Saturday, March 3, 2007

The Humanity!

As a fun family activity today, we decided to go to a nearby flea market that we haven't been to in quite some time. It's supposed to be one of the largest flea markets around. They have a very large indoor area and if the weather is decent enough, they have outdoor vendors as well.

Today was sunny, but nippy. It was probably in the mid 40s when we were there. The Evil Twin and Buddy wanted to peruse some of the outside vendors, but I wanted to get Sissy indoors where it would be warm. So we split up.

As the baby and I were entering the building, a guy goes past me wearing a t-shirt that said, "The Only Job I Need Is A Blow Job." Niiiiiice. He had kids with him too. I could tell immediately that he was probably a member of Mensa. I said a silent prayer that Buddy wouldn't see that same "gentleman" with his ultra couth shirt.

The baby and I began wandering aimlessly amid the teeming masses. It was very crowded today. There wasn't really anything I was interested in finding or getting, so I just tried to not make eye contact with anyone as I desperately searched for something that I could seem busy looking at. They have this little food market, which is actually fairly decent and quaint. They had a large selection of unusual candies and nuts, trail mixes, etc. That was interesting and that took up a large chunk of time as I veeeerrry sloooowly read all the labels.

Finally, I found The Evil Twin and Buddy, so I knew I was off the hook for well-meaning older ladies wanting to make small talk with me about Sissy. One our way towards the exit, we passed by a younger girl, who I suspect might have been semi retarded. (not that there's anything wrong with that, but I like to add the details for ya). She had two small plates with food - one on each palm. She dropped two forks - I don't know if she was holding them or what, but plink, plink - there they were. Before the ET or I could lean over to retrieve them, she was already making an attempt at picking them up. Well, the plate in her right hand slid forward, and then off. I watched as if in slow-motion, it turned and landed on it's topside. The chocolate cake it had held made a plopping sound and the whole mess skidded a little. Then, potato chips spread out like a moat around the whole mess.

She made a disgusted sound, or perhaps said, "Oh geesh", I'm not sure. I was too mesmerized at that point. She stood and stomped her feet, like a little Rumpelstiltskin. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Right, left, right. Just like that. The Evil Twin just kept going, so we had no choice but to keep moving as well.

I know it sounds terrible, but we didn't laugh our asses off until we were in our van on our way home.

1 comment:

  1. We had the greatest flea market about five miles from the town where we live. The vendors made you feel like you were attending a state fair side show.

    The locals there called it the Richwood Mall. A tornado flattened it a year ago.

    They still haven't rebuilt but there are vendors out there every weekend selling their wares inside tents in the parking lot.