I have so much to be thankful for. I have a great husband and two really wonderful kids. We live in a nice house (not anything special, but ours). You'd think that would be enough.
But, sometimes, I indulge in behaviours that don't reflect my love of my family and surroundings. I hurt those I love the most.
I don't really have anyone left in my life besides the Evil Twin and the kids. My parents are both deceased and I have very few friends. It's not for lack of trying in the friend department either. It's just that I think my friends and I live really different lives at this point. Some of those I consider closest to me work full time and have limited time outside of their own families.
Some have just grown distant. Some I feel like I make more effort than they do, so then I start thinking that maybe that's on purpose (i.e. they may be trying to "give me a hint" and I don't take it). I don't know. I'm feeling very alone right now. Very sad.
This is a side of me I rarely let show here, so it may make you as uncomfortable to read this as it is for me to write it.
As of today, I vow to be a happier person, to be a better person - to respect myself and my family enough to do the right things.
You might sense this has been a tough week for me. It has been, but I know that I've been here before and once the anti-anxiety meds fully take effect, I will be much calmer and relaxed.
Today seems like a perfect pool day. Nothing makes me happier than being near water - be it pool or ocean or river or lake. Hell, even a bathtub makes me happy.
I guess you could say that for all my faults, at least I'm easy to please.