The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau: August 2009

Monday, August 31, 2009

What I've Been Up To

Okay, so I told you all that I would be on hiatus for the last part of the week. I'm glad I took a couple of days off. I was able to catch up with many of the blogs I love to read and I also had plenty of time for this:

Yeah, so that's been my life for a while. I started the project last Sunday, but really got into it on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

That whole middle school thing?

It's going okay. Buddy is getting into it and has had some good days. There have been a couple of blips, but nothing major, so I sigh the sigh of total relief!

And yet, I have this PROJECT I started to distract myself still breathing down my neck.

If it makes you all feel any better, my nails and cuticles look like crud.

And now, I'm off to pick at more wallpaper! :-P

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Hiatus

I'm going to be taking a day or two off. I'll be back on Monday. I have plenty to blather on about and share with my dear readers, but this wallpaper job will have my attention tied up for a bit.

I had mentioned on Facebook the other day that I was going to bring the pearl necklace back. I have a strand of real pearls that my parents gave me years ago. I wore them at our wedding and I think I wore them to my high school graduation.

I started wearing them again a few days ago. The clasp had been broken for years and all that held it together in the back was a tiny safety pin.

I had been meaning to take it somewhere for repair, but wore it so infrequently, I just kept putting it off.

Last night, the strand broke! I managed to keep most of the pearls on the strand and save the rest to be restrung. I put it all in a little baggie and I suppose it will make a trip to the jewelry docs soon to get put back together and get a new clasp and all! Oh well.

I will leave you with a necklace I wear quite a bit. I like to think of it as my modern day "pearl necklace".

I found it at Kohl's and I think I had a $10 off coupon, so I got it almost for free! I do loves me a freebie (or a nearly freebie - you know I'm cheap like that!).

So, I will be back on Monday morning. But, in the meantime - probably in the evenings, when I've had my fill of wallpaper removal for the day - I WILL be reading and commenting on all your blogs. I couldn't stand to miss a one!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

My Little Project + Post 700!

When my anxiety is at an all time high (middle school! middle school!), I like to try to alleviate some of the stress by finding a project to get my mind focused elsewhere.

After living in this house for over 5 years, I decided I was finally ready to tackle the removal of the kitchen wallpaper. Only it's not just the kitchen - it's the dining room and a small room behind the kitchen, where you can either turn right to a half bath, turn left to go on the patio or turn to go downstairs.

So, I started with the smallest area, here:

Except for a few small scraps, this room is finished. I'll finish it up today and start on the main kitchen:

And more - this is actually leading into the dining room:

All the way down to the hallway:

And there is more over the cabinets, too! I'm going to be a busy girl for a week or so.

The thing is, projects like this make the Evil Twin's asshole pucker in rage. He does not like things to be half-assed looking or not tidy. I promised him I would keep my work area as neat as possible and try to be quick about it.

Once the wallpaper has all been removed, then we'll choose paint color or colors and that's when the Evil Twin steps in to finish the project.

Then we never have to worry about it again. I'm not one of those "change my mind on color every six months" types. (not that there's anything wrong with that, but once I make up my mind, I tend to be happy with my choices and never look back).

So, that's my new stress reliever. Well, that and Ativan. And Chardonnay in the evenings. A girl has to incorporate a little bit of fun into a dreary job, huh? ;-)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tomorrow's the Big Day

Buddy's first day of 6th grade at a new school (Middle School). The plan is for the Evil Twin to drop him off, but also to meet up with one of Buddy's best friends from Elementary school. His mom will have him there at the same time and they can at least walk in together!

He has been practicing using a combination lock - and so has his friend. I'm fairly sure they will be in the same home room class and from what I've heard, the kids can choose their own locker mate from their home room, so Buddy and his friend can share a locker and hopefully, one of them will know how to do the combination! LOL.

Buddy went to private Catholic school for Elementary and on top of paying a hefty tuition, a registration fee and a book fee, we also were given a long list of supplies we needed to supply for our child. I started getting panicky wondering where the supply list for 6th grade was.

It turns out, they are no longer allowed to request supplies in public schools. Because some kids can't afford them. So, I bought Buddy a 3 ring binder, several packs of college ruled paper, some pens and pencils, a pencil sharpener and a couple of the large pink erasers.

Apparently, the teachers are allowed to "suggest" items, like "If you happen to have some Clorox wipes around, could you send one in please?" But it's only a suggestion and not a "must do". Very odd.

I'm kind of looking forward to the new routine, but I am not looking forward to having to get up at 6:30! Yuck!

I hope he likes his new school!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

There are many, many times in a day where I think to myself, "WTF?" Of course, I don't say it out loud. I do have children, ya know?

And besides when I say it in my head it's more like "WHAT the FUCK?!?!"

So, yea, that thought pops into my pea brain often.

1. I don't understand why members of my family don't get the concept of turning a light out upon leaving a room. I mean, if it's daytime, I will go into rooms and not even bother with the light. I can see well enough with the daylight coming through the windows. WTF?!?

2. Buddy, who is currently 11.5 years old, cannot get the hang of flushing the toilet. Not for #1 or #2. How hard is it to flip that lever? I don't want to smell the hours old pee funk left behind! FLUSH! I don't care if it's yellow or brown, it ALL should go down. WTF?!?

3. Stop signs. Especially a four way stop. Whoever gets there first, goes first. Don't wave me on, don't act like you got there first when I know better. Also? People who won't turn right on red. It's legal! Turning LEFT on red is also legal - from a one way to a one way. Am I the only person who read the damn handbook? WTF?!?

4. Facebook. Seriously, what is with all the poking and insane quizzes? Sure, I secretly love reading all the other responses, but I can't bring myself to participate. WTF?!?

5. Every evening, I sweat like the most popular whore in the cathouse. Is this menopause? pre-menopause? I'm not sure, but I do know that I'm not fond of the whole ordeal. I like heat, but not being sweaty. I guess this is part of life. Whatever it is, I hope it passes quickly and takes the "female trouble" along with it, because I am tired of the monthly crap. WTF?!?

This is just a small list of my daily WTFs. Hope you enjoyed it!

Friday, August 21, 2009

IDK

I really don't have anything for today.

Nothing interesting anyway. I DO have things on my mind, but they're the run of the mill niggly little "to do" type things.

It seems like Blogger is acting up this morning and telling me I don't "follow" any blogs, so I can't even catch up on my reading.

:::Sigh:::

Our little dwarf frogs are doing good. They're super cute. Like I said before, I'll upload the video I have of them this weekend. We have two little frogs and a snail who keeps their little habitat clean. The frogs are Hopper and Bopper. The snail's name is Gary. (Can you tell we watch too much Spongebob here?)

I'm so tired. Sissy woke up around 2 am this morning and got in bed with us. That's something she never does.

But, she wasn't able to settle down - she kept fidgeting, so I finally took her back to her room and got in bed with her so we could all get some sleep. Still, it took me a while to get back into snooze mode and I was in an unfamiliar (but quite comfy) bed, so I didn't get the best night's rest.

Add to that, it's rainy and overcast here and my motivation factor is about zero.

Random thought of the day: Did you know there are only so many fart videos you can watch on YouTube before you get burned out on them?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Amazing Slacker

That's me!

I didn't have an entry for Wednesday because the Evil Twin and I watched "The Bucket List". It had it's moments, but it was still a bit depressing - although I enjoyed the premise.

After the movie, I was just too ~~drunk~~ tired to come up with anything worthwhile.

I enjoyed doing the Q&A post, and actually had two email questions, which I'm still kind of waiting to see if they would like to have their question(s) answered on the blog or privately by email. If I hear that they don't mind if I share their question(s) completely anonymously, I will update on that on Friday. Otherwise, I will just answer them privately.

I have some pics of the 11 tomatoes that I've gotten from my plants and I have some video of some dwarf frogs that a co-worker of the Evil Twin gave us. Those frogs are freaking CUTE. But, I'm far too lazy to upload pics/vids at this time, so that might be a neat weekend project.

I need something to take my mind off middle school! EEEEK! It starts on Wednesday, August 26!

HNT:

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

You Wanted to Know. Don't Blame Me.

OK - on to the A part of the Q and A. Some of these questions will be answered with explanations, others will be answered with a simple yes or no. But, ALL will be answered honestly.

GiGi asked: "Where in the world would you most like to travel?"

Well, I'm a homebody and not big on travel in general, but I really would like to visit Spain and experience the customs, culture and just overall vibe. I've been to Mexico, Taxco and Acapulco, but to me, Spain would be a new adventure. I'd love to try the regional food.

Shiny Rod asked: "What is your favorite sex position?"

I haven't met one I didn't like, except me on top. But, I'd have to stick with the boring missionary as my #1 fave.

Warren asked: "What is your favorite thing to do (or what would you most like to do)?" (assuming that money, time, etc. were no object.

I'm a simple person. I've done just about everything I ever wanted to experience. I like to read. Mostly, I just like to drink wine.

Ron asked: "Have you ever been in a threesome, foursome or elevensome?"

Yes, yes, and no.

"Have you ever used the restroom in public?"

Do you mean, have I used a public facility or have I peed in front of others? I think it's safe to say I have used public restrooms (with doors) to do my business, as necessary and a few people have seen me pee (on the toilet, not actually squirting out the pee before their eyes). Being a girl, I don't poo, but if I did, I've never had anyone in the bathroom at that time.

And: "Have you ever left fake shopping list with extremely embarrassing items on it in the store for strangers to find?"

YES! Several times! I remember on one list, the Evil Twin wrote, "A douche for my smelly twat" and a few other crazy things and we left the list in the shopping cart! Oh! I hope someone read it!

(K)arla totally made me lose it with her comment, but also had a few questions of her own: "Have you ever flicked a booger on the floor, wiped it on your shoe or the side of a car seat?"

Yes to the floor, I don't recall any shoe incidences and actually UNDER the car seat (not on the side) and that's been several vehicles ago. Enjoy your boogery ride, whoever bought my Chevy Nova! :-)

The Girl wanted to know "How much money would it take to get you on a stripper pole?"

No money - just give me enough hooch to get a buzz and I'd be up there. I'm actually very limber. ;-)

Gingermagnolia asked: "Is there a figurine/action figure/whatever macho thing he calls them in the ET's collection that you don't like? Maybe one that creeps you out or that you just hate for no good reason?"

I wouldn't say "hate", but he has this one ape head/bust figure. He calls it "Mojo" and puts silly hats on its' head. I just think it's a waste of space.

At least he keeps it in the "man cave" downstairs.

Ever curious, Ron had another question: "How much money would it take to get you off the stripper pole ;-)"

After a few drinks, I wouldn't be able to stand, much less maneuver the stripper pole, so I'd say about 5 drinks.

Tiff asked: "You have the chance to get plastic surgery for free. Would you, and if so, what?"

Yes I would. Does dental work count? I'd like to have veneers on all my teeth and have them straightened again after I didn't wear my retainer after 3 years of braces and other expensive dental work my parents provided for me. If dental work doesn't count, then an eye lift.

Tamis had to come up with the hardest question yet: "What is your favorite Fiesta color?"

I'm going to have to go with Chartreuse, but the new Lemongrass is just a shade or two off of that, so it could be a tie. (Not really: Chartreuse rocks it!).

Jay had a couple of questions. First he asked: "If you could be any character in any film, which would it be and why?"

Vivien Leigh as Scarlett from "Gone With The Wind". Mainly because I identify with that strong Southern wherewithal and I know that getting knocked down a peg or two really isn't that important. It's how you live the life that was dealt to you that matters the most.

"Also, where is the craziest place you've ever had sex? ;-)"

In the butt? Ahahahaha!(I totally stole that from "The Newlywed Game") Okay, really: on the concrete steps going down to the major river in this town. Ya wanna bitch about rug burn? How bout concrete burn to the mid spine area?

Lola asked: "Who is your fantasy man and/or woman?"

I tend to be attracted to people who aren't Hollywood perfect, so man would be Gary Oldman and female would be Patricia Arquette.

The Dish wanted to know: "Would you let Sissy get her belly button pierced as a teen? Or Buddy his tongue?"

I would try to talk them out of it, only because I know how difficult those two piercings are to heal. But, if they wanted to do it, I'd let them. I have seen great examples of both piercings, but the majority of them don't take so well.

JFab, along the same lines, asked, "Would you get your hoo-ha pierced?"

No, and for the same reasons stated above. Those piercings just don't heal well. I'm not afraid of the pain, but more afraid of the body trying to reject piercings. I might consider an outer labia piercing.

Monday, August 17, 2009

What Would You Do for $100?

About a week or so ago, my friend, Ron opened up his comments section for readers to ask him questions. Any question.

Well, being the 12 year old boy (mentally, inside) that I am, I asked if he would eat a booger for $100. His answer was basically, "No, but maybe if you added a few zeroes."

Now, I, for one, do not think $100 is just chump change. Sure, it's not a lot. It's not a fortune. But, it's $100 clams more than I had a minute ago, right?

Here's the way I look at it: Yes, it is gross and no, I wouldn't just do it on a whim, but how many times in life has "sinus drainage" been mentioned. Oh, my sinuses are draining really bad, so my throat hurts. I have a sinus infection!

Let's take a closer look at this: "sinus drainage" is just a nicer way of saying "liquid boogers" or more well known as "snot".

It goes right on down your gullet while you sleep, while you work and try to stifle a runny nose, when the pressure behind your nose is killing you and you just have to try to relieve that pressure.

Sure, it could turn into a "loogie", but that's even nastier than the behind the scenes "sinus drainage".

So, yeah, I'd eat a booger for $100. But, I would make sure there was no photographic or video evidence of the dare, where it might end up on YouTube.

This poor dood didn't even get a hundred bucks:

But, he DID gain instant fame by eating a booger and being featured on the Jumbotron! Woot!

And, in the spirit of things, I'm also going to open the floor for questions. Ask me anything - I promise to answer honestly. I'll answer in order received. As usual, if you'd like to ask anonymously or email me, you can do that at eviltwinswife@gmail.com. I'll keep your identity under wraps.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Ice Cream Man

I know some of you are curious about the outcome of our ice cream man. When no one returned the 2nd week, I figured maybe the "sub" didn't know the same route, so I waited one more week.

Still, no ice cream man. Even though he had verbally assured us he would be back and even drive up into our dead end street!

I told the Evil Twin, "Either he went on vacation to California and decided to stay or he got busted for selling pot off the back of the ice cream truck and the replacement does a different route."

I'm not really sure, but I have it on GOOD authority (you know who you are!) that the ice cream man has been up and down a street merely a few blocks away many times over the last few weeks.

I let my informant know which street we live on, so if this person does catch the ice cream man, this person can say, "Could you please, for the love of Pete, go to XXXX?"

Don't worry, the informant is not some loony just looking to pinpoint my location, this person is a co-worker of a VERY close friend of mine and my friend had already told me this person read my blog.

We could start wagering on whether or not we will see the Ice Cream man again this summer. Yea or Nay? Cast a vote.

If things don't shape up soon, I may be forced to borrow a friend's car, buy some Fudgesicles from Kroger and peddle them to my children myself (wearing a disguise of some sort, of course).

I can't decide if that just sucks really bad or is plain pathetic. Probably a bit of both.

Help a sister out, wouldya? Put out some good vibes that the ice cream man comes down from his California high and remembers our street! :-)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

More Random

With middle school looming in Buddy's future, I'm finding it hard to stay focused on any one thing for much time. I kind of just want to "get there" and get it started, so I finally find out what to expect. We'll see....

1. On Wednesday, we went to the pool. We took our friends Inanna and her son (one of Buddy's BFFs) too, since she had the day off. It was really nice and there was almost no one there!

2. I wonder what the pool apparel protocol is, exactly. It seems like some people will get up to go to the concession stand and wrap their towel around them, almost robe like. Others, like me, figure "You've already seen me in this swimsuit, I'm not covering up to get a soft pretzel with cheese."

3. Buddy spent the night with Inanna's son, and we expect them all up here later for more sun and fun (and maybe pizza!? Mmmmm).

4. While we were at the pool, Sissy noticed *something* in a cracked corner of the baby pool. I investigated further and it was a little frog. We kept checking on him and finally, he was in a position where I was able to poke at him and get him out and rescue him from sure drowning! Here's the little fella:

You might have to click to make it larger - I tried to get to my camera in time to get a pic of him on the pool edge, but he hopped off quickly! (Kenju, I always have my camera! LOL).

4. I must be missing my mom more than usual lately. Every evening, I fix myself a scrambled egg sandwich, on toast, with plenty of real mayo. And have a handful of chips. She always made the BEST scrambled egg sandwich and I still miss her skillful touch of this simple meal. (plus, she always used white bread, but I buy 100% Whole Wheat for the family, so I deal. Extra mayo makes it easier to deal with!).

5. This weekend, we plan to do some back to school clothes shopping. It's the first time I haven't just been able to call Land's End and order uniforms. I'm looking forward to the new twist!

6. Blogger has made it difficult for me to visit blogs and leave comments - I keep getting an error message. Hopefully, this will be fixed soon! And when it is fixed, I WILL be around to leave a comment.

7. Thank goodness, tomorrow is FRIDAY! I love weekends!

And I hope you all have a lovely one!

I didn't forget: HNT:

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

For realz! LOL!

I got nothing today.

We're going to the pool - that might provide more blog material?

We can hope!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Three For Tuesday!

Last week, I was tagged by Paige of Starting All Over Again for a meme. It calls for one to list seven things about themselves and then tag seven others. You all know me. You know I won't tag, but I do love to share my sordid tidbits of my life with you all!

Plus, I enjoy random:

1. I have had whole (vitamin D) milk my whole life. I refuse to drink "murky water milk".

2. When I was pregnant with Buddy, I craved anything pickled (including pickled okra), black and green olives, salads and Mexican food. He loves ALL those things too. Oddly, I didn't eat any bleu cheese dressing for either pregnancy - because of the risk of listeria - but both of our kids LOVE bleu cheese.

3. I love white bread, but I buy 100% Whole Wheat and my children have never had any other kind, so they love the brown bread. Sometimes, I'm tempted to buy a loaf of white just for myself, but I know it would go bad before I could eat it all.

4. For the first time in my life, I am worried about the future of our country and I am scared. I try to remain positive, but things aren't looking so hot right now.

5. I love watching zit, boil and abscess draining videos on YouTube and Popthatzit.com. I don't know why it doesn't gross me out, but it just doesn't. It's like a train wreck and I can't look away. Some of them even cause me to laugh so hard, I have tears coming out of my eyes. I can also deal with puke and boogers okay, but present blood or a loose tooth and I'll run screaming into a different room. The Evil Twin is in charge of all tooth removal endeavors.

6. The Evil Twin and I never went on even one formal date. We met, we clicked and then we were living together for a year and half before we got married. We'll celebrate 16 years of marriage (almost 18 yrs together) this October.

7. Secretly, all my life, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I went to college and earned a Bachelor's degree because my parents would have disowned me if I hadn't. I still feel a little guilty that I don't actually use that education - well, I do, but I don't make money from it.

I also received an award from Supah~D at Adventures of a Wanna Be Supah Mommy:

How awesome is that? Very! Thanks, Supah~D! :-)

And my third gift to you on this glorious Tuesday is this YouTube video. It is not gross - no pus or anything of that nature, but it is also not safe for work or around children. It's just good, old, silly humor:

Seriously, watch the whole thing. This dude is soooo dorky, it's worth it.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Pool, A Fool and an Update on School

It's been so rainy here lately, I've been trying to get the kids up to the pool on any sunny day.

Friday was really nice, so we gathered up our pool gear and drove the .7 miles to our pool.

Surprisingly, it was not as crowded as I thought it would be, but there was one other small child and his mom in the baby pool area.

I was bummed because we usually have the baby pool to ourselves.

Oh well. It was just one other kid and his mom. I could deal.

While his mother chatted on her cell phone, her little shit kicked our beach towel into the pool. Luckily, I bring an extra, so I hung the soaking wet one over the fence and went to get a dry one from our bag.

Little Miss Chat on her cell phone then proceeded to give Demon Spawn a small bottle of something that looked like Sunny D (it was orange). Demon Spawn (aka Colin, or Collin, however they might have spelled it) then took his drink to the edge of the pool and dumped some in!

We'll call Little Miss Chat on her cell phone "The Fool" for the rest of this piece, because that's shorter.

The Fool did stand up and take the drink away from wibble Collin.

I didn't recognize her or her child and thinking they might be new members, I just stated (nicely) that food and beverage were not allowed in the pool areas.

When The Fool got off her cell, she asked me, "Do you work here or something?"

The conversation proceeded along like this:

ETW: No, but we've been members here for 5 years and the rules are clearly stated at the entrance of the pool. No food or beverage allowed in the pool areas.

The Fool: Well, he is not even yet 2 years old.

ETW: So? If he didn't have the drink in the pool area, he wouldn't have dumped it in the pool.

The Fool: I did take it away from him!

ETW: But, if he didn't have it in the first place, as the rules state, there wouldn't be an issue.

The Fool: Are you trying to tell me how to parent my child?

ETW: That has nothing to do with the RULES that are CLEARLY posted near the entrance of the pool.

The Fool: Well, I'm sure you've had things happen with your kids before.

ETW: (shrugs shoulders and turns away).

End Scene!

A bit later, Sissy and I went to get a soft pretzel with cheese, which is our little treat when we're at the pool. While we were sitting on our picnic table (outside of the POOL area), Sissy turned to me and said, "That kid is a pain in the butt."

Weeeeellll, when a 3 and a half year old points out that another child is a "pain in the butt", I think that speaks VOLUMES on ones' parenting skillz (as in, you don't got any!).

The Fool proceeded to have a few more smart assed remarks which I ignored. I just kept laughing and playing with Sissy.

I then watched her kid take a bite from a noodle (a foam floatie thing) and eat paint chips off the bottom of the pool. I kept my mouth shut. LOL.

Here's The Fool:

I had to take the picture on the sly and the best angle I could get was this. She's behind the red chair.

Then, I took out my Flip camera and got some video footage of Sissy playing. Of course, she and her Demon Spawn came back to the baby pool and while I tried to keep him out of the frame, he was obviously too stupid to keep his distance:

Word to the wise: be careful who you piss off. You might be their next blog!

And trust me, the only reason I mentioned the food/drink rule was because I was trying to be helpful. If I were new and someone told me something I didn't know, I would have thanked them for the info and moved to the appropriate area.

Unfortunately, some people think the rules just don't apply to them AT ALL.

In other news, while we were there on Friday, I had an opportunity to speak to a good friend (and our neighbor across the street)'s child. He will be going into 7th grade at the same middle school as Buddy, so I asked him a bunch of questions about things and he was very helpful.

What a sweetie. It's crazy when a 13 year old can calm my nerves more than anything else! He told me that there really isn't any "supply" list because this is public school and they can't expect the kids to bring supplies they may not be able to afford. So, we got Buddy a binder, some paper, erasers and a pencil sharpener for starters.

We'll have to see if there are any other requests after school starts. August 26! Eeek!