That would suck big time. When you are done cleaning your house, do you want to come tackle mine? I have wine! ;)

  16. Natalie - You got that right, sista!

    Vevay - that's me too. I may cry, stab you or try to clean your house, though. :-)

    Dana - Mine has been coming two days later than the last time for a few months now. I was really sweating this one!

    Dave- You are on a roll with these business ideas!

    JA - I am so happy, myself. And thanks! :-)

    Ella - I think it's funny!

    Ron - I can't promise anything.

    kenju - I can't wait for my time of no monthly visitor!

    TGG - Hmmm. I might have to email you about the manipulation. I need all the tips I can get!

    Gigi - I'm taking my laptop, so there will be pics and updates next week while we're there!

    Lisha - It would help if I had some motivation, too!

    3C - I'm just kicking back! :-)

    Warren - the only "potential" we'll see is if we stay awake past 8 pm! LOL.

    JFab - I have a 3 page packing list all ready to go!

    SH - I make the Evil Twin have sex with me in hopes of getting started. We call it the "hump start". Try it.

    Bitchy - You're on your own for house cleaning. I'll be exhausted by the time I get my dump in order!

  17. Sorry things have been rough lately.... ((hugs))

  18. Awwww. I'm so sorry to hear the weepy cleaning has taken your day. At first I thought you meant you'd gone through the change in like an instant. I was so envious in that moment.

    I'm just happy when I only have one period a month, instead of two. Yet, my hysterectomy begging always lands on deaf doctor ears. There is no justic in that. No justice at all.

  19. Oh ETW...i remember those days. I am soooo glad that I had my hysterectomy even at my age. It was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. I can freely go and do anything I want without the fear of it intruding on my plans. Highly recommend it!

  20. And that is precisely how we know that God is a man.
    Cleaning ? Packing? Hell lady, go for a nap!

  21. I have had a happy would for decades now....hysterectomy....i did keep my ovaries however so the bad word Menopause came on like a tornado. I actually define myself by my bitch factor. As for the blog assholes....ever wonder why they stayed long enough to comment? It's because you are funny, risque at times and a great read and blog friend....

  22. Giiiirl, I am so happy for my IUC...I haven't had a period for going on three years now. It also makes for less migraines and less hormonal outbursts, and much less painful than surgery! At least you know you won't have to run to the bathroom every couple of hours during your trip, though.

  23. Yay for hysterectomies. I haven't had to kill anyone or bleed to death for 6 weeks now....a miracle!

  24. Glad to know you will be "Happy" during the vacation. Oh and that vacation is coming sooooooonnnnnn! YAY!

    Have a great day!

  25. Alex - Thanks, sweetie!

    BB - If I figure out the magic words to get that procedure, I'll let you know!

    Chandra - I'm so jealous of you!;-)

    powdergirl - LOL!

    rosemary - I'm determined to join the hysterectomy club! Thanks for the kind words. :-)

    Ginger - I would look into that, but at my age and risk factors, it might not be an option for me. But, I WILL ask!

    Jan- Thanks, I'm happy to be here!

    Michelle - You lucky girl, you!

    Loni - Yes, thank goodness it's soon! :-)

  26. Playing catch-up here. I loved your toothbrush post yesterday. So true!

    Glad your vacation will be Aunt-Flow free!

  27. Man. Because of pregnancy and breastfeeding I didn't have to deal with that madness for almost three years.

    The universe decided to play catch-up, so for the past three months I've had a WEEKLY period. No joke.

    You know that song that says "I love being a girl" or some crap? I HATE that damn song and the man who wrote it! ;)

  28. Well, I'[m a member of the hysterectomy club and HH can tell you I STILL can be bitchy one day and crying the next! Lucky him. I need to review my meds! *wink*

  29. Snivelly Bitch would not make a great band name, but it does sound like a really cool Olde English Pub.

  30. Girl, I feel your pain. I've wanted a hysterectomy since I was 13. However, ask your ob-gyn about an endometrial ablation instead ... slightly less invasive. Good luck!