Weekend Encounter with a Moron

Morons are everywhere. In every state. I seem to be a moron magnet.

Sunday morning, I decided to run to Tudor's Biscuit World (a local fast food restaurant chain that has breakfast and lunches available). It's also extremely tasty. They are best known for their biscuits.

When I pulled into the lot, I saw that the drive thru line was a mile long, so I decided to park and just go into the place to order the food to go.

I pulled into an available spot, but I was kind of off center, so I backed up my van, straightened it out and pulled back in. I was doing, perhaps, 1 mile while attempting to do the right thing and not be a spot hogging idiot.

To my left, there was a Jeep Grand Cherokee parked with a man inside. He was gnawing on a biscuit... Whatever.

After I turned my engine off, he approached my van and claimed that I had "hit" his vehicle. I didn't feel anything, even though he said his jeep "jiggled". Yes, my short wheel base van could do major damage to a large SUV.... Right? I just offered up my insurance and registration info, but he said no. He wanted a police report.

I said fine and got out of my van to take pictures and video of both vehicles for insurance purposes. I noticed his vehicle already had extensive damage on that side - all the way down both doors and there were rust spots. IF I did, in fact, tap him, there wouldn't be that much damage.

As I was documenting the "damage", he was constantly screaming at me that I could not violate his privacy by gathering photographic or video of him in his "private property" (the jeep). I was documenting the existing damage. On public property.

Two officers arrived at the scene and the officer I dealt with was very professional and polite. He said (and I quote) that the other party was "Just being a butthole" and that I had every right to take pictures/video of anything I wanted to on public property. Furthermore, he stated that for this type of situation, the police were not needed. We only needed to exchange insurance information and move on.

I had OFFERED the insurance info right off the bat. The Hick didn't think that was good enough and called the police.

You know what? If I did indeed damage your vehicle - that's my fault and I will own up to that. I'm not the best parker (or driver, for that matter). But, in the nearly 20 years the Evil Twin and I have been together and had joint car insurance, we have never filed a claim that was on our record (the other things being people who have hit our cars).

So, now the cops are involved. They inspect both vehicles an only find a minor scrap on my front fender - and surprisingly, no corresponding damage to his vehicle.

Monday morning, I spent 2 hours on the phone with his insurance and my insurance going over the details.

Then, I dropped Sissy off at preschool and had lunch with a friend. Bliss!

I came home to a voice message from HIS insurance company. He had called in and said that he was only worried about the damage to my van (which he didn't see until much later) and he didn't want to be liable for that incident. OK, idiot, if I hit you, as you claimed, how would you be responsible for the damage to MY car?? Dumbass, you were parked and not in motion. Let's see..... How COULD you be responsible for that little scuff mark on my car?

Anyhoot, he said he was NOT filing a claim because his Jeep had no damage. But, I have him on video tape screaming at me that "You HIT my car!" and "You better not go anywhere." I was outside my van, where would I be going?

The officer I dealt with wouldn't even list our phone number on The Hick's report. The officer said, "He seems unstable and I don't want him harassing you." Even though anyone with half a brain could look at the report, then look at the phone directory and find our number. I suspect he can't spell our last name, even while looking at a paper in front of him.

When I posted this info on Facebook, I had a comment that while the situation was not cool, the judgement (sic) on this person "saddened" the commenter and she unfriended me. I thanked her for that, because it saved me the trouble of unfriending her. I mean, please, you cannot insult me. I simply don't care. But, if you mess with me or mine, like Toothless Hick did, you will incur the full wrath of my being.

If anyone feels that is "counterintuitive" or unfair, feel free to not come back! Don't let the mouse "hit" your ass on the way out! :-)

Happy Tuesday, hooligans!