But not too awful, either. Lately, I've been having days where for no apparent reason, I experience a higher amount of anxiety than usual. I had been on an anti-anxiety med for several years, but last year - around this same time - I started having massive panic/anxiety attacks and the med just wasn't cutting it at all.
By the end of January, the Evil Twin had to take me to the ER at the hospital - so sure was I that I was having a heart attack or stroke. When they triaged me, my blood pressure was sky high, so I was admitted and given the standard battery of tests.
When they could find nothing physically wrong with me, I was sent home with a prescription for Ativan, a pat on the head and a referral to see a shrink. Niiiiice. Part of my anxiety at the time was being over-scheduled, so in my mind, I didn't need yet another appointment to add to my already hectic schedule.
I was really pleased when the psychiatrist that I was referred to by my neurologist didn't take our insurance plan. So far, I've managed to dodge seeing anyone. My primary care physician changed my anti-anxiety med to an anti-depressant (tried Lexapro - no good, switched to Paxil - seems to be working) and has kept me on Ativan. He doles them out in tiny amounts with no refills. I have to call and ask for a refill from the office, then I have to drive to the office and pick up the prescription and take it to be filled. They don't phone in what they refer to as "nerve pills". Thanks, that's okay, I don't need anything to be easy for me.
So, today was one of my off-kilter days. I feel restless and anxious and just all frizzled. Generally, I only take one Ativan a day. Today, I took an extra one to take the frizzle off. Luckily, it did work.
I think I start getting worked up when I think about the holiday stuff. I know it's going to be really hectic and probably not as cheap as I would like, so that makes my mind race - add in that it's bill paying time and I'm liable to explode! LOL.
I'm off to try to find a recipe. I had it somewhere around the house - it's a chicken recipe with Stove Top stuffing and I've misplaced it and it was really good. Something the whole family liked - which is really rare around these parts. I'm off to recipe hunt and hopefully, get my mind off the madness.