Friday, October 14, 2011

A Gnauisance

Every year, around this time, we are plagued with gnats or fruit flies or something really bothersome. I guess with the cooler weather, they want to find a warmer place to try to get lodged in my eyeballs. Or up my nose. Or be consumed in a glass of wine when I'm not paying attention - hey, it's protein, right?

I cleverly set up my little "wine traps" when I see more than one in an area. Like me, they can't seem to pass up a little sip o' the hooch and then....BLAMMO. They're drowned. If ya gotta go, that's a pretty good way to check out.

After all, don't they only have a life cycle of just a few weeks anyway? Just long enough to get nasty with each other, then spawn other little gnats to make my life a living hell.

They seem to be particularly interested in me. Seriously, I feel like Pig Pen from the Peanuts comic/cartoon. And I shower daily your majesty (any guesses what movie that line comes from?).

I guess it could be worse. Yuckier critters than gnats. In our old house, every Fall brought the plague of lady bugs. Our sliding glass door looked like the fly room in Amityville Horror. I sucked up those stinky, rag tag intruders with my vacuum, then immediately threw the bag out.

It probably doesn't help our cause in that Buddy leaves a number of soda cans lining the dresser in his room. The trash can is RIGHT NEXT to the dresser, so we have not been able to determine where the disconnect is between placing the cans out in the open or placing the cans in the trash receptacle.

My kids are smart ones, but I wonder sometimes. Gnats and fruit flies love sticky, sweet syrupy type meals. It's safe to assume those flying little bastards will be willing to cut a bitch just to be the first to get inside those cans.

I'll keep setting out my little wine traps. Lord, I hate that I have to share my meager wine stash with bugs, but it has to be done. Maybe by November, we'll be a gnat free zone.

Have a happy Friday, hooligans! Enjoy your weekend. :-)



  1. I've had the same problem this year! They are insane! Someone told me to put a jar of apple cider vinegar out & that would catch them, but last night I inadvertently left a glass of wine in the kitchen for a few minutes & when I returned there were 4 of the little buggers floating in it. I hate to waste the wine (mama needs her special juice) but if it gets rid of them faster, I can deal with it.

  2. I had the same problem a few weeks ago but even after the damn vinegar dishes being all over the house (I couldn't decide if my place smelled like a salad buffet or douche) I couldn't get rid of a couple of the remaining ones.

    I thought they were hanging out in my garbage disposal so I put the plug in the drain, filled the sink with water then pulled the plug and turned on the disposal. I'm happy to report NO MORE FRUIT FLIES!

    (also, I'm happy to report no more warnings when I come here!)

  3. LOL... "You have a foul odor! You should find it and wash it!" Isn't that Female Trouble??

  4. Ooh, a wine trap! We use vinegar in tupperware with a plastic wrap top with a few tiny holes cut out. They can check in but they can't check out. But drowning in wine seems somehow more ... humane!