Ok, I know you all are dying to hear about my colon blow experiment. Well, there's not much to tell really. It should have been called "The Beans and Broccoli Kit" because it was mostly a gassy feeling I had.
Of course, you might also know my motto of: Never trust a fart ™
So, I spent a lot of time worrying that I would have a "situation". Nope.
I also was secretly hoping I might pass a rubber chicken. Not that I've eaten a rubber chicken or anything, but you know those little capsules that you can buy? You soak them in water and they become these little foam animals?
For $20, one would think the manufacturers could have disguised a rubber chicken capsule as the Mega Fiber capsule and I would have never known. But, no.
I ate a billion Mega Fiber pills, about half as much "Gentle Laxative" pills and a few handfuls of "Super Milk Thistle" pills over the course of my two week experiment and don't really feel any different.
I didn't even lose ONE freaking pound. Then again, old Aunt Flo swooped in last weekend (and still won't get the hint I don't WANT guests), so I'm thinking there's probably some water weight there - and besides which, I tend to go into werepig mode when PMSing, so I could blame the copious amounts of food I digested in that time frame as well.
Anyway, there ya go. $20 for some farts and a touch of diarrhea. Next time I have a notion to do this, I'll just buy a Baconater from Wendy's for $4.
In other news, Sissy and I were up at the Mart of Wal on Monday. We were having a pleasant shopping experience when an older lady approached us. Sissy started SCREAMING and I turned to face the woman and she was so SCARY looking. She had bright red lipstick that was smeared on way past her lip line and really overdone make up all over. She looked like the Joker.
Sissy kept screaming, crying, clawing at me to hold her. It was pathetic really. And the lady asked, "What's wrong with your baby?" I said, "Oh, she just hasn't had a nap today." (she never takes daytime naps anyway....) and just tried to push the cart away from her.
A few aisles over Sissy said, "I scared of clowns." I know, baby, I know.