1. I'm Jewish and I used to be embarrassed about my love of bacon when i was a kid. It's why I don't go to temple any more.
2. I'm sad because I don't love my wife anymore. I did my best to keep the marriage together but she made no effort. Now it's over and she doesn't realize it.
3. I am so damn lonely.
4. I don't see the appeal of sushi.
5. I love being out on the dance floor and feeling an anonymous cock rubbing against my tight skirt.
6. I went to an AA meeting high off of pot brownies once.
7. I once had a long, secret relationship with a married woman. She was a great person and we had a lot of fun together. I miss her a lot.
8. I haven't gone down on my wife in years. Come to think of it, I don't bring her flowers anymore, either.
9. I'm jealous of black people because they can grow Afros.
10. I'm an emophobe. But I secretly listen to the Get Up Kids. And My Chemical Romance.
11. I don't understand the appeal of the whole 72 virgins thing that Muslims believe in. I'd rather have one well traveled pirate whore.
The itty bitty sundress:
Happy Friday, hooligans!
To summarize...I love bacon, hate sushi, and will go down on damn near any chick. I guess that makes me a pirate who is a whore.
ReplyDeleteNice picture. They look like happy boobies. I guess that makes them, Hoobies. Cheers ETW!!
i love fridays... :-)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE #11, LOLOL, so funny! Seriously, 72 virgins DOES sound like you'd be doing a lot of coaching.
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday :-)
OMG BEWBIES FTW!!!!
ReplyDeletewhy do so many people not love their wives/husbands?
ReplyDeletei think it's a lack of sexual adventurness. i make my girlfriend play a sexxy game of dungeons and dragons. and that's adventure time!
she wants to LARP but i'm not *THAT* much of a nerd...
LOL @ the 72 virgins things as well!!
ReplyDeleteI like sushi for many reasons but one of my favorite parts is the faces that folks around me make when I stick it in my mouth!
ReplyDeleteI don't get the virgin thing either..although 72...hmmmm
#9...hmmm...there is more to say about that but I think I won't...
12. I had to look up emophobe.
ReplyDeleteSushi is awesome, as are pirate whores and boob shots. Yay Friday!
ReplyDeleteah, how i love reading you on fridays....
ReplyDeletecan you at least tell me where the cock-rubbing chick likes to go dancing?
#5, I love being in a crowded restaurant, mall, state fair ... you name it ... and feeling an anonymous breast rubbing up against my arm! And #11, I'm a card carrying (honest to goodness) Wench - is that close enough to a well traveled pirate whore?
ReplyDelete#9, why not ask a bunch of negros for their pubes and you can make a merkin?!
ReplyDelete#3 i'm sorry, i hope you find something that helps. i've been there, and still revisit that place from time to time. it's not fun.
ReplyDeletethree, er, two cheers for itty bitty sundresses!
Nice dress!!!!!!! #9......LMAO!
ReplyDelete#3 Me too :(
ReplyDelete9. My hairdresser friend could do a fro with your hair, hair dye, permanent solution and itty bitty roller rods.
ReplyDeletecharlene i have baby-fine hair. it can't work.
ReplyDeleteit makes me so sad.
#1. Mmm. Bacon.
ReplyDelete#2. Sorry, Dude.
#3. You should introduce yourself to #2.
#4. I'm right there with you.
#5. If you ever feel a large belly rubbing up on your backside, it is me trying to be that anonymous guy - unfortunately, I have a "dicky-do" belly.
#6. You might want to add NA into the mix there.
#7. Was she #2's wife?
#8. If you see #2's or #7's car in your driveway, you might check the vase for flowers. If there aren't any there, they were taking care of the other thing.
#9. And that whole long wiener thing too, I guess.
#10. Now all you need is some black clothes and a weird hairdo.
#11. No kiddin'. And really, can you just imagine the amount of hugging and cuddling and pillow talk required after having to deal with 72 virgins. I'd turn gay. Like #8.
Itty bitty sundress: The sundress may be itty bitty...
So you didn't get my picture of me with the thong, ball gag and nipple clamps????
ReplyDeleteSo you didn't get my picture of me with the thong, ball gag and nipple clamps????
ReplyDeleteRon, I sent one just like that, too. Maybe she was overwhelmed.