Wednesday, May 14, 2008


I spent my evening watching American Idol (of course, because I'm a dork who is addicted to that stupid show). Then, the Evil Twin came back upstairs and wanted to record a movie off the DVR. I wasn't much interested in it and there was nothing going on with the computer.

I decided to get in bed and read. The book I'm currently reading is smut given to me by a friend. It's not a Harlequin Romance type book. It's smuttier, but with a better plot. Not exactly high-brow reading, but it'll do.

I read for about an hour and a half, then decided I should try to get some sleep. Of course, my brain is working overtime thinking about this book and a certain series of events that happened.

The basic gist of it is: A guy and girl are in love with each other, but were separated early on by a sequence of strange twists. 15 years later, they're in the same town again and she's being stalked by some maniac. He works security so he goes to her parents' house to check on the security and place some bugs. They end up having wild monkey sex for the first (and second and third) time all over her room.

Of course, he's packing some serious heat - I mean, would any guy in these novels have small or even average weiners? No, they're always ginormous. Fine, fine. I can let that go. Because at least that is realistic.

Here's what bothered me and I'll try to put this as delicately as I can. They have sex three different times, using three different condoms, yet - he maintains a "hard feeling" the entire time.

Now, I've been around the block a time or two.

Never happened to me. Have I been with a guy who could recuperate and go again fairly quickly after the first time? Yes. But not in that same manner.

It just ticks me off that people write this stuff. I mean, get realistic!

It's the same thing I hate about Hollywood. I think they sell people the idea that romance and love is always wonderful, always easy and always wildly beyond anyone's expectations. It's not.

Mostly, it is great, but it's also a lot of work. Things don't happen like the movies or books most of the time.

I guess I'll try to finish my book this evening, even though I can sense where it's going. Ho hum. I should write my own, huh? (note: although it wouldn't be nearly as interesting to anyone but myself... I'm nothing if not practical).


  1. Umm.. Wait a minute!!! Are you telling me that Hollywood LIES!! Holy Crap! No wonder the smokin Hot Pizza delivery chick never shows up at my house and her ill fitting clothes just fall off... Damn, they really should put some sort of disclaimer on those things.

  2. Believe it or not, I know people who buy all that crap - hook, line and sinker. It just makes me crazy and I'm tired on top of that, so I thought I'd grouse a bit this morning. LOL.

  3. Wait - how QUICKLY did the recuperation take place? And what exactly is a "hard feeling?" Was the dude holding a grudge against somoeone and a triple-play of sex didn't vanquish that feeling?

    Also, I know there's such a thing as 'dick desensitization," so either Mr Schlong's got himself a case of well-controlled premature ejaculation, or he's a mutant. Because, seriously, twice in an hour is a lot, but three times in a DAY is just nutz. ;)

  4. It sounds to me like the book left out the part about the guy taking a Viagra pill. Have you gotten to the part where he goes to the doctor because of his 4-hour erection?

    Did someone say "dude"?

  5. Tiff - like one right after the other. And, yep, he "got off" all three times but never lost the boner. Hmmmmm. Methinks someone hasn't had much experience. I even ran the scenario past the Evil Twin who found it suspicious.

    CADude - I thought the same thing, but the guy in the story is only 32/33 years old. I could maybe see it if he was 18... MAYBE.

  6. If it were only like that in real life, huh?


  7. Age really isn't a factor in Viagra use. Pretty much, there are a lot of guys who say, "I have a dick, that pill works on dicks; therefore, I'd like to try it."

    From what I've read/heard (seriously, no experience there as Viagra was after my time), they don't take a whole one. Just a bit for extra oomph.

    As a young'un, it was my experience that there were guys who could go and go and go with a first-night experience, but there were definite ups and downs between the love coming in spurts parts.

  8. On second thoughts, I think the author may have been implying that the heroine sucked so bad at sex the guy never really got all the way off. LOL

  9. BB - well, I was saying if he was 18, I could *maybe* see how he could get off and do it again (and again w/o losing the wood) - you know, without Viagra. But even that is stretching it. And, no the book clearly reads that she didn't think he had gotten off, but he had (it went into detail about the full condom - Eeeech!). And I also read several sentences twice to make sure I was following correctly. Good lord, the things that occupy my mind....

  10. In the name of science I will have to check and see if it is possible, now if only I didn't have to do it alone...

  11. LOL! Someone's trading on fantasy here, I think! Either that guy was on Viagra and had one of those 4 hour erections, the author was full of sh*t - or the protagonist was 18 and very, very horny.

  12. Listen, we could collaborate...her chest heaved as his pulsing member entered her sweet dark secret. They clung to each other like fruit ripening on a branch. Time stood still as they savored the taste of each other.....

    Pretty good don't you think?

  13. kenju - yeah, I think the author was just trying to make it seem hotter. But all she suceeded in doing was turning my stomach a bit.

    rosemary - every time I read books of this caliber, I think, "I could write this one!"

    And Diva - I'm glad it's not like that in real life. I like to be able to walk the next day. LOLLOL!!!

  14. I like to look at sex as different sessions. It makes my reality better.

  15. Ron - you'll have to post your super scientific findings on your blog. Tee hee.

    Wyld - I agree. Take a moment in between "sessions". It's not like it's never coming back. LOL.

  16. Maybe he had like 3 or 4 vodka Red Bulls.

  17. Hang on, you forgot to tell us the title of the book & the author...for umm...research purposes. I think my Mom would love it; she devours the Harlequins. I used to read them back when I was like 12. In other words, back when they were actual romance novels and not just porn. But Mom's eyes sure light up when she gets a new one. lol

  18. Chris - is that what that stuff does? I tasted a Red Bull once. I thought it tasted like liquid Flintstones vitamins. LOL.

    honeywine - of course! How could I forget that info. It's Edge of Midnight by Shannon McKenna (not Harlequin - nothing but the smut, ma'am).

  19. ETW- Have you ever read the Stephanie Plim series by Janet Evanovich?

    They have a little bit of the smut factor (VERY minor part) - and the rest is just a fun read.

    Very, very little thinking required. My bonus mom calls them "beach books".