Friday Secrets: Preempted Until Next Friday

I was really busy on Friday and then, our router was going in and out on Saturday. I think we need a new one. I figure I'll just wait until next Friday to post (and maybe get a few more secrets). Everything else is ready to go, though.

I just wanted to let everyone know and reassure those who did send secrets that they WILL be posted, but just a little late.

I may go router shopping today. I need to pick up some Memorial Day cook out food anyway, so I can do both.

Well, as usual, no holiday or vacation time is wasted on Moms, so I still have a ton of work to do. I hope you hooligans enjoy your time off.

And thanks to all the troops serving, who have served in the past. If it weren't for you all, the United States wouldn't be what it is - the most free nation in the world.

Love,

Wha??

I was so tired this morning, I couldn't find the motivation for much, but after a warm greeting from a Twitter friend, I felt more positive and ready to get going.

I hopped in the shower, did my morning routine and drove Sissy down to her preschool. There were no other parents around. I thought maybe they had already gone into the school, but I was at least 5 minutes early.

Turns out, a water main broke (or something) and the kids who were already there would be dismissed in about 10 minutes. I know it's ONLY a half a mile drive, but I really wasn't interested in getting a phone call to come back around and pick her up.

I went to all that "getting ready" business for nothing and I have a ton of work to do around the house. Laundry, dishes, bills, assorted paperwork, etc. And now I have a little helper who wants to do crafts with me. ::::le sigh::::

The weird thing is that Buddy's Middle School is right beside the Elementary School that Sissy goes to (this year only, thank my lucky stars) and I haven't heard a peep from the Middle School. This is after learning at least 3 schools in the area have been dismissed because of this "water issue".

Now, I would think - with both schools being side by side - they'd both be affected, amiright? Who knows?

I'll just be glad when this week is over. :-) Yay for three day weekends. Maybe I'll get through half of my ever growing list.

Until tomorrow, hooligans, enjoy your Thursday. Remember about Friday Secrets (and a special photo) for tomorrow: eviltwinswife@gmail.com. :-) It's free and totally private! Take a load off!

Love,

It Really Works!

You know how you see all these products on television trying to sell "this" or "that"? Since I majored in Advertising Journalism, I'm a little jaded to the promises and the hard sell of advertised items.

Well, our son, Buddy is 13. And, in the middle of tween-dom and facial maladies (a.k.a. "acne"). I brought home several products from the store, but either they didn't work or he didn't bother using them.

Many of you know my penchant for watching zit popping videos online and looking at his growing collection of snow-caps was driving me crazy. He wouldn't let me or my hookerlicious nails anywhere near his face.

I thought: "I need to do something about this before I tie him down and pop every one of those juicy suckers." So, I caved. I ordered the Proactiv system.

I do have to remind him to use it twice a day (AM/PM), but the results have been amazing.

It's not completely gone, but it is considerably diminished.

He won't admit it, but I think he's happy with the results as well.

We may just make it through this adolescent time okay! (I just say that to appease myself - I know it won't always be this easy).

It's Mart day for me, but I hope the rest of you hooligans have a lovely Tuesday.

Love,

Happy Monday. I Think.

We've had loads of rain here lately. At least the temperature is pleasant. I don't mind it if it's on the warm side.

We also have a very long and steep driveway. At the end of the driveway (it's a downward slope), we have a divot in the road to the left hand side - or right hand side if you're coming up the scary driveway LOL.

Anypoots, when it rains, that little divot fills up with water. It's a wee tiny pool of sorts. I enjoy watching all our little neighborhood birds swing by for a drink or a bath. They flap around in the water and it's adorable. I've been trying to get it on video, but I don't want my video stuff out in the rain (and, as I said, it's been raining a lot here).

I'm nothing if not persistent, so I will continue to stalk those little bathing birdies with my video camera at my side. At least it's a good show for Bella, who enjoys sitting by the full length screen door and keeping an eye on all the neighborhood wildlife. And, it distracts her from our indoor birds for a bit.

Bella is NOT an outside cat - she has no front claws, and she is also not allowed to harass our parakeets (if she gets caught), and they are rarely out of their cage - and she is in a different part of the house when they are.

No one will be snacking on any other family member around here. I just won't have it.

We're a weird family, but we're not the cotton pickin' Donner party over here.

I hope my hooligans all had a great weekend. Try to enjoy your Monday...it won't last long! :-)

Love,

Friday Secrets May 20

1. My spouse's drinking is slipping, getting worse again. It's not to the point where their job is in jeopardy, nor is it to the point that drove me to stage the home version of the show "Intervention" 4 years ago. 

But. 

I fear the spouses next 'bottom' will be my last.  30+ years down the shitter because the spouse is still in denial about the drinking problem.  I need to be free.

2. When I was in high school my cousin and I went out and picked up two girls. It was my first time doing something like this. We weren't really sure where we were going to get laid since we really didn't think we could pull it off. So, when things started getting hot and heavy we were quite surprised. We needed a plan fast. Then my cousin remembered grandma was out of town that weekend and he said he knew how to get in the house. So, we took the two whores to grandma's. He and his gal took the guest bedroom and I took grandma's room. And there on gradma's bed at the tender age of 15 I fucked a whore. To this day, only my cousin and I know about this. Every time I go over to grandma's house I think about this little secret. It was quite thrilling.

The next 2 were sent in by the same anonymous reader:
3. I love me some pain killers.  They make other people tolerable and every day feel like a 68 degree blue skied spring day.
 
4. I can prove the government is blowing millions of dollars.  Practically throwing away about 10 million dollars a year in an organization of only 90 people.  No one even sees the money, it essentially is dissolved into funds. 

Once again, none of the secrets are mine. I think I run out of good stuff because I'm all TMI all the time. :-)

Now, enjoy the other treat:

Happy Friday, hooligans. I know that I am super happy it has arrived!

Love,

Having a Hard Week

I am SO tired. I saw my physician on Tuesday and he upped my Zoloft from 50 mg to 100 mg. This week, though, I'm only taking a 50 and a 50 cut in half (75 mg total), to work up to the 100 mg. I don't think that's the reason for my overwhelming fatigue though.

I bought doughnuts this morning because a couple of the moms I actually get along with at Sissy's school were due to drop by. However, one mom wasn't feeling well and the other had different plans. So, there are a dozen really awesome looking - and smelling - doughnuts in the house. I want one so bad, but the thoughts of the calorie count keep me away from the box. I might have one after dinner for desert.

Or, I might go all werepig on myself and eat one right away.

Who knows? I have a couple of Friday Seeeeekrits for tomorrow. I know you guys have more skeletons in your closet! And no one will recognize your handwriting or photos, because all I post is a type written email from whoever it comes from.

Remember: Secrets = Cleavage shot, maybe even something more daring! :-)

Have a great Thursday, hooligans - the weekend is almost here! YAY!

Love,

Back From the Abyss

I guess most of you know by now that Blogger was down for a couple o' days last week. Since I couldn't access my "dashboard" area (where all the blogs I follow are listed), I couldn't even access non-Blogger blogs. I NEED my LIST, dangit!

So, I have spent the weekend and the last few days trying to catch up, and ignoring my own cobwebbed corner of the innernets. Sorry about that, but I think I'm currently up to speed. Whew! You people like to write. A LOT.

It's been fairly interesting around here. On Saturday, the Evil Twin went to a store owned by friends of ours. They buy and sell used CDs, T-Shirts, incense...you know, a little bit of everything. TET had some CDs he wanted to sell or trade. While he was there, the owner of the store told him some very crazy information.

I don't talk about it much (I'd rather act like it never happened), but when I was in college, I got married. The whole ordeal only lasted 17 months. He was an abusive person and also couldn't hold down a job - a real winner, right? As soon as I got my Bachelor's Degree, I filed for divorce and got the hell out of there.

Anyhoot, this loser has been living in the same college town and was arrested for "tagging" (that means graffiti, which also means "destruction of public property"). He is in his 40s. In all the articles online I could find, I never saw an definitive sentence, but our friend told the Evil Twin that "Loser" was looking at 5 years in jail. That may seem harsh, but apparently, the graffiti was so prolific, the police had been after the evil doers for quite some time (he had an accomplice).

Sorry to hear that, stupid! Don't drop the soap!

Just goes to show ya, karma catches up with you eventually.

I hope all my hooligans have a happy Hump Day! Only two more days to a blazingly fast weekend. Woot. It would be extra nice if it stopped raining and we actually experienced SPRING temperatures, not Fall temps. It's mid May and we've had to turn the heat on in the mornings to shake the chill off! Ridiculous!

I received a couple of secrets this week, so if anyone would like to step up and send me a couple more, this Friday will be right off the charts awesome! Like, an 11. Don't forget: eviltwinswife@gmail.com. :-) What happens on my gmail account, stays on my gmail account. Well, except when I post them anonymously on Fridays. There is something for everyone! :-)

Love,

Have You Ever?

Said anything that qualifies as "putting your foot in your mouth"? I do, all the time. And, it's because I just can't help myself. Sometimes it's only because I want the information to get back to the evildoers.

Take last weekend for example. There were 3 people out mowing the lawn of our across the street neighbors. Now, I have seen that grass up to a foot or so high and....no action.

The Evil Twin is almost 53 years old. We have a very hilly double lot and he gets out there with soccer cleats on and mows that mo-fo at least once a week (weather permitting).

Our neighbors across the street are younger. They have no children. Neither of them lifts a finger to do their lawn. So, when I saw people out mowing for them and one guy was chit-chatting with the Evil Twin, I made a bee line to get into the conversation.

See, I had seen the vehicle they arrived in parked out there many times, so I knew they must be relatives (although we suspect Momma and Poppa Roach - our nicknames for them because they skitter inside if any other human is outside) may be Witness Protection Program members..... We like to make up fun stories for all the people we encounter, but don't really "know".

So, I said, "Those people would let their yard go to seed if they didn't hire a company to take care of it." and the guy said, "That's my daughter and her husband has a bad back." I gave him my classic withering look. Because it's not just the lawn, it's an all-over lack of trying on the exterior of the home plus .... I have tried to introduce myself and be a kind neighbor, but I am met with near scorn for even my attempts at trying to be friendly.

Finally, I resolved myself to just ignoring them the way they ignore the rest of us. Hey, I didn't need any new drinking buddies, anyway.

Happy Tuesday, hooligans!

Love,

You Know I Gotta

Give the ol' Mother's Day report. And, it was nice. The kids either played in their rooms or downstairs, so I had some peace & quiet.

The Evil Twin did my breakfast bidding by schlepping to McDonald's for the rare treat of breakfast sammiches. He even vacuumed the area rugs, because Lord knows I wasn't going to do it and there were crumbs all over the japing place.

Otherwise, it was just a very laid back day. Sissy brought home a wrapped photo in a frame of her from preschool - very cute. Buddy was a stingy non-gift giver, but I still love him all the same. The Evil Twin made my day special by just being him and being considerate. I think it was pretty special!

I need to hit the Mart today, but it may be later afternoon. If not, it'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm not in desperate need of groceries, but it'd be helpful if I could knock this chore out today. However, I have a mountain of laundry that also needs dire attention, so we'll just have to see how much I can accomplish.

My house is a wreck and I also need to do something about that today. I really don't know why I bother....in a day or two, it will be back to it's usual "Geoffrey
Giraffe threw up everywhere." and I have to start all over again.

Plus, there is an odd smell in or around the kitchen area. I've already talked about my crazy sense of smell:

"I have a very keen sense of smell - which is both a blessing and a curse, as you can imagine. I mean, if the house was on fire, I would be aware right away. On the other hand, if there's something sketchy in the trash can causing it to smell like a hot dumpster, well, I'm also aware of that right away. The air freshener companies get a lot of our money - sprays, plug-ins, etc. That's one of my favorite aisles at the Mart.

I'm all about the good smells! :-)"

Now, I need to locate the smell and eliminate it. I have Febreze, Pine Sol and any other cleaning product known to mankind in my arsenal. There WILL be victory here today. Let's just call this little project HO™ (the Home Office). The HO™ has all sorts of cleaning supplies on hand for nearly every emergency.

I'm off for the day - laundry is calling my name and it's lunch time, too!

I hope all my mom hooligans had a relaxing day yesterday and all my other hooligans had an awesome weekend! :-)

Love,

Friday Secrets May 6

1. A friend-with-benefits once inspired me to do a little 'man-scaping'.  It made some portions of our mutually beneficial rendezvous much more palatable.  The fwb and I have since parted ways, but I kept up with the trimming.  Not too long ago, my spouse dared me to take the man-scaping to the limit.  Of course I did, hoping that she'd follow suit. Well, she didn't. I still maintain my trim because I really enjoy the feeling.  Unfortunately, the spousal unit doesn't take advantage of the floss-free fun zone nearly often enough.  It's time to find that old fwb and see how she's doing.

2. I have a camera set up (secretly) in my wife's dressing room.  I have hours upon hours of footage of her dressing--

She must think it weird how many time she has been laid in her dressing room lately.


3. I don't know if this qualifies as a Friday Secret but I have been imagining how it might look if the Evil Twin were to use his artistic skills to recreate several naughty versions of your blog header.  I just think it would be cool to see a version where there is no shirt under the apron or perhaps you holding a "toy" instead of a feather duster!  I guess the secret is, I'm sort of a pervert!  

4. I have a crush on my girlfriend's best friend. It is even worse because I once saw them make out!!!

5. I take Levitra. I'm 31. I don't have ED or a dinky wang. I just do it for showboating with my girl!

6. I've roofied my girlfriend just so I could get some quiet time to watch Farscape.

And the payoff:

Sorry I wasn't able to compose the shot better, but I'm on borrowed time here! Enjoy the secrets (none are mine, BTW).

Love,

So Tired...and Hungry, too!

I have been unbelievably tired today. Got a decent night's sleep, but still woke up just a draggin'. I usually sleep super well if my girl, Bella, is by my side. Which she was all night (Bella is the spoiled family Calico cat - who takes up more than her fair share of the bed).

I'd like to be her, sometimes. ;-)

So, it's Cinco de Mayo and I don't think it's any weird coincidence or anything, but I need Gazpacho and guacamole today. In fact, I could eat those things every day.

Growing up, my dad worked with a man whose wife was from Madrid. That was my introduction (and addiction) to gazpacho. I've tried my hand at making it many times, but it has never been as good as Carmen's gazpacho. I wish I had one sure fire recipe for this delicious soup.

I wasn't even thinking of Cinco de Mayo yesterday when I dragged the kids all over the Mart looking for guacamole. I think I'm just Latina by heart. Couldn't find any guac. (Note to self: Learn how to make it at home!).

I hope all my hooligans have a super special Cinco de Mayo and will also check in tomorrow for the Friday Secrets (and a bonus!). I think you will all be pleasantly surprised!! Happy Thursday!

Love,

Music

Today's Madhouse theme is Music.

I have always loved music. In fact, when I was little, I wanted to be a DJ on the radio. Then, I got into college and worked at the University's radio station. As a "news reader". I would "rip and read" from the AP print outs. I realized early on that I was too nervous to do that sort of business. Besides, what is the difference between a radio jockey and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four! Harhar! There is no money to be made in Journalism. I went the Advertising Journalism route (because I never felt attractive or smart enough for broadcast). I still didn't make much. Anyhoodle, that was then, this is now.

I still do love music and I am often on YouTube to find new songs or just something silly to make me smile.

After having my first child, I started to listen to less and less music. I liked (and still do) the moments of quiet I can find in a day. Also, the music I like is a little - OK, it's A LOT on the not PG side. I can't play it in the van or in the house without earphones on, so I have - sadly - left that part of me behind.

I wish it weren't that way. Growing up, my parents always played records. They liked Patsy Cline (me too!) and Johnny Cash (me too!), so having the record player going was a regular feature in our house. These days, the kids are too busy with their video games or what is on TV, they don't care.

I still have a few favorites I will check out on YouTube from time to time, but nothing like it used to be.

My parents were very indulgent and bought me anything I ever wanted, but my mom refused to buy me the AC/DC album "Highway to Hell". I had to save up my own money to buy it. I had a generous allowance, so I was able to purchase it quickly. LOL. That was back when vinyl albums were about $7 or $8.

My mom even took me to see the AC/DC movie... "Dirty Deeds"? I think. She sat through the whole thing, even when it was clear that Bon Scott's junk was threatening to host a wardrobe malfunction in his pants - she said nothing.

So, I feel I had a good music education early on, because I was rarely censored and that's how I treat Buddy and Sissy. Even if she's singing Ke$ha "Take it Off" at only 5... She can shake her booty to anything she likes. :-)

Love,

It's What?

Only Tuesday?? Sheesh. Why does time move so fast sometimes and move so slow other times? That's a real conundrum for me. Keep it consistent, Time Fairies!

I don't appreciate being thrown off my schedule....Which is actually not really a schedule, but more of a "I need to get this done" list. I just try to squeeze it all in when it seems doable.

Like today: I have to do some laundry (what else is new??), And I need to get my van registered at some point. The trip to the Mart looms large in my future as well. And those are just a few errands. I still have stuff to do.

I got a really cool new necklace in the mail. It will be featured in the Friday Secrets, along with my ample boobage. Don't we just all love boobs?

I have a friend who has accused me of being a closet hippie because I like all natural products, etc. But, I must say, I am not a hippie - However, my "girls" are all natural and home grown. I think it's the power of positive thinking! :-D

Alrighty then, I'm off to do my regular and not as fun work for the day. I hope you hooligans have a happy Tuesday (Let's keep our fingers crossed that the week will speed up a bit!)

Love,

There is too much to do...

And, I have less than 3 hours to do it all, so I'll leave you all with a question.

If I were to say, "middle of the night", would that be before, after or around midnight (12 AM)? Is 3 AM the "middle of the night" or early the next morning?

I say anything after 12 AM is early the next morning. The Evil Twin disagrees and says that 3 AM is the "middle of the night".

What do you hooligans think? And have a happy Monday!

Love,