My lone tomato plant actually produced tomatoes (and is still working on a few green ones). I had brought the ripe ones in, washed them off and put them in the fridge to cool down. Then, I sliced one for Buddy - that kid LOVES tomatoes.
He put a little salt and pepper on the slices and ate every last bite.
I didn't even taste it.
Because I was afraid it wouldn't be suitable for eating since I had something to do with it. Actually, I had very little to do with it, other than sticking the plant in the ground and watering it on a regular basis.
But, something in my mind tells me, "Well, if I was involved then it's just not going to be any good."
I have very little faith in any of my accomplishments or endeavors. Most of the time, things turn out fine.
So, the Evil Twin said to me, "Oh, you'll let Buddy eat it, then, even if it was bad?" No. I know Buddy. He is about the pickiest eater in the world and even though he loves tomatoes, he would never eat one that tasted gross.
I was pleased that he liked it and even said it was very good, but I still had my doubts.
I'm that way with all food things I'm involved in. I'm sure it won't be edible. I almost always turn out really tasty things. My family likes what I cook (most of the time), so why do I still have these doubts, these feelings of inadequacies?
It's like nothing I do (in my mind) will ever be good enough or even just passable. I think I'm a perfectionist and way too hard on myself.
I hope by just getting it out there, I can let go of these stupid low self esteem issues.
I think a lot of it comes from my mom (the one who raised me). She was Southern through and through and always acted very apologetic about each meal she served. Even though she was an amazing cook.
It's just the Southern way: "Aw, shucks. I'm not convinced it's edible." And I think I've ramped that whole thought up a notch to be "I'm not capable of creating an edible dish."
We all know how the lingering thoughts of inadequacies can cripple us. We probably all have our "thing".
Mine is low self esteem regarding cooking. If you would like to share yours, the comments section is right down there.