The Evil Twin was flipping around the TV stations yesterday and happened to stumble upon an infomercial for one of the more well known colon blow products.
You know, the one that uses scare tactics to make viewers believe there is 30 years worth of gunk lining ones colon, etc.
Well, we watched in awe for a while. And we both looked at each other and said, "I wanna do that!"
There's a certain fascination with bowel movements that lingers with us long after the elementary school days about joking about dookie.
The Evil Twin and I are nothing if not immature.
So, I got on the website. They wanted $60 and if you signed up for that plan, apparently we'd be sent new kits every so often. I guess just blowing your colon out once isn't enough....
I told him that I had seen similar products at the Mart of Wal for about $20. He said, "That's almost worth the gamble..." But never committed to it.
I guess next time I'm grocery shopping (either later today or tomorrow - I'm not completely sold on doing it today. I'm feeling more inclined to blow it off and go tomorrow), I'll take a look around and see if anything looks appealing.
And I'm thinking about this now because I almost very nearly shat my pants earlier. I never understood how that could happen to a person, but apparently, it IS doable to go from feeling nothing to "uh oh" in about 20 seconds.
Of course, I bolted to the restroom, but it could have been a "situation", if ya know what I mean.
Dodged that bullet....But, then my mind turned back to yesterdays's colon blow commercial. Perhaps I could use such a product.
I'll think about it and if I decide to go for the blow, I'll let you know.
LOL! I'm glad you dodged that bullet...you know what they say "shit happens" - apparently you'll never know WHEN! ;)
ReplyDeleteI've heard people talk about colon cleansing. Penn & Teller covered it in an episode of their show "Bulls***!". Whenever I hear about it, I get that scene with the Klumps from The Nutty Professor stuck in my head.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that one. Sounds scary. Me and my cousin (BFF) never leave home with her poop pills.
ReplyDeletei once had a "situation" it involved eating a crave case from white castle.
ReplyDeleteyes, on a dare.
i got within 2 blocks of my house and had to go through alley ways and back yards to get home.
You can do it much cheaper by going to the drugstore and getting one of those products they tell you to use right before a colonoscopy. You must clear your schedule: no housework, kids, cooking, etc., because you'll be close to the great procelin all day long. As they say on TV: "It really, really works!"
ReplyDeleteI just had surgery and was on Percoset for a week...which caused a MAJOR backup. I thought I was going to have to go to the ER to get things 'out'. I somehow worked through the pain. Anywho, now I want to go to one of those clinics and have a real enema done. Anyone done that? If you watch the BBC show 'You Are What You Eat', she always sends her patients for an enema before they start their diet....
ReplyDeleteHOly Shit (no pun intended!) that was funny! I find it so interesting how many blogs I read that discuss dookie...your right, even as adults, we never quite get over a good dookie joke every now and then!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the cleansing...:)
+1 for using the word "shat."
ReplyDeleteI did one of those cleansing routines once. Lotsa poopin' occurred, but nothing extraordinary. I didn't feel thinner or more energized afterward.
I pass by those bottles of magical pills from time to time, and am sorely tempted to try them out. There's some part of mt that really really wants to know just what evil is lurking in my bowels.
ReplyDeleteYou KNOW you're going to have to take pictures, right??
Buying colon cleansing products is right up there with buying those pad things you put on the boottom of your feet - to draw out all the junk in your system. I totally enjoy informercials for their hilarious content. If you do....please let us know how "things come out!"
ReplyDeleteSounds like fun, you should invite a load of friends for a group experience.
ReplyDeleteTGG - I was certainly surprised! LOL.
ReplyDeleteHacksaw - LOL.
The Girl - I have semi-lactose intolerance (i.e. I have no clue when something might strike me), so I have immodium AD in my purse at all times!!
fattie20xl - that's what eating at White Castle will get ya. Haven't you heard their burgers referred to as "sliders"? Hmmmm.
Greg - good info to know. Thank goodness I don't have to leave my house much!
Anonymous - I've never done that, but it also looks interesting.
Chandra - just saying "dookie" is funny! LOL.
RZ - thanks for noticing. It's a great word, too.
Tiff - I know! What gets me is when they start talking "parasites" and "build up". Yeeuck!
themom - It's amazing how effective those infomercials are, huh?
Ron - you know I'd never leave you all out of it! This is a party palace, dude!
Maybe we should all make appointments for colon cleansing, where they do it for you, sans mess.
ReplyDeleteLOL
Glad you made it in time!
ReplyDeleteI'll be interested in hearing how the cleanse works out - let us know if you do it!
LOL! I almost "pessed" my pants reading this one!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was single, obsessed with my weight and maintaining my size zero status, I used these monthly.
I never ate and somehow thought I was backed up...little did I know there was noting to shat!!! Duh, you have to eat to shat, ya know.
They did make me feel *lighter* even if it was psychosomatic.
I'm sorry...can't type...laughing too hard at the phrase "shat myself"...bwahahaha. Good luck with the colon cleansing.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a SNL skit! LOL
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, like so many other things in life, you don't need that stuff.
Remember the childhood rhyme ..
Beans, beans, good for your heart,
The more you eat the more you fart.
The more you fart the better you feel,
Let's have beans for every meal.
;)
I don't know whether to laugh or pee....i am still laughing about the ass crack toilet paper and now you want to clean your colon?????.
ReplyDeleteRoflmaaaooo....I love how you're so unafraid to share! :)
ReplyDeletekenju - I'm on board with it. I'll give a detailed assessment.
ReplyDeleteMomma - I promise I won't overshare, but I'll give you all the 411.
MsPulp - Yep, eating is necessary to experience old number 2. Three grapes and a saltine just won't produce much.
Ginger - Thanks!
Muze - I LOVE that skit! Probably the funniest thing to ever emerge from SNL (not that it's a major competition amongst all their other tripe).
rosemary - I need help! Maybe Colons Anonymous or something?
Laura - Poop talk will set me free. (Free to laugh 'til I cry most times).
LOL!
ReplyDeleteI used to drink Fenugreek tea, which kind of has the same effect but in a slow, normal, every day way. Of course you don't get that big rush...
Another thing that works is rum and pineapple juice. And a bottle of Grog if ya have one, matey. Argh!!
Perhaps you don't actually NEED the colon cleanse, as the SUGGESTION of doing a colon cleanse seems to have the same effect!
ReplyDeleteYou can always do what I do and go out for Japanese food. I might as well eat that while sitting on the toilet.
ummmm im not sure what really to say here..... but if you feel the need you go for it! lol man i thought i got up close and personal on my blog! lol
ReplyDelete