Friday, August 8, 2008


Every so often, I get tired - tired of the world and things in it. Not like I want to be anywhere else, though. I just want to be left alone.

I get tired of working at maintaining friendships or writting this blog when it feels like it's all for nothing.

There are times when I feel like I'm the only party making an effort.

And that's when I feel like bailing. I mean, who would miss me?

Apparently not the friends I no longer call who don't call me and ask, "What's up?"

It's no wonder I consider the Evil Twin to be my best friend. And there are times I question even his loyalty.

Am I that bad of a person?


  1. Only if you consider human beings to be bad people.

  2. Well, I don't know you, but I sure enjoy reading your blog. I just know if we lived in the same areas we'd be buds.
    I think being a SAH mom is hard sometimes, especially when the kids are little. I can remember when my kids were younger feeling very closed in at times. Take it easy on yourself! Plan a date with ET, get a pedicure, do something for ETW!!!!!
    I'm sorry you are having a blue day - I think you rock!!!

  3. I know how you feel. I laid in bed last night at 7PM, and did not get out until this morning. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. We all go thru those times. Hope you realize how much more fun blogging is since I have found you, Momma, Laura, and my other buddies. Take it Easy. Hugs to you.

  4. You're not a bad person.

    I know where you're coming from. I am going through the most difficult year of my life thus far and I have found that I really only have one friend.

    Not a single one of the others has bothered to even act like they are concerned.

    Eh, it is what it is. I'm here for ya, even if it's only in blogworld.

  5. hey etw,
    You're being waaaay too hard on yourself. Relationships work both ways - or they don't - and that's all good too. It's not all on you.
    Take a breath, hit the hammock, there's a lot of good around you.

  6. The sad truth is the only people you can totally count on is your least in my experience. Support from friends is conditional, and all too often those conditions are arranged to only benefit themselves.

    Hang in there...

  7. Take a break if you need to, but know that we'll (I'll) miss you.

    Sometimes, it's good to just be.
    Or be alone.

    Is it raining there? It's raining cats and dogs here and I *just took a shower (11 AM) some days are like that.

  8. Brad - sometimes I do. :-(

    T - thanks. I need to do something about my pedicure. It's like I don't even have the momentum to deal with that (something I normally would never just "let go".)

    Gigi - I think it's just end of summer blahs. Seems like a lot of people I know are struggling now.

    Catscratch - You wouldn't believe how often I wished some of my favorite blog-buddies lived closer!

    Michael - thanks for saying that so perfectly. It makes total sense.

    Laureneer - why is that? I wish it were different.

    K- it's kind of overcast here. I go thru this little funk once in a while. A couple of hours of alone time usually picks me right back up.

  9. I know exaxtly howyou feel... I was there a couple weeks ago myself.


  10. I get that way sometimes; I become convinced that if I never picked up the phone, then I would never exchange words with anyone other than my kids, my husband, and maybe my mother.

    It's not true, you know. People do care; it's just sometimes in a more passive way, wrapped up in their own stuff, and they don't realize you need something more. It's all a cyclic, karma thing - sometime you'll wake up and think, "My God, when will I have time to return all of these emails/phone calls?"

    Hang in...

  11. certainly aren't alone 'on that ship'. Relationships are pretty fragile and sometimes they go south without anyone being to blame. We all deal with our own personal responsibilites and just how hetic everything can be. It can be sooooooo overwhelming.

    I was very close to a group of guys from college...we did everything together. Now, some of these guys I haven't spoken to in over 20 years but thats all good, we still have our memories of the fun times. It's so hard to 'make time' when everyone's lives are pulled in so many directions. No ones fault, just a fact of life. I'm 'down' to 3 great guy friends and 2 live out of town. Thats ok, we all know we can still count on one another, at anytime.

    I enjoy your 'posts' and its always good being able to 'vent', even better to strangers sometimes. So, if you wanna scream, yell, laugh, or cry...we're here for you!

  12. Well I for one would miss you. I feel the same way today. I was diagnosed as "borderline depressive" many years ago. They asked if I wanted medication. I declined. I get like this a few times a year so I put up with it. Remember "This too shal pass".
    Love ya babe.
    greg t

  13. ::Nodding head furiously::

    I too vote for hammock and glass.

    I hope for me it'll be art studio and glass. :)

  14. Nah, you're not bad. I think this is pretty normal. At least, it's normal for me, and I don't think I'm a bad person, so it's all good, right? ;P

    This is when you make yourself a mini-vacation, either to the hammock or to get your hair done, or to visit a favorite place, or something. Usually when I feel this way, I just need to get out and away somewhere.

  15. Girl, don't be so hard on yourself. Its so easy to get bogged down with everyday life. If you don't feel like blogging (or ironing, or cooking dinner, or whatever the hell else that seems like a chore that day), then don't. The world won't end if something get pushed onto the back burner for a day or two. Be good to yourself. And I agree with GiGi (and how sweet is she?) that this whole blogoshere is far sweeter with the likes of you and the rest of my new circle of friends :)

    You DO rock! And I love ya, girl!

  16. If you weren't bad, you'd be good, and that would be boring.

    Rock ON wid yo bad self, ETW, and we'll be herre in cyberland to cheer you on.

  17. I'm totally going through the same thing right now! I have four tickets to the baseball game next Friday and am wondering where on earth I'm going to find three friends to go with me. I'm at the point of totally not caring.

  18. To be honest, I cracked a smile when I finished reading this post. Not laughing at you, but I have had the exact same thoughts about friends. I had been thinking this week about getting in touch with old friends but at the same time thinking "Why don't they make an effort and call me??" As far as I know I haven't changed my contact details. their defence, life sweeps us away sometimes and karma is all around us. I'll make a call today and then i'll see what karma brings me :-)

  19. ETW.. I know what you need... Elle, Efen and I with a repo order that we have a set of keys for.
    It will totally take your mind off things for a while and I promise to make you laugh!

    Hang in there... you will feel better. You have a TON of friends on here that I know, love you and are sending big hugs and warm thoughts your way. And, I love reading your blog!

  20. You're not a bad person at all. Not even a widdle bit.

    People just get busier, more distracted, and more involved with taking care of kids or parents or both. I would bet that if you picked up the phone to call any of the old friends you no longer call who no longer call you they would be more than happy to hear from you.

    I begin to doubt my mental health if I don't hate the world and all the strangers in it at least five times a day. People just suck that much. You, on the other hand, do not.

  21. NCP - Must be the moon or something, too. Lots of ennui going on...

    Kate - I know - but it's hard to remember, sometimes. :-/

    Efen - thanks. I really try to not complain too much.

    Greg T - thanks and you got that right. It WILL pass.

    Janis - hammock: check. Glass: soon! Hope your day got better too.

    Rebecca - I think an hour or two in silence will be just the ticket. I'm a loner, baby.

    Laura - I wish all my blog-buddies were my next door neighbors (it'd have to be a big house, I suppose... LOL).

    Tiff - You know me too well. :-)

    Kathleen - Ugh, you too? What is up these days?

    AC - I hope your call went well. I decided on the pool instead.

    JFab - you're damn skippy that would make me laugh. Can I request a really hateful repo victim?

    BB - I also hate the world a few times a day. But not you. Thanks.

  22. I was listening to "Fred" on XM today, then switched to the iPod with Billy Idol's "Cyberpunk" album. That album was panned, I think, but I don't know why.

    I dislike sunny, happy songs. I've always gone to the dark side, even with classical music.

    I'm listening to classic Genesis, "Trick of the Tail". I love Pink Floyd. Nine Inch Nails. Ministry. Nick Cave.

    I just have a black outlook, and always have. I'm a bit too late for the Goth thing, and way too late for Emo.

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  24. The world and the blogs are a much nicer place with you in them :)

    If you feel like taking a break for a bit feel free and enjoy yourself, but if you're gone to long we will have to track you down. I know where you live you know LOL...

  25. I've had too much wine to read through all those comments - but while you are awesome and I love reading your blog, I also think it is so awesome that your Evil Twin is your best friend. I couldn't be more jealous.

  26. Janis - I got tagged for a meme that's perfect for you. Keep on your toes, because you're next!

    Ron - you already know how I feel about you (probably more than you'd want to know, I like to OVERSHARE). Mwah!

    Vinomom - I totally lucked out in the husband department. It must have been one of those "the stars aligned" moments in my life.

  27. Hey, people get busy in the summer and maybe that's why they haven't called. That's what I tell myself, anyway.

    I'll be up there next week. How's Sunday look for you?

  28. Not a bad person at all. I go through this exact same thing quite often myself. It's really a bad feeling, and I can relate completely.

    A. is my best friend also - and we'd both be far worse off if that weren't the case.

  29. I feel like that all the time. IN fact, I have noticed that now that I'm working 10 hour days, no one calls ME. I'm guessing it's because I don't have the time to do anything for them. Who knows?
    When I first read this post, I was concerned that I might be one of the people you were talking about.
    I'm terrible at calling people and even more horrible at keeping track of my days. They fly by at an insane pace and before I know it, I'm crawling into bed. I've always been guilty of that...losing track of time...and if you were talking about me and my communication impaired ways, I'm so sorry. I never meant to give you the impression I didn't want to talk to you or hang out with you.
    And as much as this might seem like a lame excuse...getting used to working again has been hard for me. My brain is fried when I get home at night. I go to sleep with directions and payroll numbers running through my head.
    It's crazy.
    While weekdays aren't so hot for me to get away anymore, the weekends are fine.
    I just don't know how they are for you and I don't want to intrude on your time with the Evil Twin.
    Email me or give me a call and let me know.

  30. I think ALL of us feel this way from time to time.

    May today be better.