I gotta wind it down a little bit. Whitewater rafting, kitty shitty toilet training, I have to take care of Mr. D today....I am ready for a break from everything. Hopefully, this weekend will be a quiet and peaceful one.
Sooooo, I don't really have anything today. I thought I'd go over some of the things that make me insane.
1. Whistling Snots. Ok, check it out - your nose is closer to your ear than it is to my ear and if I can hear it, you need to do something about it. Just breathe in and out real quick from your nostrils. That should take care of the situation.
2. People Who Camp Out. And I don't mean tent, woods, that sort of thing. I'm talking about people who camp out in front of one section at the grocery. They will stand there forEVER, reading every mother loving label. Know what you want, grab and go.
3. Unnecessary Punctuation. What's with all the odd and random apostrophes, commas, excessive use of the exclamation mark, etc.? If you're not sure, just leave it be. I don't have a problem if they're missing, only when they show up where they shouldn't be.
4. Taking Up More Than One Parking Space. There are some very privileged individuals who feel their vehicles are so priceless and more worthy than any other, they will park sideways in a spot so their precious "whatever it is that probably cost more than my house" won't get scratched. I'm willing to bet if you can afford a car like that, you can afford adequate insurance to cover it. Quit being a space hog, asshole!
5. Being Rude to Wait Staff. Your waiter does not own the restaurant (probability is slim) and is not in the kitchen fixing your food. These people are on their feet all day schlepping trays of food and drinks to the customers. Now, if your wait staff is rolling their eyes, being all frowny or otherwise unpleasant, feel free to voice your complaint with the tip or lack thereof. Otherwise, if your food isn't right, it takes forever, or something else is going on, that's Chef's problem. Ask to speak to him or her.
6. Being a Douche at Stop Signs. If you have a license, you should already know that the first car at a 4-way stop has the right of way. Don't wave someone through and then mess up the whole traffic pattern. GO when it's YOUR TURN TO GO. No one will be mad at you.
7. The Elevator Game. It is common knowledge that when you are waiting on an elevator, you let the people who need to exit get out first. Then, you may enter. The doors are not going to snap you in half as you wait for others to exit. In fact, it just frees up space, making your entrance much smoother.
8. Telemarketers. I know it's their job, but if I want a product or service, I will find it and attempt to buy it. Cold-calling my house (during dinner, usually) won't get you anywhere. I also have caller ID, so your call will not be answered nor returned.
9. Other Callers. If you ring my house and I DO answer, don't ask, "Who is this?". I don't owe you my name. You're the caller, who were you dialing? You should know this already. Ask, "May I speak to ______?" and I will kindly inform you that you've dialed the wrong number. Don't keep quizzing me on this. This includes: asking if I know where _______ lives now, or try to make me verify that ________ does not live at my house, or, even more insultingly, ask me for _______'s new number. I have no idea who you are talking about.
10. Liars. Like the Post Office lied to me for years. I don't forget that stuff. And I will tell my story again and again, so everyone knows that you're a liar. The St. Albans Post Office should quake in fear of my existence, so if I wind up missing, you know who to blame.
Feel free to add your own insufferable moments in the comments. There is rampant douchery all around, so we all have stories.