Monday, November 5, 2007

Not My Best Day

But not too awful, either. Lately, I've been having days where for no apparent reason, I experience a higher amount of anxiety than usual. I had been on an anti-anxiety med for several years, but last year - around this same time - I started having massive panic/anxiety attacks and the med just wasn't cutting it at all.

By the end of January, the Evil Twin had to take me to the ER at the hospital - so sure was I that I was having a heart attack or stroke. When they triaged me, my blood pressure was sky high, so I was admitted and given the standard battery of tests.

When they could find nothing physically wrong with me, I was sent home with a prescription for Ativan, a pat on the head and a referral to see a shrink. Niiiiice. Part of my anxiety at the time was being over-scheduled, so in my mind, I didn't need yet another appointment to add to my already hectic schedule.

I was really pleased when the psychiatrist that I was referred to by my neurologist didn't take our insurance plan. So far, I've managed to dodge seeing anyone. My primary care physician changed my anti-anxiety med to an anti-depressant (tried Lexapro - no good, switched to Paxil - seems to be working) and has kept me on Ativan. He doles them out in tiny amounts with no refills. I have to call and ask for a refill from the office, then I have to drive to the office and pick up the prescription and take it to be filled. They don't phone in what they refer to as "nerve pills". Thanks, that's okay, I don't need anything to be easy for me.

So, today was one of my off-kilter days. I feel restless and anxious and just all frizzled. Generally, I only take one Ativan a day. Today, I took an extra one to take the frizzle off. Luckily, it did work.

I think I start getting worked up when I think about the holiday stuff. I know it's going to be really hectic and probably not as cheap as I would like, so that makes my mind race - add in that it's bill paying time and I'm liable to explode! LOL.

I'm off to try to find a recipe. I had it somewhere around the house - it's a chicken recipe with Stove Top stuffing and I've misplaced it and it was really good. Something the whole family liked - which is really rare around these parts. I'm off to recipe hunt and hopefully, get my mind off the madness.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I commented and had to delete it because I put a real name in it. Sorry. I'm a n00b.

    This is what it said:
    That chicken soup with stove top stuffing dealio sounds like what they used to serve at school and call "chicken spoon bread." OMG how I loved that stuff. Not one clue how to make it. BTW, BuzzardMom has Evil's Twin's totally non-evil Mawmaw's recipes that my Evil Granny (she was evil...perhaps a sociopath, but I digress) had saved. I must remember to ask BuzzardMom to get those out to give to you guys. Great cook. Simple recipes. Evil Twin will love having them back.

  3. Frizzle.....what a great word. I am frizzled all the time and I vacuum to take the edge off...maybe a beer would be better.

  4. I'm sorry you had a rough day and I hope you are feeling better.
    I understand about the anxiety and stuff...I'm a complete nutbag and I have crazy anxiety and mood swings every day, myself. I do see a therapist, but she pretty much told me that she wants me to just "go through it" without medication. I find that to be pretty cool sometimes...but other times I want them...specifically the sedatives(i've been on meds on and off for years).
    Tough stuff to deal with...again, I hope you are feeling better

  5. You're not alone. I get this way beginning at the end of October. Impending holidays, more to do, less to do it with -- it can all add up. Stay with the meds and take it easy -- put your feet up and relax when you can. It'll all be there when you get up. Even the recipe! (((HUG)))

  6. Sometimes a change in the weather can cause a little more anxiety than usual.
    Have you had your thyroid checked or are you on medication for it already? Anxiety and nervousness were the symptoms I had before I discovered my thyroid problem. And now that I'm on medication, it's always something I go have checked if I feel frizzled..(love that word).

    Hope you feel better soon! ((HUGS))

  7. I have those days too...I find that liquor helps.

    Can I say that?

  8. I can certainly relate. Hope things settle down for you.

    Thx for the comment by the way.

  9. Ain't nothing wrong with a little lorazepam to take the edge off the impending doom, in whatever form that doom might take.

    That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Because some days, "take the edge off" equals "don't make an ass of self in staff meeting." Either of which is fine by me, really. I totally recognize that it's stupid that I let myself get so worked up about a measly little staff meeting, but boy do I - and if a cute little pill lets me coast through that without needing to balance boxes of tissues on each shoulder to catch the blood running from my ears, then it's a good thing.

    And I'm into the therapy thing, I did it for a few years and now I *do* it for a living. Bring on the meds.

    And good luck with the settling. I always love that day, sometime in early January, where I sit down, sigh, and say, "Okay, we made it."