Monday, September 21, 2009


I recently found someone I've known for over 20 years on Facebook, so I sent him a friend request and never heard from him, then I realized he was no longer listed as "pending friend request", so I know that he's ignored it or denied or whatever FB calls it.

Hmmmm. Ok. Maybe there's something on his page he doesn't want me to see. Fine.

So, I sent a message and heard nothing. Then I sent an email to his regular email address and got this reply:

"We have nothing in common. You are a conservative catholic,
and I am an anarchist agnostic. And I'm not interested in Charleston

btw, I am separated from XXXXXXX.

Please leave me alone.


Not once in the over 20 years we've known each other have we discussed politics or religion. These were merely facts he knew about me.

I think at some point, about 10 years ago, we were on the phone and I said something along the lines of "Who would ever have thought this punk rock girl would grow up to be a Conservative Catholic Mom who drives a mini-van and likes to knit? Even though I'm still a rebel inside."

We both laughed about it and that was that.

Now, when we first met, I was 19 and he was 22. We dated for a couple of years and then had a somewhat amicable split, but since we ran around with the same people, we remained friends. Even after he moved to a different state, we kept in touch. Pre-internet days, we would send letters. Then, we would email or talk by phone.

Also, he and the Evil Twin knew each other before I had met either of them, so they were friends.

He received his masters degree in Filmmaking, so when the Evil Twin and I got married, we hired him to do the video.

He ended up getting married about 5 years ago - we had met his wife and really liked her - I sent a very nice wedding gift.

After that, I tried to be mindful of how I might be portrayed (as the ex) or whatever, but I think she knew I was no threat. She and I spoke on the phone several times. The conversations were always nice and the "Hey, how's everyone doing?" type.

When my (I guess now ex) friend and I spoke or emailed, it was always the same sort of general chit chat. How's it going? etc.

The last time I had emailed him was in March of this year. I was asking about a photography website he had and I was trying to find it again (I lost all my bookmarks when my old laptop broke and I had to get a new one).

This was the reply, 6 months ago:

"Everything's good here, though this winter wasn't without its stresses and trials. Looking forward to Spring and the good riding weather it brings with

Hope all's well your way,"

Very different tone in the messages. So, I have to think there is more behind this than our political and religious differences. It was never an issue during our friendship - ever. And furthermore, he knew these two things about me a long time ago. You'd think if it pissed him off, he would have cut me loose long before now.

It's just really hurt my feelings and I'm still left wondering WTF?

Besides, anyone over the age of 20 who believes that "Anarchy" is an appropriate political stance gets marked as "bat shit crazy" in my book.

He's not worth my time.


  1. Sounds like there's something going on there that actually has nothing whatsoever to do with you or your politics. Maybe he's having a breakdown and burning all his bridges behind him. Happens sometimes. I think you are right - not worth your time.

  2. Maybe not worth the time, but it still hurts. Something else is going on, for sure - whether it's personal, professional, or psychological. You did what you could to re-establsih ties...

  3. Hmmmm... I don't think Anarchy is a political stance as it's the lack of all politics. I think anyone that proclaims themselves an anarchist simply has no clue what they want and rather than being lame prefer to make it special. As far a politics affecting friendship, I'm pretty Democratic (Centrist technically) and I got no problem with you being conservative. I think you're cool like that :-)

    The thing that will drive you nuts is wondering what happened.


  4. That does sting! I'd be curious to know if there's more gong on or if it has to do with his split from his wife...but I'm just nosey.

    Chin up doll face, there's lots of people on facebook that want to be friends!

  5. I lost a Facebook "friend" not too long ago over politics. It was a guy I was good friends with in high school but hadn't been in touch with since.

    I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. Concentrate on the people who are your friends now.

    Just because you used to be friends with someone long ago (or just went to the same high school) doesn't mean you have anything in common now.

    Facebook helps people reconnect with people you haven't spoken to in ages, and then reminds you why you haven't.

  6. If this was someone you hadn't spoken to in four or five years I'd just let it go - but to have such a long friendship and then get that sort of response? That would definitely sting.

    I'm nosy as hell so I would absolutely contact xxxx and ask her what the heck was up!

  7. If this was someone you hadn't spoken to in four or five years I'd just let it go - but to have such a long friendship and then get that sort of response? That would definitely sting.

    I'm nosy as hell so I would absolutely contact xxxx and ask her what the heck was up!

  8. Me thinks that whats changed in the past 6 months is that the stupid f*8cker has got hisself a crack habit. I can't think of one single other thing that would cause an old friend to say such assinine and downright mean things to a woman as charming, tolerant, and open-minded as you are.

    His loss ENTIRELY, stupid man.

  9. And also, you posted this, what? 17 minutes ago and here's all these people already, just waiting to hear what you have to say this fine morning, and to comment and chat with you.

    Obviously he is alone in his ridiculous desire for you to leave him alone.

    What an ass.

  10. He is absolutely going through something else. Maybe he is trying to make a clean break from his past.

    Sorry that you lost a friend. That always sucks.

  11. I'm a liberal agnostic but I had been a conservative baptist since childhood. What religion and politics has to do with real friendship I do not know. Why should it matter unless someone can't handle the differences. We are all different in some respect.

    It's sad though because I have become to know you as a very beautiful person. Internally as well as externally. Maybe one day he will get back with you and explain his reasoning. Until then, just know that you did all you could do to maintain a friendship. He's that one that cut the ties and is going to miss out a good friend. {{HUGS}}

  12. Honestly, I've had friends who I guess I've "let go", but normally it's just been a gradual fade that appears to be mutual. I'm surprised he felt the need to be so curt. Maybe he was trying to be subtle by ignoring your friend request, and then decided to be "clear"...I don't know. Sorry he was hurtful.

  13. That hurts. However, to me it sounds like perhaps there is something else going on with him that has little to nothing to do with you other than perhaps acting as a mirror that he doesn't want to look in at the moment. If he is indeed going through a divorce, then this is his self destruct zone mode. Hopefully, he will eventually snap out of it and apologize for being an uber dick. If not, you didn't need the bulshit anyway.

  14. This is clearly NOT about you. I'm not sure what it *is* about, but ... yikes! I'd say, although confusing, it is likely for the best.

  15. Whoa.....sounds like he turned into a 'whack job'. I understand it hurting your feelings but let it go and realize its his problem, not yours....even though I'm sure you'd like an explanation, it probably wouldn't make any sense anyhow. 'XXXXXX' more than likely kicked his crazy ass to the curb.

  16. Yeah that would hurt a bit, I think I just lost a friend on FB over once of my work griping posts. She said "Not to be mean but you should be lucky you have a job, some people wish they had one"
    ok.... so I said "Not to be mean back but there are tons of jobs out there so I dont buy those out of job excuses 100%, some people are just too picky. Work at mc donalds really.."
    I guess she didnt like that too much! lol Oh well if you get hurt by that then good bye because you are too weak to be my friend.

    Cuteella is right maybe there is something else going on? Still sucks.. maybe it was a new girlfriend of his? lol you know how jealous we can be.

    HUGS! But someone who hurts ya isnt your friend.

  17. Yeouch! As much as I'd want desperately to "walk it off" and be all "he's TOTALLY not worth my time" it would sting. I get hurt, though, any time anyone unfollows me.

    I think I need thicker skin.


    I'm sorry.

  18. This is actually a pretty disturbing trend I've seen lately. People putting either religious or political requirements on friendships. It makes no sense. I can be friends with anyone not a total fruitcake like say 9/11 Truthers or raging bigots and homophobes. But, just basic differences in beliefs? That's what makes us all interesting!

  19. Ouch. Weather it was meant to be hurtful or not it was still mean and inconsiderate. Something much deeper is going on behind closed doors...maybe it's good that you break all ties with him certainly don't need that kind of added stress in your life.

  20. you dear, have no shortage of friends. Good riddance to him!

    I quite like you even though your are a conservative, catholic, mini-van driving Mom. Hope you like me even though I am a liberal, tree-hugging mini driving Mom.

  21. Hmmm... actually, "anarchy" means proposing a world without government, so there would be no politics involved would there? Sounds like he's a bit mixed up on that stance to me, lol!

    But yes, he was mean in his response though. Not everyone is going to like or continue to like everyone, but people don't have to be mean about it. He could have just politely told you life was pulling him in a different direction right now and maybe he'd catch up with you later. Or something like that.

    I'm a Democrat but hopefully not an 'in your face' one. I respect all POV's. I've a Republican blogger friend who hasn't spoken to me for over a year who recently asked me to friend her on FB. I did and she still don't speak to me there, but she posts all this negative political stuff about O'Bama. I know she's hoping I'll respond so she & her other friends can jump me over my comments. I refuse to play her game. If she can't talk to me about anything else, and if her 'in your face political/racist issues' become too much for me to swallow each morning when I read my wall, I'll simply, silently, unfriend her one night while she's asleep, lol!

    Sorry you had that happen.

  22. I think I know who you're talking about, and certainly everything you've told me about him would never lead me to believe he'd respond to you in this way. I can only imagine how frustrated and hurt you must feel. Hang in there -- us "normal" people still love you :)

  23. Wow. Methinks something more is brewing than what he's letting on. I wonder if the wife brought you up as a sore spot or something? That's just weird.

  24. He is trying to reinvent himself and cut out his past. That's my thought.

    Or he's just an ass.

  25. For an anarchist he doesn't seem to have any problems working for the Durham city government.
    Sticking it to the man I guess.

  26. Sounds to me like there is more going on behind the scenes there. I don't think it's about "you", I think he just must be going through something tough. (or he has pms)

  27. Hmmm, sounds like your (ex) friend has a burr up his butt and he probably isn't having any successes anywhere in his life with anyone.
    Why can't we all just get along????

  28. I think he's done something waaaaaaaay scandalous and he doesn't want you to find out. Maybe internet porn! He's most def one angry mo-foe, so cut him loose.
    BTW, LOVE your new pic!

  29. Wow, cool comment section.

    Great post and I have a number of comments to make :-)

    a) I'm impressed that a Conservative/Rebel Catholic girl like yourself still reads my blog! lol :-)
    b) How anarchic can a agnostic really be??
    and c) This is the same reason I refuse to join facebook :-p

    People are/can be strange and the internet is the perfect mask to hide behind. I love his Passive-aggressive "Please" and "Thanks".

    You really should send this to Passive-Agressive notes dot com. they would eat it up!

  30. I'd say there is something else going on too, but I'd say it isn't worth worrying a lick about...some folks just change...and some folks do get bat shit crazy!

  31. Sounds like he's bitter about something that has nothing to do with you. It never ceases to amaze me how rude someone will be over the internet. You know he wouldn't have said that to your face.

    Hey, I'm as liberal as you can get and a failed Catholic, and I could care less that you're a conservative Catholic. I think you're awesome!!

  32. Wow...people are fucking vicious sometimes...

  33. Wow. I'm sorry.


    The Non-Denominational Libertarian

  34. On Anarchy:

    I believe it was Peter Farb who wrote the book that got me to see that anarchy's existence depends on there being institutions to topple. Without institutions for anarchists to fight to topple, we would just be left with fighting.

    Those who believe in anarchy seem to ground their belief in an unspoken false belief that they are the ones who are strongest and, therefore, would benefit most from having no institutions to stop them from running roughshod over the world.

    It's not much better than the shit ideas Charles Manson was supposedly spouting in the desert at Spahn Ranch. In both, there is an underlying belief that the individual who holds those beliefs has what it takes to be the big winner in the end.

    If they had what it took to be a big winner, they'd throw their hat in the ring and make a run for legitimate power because change comes from within.

    A wise man once said to me that "all anarchists are simply armchair anarchists because if they got their way and really went for anarchy, they would be dead too."