Wednesday, July 15, 2009

True Confessions III

This is nothing very shocking... But, I totally crack myself up. All the time.

I'm always thinking of things that are hilarious and I just laugh and laugh.

The Evil Twin makes me laugh like no one else, too.

One of our cherished family activities is to make up lyrics to the Diarrhea Song. You know:

Some people think it's funny
But it's really green and runny
Diarrhea phthlllp phthllp.
Diarrhea phthlllp phthllp.
(that last part is the raspberry fart noise you make while singing the song).

We've come up with:

When your stomach starts to cramp
And your pants feel kind of damp
Diarrhea (etc.)


If you're eating scrambled eggs
And there's something down your legs

Oh yeah, we're a funny bunch.

I'm not sure what happened to me along the way because I was raised a Southern Belle, but ended up being The Belle from Hell.

All I know is I am SO lucky to have met a man with an almost identical sense of humor. He does have his limits, though. But, most things are not an issue.

Another one of our favorite pastimes is making up lyrics to songs that already exist, but making them totally tasteless. This can be lyrics to commercials or any other music.

The Evil Twin is the most creative of the two of us. He really puts forth the good effort.

But, what can you say about a man whose own father raised him on lyrics such as this;

"In this prison cell I sit
With my shirttail dipped in shit
And a picture of my rectum on the wall
When the prison guards go past
They throw peanuts at my ass
And the warden, he plays billiards with my balls.
Oh, with my balls, oh with my balls...."

It was one of the few guitar songs the Evil Twin's dad knew how to play and sing.

So, yeah, I have the sense of humor of a 10 year old.

It keeps me young and Buddy thinks it's funny too.

He also thinks it's funny when I said that Sissy doesn't stand a chance in this household.

But, he DID NOT think it was funny when the Evil Twin and I went into an impromptu ballet performance in the parking lot at the Mart of Wal on Saturday!


  1. oh no. i thought it was just my husband (and all of my children now except the baby who will most likely be following suit shortly) who made up stupid songs about everything. EVERYTHING. and all of theirs are in rap form complete with beat boxing and break dancing. have u ever seen a 5yr old spin on his head to some hot beat about ...poop??? ya. ur not missing much;)

  2. If you think it's simply gas
    And you feel a leaking from your ass

    I personally think 10 year olds have a pretty good sense of humor.

  3. Around the corner a shit wagon flew,
    A scream was heard,
    A man was killed,
    By a flying turd!

  4. The way I look at it, my dad liked to intentionally embarrass me in public, and we will probably do it to our son, and he to his future children. It's tradition. :-) But all in fun. :-)

  5. Yes, we have a number of half-way sickening songs in our family too. I wish I'd have seen your ballet performance in the parking lot. I'd have blogged about that, oh yeah.

  6. Yup...we do the son and I eat it up...well, not the shit but you get it. My wife and daughter play like they don't like it but they complain with smiles on their faces so...

  7. Potty humor is the best kind of humor.

    I don't do ballet in Wal-Mart parking lots, but I do launch the cart towards the cart corral from long distances to see if I can hit it dead center.

  8. Too funny! The Husband is the funny song maker upper in our house. Cracks me up!

  9. ThatMommy - Poop or farts or something needs to make appearances in all songs! :-)

    Ron - That's the spirit!

    JBlank - Hadn't heard that one before. I need to make up a tune and make it a favorite!

    3C - Yep, payback is tradition, but I think the Evil Twin and I take it to a whole new embarrassment level! LOL.

    SugarCain - there was a family with 3 small kids watching up. I'm surprised they didn't have the camera phones out. LOL.

    Warren - Oh, I know you're a wild one. Licking bells and all....

    Jay - Cart fun is always a hit. The Evil Twin likes to run fast with it (with a child in the front), then let go, so it rolls ahead a bit. You should see the looks on their faces!

    The Dish - Life just wouldn't be worth it without dirty songs!

  10. They say laughter keeps you young, so whoop it up often =0)

    (and if you embarrass your kids along the way, that is just a bonus)

  11. LMAO at Belle from Hell. I love doing things like impromtu ballet in the parking lot....only we call it dancing poorly in our family. Think Elaine and the dancing Seinfeld episode.

    Your a riot !

  12. Poor buddy, Ballet? he probably wanted to be snatched by aliens right then and there. He will have great memories though of parents that have fun together...priceless!

  13. ...When you're slidin' into third, and you feel a sudden turd (diarrhea, diarrhea)...

  14. Crack a new box of merlot, I am totally coming to hang with you.

  15. Hey you - don't even have time to read this, but wanted to drop by to say I haven't forgotten about you. Hope you and ET are doing great! I'll be back to surfing soon...

  16. poop and farts is always funny.

  17. Leighmo - I know! The shame on his face was priceless!

    The Girl - I love that Seinfeld scene! LOL.

    Tamis - Imagine my BIG Evil Twin doing a pirouette and me doing a plie. Oh, the horrifying shame!!!

    Ginger - I love the baseball ones, but we always sang, "When you're sliding into third and you feel a greasy turd." LOL.

    Powdergirl - I have an unopened box a chillin'! Come on over!

    SoLow - Great to see you again, bud.

    fattie20xl - Yeah. But you forgot pus. Pus is also always funny.

  18. Evil Cackle!

    My kids also don't like imprompyu song and dance in the supermarket....*grin*


  19. gorgeous- i wish i has the diarrhea song on Saturday night when i took my pillow to the toilet because it was the only way i could get some sleep !!

  20. Even the comments to this entry were funny...the only thing that would've made it better? Three glasses of wine.

    BTW, I sooooooooooooo wish I had seen the WalMart Ballet. I always miss the really good stuff.

  21. Oh Yeah! We have a daughter, almost 16 & my hubby & I love to embarrass the hell out of her whenever we can. But, we do include her in the funny stuff too! Aren't they great?

  22. I think it's brilliant that you and ET performed ballet in the parking lot. I wish I could have seen it. I'll bet most parents laughed their butts off knowing full well you were deliberately trying to embarrass your child.

  23. Dang, girl... you should be SELLING those lyrics! They are awesome!!! I be PeeWee Herman woudl sing them for ya! LOL!

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