Thursday, October 14, 2010

Things That Make Me Go GRRRRRR

I gotta wind it down a little bit. Whitewater rafting, kitty shitty toilet training, I have to take care of Mr. D today....I am ready for a break from everything. Hopefully, this weekend will be a quiet and peaceful one.

Sooooo, I don't really have anything today. I thought I'd go over some of the things that make me insane.

1. Whistling Snots. Ok, check it out - your nose is closer to your ear than it is to my ear and if I can hear it, you need to do something about it. Just breathe in and out real quick from your nostrils. That should take care of the situation.

2. People Who Camp Out. And I don't mean tent, woods, that sort of thing. I'm talking about people who camp out in front of one section at the grocery. They will stand there forEVER, reading every mother loving label. Know what you want, grab and go.

3. Unnecessary Punctuation. What's with all the odd and random apostrophes, commas, excessive use of the exclamation mark, etc.? If you're not sure, just leave it be. I don't have a problem if they're missing, only when they show up where they shouldn't be.

4. Taking Up More Than One Parking Space. There are some very privileged individuals who feel their vehicles are so priceless and more worthy than any other, they will park sideways in a spot so their precious "whatever it is that probably cost more than my house" won't get scratched. I'm willing to bet if you can afford a car like that, you can afford adequate insurance to cover it. Quit being a space hog, asshole!

5. Being Rude to Wait Staff. Your waiter does not own the restaurant (probability is slim) and is not in the kitchen fixing your food. These people are on their feet all day schlepping trays of food and drinks to the customers. Now, if your wait staff is rolling their eyes, being all frowny or otherwise unpleasant, feel free to voice your complaint with the tip or lack thereof. Otherwise, if your food isn't right, it takes forever, or something else is going on, that's Chef's problem. Ask to speak to him or her.

6. Being a Douche at Stop Signs. If you have a license, you should already know that the first car at a 4-way stop has the right of way. Don't wave someone through and then mess up the whole traffic pattern. GO when it's YOUR TURN TO GO. No one will be mad at you.

7. The Elevator Game. It is common knowledge that when you are waiting on an elevator, you let the people who need to exit get out first. Then, you may enter. The doors are not going to snap you in half as you wait for others to exit. In fact, it just frees up space, making your entrance much smoother.

8. Telemarketers. I know it's their job, but if I want a product or service, I will find it and attempt to buy it. Cold-calling my house (during dinner, usually) won't get you anywhere. I also have caller ID, so your call will not be answered nor returned.

9. Other Callers. If you ring my house and I DO answer, don't ask, "Who is this?". I don't owe you my name. You're the caller, who were you dialing? You should know this already. Ask, "May I speak to ______?" and I will kindly inform you that you've dialed the wrong number. Don't keep quizzing me on this. This includes: asking if I know where _______ lives now, or try to make me verify that ________ does not live at my house, or, even more insultingly, ask me for _______'s new number. I have no idea who you are talking about.

10. Liars. Like the Post Office lied to me for years. I don't forget that stuff. And I will tell my story again and again, so everyone knows that you're a liar. The St. Albans Post Office should quake in fear of my existence, so if I wind up missing, you know who to blame.

Feel free to add your own insufferable moments in the comments. There is rampant douchery all around, so we all have stories.



  1. Wonderful list!

    The only item I have to add is misuse of homonyms (and similarly pronounced words). It's "piqued your interested", not "peaked". Hearing "mute point" makes me want to get stabby.

  2. I hate when the people at mcd's dont put the lid on the coffee all the way on... and then i spill it on myself and my car, on my way to work, burning my arm and making me all wet. (and not in a good way)

    ps. i always use excessive periods (.) and exlamation points/marks (!) am i one of those people that irritate you?! lol.

  3. I am soo guilty of number 3. Not only do I love to add punctuation (probably incorrectly) I love to add letters. See that soo in the first line?

    You forgot one of the biggest GGGRRRRs. People talking all loud on their cell phones in public. And do not even get me started on the bluetooth.Or people that tailgate your ass and swerve in and out of traffic only to end up at the same light at the same time 5 miles down the road. Oh and people that leave their sick kids at daycare and people that,,well never mind I better just make my own post about all this.

  4. Say what? The elevator won't cut me in half? I've watched way to many horror movies in my time I guess because it freaks me out to get on an elevator. Either the doors are going to close on me or the elevator is going to go up and I get caught...cutting me in half. Hey, it's a phobia.

    I am one of those who notorioulsy use ??? or !!! way to many time!!! See..I can't stop myself. :P Just trying to get my point across I suppose. lol!

  5. OMG!!!;,! I'm so totally; with you on #6, #8 and #9, but #6 drives me totally insane!!!$)(@

    Also I hate that punctuation thing...

  6. Ok, I could probably do my own list. Driving from Charleston to Huntington every day for work has caused me to slowly, but surely, have road rage. If I am merging onto I-64 MOVE OVER. Don't sit in the lane and keep speeding up or slowing down so that I can't get on the freaking interstate!!! (oops..I just did #3 I think)

    Also, if you own a smartphone, STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING. I am sooo (oops again) sick of it I could scream. I swear we're going to make signs to put up in our carpool as we pass people that say "GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE". There isn't a day that goes by that we don't pass someone swerving or only going 50 because they have their face looking down at their phone. Is it really THAT important? Really? REALLY?

    Talking loud on cell phones drives me insane as well.

    Did I mention that my twin sister does EVERY ONE OF THESE? No, I do not ride with her in her car. I nag her about texting and she gets the look when on her phone in public. What do I get? "Stop being mom."

    Oh, and being told I'm mom pisses me off too.

    Also, it's DEFINITELY not definately. Use the words "their, there, they're" correctly please. And no, I don't have any "ideal" what you're talking about.

    I have to shut up or your entire blog with be filled with my bitching. I better check the calendar, I think I'm PMSing.

  7. I hate parking vultures who proceed thru the parking lot at 2 mph...jamming up the whole frikking place.

    On the subject of elevators (yr. no. 7). . .ever notice how you can ALWAYS flipping tell who the next person to want off is? Nobody has to say anything, but there is always, always some clue. A hand twitch, or a little movement...but I swear something always gives the next person to leave away. Kinda cool.

  8. OH GOD the stop sign thing drives me insane.

  9. I can't imagine anything I could add to your list - which is excellent. Maybe I would add people who don't turn off their turn signals...

  10. or people who don't turn ON their turn signals.

    people who use their speakerphone for everything. In a cube farm.

    spandex anything if you're over a BMI of 33 is a bad idea. And I'm being generous. All I can think is 'yeast infection,' amiright?

    And lastly, those people who believe that just because something of mine is nailed/bolted/tied down that that can help themselves. Yes, thieves. I despise a thief, and yet if that same person approached me and said they really needed my cheapass bike to get to work every day, well I might just give it to them. IDK. It would feel better than being ripped off, I can tell you that much.

  11. or "ISN'T nailed/bolted...", and 'that THEY.'

    I need to buy (or steal?) a new set of fingers. These ones are seriously messed up.

  12. Ummmmm ... videos of cats using the toilet??? *gigglesnort*

  13. Bloody hell you've stirred a hornet's nest!!!!

    Im' really hacked off with almost everything, but that's because I'm old and being deaf can't hear my snot as it vibrates in my hairy nostrils.

    Also being old I take a while reading labels and deciding whether I want the product.

    You havent seen me parallel park; or navigate a roundabout.

    My taste buds are going so whatever I'm fed I eat.

    What's a douche?

    I use the stairs these days; too many fights in lobbies.

    I like telemarketers - they make me feel wanted. Other callers? They remind me who I am.

    Liars - that's me.

  14. Buses!

    People who do not believe hygiene is important, getting on the same bus as me. I had, in one week, one person who smelt like urine, and another person who smelt like faeces, share my bus.

    Come on people!

    People who are young, fit and healthy, using the seats at the front of the bus, and leaving the older passengers to walk up the back.

    Buses that are never on time.

    Bus drivers allowing their buses to become very full and over passenger capacity, increasing everyone's discomfort and increasing everyone's risk of hurting themselves.

    Bus fares. They never go down.

    The seats are getting narrower (no comments about the size of my ass please).

    People calling me when I am on a bus! I say as little as I can. I am in a foreign country and my accent draws attention, which then (I think) leads to people listening in on my conversation.

    Other people who are on their mobile phones. I don't mind someone chatting with some discretion, but how often do you get that? It is usually someone who has two volume settings: loud and louder.

    I should stop there, but to conclude, I DO NOT LIKE BUSES.