The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau: November 2009

Monday, November 30, 2009

Phone Manners

Over the long holiday weekend, the Evil Twin's cell phone rang and since he was downstairs, I picked it up. I said, "Hello?" and a very rude woman just barked, "Let me talk to mom!"

I said, "Excuse me?" (I'm not used to being barked at as a greeting on the phone).

Then, she asked, "Who is this?" (Grrrr - one of my BIG pet peeves).

ETW: "Who were you trying to reach?"

Then I hear her screeching at someone in the background, "Did you dial the wrong number??"

At this point a man gets on the phone.

Him: "Who is this?"

ETW: "Who were you trying to reach? This is the Evil Twin's residence." Which I would normally never offer up, but this seemed like a truly moronic duo. I thought I'd make it easier for them.

Him: "Oh, I think I dialed the wrong number. I'm sorry."

ETW: "That's okay." [What I want to say, "Thanks for not just hanging up on me."]

But I figured that would be a waste of my breath, since these people were clueless.

I hung up the phone and waited for a repeat mis-dialing. It never happened, so I suppose they got the right number finally!

Honestly, we had a class in 2nd grade about phone manners, but were also coached at home by our parents on how to politely answer the phone, how to take a message if someone was unavailable to get to the phone and how to politely place a phone call - as in "May I speak with so and so?"

If we dialed incorrectly, we sincerely apologized and even said, "Bye."

I expect the impolite calls from children or young adults, but from full grown adults? Not so much.

We're all going to hell in a handbasket!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Just the Usual

Checking in to say "Happy Thanksgiving" to everyone!

I have a feeling today is going to be a very good day - I found a Paula Deen pecan pie at the Mart of Wal and it smells AMAZING. And I'm not really a big pecan pie fan, but I suppose I'll have a nibble of this one!

So, I'm off to rustle some pots and pans in the kitchen. I hope each and everyone of my readers has a fabulous holiday, filled with good food, good memories and good times!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

In Memory of Mom

Tomorrow will mark the fourth anniversary of my mom's passing away. She always had very elaborate holiday meals and I miss those almost as much as I miss her.

Most of you know that I was adopted, but I always say I couldn't have picked better parents if I could have hand picked them myself.

Mom was always there for me - always. She quit her job a week before my adoption. And she stayed at home long after myself and my younger brother were grown...

She had a stroke when I was in college and while she recovered well, she just never was able to get back to her old self.

She was still one hell of a cook, though. And she did as much of the housework as she could. She had a couple of ladies come by to do the heavy lifting work twice a month.

She was also amazingly beautiful.

Sorry, this picture is creased. I've been carrying it around for years. We have a better copy in a frame, but I didn't want to take it out.

March 6, 1940 - November 26, 2005

I love you, mom.

I wanted to post this today, because on the holiday would be too much of a bummer.

Tomorrow, I'll be in my kitchen, the same as she always did, making my family their favorite Thanksgiving foods and giving thanks that she was my mom for 37 years.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Google Wave and Holiday Meals

I got an invitation to Google Wave from a Twitter friend yesterday. I set it up and looked at it. I clicked around on a few things...And looked at it some more.

It looks really interesting and I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually, but if anyone has any tips for me, let me know.
_______________________________________________

Today is my "busy" day, like Monday is normally. But, since I didn't do my shopping yesterday, I'll be out most of the day today.

We have our Thanksgiving menu lined up: Honeybaked Ham - Ham, Turkey and Turkey Gravy, mashed potatoes with aforementioned gravy, stuffing, rolls, green beans and corn, pumpkin pie and pecan pie (whipped cream available, but optional).

Since it's just the four of us, it should be pretty laid back. I don't have to drive myself crazy cleaning the house for company, but I definitely have some household chores for tomorrow.

I am a Thanksgiving vegetarian and I have been for as long as I can remember (especially when I WAS a vegetarian! LOL). I guess if the gravy has turkey broth in it, I may be consuming that, but we'll see. I'll have to smell it first. I'm really big on how something smells and looks before I will eat it. Otherwise, my potatoes will have just butter, salt & pepper on them.

That's fine with me.

What are some of your favorite and least favorite holiday dishes? If you'll notice on my menu above, there is no mention of cranberries or cranberry sauce. No one likes that around here, even though it was on the table every year when I was growing up. Sitting there, still in it's can shape. I think Dad was the only one who ate it. :-)

I'm off to get my day rolling. I will be visiting blogs later today and this evening, so if I'm late to yours, you'll understand. :-)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Getting A Late Start

Because it's Monday and I can.

I'll be doing my grocery shopping tomorrow - and no, I'm not nuts. I do it this way every Thanksgiving. See, I don't care for ham or turkey, so I pick up those things at Honeybaked Ham (which used to be Heavenly Ham) and I like it to be as fresh as possible, but I know better than to get out on Wednesday! LOL. I really don't see a need to make a larger ham or turkey (or both) when I know I won't eat it and we'd have way too much left overs. If I buy it from the ham place, it's a bit more expensive, but I don't have to fool with cooking it and we have just enough.

So, tomorrow, I'll finish up my Thanksgiving shopping.

But, today, I can just chill here at home. I have a few phone calls to make and I think I'm going to wash the greys out of my hair this morning.

Buddy is off Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and the Evil Twin is off on Th and F, so we all get to enjoy a long weekend. (well, I'll probably be doing a ton of laundry as usual, but it'll be a little more laid back!).

I hope everyone is enjoying their Thanksgiving week already. I know I am! :-)

It's almost 10 am and I figure if I'm going to get anything accomplished today, I better get to it.

Happy Monday!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday Secrets

I had many submissions this week. As always, I copy and paste it into a different document and then immediately delete the email.

The first 5 came from the same anonymous emailer:

1. I am scared of clowns (after watching Stephen King's "It"), ferris wheels (afraid the seat will get stuck and dump me out as the wheel rotates), and elephants (don't know why). My worst nightmare would be getting stuck on the top of a ferris wheel with a clown. The elephant would be at the controls. But its only a dream, right?

2. I have fantasies about having sex with 2 women at the same time. But I cannot stand the idea of my wife being with anyone else.

3. One Halloween, I soaped the windows of a neighbors house.

4. I hate my job!

5. I hope stockings and garters come back into style.

6. I plan to leave my wife soon because I have finally found the love of my life and she loves me too.

7. I was recently at a party thrown by one of my neighbors on my street. I was getting tired and wanted to go home but my husband wasn't ready to leave. A husband of a friend offered to walk me home and I've had a crush on him for a long time. I ended up giving him a blow-job that night and we plan to get together again after Thanksgiving.

8. Everyone thinks my husband is great and they say I'm very lucky. I don't feel lucky. He bullies and abuses me. I would leave but we have three kids and I can't support them on my own.

9. My first semester in college I agreed to be a male stripper for a bachelorette party in exchange for some beer. I under estimated the impact of a room full of screaming 22 year old women/girls. I was 20. I should have jerked off before hand but didn't. It was really really hard to hide my throbbing dick underneath. I don't think they cared, but I was very conscious of it the whole time and so my performance was less than stellar. I've never had a chance again but next time I'll do better!

I got a case of Keystone Light out of it. Man I was cheap back then.

10. I once jerked off using my friend's sister's dirty panties. He walked in on me, we made eye contact and everything but we never discussed it.

11. When I was 16 I was given my 1st oral by my aunts married 40 something best friend when I visited my aunt in Florida for Spring Break.

12. I dvr the Rachael Ray show and masturbate to it when I come home from work.

13. My wife used a strap-on on me and now I want to try the real thing. It's all I think about.

And now, the non-promised photo:

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Phrases

I was thinking the other day (oh no!) about some of the phrases or sayings that I use.

One of my all time favorites is if I see someone exceedingly unattractive, I might say, "Man, S/he is uglier than a bag of assholes. With all the pretty ones taken out."

Or, "S/he's dumber than a box of rocks."

Another insulting phrase I use: "I wouldn't piss in his/her mouth if their teeth were on fire."

And: "S/he thinks she's hot shit on a silver platter, but really, s/he's just a cold turd on a paper plate."

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!" (I'm not exactly sure what that one means, but it sounds funny).

Line from a John Waters movie if I smell something yucky: "Find that odor and eliminate it!"

Line I use on my kids when they whine about wanting things: "Well, people in hell want ice water, too."

I learned most of these growing up and I use them often. What are some of your special sayings?

And also, I only have one submission for secrets for tomorrow. I'll post just that one and come up with some more asinine stuff to blather about. If you want to send one, my email is eviltwinswife@gmail.com. Maybe I'll even bring the girls out for the weekend. Nothing like a couple of breasts right before Thanksgiving! (no promises, though).

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Grousing. Because I Can

I am really frustrated right now. Here we are, coming up on the holidays. The economy is in the shitter and I get multiple calls a day from non profit organizations wanting a ~~handout~~ donation.

First, Thanksgiving is next week. My niece's birthday is in December, along with that little holiday we know as Christmas. Then, Buddy's birthday is in January and Sissy's is in February. Hellloooo?

Can you guess we're broke from November through March?

Why do these corporations solicit for donations around the holiday? Don't they realize everyone is in a tight spot right now.

One, in particular (and I won't name names), is very persistent - calling up to 3 times a day and finally calling my house at 8:45 pm! Of course, I see the caller ID. And, I don't answer. I don't answer any of them.

Except I made the mistake of answering a call - it was a cell number that seemed familiar. It was Marshall University Alumni Association. It was Sissy's bathtime, so I begged off by saying I was busy (I was), but seriously? My dad paid for every penny of my education....I think they got enough of his money that I should be off the hook forever.

And, it's not that I don't WANT to give.... I would love to. I would love to support the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, or the animal shelters or breast cancer research, the list goes on and on. But, we are a single income family. We live simply, but we don't have loads of extra cash to be handing out to every charity to call or send mail, etc.

It makes me feel like a grinch. :-(

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Doing My Job

Today is going to be chock full of housework and other little random things that need tending to.

It's not even 9:30 and I've already had a shower, did my face and hair, started a load of laundry, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher and thought I'd take a few minutes to pop in and say hi!

Nothing much going on, except I was given a really cool award from my girl, Gingermagnolia!

How cool is that?

I'll be checking all my best and favorite blogs (and that's all of you!) in between chores.

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, November 16, 2009

A Fundamental Difference

It's very evident from a nightstand that men and women are very different.

Behold, the Evil Twin's nightstand:

The handprint plate has Buddy's real name on the bottom, so I had to erase that. It actually looks better in real life, but what can I say? I do the best I can in photoshop or picasa.

Then, we have my nightstand:

Loaded with various lotions. This collection does NOT include my facial products. Those are on my make up table across the room. (sorry, no pic - it's a MESS). Also, I have products I use in the shower. I am one moisturizing mo fo!

I use them all at various times. I can barely walk past the lotion section at a store and NOT buy something. I love them all!

My goal is to have smooth legs and elbows until the day I die.

I also carry cuticle oil in my purse, so I can work on those when I have spare time.

I'd probably be better off dipping myself in a vat of Crisco! LOL.

Friday, November 13, 2009

True Confessions IV - Updated

I didn't get many secrets this week, but got a few. I'm not going to include one of my own this week - or I may come back later on and add something (If I get a few more submissions!).

1. I seriously want to have sex with a woman who's at least 20 years older than me - late 50's early 60's. I try to pick up on 'em every chance I get.

As for real stuff - I'm a random sleepwalker. The problem is, I sleep naked. I once went all the way outside, locking myself out. I'm sure that would have been a sight for any neighbor who had the pleasure of witnessing me breaking into my house sans PJ's.

2. "I often fantasize about my wife being with other men."

3. I love a woman's hands - at least of a particular kind of woman - 30-45, mature looking, mid built, with nail polish on and wearing lip stick (strange) but she must be wearing red lip stick. When I'm at work I just look at the beautiful hands of women that fit this profile as they take notes and whatever else they do. I get a thrill out of imaging the same hands moving along my legs, holding my hard-on and stroking me!

4. I have artisticly posed nekkid photos of myself posted on Flickr.

5. On the request of a woman I know and met through blogger I have taken nude pictures of my privates and sent them to her. Even though she was really turned on by them I think that I was even more turned on by secretly taking them and sending them to her... Knowing what she was using them for.

If you have a secret you want to share, email me at eviltwinswife@gmail.com. Make up a fake yahoo address or whatever. Even if you use a real email address, I will never disclose your name, or write you back, or try to find out who you are. I promise.

I copy, paste it in a different document then delete the emails.

I hope everyone has a great Friday the 13th! :-)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It's Fireplace Season!

We woke up on Wednesday morning (Veteran's Day) and it was a might nipply around here. The Evil Twin had the day off, and Buddy had the day off school, so we were just easing into the day as we like to do when there are no early morning deadlines.

The Evil Twin decided we should (I mean, HE should) make our first fire of the season. I thought that sounded good, since I was all bundled up in my comfy pants, slippers and robe and still shivering.

I like to be warm, but I do not like an astronomical gas bill. A fire sounded nice.

So, he got to work and before too long, we had a cracklin' fire to admire while we lazed about and had coffee and farted into the couch cushions. (Hey, we've been eating a lot of chili and pizza around here, sorry!)

Even though the Evil Twin is a Veteran (Air Force!), he didn't have a very restful day. He was out raking, vacuuming and mulching all the leaves on our property. That's a shit ton of leaves right there. He worked at it for several hours.

We decided that since we had not done "Saturday Night Special" - where we will go pick up fast food for dinner - we would do it on Wednesday instead.

After taking pictures of the fire, I left my camera on the coffee table and didn't think to stick it back into my purse.

While I was picking up our food from the McDonald's Drive Thru, I saw a young boy. He was probably 8 - 10 or so and he had a remarkable mullet. It was halfway down his back and wavy, but cut short in the front. Like Joe Dirt says, "Business in the front, party in the back!".

I scrambled desperately for my cell phone, but he had already hopped into his Maw-maw's SUV and so my opportunity was gone.

I will never leave home without my camera again!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Shoot!

None of the other pictures I took on Sunday turned out well. Let's face it, I was trying to get shots while the Evil Twin barreled down MacCorkle Avenue.

I asked him to at least slow down a bit when we passed the things I wanted a pic of, but he was having none of that.

Maybe someday, he will just pull over and let me get some pictures!

Soooo, today, you just get to read my random ramblings.

Yesterday, I started looking around for different car and home insurance. We have never had a problem with our current policies, in fact, we've used the same company for about 17 years now. But, the rates just kept going up and up and I guess you'll get that anywhere, but I was hoping to find something lower - for now.

Between cars and home, we'll be saving about $400 a year. Then, I called the cable company to get rid of some services, including our land line phone (we have the cable, internet, phone bundle service). I told the guy that we were very happy with all their services, but we were trying to cut corners where possible and as much as I hated to do it, I figured we'd just start using our cell phones.

He was able to work out a bundle deal that will save us $40 a month and lets us keep the land line! So, that's a savings of $480 a year! All together, we'll be saving almost $900/year.

Which is good, because the things we truly can't live without (heat and electricity) are both going up. It will make squeaking by a little easier.

I'm also cutting back at the grocery store, finding cheaper alternatives and psyching myself up to eat lots of pinto beans and cornbread. Heck, with all the extra methane around here, maybe we can cut down on using the heat, too!

Of course, we're not being very green by releasing our flatulence into the ozone, but this economy is in the shitter and I'm going to do what I have to do to keep my family afloat (and gassy).

I've always been a frugal sort. This doesn't bother me at all. I enjoy a good challenge.

Being also an ambitious individual, I am working on saving money and paying off debts.

And, no, I don't plan on separating the 2-ply toilet tissue into 1-ply. But, I am going to be looking around at different alternatives to other things.

Did you know that all you need is about a dime sized amount of shampoo (not filling up your whole hand)? You only need a pea sized amount of toothpaste on your brush to get the job done (the commercials show people loading on a big strip - that's what the companies want YOU to do, too, so you go through the product faster). You don't have to completely fill the laundry cup up with washing liquid, a little over half the cup will do. Cutting dryer sheets in half works just as well as a whole sheet.

I consider myself a stain removal champ. Clothes last longer and the carpets look nice. I'm also happy to know how to sew (by hand). I need to mend a shirt today, in fact.

Being a financial planner is very time consuming, but fun! That's why I don't have time to sell my used panties on eBay. I guess I'll just have to continue to cut back on other things! LOL.

Monday, November 9, 2009

I Know Where You Live

Yesterday, the family attended a reception for some friends of ours who were recently married. They had been engaged, but circumstances caused them to speed up the wedding plans and get married sooner than they had anticipated (and no, not because she got pregnant, because she's not).

Anyway, they didn't have the traditional wedding and reception at the time, so they planned a lovely reception a few weeks after the wedding. It was really nice.

It was at downtown Charleston on the East End, but still in a relatively residential area. However, there is street parking that is public - i.e. any one can park in front of a house unless it's marked off.

So, we found a space, parked and went in to the reception. We had a great time. We spent some time with the newlyweds, ate some delicious food, mixed with the other attendants - the 2 hour event went by in a flash.

When we came out of the building, we saw this:

Funny, huh?

I took loads of pictures and even Buddy got in on the fun by taking shots with his DSi.

We certainly thought so. But, that front pile of leaves was dragged halfway down the street when the Evil Twin pulled out! LOL.

Just for good measure, I noted the house number and did a reverse look up to find out who lived there. Now, who's your bitch?

If you don't want people to park in front of your house, don't live in downtown Charleston where the street fronts belong to the taxpayers (public).

On the way home, Buddy and I continued to take pictures of interesting surroundings - I'll post mine later in the week, but at one point, I asked him, "Do you want to be a budding photographer like Mommy?" And Sissy piped up, "I want to be a buddy, for talking like Mommy!"

In other news, I received a couple more confessions - I'll do that on Friday, so if you have the inclination, you can email me by Friday morning and I'll include your secret/confession on that post. :-)

It's Monday - and that means grocery day, which is my busiest day. I'll be checking blogs as I can. Love you all!

Friday, November 6, 2009

True Confessions III

I did not receive many submissions yesterday or this morning, but I will list what I did get.

In no particular order:

1. "I listen to jazz and masturbate at work. Every day."

2. "I like to pee in the shower. It's fun standing up."

3. "Almost every work day I shut my office door at lunch time, look up erotic pictures and rub one off. Maybe I'm a sex addict, although I don't know why everyone isn't, it feels so good, doesn't hurt anyone and it's free! Although if I was getting more action in my marriage I probably wouldn't be so compelled to 'take care of business' so often at lunch time."

4. "I want to sleep with my friend, but I'm afraid of screwing up our friendship."

5. "I fantasize about using food products to masturbate - bananas, hot dogs, cucumbers, etc. I only think about it, though, never actually tried."

Okay, that's that. One is my own. I won't tell which. That spoils the fun, I think.

If you ever want to share a secret, you can always just create a fake email address on yahoo, hotmail, whatever...send the message and then delete the account. I will never email you back.

Bruise News:

I know you all look forward to that. (sarcasm - LOL).

Random Thought of the Day: If I ever got to the bottom of my laundry baskets, would the world stop spinning on it's axis? Also, if someone wanted to purchase the Electrolux front loader washer and dryer for me, I'd be happy to provide my mailing address. ;-)