My Bad Side

And why you don't want to be on it.

When we moved into this house 6 years ago, even though we had forwarded our mail from the first house, we didn't receive any mail for days. Not even a piece of junk.

See, our little burg's postal service is door delivery, meaning they place the mail into a box beside your front door or into a door slot.

After many days of no mail, I finally decided to visit our local post office to find out what was going on. They told me that our mail was being held at the office. There was a huge stack of mail - including the deed to our home, AND a letter from the PO stating that if we did not install a curbside mailbox within 10 days, all our mail would be returned to the senders. The letter stating this fact WAS IN THE STACK OF HELD MAIL. What am I? Frickin' psychic?

It also stated that due to a 1978 change in postal regulations, all homes sold after 1978 were going to be required to have a curbside box (meaning: at the end of the driveway). Now, we live up a long driveway and there are steps to get from the driveway to the front door. So, it's quite a hike.

Many of my neighbors had moved in after 1978 and I noticed properties being sold after we moved in that did NOT have curbside boxes, so I questioned this "regulation" and even stated that I felt it was arbitrary. I also asked for a copy of said regulation. I was told I would get a copy.

After many requests on my part, no "regulation" ever materialized. Finally, the post master refused to take my calls and when I would go in and ask for him, he was always mysteriously "not there".

Fast forward a few years later, as I continued to notice houses being sold and no curbside boxes at all. They all still had door delivery. I went back into the post office to voice my objection about this seemingly arbitrary "ruling" and again, I asked for a copy of the "regulation".

I kept getting the run around, even though I told them I have MS and can't always make it down my driveway to retrieve the mail. I was told that if we had one able bodied person living here (i.e. The Evil Twin) that even if I applied for hardship delivery, it would be denied. Again, I asked for the "regulation".

Finally, I called the postmaster general in Washington, DC. The person I spoke with there had never heard of a 1978 "regulation" change. I also called the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) and filed a complaint.

Eventually, I was told that if my neurologist sent a signed letter stating that I did, in fact, have MS, I might be granted hardship delivery. (See how this story keeps changing on THEIR side every so often???? SUSPICIOUS!).

I jumped through all their little hoops and was told we could mount a doorside box under our carport, but that I would need to leave my curbside box up, but taped up and marked for no delivery there.

Another phone call to my local post office ensued. I said, "I paid for that damn mailbox and it belongs to ME. If the post office would like to issue me a check for $65, I will leave it there. Otherwise, I can shove it up a wild pig's ass if I want. It's my property and it looks stupid out there taped up. Any problem with that? Let me know." Guess what? No probs. The Evil Twin removed the useless curbside box and put it in our storage shed.

The Evil Twin said I would never be able to fight the federal government and win. But, I DID! And I have several letters to prove it.

I should have taken my dad's advice and gone to law school....