Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Mrs.Dash, Anyone?

I have a friend who I made in college - our very first semester at Marshall University in 1986 and we've been friends ever since. Let's just call her Swank, 'cause that's her nickname, but only a few people ever refer to her as that.

We had quite a few classes together because her major was my minor and my major was her minor. Swank is not only one really cool chick, she is also, like, MENSA smart. On top of those awesome qualities, she also has a wicked funny sense of humor.

We had many a night out drinking and partying - causing mayhem when we could. She is the queen of pranks, too. I just love her.

After we graduated from college, she got some really crappy job with an even crappier boss. I never met the boss, but according to Swank, this lady was just a nasty individual. Apparently, the boss lacked just the basic proper hygiene skillz and so, she always stunk. I think she was also a smoker, which is not a terrible, awful bad thing, but it added to the oderiferous stench.

This boss would ask Swank to do tasks that were way outside of her job duties, such as fetch her lunch and dry cleaning, etc.

One day, Boss Lady asked Swank to get her a salad while she was at Kroger. (Many Kroger stores have salad bars). Swank loaded up Boss Lady's salad with the requested items. She then got back into her car to transport the salad back to the office.

Before she took the salad inside, she decided to add a li'l Swank flavor to it, just because Boss Lady was so special.

Swank was wearing leather shoes with no socks or hosiery on that day. She took off one shoe and daintily shook the contents of her shoe into the salad. We like to refer to this act as "shoe shakin's" You know, there are all manner of debris in a shoe - dead foot skin flecks, dirt from the floor, perhaps a wayward hair or two. Who knows?

Her dastardly shoe shakin' plot complete, Swank walked back into the office and casually presented Boss Lady with her lunch.

Boss Lady ate every bite.

Which goes to show you, be nice to people - even those below you on the totem pole. Because if you happen to slip and fall, those are the same people who will be having your back on the way down - if you've treated them well. If not, then.... there might be more than the contents of a shoe in your salad.

I wouldn't take my chances if I were you!


  1. mmm foot salad! I bet that was extra cheesy!

  2. Hmmm... show shakings seem sort of nice for someone like that.

  3. EW! My mom told me that when she was young, her parents had a cook who revealed when she was fired, that she had been spitting in the soup pots for months.

  4. Shoe shakin's is hilarious.

    Gal you talked to at my wedding story. She worked in restuarants forever. At least 10 separate occasions she told me stories about spitting in someone's food, putting gnats in their drink, and a pizza story that's too long for here. Every single time she would tell me one of these stories, as she would lead up to what she'd done she'd say, "and now I've never ever done anything like this before, but.."

    I never ever eat where she works either. Ever.

  5. ...reminds me of when I used to work in a restaurant...

    ...good times..good times...

    On a related note, NEVER order the special.

  6. shoe shakins. Mmmm.

    UI used to sit in my office with my feets up on a chair (for the icky varicose veins). I would always kick my shoes off, and I amost never wear sox. Well, after a couple of months of this I notice my chair looking a little dirty, so I tipped it over and whacked on it a good one.

    It was a veritable shoe shakins cloud. disgusting.

  7. LOL! Well, I suppose that's better than say... farting in the boss' bag of potato chips?