Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm A Sick MoFo

In my exploits reading all of my friends' Facebook status' (statuses?), I saw one that had me about to pee my pants all day. This friend and her family go to Disney World frequently, but spent an extra week in Florida at the beach, so she has been posting her "vacation facts".

"My vacation fact #5: ya know what makes you get out of the ocean almost as fast as seeing a shark? Seeing two human TURDS floating right at you. Yes, I said human turds. Never have I ever seen that in the ocean but we (& the few people around us) were running for our lives. Not sure where they came from but bleh!!

Then later, after someone else referenced "Caddyshack", she replied: (Husband) was the one dangerously close to it, it almost hit him in the shoulder so he got a good look & is the one that told us to head to shore, lol."

So, if you know me at all, you're well aware that I find things like this both sick and hilarious at the same time.

And, it also kinda seals the deal on my vow to never enter another body of water that is not a chlorine filled swimming pool - although I've seen turds in those too and ya know what? Those fancy and expensive swim diapers don't hold in pee.

In other words, if you are floating around in the kiddie pool, you are most likely swimming in pee and probably some poop particles (diaper babies have "blow outs" sometimes).

Lordy loo, who would take a dump in the ocean?

Although, when I was about 2-ish, my family and I were vacationing at the Gulf of Mexico. My dad had me out pretty far in the water and I started feeling queasy. I barfed. It was purple. And, I watched it float away. I hope some kind of aquatic life form liked purple vomit and cleaned it up for me. :-( Sorry, Gulf of Mexico ocean....I really didn't mean to do that.

Have a great Wednesday, hooligans! It's time for me to get motivated and get going!



  1. Swimming pools are nothing more than big bowls of Cream of Disease soup. Cheers ETW!!


  2. Thanks for all the reminders that I try to forget while enjoying my water events this summer. But check this out, doesn't anyone ever think about all the animal's poo, pee and barf that is in there. And I for one cannot dip into the lake without envisioning all the peeps that have drowned there and the bodies were never recovered. Yikes.

  3. Dookey in the pool!!!!! ummm... maybe it belonged to an aquatic species of some kind??? Or more likely a homeless person....

  4. The ocean is already full of fish poop. YUCK! haha

    - Jay

  5. I'd love to put that stuff in the water that turns all sorts of cool colors when somebody does the potty in the pool.


  6. about a month ago my family and i went camping. there was a river. my gf, her sister and my nephew and i were wading in the river and i had to go boomboom.

    so i pull down my pants, squat in the middle of the river... and poop.

    i even used the river water to wash out my bunghole.