My parents never censored what I read, watched, whatever. If they knew what I was learning, they might have thought, "Holy shit! She's too young for this." But, I turned out no worse for the wear.
The Evil Twin and his siblings would leave the house in the mornings and not return until dusk. They got into lots of things they shouldn't have, but they all grew up to be responsible citizens and very well adjusted.
Several years ago, we upgraded the Evil Twin's desktop computer and gave his old one to Buddy. We set it up for wi-fi and stuck it in his room. I never check the history or even butt in to see what he's doing because when I walk by his room, I could tell he was playing computer games - and not racy ones either. Kind of like they build something, then interact with that environment. Which I would consider a learning type of game. You know, finding out what works and what doesn't work in a design.
A few summers ago, we noticed that he would sleep very late, but then again, we let him stay up later in the summer AND we're both night owls/not morning people, so I chalked it up to that. Then, we discovered he was getting up at night and playing on the computer. So, we started by taking the mouse and power cord every evening. That seemed to have broken him of that habit.
But I can remember when I was a kid - about his age - I would put a flashlight under the covers and read until the wee hours.
Thing is, I would still be ready to get up for school or whatever. I might have been tired, but I took care of my responsibilities of getting ready in the morning with little prompting.
Fast forward to the past couple of weeks. Buddy now has a laptop (the desktop was on its' last legs) and I started to notice that he was very difficult to wake in the mornings. He gets in bed by 9:30 on school nights and never had any problems getting up at 6:45 the next morning. Suddenly....Hmmmmmm.
Last night, just after 10pm, I just walked to his room and opened the door without knocking. There he was, glued to his computer. All I said was, "Hand it over." I put it in our room and there it still sits.
The Evil Twin thinks we should take it away for a week for this infraction. If he does the same thing again, then it'll be taken away for 2 weeks. I'm really at my wits end here. He's a good kid, smart and he's not doing anything sketchy online (just playing the games), but... I don't know. Like I said, I did the same thing with books and a flashlight under my covers at his age. But, he needs his sleep to do well in school.
Sometimes, this momming stuff is really, really hard.
Happy Tuesday, hooligans, while I contemplate my dilemma here.
Love,
Screw the taking away of the computer. Waterboard the little bastard for disobeying. Cheers ETW!!
ReplyDeleteOh just you wait until its video games he's obsessed with. They go through a phase where they don't wanna eat, shower, sleep anything b/c of those damned games.
ReplyDeleteSince you say he's no trouble generally I say let lil Buddy slide with a warning this time and next time take it away. I have a son that is no trouble ever except like two days a month for some reason. I chalk it up to his version of his period and let him slide for those two days but if he goes past the standard two days then I gotta whop some ass. This stuff is addictive so you gotta watch it.
The current jr. Senator from Va., James Webb, wrote a novel many years ago about life at the Naval Academy in the 60's "A Sense of Honor" -- great book. One of the subplots is the hazing of first year students that goes on, despite its "official" prohibition.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it comes up that one of the professors, faculty advisors or whatever becomes aware of a problem, and he asks advice as to what he ought to do about what he "officially" knows, as opposed to what he REALLY knows.
Anyway, seems like there's a big discussion about what NOT to see. These kids are on a serious honor code, but it goes both ways -- you don't want to corner these people and turn them into finks by asking them the wrong question that they're totally compelled to answer. But at some point, information bubbles to the surface, and it just can't be ignored -- you've got to go with it.
Sure, you did the same things with books and flashlights at his age, and you're right he's going to do that and you don't wanna turn him into some kind of milquetoast. But it's gotten out of hand. The staying up late and hanging on the computer's now affecting other things -- and he got tagged, so you HAD to come down on him.
That's what he needs to take away -- the need to keep things within reasonable bounds. You aren't going to "see" it when it's minor league, but you can't ignore it when it's open, obvious and becomes a real problem.
There are boundaries that have to be set up and no matter how large they are I think kids just have to push until they find them. I thought for sure you were gonna say you caught him with some major porn site on the laptop ;-)
ReplyDeleteWhile he may be doing, in essence, the same thing you did as a kid, the results are not the same.
ReplyDeleteYou are probably right to do something that will teach him about responsibility for his actions (before it affects his school work).
The internet is like crack. You get on thinking you'll just be a second. "Oh, I just want to Google this one thing." Then, somehow, you wind up getting sucked into an endless chain of wanderings, having no idea where you originally began or how you got to the place you ended up, and yet it seems fascinating the entire time. He needs a parent to save him from the siren song of the computer. Even adults struggle with it, like my neighbor, for instance, who is in his 40s and spends all day and night playing some online game with Japanese people. What's up with that?
ReplyDeleteThat's a tough one. I agree maybe a warning of more dire punishment if there's another infraction and like with the desktop make it part of his night time routine to hand the laptop over before bed.
ReplyDeleteI'm up in the air on this one. I wouldn't make a big deal about just yet...especailly if his grades arent slipping...in the end he's really only hurting himself and hopefully he will learn that sooner then later!
ReplyDeletei go thru the same kinds of challenges with MY little one.
ReplyDeletehe loves the computer, and his Wii, and his DS, and hes not a "sports" kid at all.
but sometimes we just shut off everything and run out to play.
Tiredness is a great teacher. A few miserable mornings and likely he'll force a reasonable bedtime on himself.
ReplyDeleteI think a week is very reasonable.
ReplyDeleteSome people, kids and adults, need a little help to make the right choices.
Just means you are a great parent.
Have faith in your own style and methods.
xx
I'm thinking seeing as it's the first time you have caught him,
ReplyDeletetake the opportunity to have a good talk to him about how he needs his sleep etc
The other option is to ask him what he thinks is a suitable penalty, it may surprise you.
I have a 19 year old that has to be reminded he needs sleep sometimes also, these games are addictive! ;)
G
xx
I worry about the internet with my kiddos. In our case, the answer has been that computers are only allowed in shared spaces. The kids don't have a computer in their room, but neither do I. That way we always know what's up and how long they've been on.
ReplyDeleteBut now Game Boys, or DSes as my kids try to make me call them, have been a bigger issue.
Ugh. I hate being mean mommy, too.
ReplyDeleteSince Buddy's main issue is struggling to get up in the morning, turning the laptop over before going to bed may be the way to go.
I'm sorry you have to be 'mean' today.
i agree with what Cara Smith said. He may be doing the sames things you did as a kid but the results are different.
ReplyDeletein order to have certain privleges you have to show you are can be a certain level of responsible. and if he can't show that responsiblity than he needs to realize that he cant get that privelege. (sorry i suck at spelling today)
on a side note.. this reminded me of an issue i had with my parents a few weeks back: we were at dinner at their house and my son was acting up- doing something that i dont remember now- but i reprimanded him, told him to stop doing whatever it was. My step-dad pipes up and said "well you used to do the same thing when you were his age". that pissed me off so bad. but i kept my mouth shut because the dinner table, infront of my kids was not the time nor the place to start something... i wish he would learn to keep his mouth shut.
anywho- good luck with what you decide to do...
i agree with what Cara Smith said. He may be doing the sames things you did as a kid but the results are different.
ReplyDeletein order to have certain privleges you have to show you are can be a certain level of responsible. and if he can't show that responsiblity than he needs to realize that he cant get that privelege. (sorry i suck at spelling today)
on a side note.. this reminded me of an issue i had with my parents a few weeks back: we were at dinner at their house and my son was acting up- doing something that i dont remember now- but i reprimanded him, told him to stop doing whatever it was. My step-dad pipes up and said "well you used to do the same thing when you were his age". that pissed me off so bad. but i kept my mouth shut because the dinner table, infront of my kids was not the time nor the place to start something... i wish he would learn to keep his mouth shut.
anywho- good luck with what you decide to do...
Late to the game, but my two bits is that you have a smart bunch of commenters. One warning, then hammer down!
ReplyDelete