A friend of mine recently went to see her primary care physician for a yearly check-up and since she is not me and some people read this blog who actually know me and therefore, might also know her, I am not going to divulge the specifics or her name.
That would be her story to tell.
Before she left her appointment, her doctor handed her an at home kit. A screening test for Fecal Occult Blood. Whatever that means... Bleh!
It came with it's own little biohazard packaging:
I couldn't get a decent picture of the outside of the packaging, but it boasts the contents as:
3 Collection Tissues
3 Applicator Sticks
1 Postal Service Approved Mailing Envelope
Complete Patient Instructions for use.
The three slides look like this:
As you can see, there are two little windows on each of the top two "slides".
I'll talk more about those little windows later.
Then, we have the "collection tissues". They're thicker than a regular tissue, but not as thick as a paper towel. In fact, I likened them to onion paper - then I noticed the water mark, which said, "Onion Skin".
The testee is supposed to float one of the three onion skin papers in the toilet and then take a dump on it.
After that, the testee should use one of the three applicator sticks to get a small poo sample on one end of the stick and smear it on the first of the two little windows of the "slide".
Then, the instructions advise to get another sample from a different portion of the poo log for the other window. Then, flush the whole ordeal (except the stick, of course).
The testee should repeat the previous actions for the next three poops.
Now, what in the HELL is the person supposed to do with their "slide" collection in between poops?
That is just nasty!
At any rate, when finished, the slide sample can be dropped off back at the physician's office or mailed in the special packaging.
By donating this little nightmare to me, I think you can see that my friend had already opted to NOT play "smear the poo" for herself. Frankly, I don't think I would either!