Tuesday, September 23, 2008

You Animal!

Over the weekend, while I was spending time in my hammock and the Evil Twin pushed Sissy in her swing, I heard an unusual scritching sound.

I turned in the direction of the noise, and saw two squirrels - one chasing the other around a tree trunk.

I looked over at the Evil Twin and said, "I think those two squirrels are getting ready to be involved in some afternoon delight."

Then, I started thinking (bad!).

If a female squirrel is just hanging around, minding her own business and a male squirrel happens along, he can just have his filthy way with her.

The indignity of the animal world! Squirrel rape!

Man, that sucks. And, to think, no celebrity backs the cause of trying to prevent this from happening!

What a bunch of savages (and I mean the animals and the celebrities).

But, ya know? I have never seen squirrels involved in any hanky panky.

You'd think, after all this time on the planet, I would have witnessed that. No. I think the only thing I've actually seen is dogs doing their thang. Dogs are apparently very horny critters.

And that's why Ice Cube once said, "Men are like dogs. They just want to smell it and knock it." (I spoke to the Evil Twin and he said it was Ice T who made that statement - like I said, I get my Ice's mixed up sometimes... but whoever said it knew what they were talking about).

He's smarter than he looks.

This update was brought to you courtesy of horny squirrels. Have a nice day!


  1. Squirrels have those nice nests in trees for business time. Dogs just have the street.

    Poor dogs. They need nests too!

  2. Maybe that's where the term "Feelin' squirrely" comes from?

  3. Well, they must be doing it SOMEWHERE cuz I have about FOUR HUNDRED of them in my backyard!

  4. I can't get over the fact that you quoted Ice Cube. But since you did, I guess you will know what I mean when I say, "Today was a good day."

  5. Sometimes late at night I will look out into my backyard and I will see a squirrel's nest faintly lit with candles and hear some Barry White faintly on the evening breeze. I'm sure that is when the magic happens for the squirrels.

  6. Tiff - nests would be nice. It's kinda shameful to catch 'em in the act.

    Carolyn - good point. I hadn't thought of that.

    Lauren - want some more? Ours are a menace!

    Bucky - I get my Ice's mixed up. I'm pretty sure it was Ice Cube and not Ice T (although I did see T play live in NYC once and he did sing "Cop Killer").

    Ron - I didn't realize they were SO romantic. So, maybe it's not a non-consensual banging then?

  7. I once caught a couple of birds going at it on my patio.

  8. Hmmmm.....ya know, I never witnessed squirrels 'doin it' either. Certainly seen dogs (I did own an Australian LegHumper once...geez..that thing had a problem ;) I've seen deer, which was quite an event as there were two 'not-ready-for-prime-time' bucks standin around watchin....LOL....deer voyeur's.

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  10. Surely you've seen cows going at it? Once in rural VA a bunch of us, who were teenagers at the time, were in the car with a friends' Mom. We passed a herd of cows, the Mom said, "Aren't those cows pretty?" At that exact moment a bull mounted a cow...the Mom blushed and the rest of us almost strangled to death on our choked back laughter. Good times, good times.

  11. Have you ever seen a baby squirrel? They always seem to be adult size.

  12. Your backyard is either way more exciting or way more boring than mine. I can't quite decide. ;-)

  13. My husband and I were walking once, and literally saw a squirrel pick up a cigarette (half smoked and not lit) and put it in its mouth - the right way. They are mysterious little things, aren't they?

  14. HA! I saw squirrels going at it~! They were on top of the railing around my deck and considering that it is only about 1 1/4 " wide, I thought they were to be commended for their sense of balance!

  15. Susan - I've never even caught birds in the act. These animals are sneaky!

    Efen - or maybe the two going at it were exhibitionist?

    MEL - not cows, but I did see horses on some documentary where they were trying to impregnate the horse.

    Anonymous - I've seen squirrels of different sizes, so I don't know if they'd just be littler squirrels or baby ones. Hmmmm.

    k - well, like I said I just caught the preshow, not the full act. Rats!

    Momma - I really hate squirrels so if they're not breeding in my yard, I'd prefer that.

    Gigi - mysterious and evil.

    kenju - that is quite a feat. I guess they'll get it wherever they can (sort of like teenagers). LOL.

  16. We have squirillions of squirrels here running all over the place, but they do their fun business in privacy in the limbs of trees.....I have young kitties here...should not be exposed to that.

  17. I've never seen squirrels gettin' it on. But I have seen hamsters doing it. More than I care to remember.

  18. And you didn't call anyone??? It's those who turn a blind eye...sniff...ya'll are worse than squirrel rapists! lol

  19. Jen called me a "horny squirrel" once. I think she was talking about my tiny penis and my vigorously undulating tail.

    Wait. I've said too much.


  20. Dogs are apparently very horny critters.

    Only when the female is in heat, other than that they could care less.

    The rest of the time they are content with lying around licking their balls.

    Dogs are not like us monkeys.

  21. Hrm, "dogs licking balls". I have girl dogs. To my knowledge they've never licked any balls. They've bitten balls. But mostly tennis balls.

  22. When I lived around Edgewood, the squirrels would go wild chasing each other through the trees for mad hot squirrel sex. They even nested in the roof of my apartment. Still, I never actually saw them doing the squirrel thang.

  23. AHA...and yet anotehr marvelous event to add to your book of memories. Too funny.