Monday, September 10, 2007

Life is Kicking My Butt

This school year has been harder than last for some reason. I think it's got something to do with Sissy being more active and more vocal about her wants and needs - although she usually verbalizes these wants and needs in a high pitched squeal. It sets my teeth on edge.

I love her like no tomorrow, though, so I listen to the noises that could break a glass and try to decipher what it is she wants that will make the squealing go away. She is surprisingly not as verbal as Buddy was at the same age, and I always thought that girls developed quicker and that girls developed much quicker than a preemie boy. The pediatrician says she's a more active baby, so she's too busy on her gross motor skills that her fine motor skills, such as speech, will be slower to happen. The pediatrician doesn't seem worried and she's the professional, so I guess I'll agree with her.

We read her books and talk to her all the time. She can say "eye" and point to her eye. She said "mouth" today. One of the funniest things she does is you say, "Sissy, where's your nose?" and she sticks her finger up a nostril and says "Ewwwww."

Then, we have homework from Buddy. Today, thankfully, was a light day, but some days he will spend quite a bit of time at the kitchen table. Of course, he likes to have me around to help clarify things or check his work, which is not easy when Sissy also wants all of my attention. I didn't put her down for the first, oh, I'd say at least 5 days of her life, so I guess she's a bit spoiled on the constant attention. LOL.

I felt very down all day today. I feel like I don't meet anyone's expectations, least of all myself. I try, lord knows, I do. I'm just so freaking tired all the time. I will never get to the bottom of my "to do" list. And, I'd like to live a little before I die forever.

I broke the wand part of my Electrolux cannister vacuum this evening (I vacuum every single night), so now, in addition to going to the grocery store, I have to go to the Electrolux parts and service place a few miles down the street. I hope they have my part in stock. I need that vac. I have a Hoover upright, too, but I don't like that one as well.

Please keep your fingers crossed that the baby is in a good mood tomorrow and that it doesn't rain all day like it did today. I'm going to have a boatload of groceries and I hate being all soaked by the rain midday.


  1. Hum, I vacuum every day as well...more in a name than just the letters.

    I feel like you do pretty much all the time. It is never quite good enough no matter what my effort, it falls short. I used to think my expectations were too high but actually I think I was expecting to meet some one elses.

    Sissy sounds perfect. My grandson is very small for his age. He does have a heart defect that will eventually need surgical intervention, but he isn't even on the charts. Yet, the doc says he is you gotta trust em once in a while. Praying for sun....

  2. You vacuum every night.

    Um, wow. Why?

    I'm certain you're doing wonderfully well. Don't be so hard on yourself if you can help it. It's not an easy thing to do, but take it from one who's sucessfully lowered her expectations of herself, it CAN be done.