Friday, January 23, 2009

Evening Chaos

I often wonder how I arrived at this point in my life. Not that I'm complaining or anything - it's just a simple observation.

I've always been a loner. The quiet one. The person who was happy to be alone most of the time.

Growing up, I was not the most popular girl in school - ever. I was the bookworm, nerdy type and found it easy to lose myself in a book, in a distant adventure. It kept me entertained.

I was the easy target to pick on. Many people pegged me as a lesbian (not that there's anything wrong with that), but I was not.

So, I got married and after 5 years, we had our son. When he was 5, we started trying for a second child. The Evil Twin really didn't want a second one, especially after I had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and he worried if we had another, he or she might be born as early or earlier than Buddy and not fare as well.

I alleviated his fears and my OB convinced him that what happened with Buddy was unlikely to happen a second time. Plus, we had also found out that I have an unusual blood clotting disorder that makes miscarriages much more likely. Once we figured that out, we had a plan of action for if and when I became pregnant again.

Fast forward three years: We have two children. 11 year old Buddy and soon to be 3 year old Sissy. Plus, we have an annoying parakeet, Apple.

Add to that, the fact that the TV runs all day and the noise level after dinner can reach an almost unbelievable pitch. My brain literally starts jiggling, I think.

It's so funny. I love this life, but I never ever could have imagined that it would be so opposite of my regular state of being and I could still be happy.

In fact, I don't know what I'll do with myself when I *don't* have all the distractions.

I might have to become the crazy cat lady.


  1. Oh, no, you'll just be like me - the crazy blogger!

  2. I understand completely. Back in high school I never babysat because I didn't really like all the noise and mess of kids. I would rather have just curled up with a good book. While I still like quiet and a good book, I wouldn't trade my four kids for anything. It just isn't what I expected life to be like for me. As my youngest treks through kindergarten I wonder what I will ever fill that space and silence with again....

  3. We have our share of chaos around here, too I swear my blood pressure drops a few points when my husband emerges nightly from his office to be with me and the kids.

  4. There's a theory in quantum physics that each choice in life opens up two different scenarios that sort of play themselves out in paralell realities. Sometimes, I imagine the "alternate Rebecca," and what she must be doing right now. She would be the Rebecca that would have existed had I not made a major, life-changing choice back in my college years. She lives in a small, but trendy apartment in a metropolitan area somewhere, and dresses in stylish clothes. She works in graphic design for a neat little marketing firm that handles a lot of hip, up-and-coming companies in the city. She is surrounded by energetic, creative people and is never at a loss for someone to talk to who really speaks her language. She married a liberal, culture-loving artist who enjoys cooking ethnic food and attending theater and art exhibits for fun with her. They have no children, but have plenty of time to spend together and enjoy the freedom to do whatever they want.

    Sometimes, I think I might even spot her in a crowd. I dont' think she enjoys her life more than I do... she probably feels sort of unfulfilled without any children, but with her busy job and small apartment, it's not really the right time for kids. And she probably wishes for a nice kitchen, a yard to plant flowers in, and a house big enough to have people over. She probably considers what it would be like to teach art in school -- her childhood dream - and the happiness it would bring to help young artists hone their skills and learn to appreciate beautiful things in their own lives. But she would probably vomit if she knew that her alternate self married a guy who listens to Rush Limbaugh and is against gun control (and pretty much everything else she believes in,) and she would also cringe at the thought of not having a studio at home -- with all that space, even! And not having any time for herself -- not even being able to take a shower without someone banging on the door, asking for something? What's that about?

    It just goes to show that the grass isn't always greener, or better maintained, or even happier on the other side. It's really the same grass, with different weeds. Or it could be astroturf.

  5. I think that maybe you adapt to your environment. You shift yourself to enjoy any situation. I think your comfortable with yourself. I think it's normal, because I'm the same way.

  6. I'm thinking once the kids are gone you can take up recreational stripping or sumo wresting. Who knows it could be fun! :)

  7. Sometimes I really have to pinch myself & make sure I'm really living this life of mine - the good, the bad & the ugly...never envisioned it to be this good, but, thrilled nonetheless!! :)

  8. "Crazy Cat Lady" LMAO - One day Buddy and Sissy will be gone, and you can go back to being your loner, then you'll have empty nest syndrome. Either way your screwed He! He!

  9. You'll start painting pictures with your toes and selling them on Ebay! No? Ok, crazy cat lady it is.

  10. I'm 98% there on the alcoholic crazy cat lady thing and I have to tell you, there is a LOT to be said for it ;o)
    Hey, something to look forward to huh?

  11. Hey, it's crazy DOG lady, and what, how'd you know all this about MY life? ;-D

  12. kenju - sounds good to me!

    Live and Learn - I wouldn't trade either.

    Gigi - Oh! I'm always happy to see the Evil Twin come home from work!

    Rebecca - Interesting. The alternate me would probably already be the crazy cat lady. LOL.

    Ginger - That's always fun!

    JA - you're right. I really do enjoy it - love it, even - despite the noise.

    Ron - now those are some worthy goals! :-)

    TGG - same here!

    The Girl - LOL!

    Honeywine - yep. Cats are cool.

    Penelope - I forgot the wino part! Thanks for reminding me!

    Carolyn - LOL. But cats are so much *quieter*... :-)

  13. On becoming the crazy cat lady...
    to quote you...
    "not that there's anything wrong with that"

    Better than just being crazy I least you have company!

  14. You will probably find a lot of other activities, especially since you seem to have such a wide variety of interests. Or, maybe Buddy or Sissy will stick around and you will be doing much of the same thing all over again, except with grandkids.

  15. Isn't it great when we wind up with the life we never knew we wanted?

    What's the song say? "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride."

  16. Perhaps your just an introvert?

    Read The Introvert Advantage! You'll be glad you did, even if you aren't an introvert it will help you understand those people in your life that are.

  17. I always like a nice balance between the two - I can take chaos for a little while, but then I need downtime to myself.

    Have a fabulous weekend and I hope you get a few moments of peace and alone time!

  18. OMG Crazy Cat lady! Noooo! We dont need more of those.

    AHA! I got the connection, Crazy cat lady to get rid of Apple("Plus, we have an annoying parakeet, Apple.") I see.....



  19. Isn't it funny how we "think" our lives will turnout from what reality is? I NEVER thought I would have my 2 beautiful girls. But, I'm so glad I met my husband and had them! I wouldn't change a thing!

    Sorry Sissy was sick. I'm glad we are all over our sickness and hope it doesn't return. I'm glad I enjoyed our 2 nice days... Now it's COLD again and suppose to be 18 tonight and only 32 tomorrow! Damn weather!

    Hugs - Tiff

  20. You take the good
    you take the bad
    You take em both and there you have
    The facts of life
    the facts of life


  21. I always assumed that I'd be a jet-setting New York writer, living in a studio apartment with my 'boys'. (*I was the "fag hag" in college, and often assumed to be a lesbian as well.)

    If you told me I'd actually give up journalism to live in the woods with a conservative male musician and our nerd love child, I would have called you crazy.

  22. Warren - and cats make nice company!

    Alex - I'm sure I'll find ways to stay busy (but quiet ways...LOL).

    A - Amen, sistah. And I love that line.

    CR - I'm a serious introvert. Only more recently coming out of my shell as as adult. :-)

    Vinomom - I can tolerate the chaos for moments.

    Loni - maybe the cats would just cause Apple to straighten up and quiet down! LOL.

    Tiff - funny how life sneaks up on ya like that - but it's also awesome!

    Hacksaw - LOL. Embarrassing confession: I loved that show when I was younger. :::cringe:::

    Renn - I think you're right where you need to be - unless you wanted to move back here! :-)

  23. But you'll be Cool Crazy Cat Lady, and Happy Hour can start before 8 pm...and we all know what a blessing that can be ;)

  24. Before embarking on your crazy-cat-lady future, you asked for a pic of my disgust-o-nubbin and I've put one up for you on the blog. It's not the clearest pic in the world, but it's a start.