In no particular order:
1. "I listen to jazz and masturbate at work. Every day."
2. "I like to pee in the shower. It's fun standing up."
3. "Almost every work day I shut my office door at lunch time, look up erotic pictures and rub one off. Maybe I'm a sex addict, although I don't know why everyone isn't, it feels so good, doesn't hurt anyone and it's free! Although if I was getting more action in my marriage I probably wouldn't be so compelled to 'take care of business' so often at lunch time."
4. "I want to sleep with my friend, but I'm afraid of screwing up our friendship."
5. "I fantasize about using food products to masturbate - bananas, hot dogs, cucumbers, etc. I only think about it, though, never actually tried."
Okay, that's that. One is my own. I won't tell which. That spoils the fun, I think.
If you ever want to share a secret, you can always just create a fake email address on yahoo, hotmail, whatever...send the message and then delete the account. I will never email you back.
Bruise News:
I know you all look forward to that. (sarcasm - LOL).
Random Thought of the Day: If I ever got to the bottom of my laundry baskets, would the world stop spinning on it's axis? Also, if someone wanted to purchase the Electrolux front loader washer and dryer for me, I'd be happy to provide my mailing address. ;-)
I've determined that if I ever keep my house clean for over 3 months it is a sign of the apocalypse.
ReplyDeleteWish I had known about your true confessions, I would have submitted one, or maybe I did. Heh.
These are fun, but I was surprised at how many people masturbate at work. Hm.
ReplyDeleteOn another note - I have the Maytag front loaders and hate them with the white hot heat of a thousand suns for many reasons, and I am assuming you hate yours too.
The main 3 reasons:
~They rip holes in everything
~The wrinkling is embedded so deeply in things that an iron can only do surface repair
~If clothes are left in the washing machine for a couple hours, they mildew and the smell is disgusting.
Hate, hate, hate.
I don't understand the attraction of the front loaders. Seems to me there is more bending and stooping involved and I am lazy enough as it is. It's bad enough that I have to stretch my back muscles to take the clean stuff out of the dryer. Oh wait, that is why I keep SCM around.
ReplyDeletePeople call me strange...yet I think the same demented thoughts they do..or at least most of them.
ReplyDeleteI wonder...is it the scars?
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ReplyDeleteHaha, I think I can guess which one is yours :)
ReplyDeleteI wanted to send you one, but then I wouldn't have one for the blog on Sunday!
ReplyDeleteThese are great secrets! I'm always amazed at how common those things are that we keep locked up so tightly!
omg, i looked at my laundry pile today and almost fainted. i've been kinda ignoring it this week in lieu of other things. BAD idea. my stepson will be here this evening and i'm already panicked because i'm so far behind.
ReplyDeleteand i just ran out of dryer sheets. shit! lol.
Suddenly I have a craving for bananas, hot dogs and cucumbers.
ReplyDeleteMushroom cloud bruise today! But it IS starting to clear out.
ReplyDeleteTried sending a secret or three, but couldn't find the magic button on that guerillamail site to actually start an email.
Now I wonder what the managers around here are doing when they close their office door at lunch. Is this rubbing one out at work really so wide spread?
Cucumbers work nicely!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't come up with one! Apparently I am a little too open!
ReplyDeleteI sent in a secret and it didn't make it to the list. But then again that email service was confusing me.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be difficult to masturbate while listening to jazz music. Jazz is so relaxing and soothing. Of course, I've never tried it. haha ;-)
ReplyDeleteOh, crap! I missed it. Next time... Nice submissions!
ReplyDeleteI figure if I ever get to the bottom of that last laundry basket (Somehow, I've got three going at all times) that my heart will explode and I'll die right there, having spent my last hour on earth bitching about laundry.
Maybe that's why I'm not all that inspired to ever be "done" with laundry ;)
What happened to my secret that I submitted? It was the one involving a gallon of KY, jumper cables, 3 car batteries and 4 goats....
ReplyDeleteFirst, I love my top loader even though one of the back mounts is loose and it makes this loud tapping noise. My secrets would blow the lid off a jar of 1000 year old eggs. You would want that stink, would you? By process of elimination, I have cut the choices down to 2 and 5. I ain't tellin though... ;)
ReplyDeletethis is an awesome awesome idea for a post!
ReplyDeletei may have to steal it one day.
p.s. #5 was me. sorry.
Nice secrets! Just goes to show how many men NEVER get any ass!
ReplyDeleteOne thing for you men to take note of, is that you would get it WAY more often, if it didn't always have to be an hour long marathon sex session. We ladies are tired. If you could bang one out in 10 minutes, you'd get more. Trust Me!
Wow, I can't remember any time when I've ever been so overcome by horniness that I've masturbated at work. Damn, sounds like I'm missing out!
ReplyDeleteSO funny!
ReplyDeleteOUCH... I haven't been by in a while and had to catch up about the bruise. That looks painful!
Hugs - Tiffany
That bruise is seriousss.
ReplyDeleteAw, that's a cool tattoo idea! When you get it done, take a pic:)
#5, huh, an omnivorous masturbator.
ReplyDeleteCool.
LMAO!
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ReplyDeleteWow, I can't remember any time when I've ever been so overcome by horniness that I've masturbated at work.
ReplyDeleteHow bout just pure boredom?
I'm just sayin'...
Geez...am I the only one that submitted any ideas? Maybe next time I will only submit one...
ReplyDeleteI LOVE my front load washer and dryer. Kenmore. Pay the extra money and get the pedestal drawers if you have room. You won't bend over and have extra storage room. I save lots of money on water, detergent and energy.
ReplyDelete