I Had To Beg For It

A blog topic for today, that is! I sent out a Twitter, asking for any ideas.

One idea - a very good one - came almost immediately, but that one will take me a few days to complete. I will get to it, though.

A second idea - delivered by direct message - suggested this: Write about either: Second chances in life. Or a time in your life when your first impression about someone was wrong.

Since I'm a selfish bitch who has had more than my fair share of 2nd (3rd, 4th, etc.) chances in life with my loved ones, and I'm too hell bent on carrying a grudge than extending that same luxury to most others, I'm a bit ashamed to broach the first topic.

I consider myself to be a very intuitive person. I can "read" people easy and fast. In fact, I can tell in about 5 minutes when I meet a new person if they are worthy of my time or not.

But, I'm also a fair person and will give a person a chance or two to relay information where I might change my mind on them.

One time, I didn't give someone a second chance to make an impression right away. (I guess I am mixing chances and impressions here).

Back when I was at the university, I met a guy. The guy was dating a girl who I considered a hanger-on, and a bit of a skank. I asked him to come with me and he left with me and stayed with me.

And, here's where my story gets muddled. I thought SHE was bad news. I thought HE was the love of my life.

I married him. She ended up getting pregnant by someone else and we often saw her falling off barstools drunk in her delicate condition. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl, whose open adoption had been pre-arranged.

In my cynical manner, I just assumed she got pregnant and gave the baby up for adoption for the amounts of cash the very wealthy adoptive parents were throwing her way.

In the meantime, my husband began to drink more and more. He couldn't hold a job and he often used me as a punching bag.

Now, how was I better off at this point? That's all hindsight now. I realize my folly and feel the appropriate amount of shame and outrage I should have felt at the time.

I ended up leaving him after only 17 months of marriage. It was such a farce. Such a ridiculously stupid mistake on my part.

The above mentioned girl and I actually took time to get to know one another better during this time. It turned out, she was a very nice person and I regretted the way I had treated her.

She and I have limited contact.

Things would be better if she wasn't married to a controlling man who monitors her every move. They have a son together (who is Buddy's age), so I think she stays for their child.

It makes me feel sad for her and a bit guilty. Here I am in a stable, loving, long term relationship where there is much reciprocation (i.e. we give one another the freedom to enjoy our lives both together and separately and we're good with that and she is in a one-sided, controlling relationship and deserves much better).

So, yeah, after I gave her a SECOND chance, I realize how wrong my FIRST impression had been.

I'm gonna have to chalk that lack of intuition up to too much partying at university, rash decision making and not enough time listening to my inner voice.

Ever since that time in my life, I've realized I needed to give people more of an opportunity to prove themselves worthy or worthless.

Thanks to my bud, B, for the topic! Very intense and it really made me think. :-)