Friday, November 21, 2008

My Pet Deviled Crab

I was reading Fat Kids Lie the other day (another one of my favorite blogs), and he had posted a picture of a cinnamon bun which he had put red hots on it for eyes.

This reminded me of a story from my past.

When I was in college - and I believe I've mentioned this before - I dated a guy who we'll call Spit, cause that's the punk name he was known by back then (what is it with me and guys with weird nicknames? Perhaps the following story will reveal my issue).

So, I was out one evening with Spit and a few other friends. Spit and I were vegetarians (he still is to this day and I know this because we've remained friends over the years). But, for whatever reason, we ended up at Captain Ds to get something to eat.

I know you may be thinking that vegetarians eat seafood, but that is not true. My rule was that I didn't eat anything with a face and that included fish and shrimp, etc. Spit would crave the batter dipped fish every now and again, which is probably why we were at Captain Ds. I probably got an order of fries and a hush puppie or something because I've never been a fan of fish and I didn't like any other seafood at the time, either.

Anyway, one of the friends we were with ordered a sampler platter that came with a deviled crab. He didn't eat the deviled crab, so we turned it upside down and stuck four french fry pieces into it for legs.

Then, we dotted on some ketchup for eyes. We named him Russell and took him out on the town for the night.

Before we ended our adventure, we went to a local grocery store. Russell came along too.

Russell was left on a shelf in the cereal aisle. I don't know what happened after that.

But we cracked up at the thought of some store clerk discovering him, sitting there getting riper by the minute.

And I'm over here laughing just remembering it. I'll have to email Spit so he can read this too.

RIP Russell. You were a fun deviled crab.


  1. devil crabs just sounds like something that you get from a mattress in a seedy motel.

    every once in a while i find weird stuff in grocery store cerial aisle.... once i found a pack of tripe (cow stomach) with a bite taken out of it....

    another time i was working and someone left me a pile of whatsits.

    the best was a couple of highschool kids took some plastic bowls, spoons, milk, napkins and a box of captain crunch... borrowed some lawn chairs from seasonal and chilled out for a bit while i was trying to face (straighten up). the manager saw them and didn't do anything but yell at me when i didn't stop them from leaving...

  2. That's too funny. It's like walking around in Wal-mart putting condoms and vaginal itch cream in peoples carts when they are not looking.

  3. LOL....funny.

    'Spit'.....I'm guessin his mother didn't quite go along with that ;)

  4. Holy cow that is hilarious! Amazing the stuff we all did back in the day!!!
    I will never look at a crab or a deviled crab ever the same!

  5. Wow... If I'm hanging out with you do I need a nickname? I'm thinking something a little farfetched would be nice... hmmmm... I'll keep thinking on that.

  6. My vegetarian rules were about the same - I stopped at anything that had a backbone though, so shrimpies would have been on the menu.

    Poor Russell, abandoned so young. You just KNOW he made the rounds of that store before finally finding his ultimate resting place!

  7. fattie20xl - I'm sure people who work in grocery stores find weird things all the time. LOL.

    The Girl - Or, like dropping fake shopping lists so someone else can find it. I like writing things like: a douche for my smelly cooch and Preparation H for scratchy ass, etc.

    Efen - Everyone called him Spit Dismal, though. His mom kinda put up with it. LOL.

    Momma - I still won't eat one.

    Ron - We'll come up with something good for you.

    Tiff - Yes, I hope he wasn't just dumped in a trash can. He was too full of life to be dissed like that.

  8. Poor Poor Russel. The fake life of a deviled crab was all too short. LOL
    We do crazy things as kids sometimes don't we?

  9. That's a funny story. My cousin and I got kicked out of a store in the mall for "facing" the magazine rack with Playboys opened to the centerfold.

  10. too funny! I would've loved to have seen the face of whomever "discovered" Russell first! :)-

  11. ".....too full of life......."


  12. I bet the smell was what helped Russell's discovery. We did that with a twinkie that had boobs....but left it in the church of the school we attended.

  13. Vinomom - except I was like, 20 or something. LOL.

    Hacksaw - very clever!

    TGG - That makes two of us!

    kenju - I couldn't resist....

    rosemary - can you imagine the questions the "finders" might have? LOL.

  14. I was thinking the same thing as Fattie! Sounds like good times.

  15. That's hilarious! It would've been priceless if you guys had taken photos to document Russell's Big Night Out.

  16. Oh I loves it!

    Russell sounds like he would have been a riot to hang out with :)