Office Parties

I was having a conversation last week with my best friend for all of my life (like, we've been friends since we were FOUR years old and she's only one day older than me) and she was telling me about her office Christmas party.

The party involved one of the tiredest old tricks of the trade: the gift/re-gift game. For example: all participants' names are put into a drawing. The first name drawn selects a gift from the variety on display, opens it and ooohs and aaahs or whatever. After this point, any other name drawn can either choose a wrapped gift or "take" an already opened gift from the person who has it.

This is a popular and "fun" game for most. I find it offensive and boring. And moronic.

I never get the humor involved in this or other such "gift trading" type games. It seems fruitless. Who's laughing? The poor schmuck who goes home with the shittiest gift???

And why is that funny?

You know what's funnier? A fart in an elevator! A turd in a punchbowl!

So, I've had a few jobs in my life. My first job out of college was the worst job I've ever had - and I had worked waiting tables and retail. But, working for the local Girl Scout Council was the worst.

First off, those women were the biggest bunch of bitches on the planet and they will also serve to be the reason my Sissy will never be a "scout". I'll elaborate more on this later.

But, when I worked there, I was fresh out of college and it was a salaried job with benefits, so I considered myself lucky (at $16K a year... har har). They had the holiday party on a weekend night, and not attending was not an option. Either you showed or you risked your job.

And, I couldn't bring a date or my spouse (later), so I had to attend by myself on a night I should have my total free time. There was no alcohol, but plenty of booolsheet. I hated it. It was the worst night of my life for several years.

At the Girl Scout Council, we did the "White Elephant" gift exchange. That means, a person brings something really tacky and wraps it up nicely, then everyone "fights" over the tackiest thing. Puh-lease! I am an adult! I always tried to leave as soon as possible after eating and the super stupid gift exchange.

Please, don't buy Girl Scout cookies this year. I don't. If you'd like to make a difference, please just give a dollar or two directly to the girl's troop. It's a better use of your money. Trust me.