We'll be celebrating Sissy's third birthday today, even though her actual birthday isn't until Monday (more on that on Monday...). I should be feeling all happy and stuff.
We always did really big deals for Buddy's birthdays when he was smaller. Back when my parents were alive, that is.
It seems like without them here to enjoy the birthdays, it's just another day. It will be just the four of us, just like every year since she was born.
She never met either of them. My dad died in 2004, mom in 2005 and Sissy was born in 2006. Luckily, Buddy had a really strong relationship with them and still remembers them.
Plus with both kids being born in the middle of winter, it's hard to get motivated to do much. The weather is unpredictable so it's hard to plan much.
And if that weren't enough, we're dealing with some issues with Buddy at school. Not bringing homework home, some anger issues, etc. I actually broke down and ordered the Total Transformation kit to see if we can reign this behavior in before it gets worse. His teacher assured me that the hormonal changes in kids has been rearing its' ugly head earlier and earlier these days. It just makes me so sad because this is not the way I raised this child (or so I thought... I suck at being a mother).
I also have a few other little niggly things floating around my brain that need attention. I'm just having a hard time coming to solid conclusions on any of the matters I need to work on. (and yes, I end on prepositions all the dang time, because that's the way I really talk).
I think by the end of this coming week, I'll have a clearer head and a better attitude.
Until then, I've got a three year old birthday party to work on.
Adios, amigos.
hang in there... this too shall pass.. just in time for something else to land on your plate. :)
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It's ok to feel that way honey. We all have our "I suck as a Mom moments" You don't suck as a Mom, if you sucked you would be so bothered by it. Keep your chin up Sweetie, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISSY!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Sissy!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you do NOT suck as a mother. It's a fact that when them hormones kick into gear for boys there isn't anything to do, but just deal with crap as it comes along.
Rosemary!! Do I have your attention?
ReplyDeleteDo NOT beat yourself up about some imagined lack in your mothering ability. When kids hit puberty, all your teachings go out the window for a while. Luckily, they do come back, after the raging hormones settle down. It's not easy, but this, too, shall pass. Just keep it slow and steady, as they say.
Happy Birthday sissy, and please do a review on the Total Transformation!
ReplyDeleteBeing the mother of a same-aged female child, allow me to relate things that have occurred over the last month.
ReplyDelete* Had to run to school to sign a permission slip by 9:00 a.m. the day OF the field trip
* Had to talk to the teacher about why the envelope from her report card did not get turned in, when I signed it and put it in her bag
* Have had numerous conversations about missing and incomplete homework. Why even start it if you're not going to turn it in or finish it?
This is the kid I used to call my "rules girl". She wanted to fully understand any expectations before she began. Now she obviously couldn't give a rat's ass.
Having had others, I know they do come out the other side! Hang in there!
HAPPY THIRD BIRTHDAY SISSY!
pre teens and teens are no longer really human....they morph into some other being and it has nothing to do with their upbringing. My kids were lucky to come out alive on the other side of teenage years.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to Sissy! You commented on my post from last night so you know how the "i suck at a mom" thing affects all of us.
ReplyDeleteLast year in 2nd grade was the year of hell for me with Haley. I expect more years of hell to come. Hormones. I'm not ready!!
You are a great mom. Hang in there.
Buddy will be fine! I was an absolute terror as a preteen and teen (shocking, I know). It had nothing to do with my parents and everything to do with me being an asshat! Hang in there, honey!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to Sissy!
U R a great mama from what I can tell! I have wanted to get that 'total transformation' for my son, and he's only 4!! We tried the 1-2-3 Magic book by Phelan. That has helped alot. I am not sure how it is for older kids, though - it says from 2-12 yrs. Have fun with Sissy's b-day celebration. It will all be okay, girlie. :)
ReplyDeleteAs you can tell from the previous comments...motherhood comes with no guarantees. You can't beat yourself down with the "sucky mother" feelings. One day at a time and continue to follow your ideals. this to will pass.
ReplyDeleteHappy Pre-Birthday to Sissy!!
ReplyDeleteNow, onto you, my dear! I don't live near you and I've never once witnessed your Mothering Skills in action - BUT, I do know the love, time and energy you put into being a Mother - and that is the most important foundation to being a "Good Mother!" If the only Good Mothers were ones whose kids never had a single issue, then I doubt there would be many Good Mothers out there.
As a mom and a former teacher, I will tell you that kids challenge your rules and consequences. Plus, Buddy is entering an age where there is a tremendous amount of ambivalence about growing up vs. being your baby boy. So they pull one way to assert their independence, and cry & argue to reassure themselves you still love them. Weird - but it's how they find their own way.
Stay strong - make sure you have consequences everytime there is an issue, and lots and lots of reinforcement of desired behaviors.
What's that?? You're already doing that??
I knew that - see, you ARE a Good Mother afterall!!
XOXOXO
Happy Birthday Party Day!
ReplyDeleteDon't let it get to you, you are a fabulous mama.
I am going to call you tomorrow. Sounds like we are having some of the same issues. It's okay to have a glass of wine during the day!
*Hugs & kisses*
A Happy "Big 3" to Sissy! Where does the time go. I'm sorry to hear that you are having some issues with Buddy's behavior. The stories my mom could tell about me when I was in Jr. High. Lord have mercy! Best of luck. ;)
ReplyDeletePS - As many have already posted, you are doing a wonderful job raising you kids.
From what I've come to know about you, I'll say this: when your kids grow up, of all the things they're gonna have to say about you, that you're a 'sucky mom' is NOT gonna be one of 'em. Have a great B-day for Sissy! Grab a glass of wine & relax later, cheer up, & (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeletei'm sure you are a much better mother than you give yourself credit for. just hang in there and stick to your usual methods of love and discipline and it will all come out in the wash. consistency is the key. don't doubt yourself. kids are weirdos, they can't help it. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHappy 3rd Sissy!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the party!
Your kids have clothes, food and love you are providing more than some moms so don't beat yourself up!
You wont believe this one:
Some lady called into a radio station last week saying she did not love her son and that nothing would ever change that. The kid was 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People were in tears calling back to discuss this because they were so upset at her. She didnt love him because she was white and the father was black, he bailed and she felt anger towards the kid because she was left as a single white mom with a black kid. people are sooooooooo stupid!
Talk about a bad parent!
See that should make you feel a little better lol At least you love them.
:)
oh yeah.. "i suck at being a mom...." that's a valid assessment! :p
ReplyDeleteboys at 10/11/12 have anger issues... attitudes with authority etc. that's what that whole age is about!
Hang on...it took us 3 years to get through it but all is well now...
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to Sissy. And, Miss Thang...you do NOT suck at being a mother. Don't you ever say that again!
ReplyDelete((Hugs)) I know what you mean, totally. Sometimes it is like these kids have no relation to us at all. I am a mensa member and my husband played professional hockey yet Natalie sucks at sports and needs tutoring in every subject. It is a freaking mystery. But then again, she has always been and always will be an absolute beauty - which Tim and I are not (not unattractive, but no one would accuse us of being models either.)
ReplyDeleteWe are half convinced that we have the wrong kid :) She is nice too... weird. lol.
Big Hugs ETW! First - You are a great mom! Second - I understand about the feelings when a parent is not longer there to celebrate their grandchildren's birthday with you. StellaDella's birthday is Feb 10th and I haven't been in the mood to make a big party since mom passed away in March of 2005. I miss her deeply at every family celebration; it's just not the same with out her.
ReplyDeleteLet me know if the Total Transformation works. DramaQueen needs an attitude adjustment like yesterday! Hang in there!
That has to be hard! But just becuz she never got to meet them doesn't mean that she can't know them :) Show her pictures and tell her little stories about them :)
ReplyDeleteHB Sissy! Listen, we all know what a great,devoted Momma you are! -If you weren't, would you be so concerned? Don't sell yourself so short,sweetie - hang in there!! :) xoxo
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