Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Pillow Poaching

When things get worn out or simply fall apart from wear and tear around here, I repace the item as soon as possible. If it's a pair of somethings, I replace both of them at the same time - regardless of whether just one or both are in need of replacing. I like things to be "the same". You know the song and dance around here - my OCD.

I'm particularly bad about pillows in the house. Plus, I have allergies that prevent me from getting too close to most bedding materials, so every single bedding item in the house (including those on other beds in the house) are all of the hypo-allergenic nature. Just in case I might need to sleep on/with them.

So, when the Evil Twin and I needed new pillows a while back, I bought two identical pillows. Same firmness, same brand, same store, same price. They feel exactly the same. I know which one is mine and which is his - I place them in different areas of the room while changing the sheets so they don't get mixed up.

Here's the hilarious part of all this: I hate my pillow. Typically, I end up tossing it on the floor beside the bed because I prefer to sleep with my head flat on the bed.

Now, I am a bad bed mate anyway - when my parents' moved me out of my crib, around age 2, they put me in a full size bed. All by my little self. I got used to taking up the whole mattress and space and so, I still enjoy sleeping right smack in the middle of a large bed. The Evil Twin and I have always had a Queen size, which is fine for us.

Then, we have the fact that the Evil Twin is a man of sizable proportions - thusly, he is always warm and cozy at night. We've been having some really cold evenings here and I like to be snuggly, so I migrate to his side of the bed AND his pillow. I really try to not poach his pillow while he's still using it, but I can't make any promises on that.

When he gets up in the morning, I sleep an extra half hour before I have to get up with Buddy for school stuff. During that time, I scuttle over to his side of the bed and put my head on his pillow (mine is still on the floor, remember?). It always puzzles him as to why I would do this.

Who wouldn't move to the warmest spot on the mattress? A crazy person, that's who! Plus, his side and his pillow smell like him. I've always been in love with the Evil Twin, but most especially, the way he smells. I love his armpits. TMI: yes, I do smell them. I think there's a lot to be said about liking another person's general smell. I once went out with a guy (Buzzardbilly - you'll know this one) who not only had BO, but he had a freaking egg shaped cyst or boil or something on his back. It looked like someone put half a hard boiled egg (the side view) on his back and the skin grew over it. Needless to say, that situation didn't last long.

Guys - if you have anything "extra" growing anywhere, please take care of it and also, don't forget the deoderant or cologne or hey? What about soap and water???


  1. Yes I bathe regularly in water, but what is this "soap" thing you speak of. I figure you fancy people with all you "deodrant" an "cologns" are gittin all upitty. Well heck I figure if the crick was guud nuff fer my momma its guud nuff fer me :)

  2. What IS not to like about a warm snuggly bed and bedmate? Nothing, that what, unless it's after a baked bean supper or something.

    And even THEN, what someone does in their sleep is forgiven. ;)

  3. Mr.Man has this "thing" about stealing my pillow. It pisses me off to the point where I have visualized beating his ass while he sleeps.

    I'm dead serious.

    Anyway...I have started to mark my pillow so only I know which one it is. He goes to bed every night before me and take the pillow on my side of the bed. Little does he know that I place my pillow on his side because I know he changes them.

    BWAHAHAHAHA....I am smarter than him!!!

  4. I wrote once about taking a train trip to NYC when I was in college (with a bunch of people from my school and another one there in the valley). I met a guy from the other school whom I sat beside for most of the trip. He had the BEST natural smell ever, and he swore he did not wear deodorant. I could have bottled his armpit smell and sold it for perfume!

  5. I still haven't bought any "smell nice" yet, so I have to assume I don't smell bad naturally.

  6. Curmy and I sleep with a row of pillows down the center of the bed to protect him from the Thrashmaster (me). One too many times of me thrashing in my sleep and hitting him in the face while he was asleep and, well, you get the picture.

    For those who read both blogs: The Egg is also Twisted Shit. He was egg-free by my time and he showered a lot. Almost too much. Perhaps he'd gotten 'wind' of his own reputation for stank.

    Besides, after a full-blown female tit on a dude, what's an egg? ;)

  7. Quite the "visual" blog! I have araised an entire family of "bed hogs", while I always manage to stay in the same spot (just roll from one side to the other.) Talk about OCD - I even straighten the damn blankets sometimes when I stir around.

  8. I think it's quite normal, the smell thing. When my husband was in the gulf, I didn't wash his pillow case the entire time he was gone. I refused to sleep on it tho, cuz I wanted it to keep on smelling like him.
    Awwwhhh how sweet.
    On to the reasons I want to stab him in his sleep.
    Also gulf related, he's an on the surface dreamer and is constantly grabbing me or waking me up yelling or whatever. Yeah,, fun stuff. It's part of why he gets a check every month. (-:

  9. Just wanted to say that it's refreshing to hear someone loving their spouse...
    so often all you hear is the bitchin'!

    Followed over from WVSR-

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