Worth a Thousand Words

I've really been enjoying my new Canon Rebel XT camera. It's the proud owner of three lenses already. Two of them are IS (image stabilization) lenses, which I really love.

Anyway, I've been working on getting to know the camera and playing around with different things and also learning to "clean up" in Photoshop, Picasa and my HP Image Zone software. I've taken some truly amazing shots of my kids, which sadly, cannot be displayed here.

However, Sissy has the most unbelievably beautiful eyes and I will share a portion of a photo I took of her the other day:

I've belonged to an email loop (on yahoo groups now) of Moms of kids due in April of 1998 for over 10 years now. Those of you who know me best know that Buddy was due in April of 98, but was born in January of 98. Nevermind, I stayed with the group and we're still going strong today.

As an offshoot of this group, about six of us have branched off to form a digital SLR photo group. We post pictures, questions, etc. and receive advice, constructive criticism or simply answers. We have assignments each week to familiarize ourselves with our cameras and post production software. Last week, the assignment was a self-portrait.

My submission is the "About Me" picture I have now. I have a tripod and a remote control tool I used for that.

This week, the assignment is: landscape. Well, I live in West Virginia... how hard will that be? The hard part will be deciding on just one submission!


I'll post my finished product here, too.

PTO-Ho-Ho

Yesterday evening, we had the last PTO meeting of the school year. As usual, it was ... interesting. It's always fun to be in a room full of people who have being parents as the only thing in common. It really gives one a glimpse into true personalities.

This year was odd in that there were three people nominated for Vice President and two people nominated for Treasurer. Typically, people who agree to do the different post on the PTO board run unopposed. In a way, it made me happy to see that more than one person was interested in the job(s).

Volunteering is something few parents do at Buddy's school. It always seems to be the same handful at every event - yours truly is one of that crew. I go and do stuff because I can - not every mom has the flexibility I do. Many of them work full time. And, I understand that, but PTO meets in the evenings and it truly is a team effort, so whoever serves doesn't have to do all the planning all by themselves.

And, the officers have the small network of other parents who are willing to pitch in too, so it makes it easier. We also have some people who truly love to do certain activities. Like, we have one mom who believes in the book sales and the benefit the school receives (more books for classrooms and the library), so she always heads up that activity.

Another mom feels strongly about the blood drive and the lives giving blood can save, so she has been doing those for the last couple of years.

The Evil Twin and I think the yearbook should look nice and professional, so we're involved with that effort. I won't tell you where the Evil Twin works, but I will say he's a professional graphic designer and we have all the equipment and software necessary to design things at home. Sure, it's going to be time consuming this summer, but the kids will have a yearbook they can be proud of.

The last couple of years, since Sissy was born, I have not been as involved as I was early on. So, I mostly just show up to activities and they can put me where they need me. Yes, I have my little sidekick with me, but as long as she cooperates, I can do whatever is needed.

I enjoy being involved too. I think you learn more about the school and the people who run things and how your child is doing if you stick close to the action. That's not to say I want Buddy to get special treatment, but I do want to know if there's an issue right away and the teachers feel comfortable talking to me.

Next year will be Buddy's last at that school. Sissy will attend preschool there, but we're not sure beyond that. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it!

Short. Sweet!

I logged some time in my hammock yesterday, plus tried to blot out my day with Chardonnay. I think both things helped tremendously.

My new printer/scanner do-hickey was delivered yesterday, so after Sissy got in bed, I began the set up process. This is a wireless one and since we already have a router set up (and three computers), I figured I could handle the set up of this printer.

When I took the instructions out of the box and read through them, I started to feel not very confident at all. Some of the newer technology stuff kind of scares me and if it's really complicated, then I don't want to be involved.

But, I sucked it up and went in with a good attitude. The set up was amazingly EASY. And it didn't take long at all. The set-up wizard walked me thru, step by step and couldn't have been easier.

It's a standard ink jet type printer, which I'm not crazy about, but it's also a scanner, etc. The Evil Twin upgraded his computer last summer and it runs Vista. Vista's answer to all your peripherals is to "suggest" you buy new ones 'cause Vista won't support most of them. Such was the case with our flat bed scanner.

I don't need a scanner often, but they're handy to have when you DO need such a feature. The Evil Twin is picky about his stuff because with his freelance work, he needs top quality equipment. I don't. I had told him months ago to shop for a new scanner and buy whichever one he liked. Well, that's been months ago and the old, unworking scanner still sits on his desk.

Meanwhile, in Wi-Fi land, I had lost my ability to use our laser printer and/or ink jet printer downstairs after the upgrade. We had hired the Geek Squad to come and set up our wireless router and everything back when I bought my laptop and then the Evil Twin got a new computer and it all went to hell. I didn't want to call Geek Squad again because the guy we really like and trust doesn't work there anymore. He is a friend of ours, but won't charge me for helping out and I don't like to feel like I'm taking advantage of him.

Anyway, the short story (isn't that what I intended in the first place?) is that now I have access to a printer AND a scanner. And all for cheaper than hiring someone anyway. Whew.

Ugh

I am not in a very good mood this morning. I woke up super early (around 4:30 am) and felt ready to get up, but I forced myself to re-position myself and snooze off and on until 6:30. Then, I got up and lost track of time, (the one time in how many ever - 6, I think - years that Buddy has been going to school), so I got yelled at by the Evil Twin (FUCK YOU, PAL!).

Then, I had noticed about a week ago, there was my mom's name listed in the taxes due section of the paper for real estate. I sold the house last May, so I called the tax department this morning. After all, if it's my responsibility, I will pay it - even though it is a lot of money. So, she tells me they are 2007 taxes and depending on the agreement hashed out at the closing, that's what would need to happen. I think it was prorated for the year and the portion due would be the buyer's responsibility.

So, I call my realtor to find out who was the attorney at closing, so I could call their office. This happened (closing) over a year ago and I know I have a file on it somewhere, but it's downstairs and I don't have time to leave the baby alone while I dig thru files.

Meanwhile, Sissy is coloring in a book that is not a coloring book....

My realtor and I spoke and he was going to have his office pull the file and then, he said that the current owner was requesting an original copy of a document talked about at closing. A FUCKING YEAR AGO!

He bought the damn house (or rather, I practically gave it to him, just to get the monkey off my back) and yet, he still wants stuff from me? I don't think so, homey. You bought the damn house, now live with it. And if he so much as calls my phone number, I will tell him that exactly.

He reminds me of a certain asshole blogger I've had the misfortune of running into around these parts. Always thinking they're owed something. Or they have more and better first amendment rights than anyone else. Or wanting to start something on someone else's blog. What an asshole.

Oh, and just to top off my morning? After my injection, I put my little cotton ball and tape on the injection site (sometimes, it bleeds a little), but the cotton ball shifted and put a big blood stain on my shirt. Why is that a problem? Because I don't own many shirts, that's why. I don't like anything so if I find a style I like, I buy several in different colors. Right now, I have about 4 shirts I like, and currently NOW, two are in the dirty clothes basket. And, I'm wearing a Hello Kitty band-aid on my stomach.

I fucking hate people.

School's (Almost) Out For Summer!

Buddy has 4 more days. Technically, Tuesday, June 3 is the last day - the school picnic. We've been every year since he was in Kindergarten. I think we may skip it this year.

It's always fun, don't get me wrong. It's at a lovely local park, parents' bring pot luck type dishes and the school (PTO) provides hot dogs and fixin's. The kids get to run their hearts out and if the weather cooperates, it's a nice day.

However, they have an outdoor Mass to kick off the day. It's a full communion Mass (as is every Mass in the Catholic Church). It requires reverence and quiet. I can't count on Sissy to not be halfway across the field before the service even starts - much less stand in line with me while I receive communion. Yeah, right!

At any rate, I'm still debating it in my mind. I know Buddy would really enjoy it and Sissy would enjoy it. It would be me getting little to no enjoyment out of it. I guess we sacrifice for our kids, though, huh?

I'm still working on some different blog topics as suggested. I'm waiting on my new scanner/printer thingie to get here because there are old photos I want to scan for one piece. I ordered the same thing as Ron, only without the wireless router (we already have one).

I'm actually looking forward to the summer break. We'll get to sleep in a bit (or as much as Sissy will allow) and have a much more laid back schedule. Although if I get any more laid back, I might be in a coma. LOL.

My friend across the street and I are planning on a surprise for our other neighbors. They are 91 and 92 and will celebrate 70 years of marriage on June 6. They have no children or really much other family around, so I think we're going to do a little fruit and candy basket for them. They are a sweet couple, and great neighbors. The wife, at 91, still gets out and sweeps off their sidewalk every day and she's sharp as a tack, too. It's not unusual to see letters to the editor from her in the newspaper. We should all be so lucky to be that spry at that age!

Not much going on today, and for that, I apologize. I think my day will consist of laundry and a trip to Kroger. And, it's Elderly Hell Day! Oh, Blonde Goddess, what am I thinking??

U Can't Touch This (it's Hammock Time) - Update!

LOL. Whoo boy.

I spent the day (literally - hours) in my swimsuit in the hammock yesterday, so I look like a lobster today. That's okay, my first time out each summer is a burn that turns into a really nice tan.

Anyway, I spent the day walking around the house like this:

And that was after about three hours of sun.

Okay, I totally need to lose about 10 pounds. But remember, the camera adds 20. So, maybe just five pounds? I don't know. My brain isn't working so well this morning.

The Evil Twin wears glasses and the pin on the side of one lense isn't holding at all, I guess we'll be finding a place to get eyeglasses today. He needs an exam too - it's been a few years and I wouldn't be surprised if his prescription has changed. Luckily, our insurance covers the exam and will reimburse us $100 on the frames, etc. It's not much, but it's something. It's really helpful for Buddy, who has been wearing glasses since he was 18 months old (eye issues related to his prematurity). So, his vision is covered under medical.

Sissy and I don't wear glasses, so that saves a little bit - those things are expensive! I hate spending money....

Ask, and receive. I know I've posted this in the past, but here it is again. There are actually three tattoos here. The lizard in the circle was my first one. I had the rose added later and it extended down below the circle, but no one could ever "get it", so I had it covered up with the third (tribal) tattoo. I got that at a tattoo convention in Pittsburgh. And, I'm waiting for my fourth one to be designed. I'm thinking upper right arm for the next one. I'm such trash! LOL.

It's a Tuff Life

What a beautiful day! (finally!). It was so lovely, I stole some time to hang out in my hammock.



What do I see when I'm in our backyard, just lounging? Well, this:



And this:



The back of the house:




And a look off into the distance:



All this was accompanied by the sounds of birds and a soft breeze. Perfect. The only thing that would have been better is if my hammock had a cup holder for a wine glass! I'm going to have to look into that.

How To Piss Me Off v. 1

I’ve been with the Evil Twin forfreakingever (which is a GOOD thing!), but I’ve managed to pick up some of his bad and/or strange habits along the way.

I have to pick up Buddy, my friend across the street’s son and another friend’s daughter from school. This requires me to enter what might possibly be the busiest road in my little burg. And I have to make a left onto it. (It’s a 2 lane). So, I sit at the end of the street, looking left and looking right, then looking left again, and yaaaawwwnnn, right. See where I’m going with this?

I don’t mind waiting. I realize it will be busy any time of the day and because of my anal-obsessive nature, I make sure to leave my house in plenty of time to get the 2 miles to the school not just on time, but about 15 or so minutes early - I like to get a “good” parking spot right in front of the school and not across the street.

So I’m patiently waiting this afternoon and I see that there is quite a bit of traffic coming on my right, so I turned to the left, knowing I’d be there a while.

Then, I hear a car horn. I turn right and there is a lady, also in a minivan, with her signal on to turn left up onto the street I’m on. I don’t appreciate being honked at and then turning to see a sour faced old biddy looking at me impatiently, like “Hurry and turn, I’m letting you out.” No, I don’t think so.

She laid on the horn. I put my van in park and pointed at her with my finger while I shouted “Oh, hell no, you don’t lay on your horn at me.” Of course, I had my windows up so my frustration went nowhere.

She finally got the hint that I was not going to turn and finally the dumbass pulled up the hill.

The way I see it: the people driving on the busy road - going straight - have the right of way. They don’t HAVE to let anyone out, They can just turn where ever they need to turn and let traffic keep moving.

If she had wanted to be nice and let me out, she should have waited until I turned my attention to her and realized she was stopped to let me go. Don’t blare the horn and wave your crazy arms around like some sort of loon. That’s what really ticks me. If you want to be kind, thank you, but BE KIND. No need to act impatient like that. What is 10 or 20 seconds in the scope of things?

She was an ugly old bitch too. I couldn’t see well enough, but I bet she had a mustache. I won’t forget her face, that’s for sure.

The Evil Twin hates being motioned to at stop signs. He just doesn’t understand some folks need to screw with the whole right of way system. I don’t either. I called him as soon as I was at the school to tell him about my old lady showdown.

I'm A Liar

Sorry - I don't know what possesed me to say I would be back yesterday. I thought I would have time to post again, but obviously, I don't know my own schedule well enough!

It was hard enough getting caught up yesterday on the blogs I do read religiously, then there was school pick up, dinner, Sissy's bathtime, etc. And of course, the big 2 hour finale of American Idol.

It's weird, but I watch that stupid show and really don't care what the outcome is. It's just like my finishing a stupid book logic: I just HAVE to know. I only half watch the dang show anyway.

As is typical of my life, the phone usually rings off the hook when I try to watch anything. Last night, the Evil Twin's mom called and wanted to speak to ONLY HIM. So, I had to find him. After the kids get in bed, the Evil Twin wanders off and I suppose he could be on his computer downstairs. All I really know is that he IS downstairs. He's not interested in watching my programs.

He might be down there using the restroom. I wouldn't know, since I'm not down there. But, she called and since the Evil Twin NEVER answers the phone, I had to go track him down. Luckily, we have a DVR and I could pause my precious program (not that I really care much, anyway). It's a rare and specific form of OCD - you don't have to understand it, 'cause I don't either.

It is May 22nd and it is currently (according to my computer weather station icon) 54 degrees here or (according to my indoor/outdoor remote control thermometer thingie) 61 degrees. This weather sux! Bring on the global warming!

Off The Hook

Busy, that is. Yesterday afternoon, I received a call from the 4th grade homeroom mother. Today was the 5th Grade graduation ceremony and reception and apparently, 4th grade parents are required to work that.

Buddy is in 4th grade and the homeroom mom and myself are the only two moms in the class who don't have "outside" the home jobs. But, we DO both have younger children. Her youngest is 4 and only in preschool and Sissy is, of course, only 2 and not in preschool. So, we have to drag our young charges around while helping out.

I managed to get myself ready and then get Sissy out of bed about 7:50am. I had to be at the school by 8:15. I'm only just under two miles from the front door of the school, so it doesn't take me long once I get out the door.

But, I had to get Sissy dressed, changed, fed, etc. She was also not in a great mood upon waking so I had a sense that my volunteer time was going to be interesting.

Sissy was actually amazingly well behaved.

They had a big sheet cake with all the 5th graders pictures and names on it (there are only about 12 or so kids in the class - it's a small school). And, we made 7-up punch with sherbet. After the graduation ceremony, the kids and their families came by for cake and punch. There was enough cake left over that I could give Sissy a piece, we put the rest in the teachers' lounge, finished with clean up and got the heck out of there.

See, by that time, Sissy was in full meltdown mode. I was soooo embarrased. But, what can I do? If they want volunteers, they have to deal with the fact that I have a much smaller child, too.

W'e're home and I'm trying to catch up with my blogs and etc. I'll post something else later today!

You Wouldn't Know It, But....

Last week, I begged, I mean asked for some suggestions for blog topics. I received a bounty of really good ideas and I'm working on those - not in order - but I WILL get around to all topics involved. Today, though, I want to touch on one by Rebecca from Carpe You Some Diem.

She suggested talking about "What is the one thing about you that nobody would guess? Like, you're secretly a champion pool player or something... something that not many people know about you."

So, that's where I'm going today.

However, some people - those who know me closest - may already know this about me.

A really close friend of mine - my senior prom date, in fact - visited last night. We've been friends since we were about 15 years old. I considered having him be my "Man of Honor" at my wedding, but back in 1993, that wasn't exactly a welcome trend.

My friend is a gay man, which is something I've known about him since we met.

What most people wouldn't guess about me, the conservative Republican, is that I have an enormous soft spot for gay people and even believe that they should be granted the same rights as other Americans. I know gay people can vote, but I'm talking about some of the other rights that they don't have and furthermore, what about just respect and understanding from the very people they work, live and play around?

I have both male and female gay friends, but mostly males.

I've spent years worrying about them, worried they may get sick (that's euphemistic language for AIDS in gay terms). I've lost two close friends to the disease.

Last night, my friend and I were drinking wine and he was drowning his tears... His boyfriend broke up with him a few days ago.

So he's all broken hearted and he tells me that his boyfriend disclosed that he is HIV positive prior to their relationship taking off. I have to give the guy credit - he was honest about it and gave my friend the opportunity to make an informed decision.

When my friend told me this, I gasped and said, "Oh, B, tell me you've been careful."

He shrugged.

Oh, SHIT!

He hasn't been tested recently.

Now, I know that HIV is not a guarantee that a person will have full blown AIDS and that many people can live fairly long lives despite being sick (look at Magic Johnson!), but I really don't want my friend to be sick.

It's been bothering me all night.

I Have a GIANT Muffin Top

At least, according to the Evil Twin, I do. Now, I don't profess to having the same body I did when I got married. I mean, that's obvious. Ask anyone who has known me a while and they'll tell you that I had mosquito bites for boobs back then too.

After two babies, and nursing said kiddos and gaining a little weight along the way (1993: 108lbs. 2008: 128lbs), well, things will just be different.

What the Evil Twin fails to realize is that because I wear low rise shorts and pants that often fall below my hips, what he's seeing are my hips that are larger, not so much a GIANT muffin top. Maybe a bit of extra flub around the middle.

And he gave me shit about posting the underpants blog.

Hmmmmm.

I've had a lot of fun finding ways to bring my GIANT muffin top into the conversation.

Thank goodness I'm not an uptight asshole, cause I could make his life hell over that remark. LOL.

All this talk of muffins is making me hungry. I need to go to the grocery today, so I think all I have for breakfast type stuff is cereal. Oh well. Cheerios will have to do.

If you have a moment (and I know you do, friends), please go to visit the Blonde Goddess and wish her a very Happy Birthday today!

Why is it that everyone around me ages so well and me and my GIANT muffin top are going to hell in a handbasket?? (that's a rhetorical question).

I Crack Myself Up

As you can tell, I have a new pic. I'm displaying "the shocker" in this one. LOL. There were several shots taken. In most of them, I'm laughing really hard. The Evil Twin wasn't helping much.



He and his co-worker have started giving each other this hand signal at work. The Evil Twin refers to it as "the international sign of peace and love".



Also, this post is really just an excuse to post this picture. It's Sissy who just conked out cold on the couch last week. She must have been really tired. She's holding a book - that's what is in front of her face. She was like this for a fairly long time.

Peace, Pot, Microdot

Ron came up with a good topic - my assessment of recreational drugs I’ve taken. I can do that. Keep in mind that it has been YEARS since I’ve done any of this stuff.

I started drinking at age 11. Yep. We would sneak stuff out of one kid’s dads liquor cabinet. It didn’t happen very often, but those were some fun times. We never really overdid it, either. We’d get a little buzz and laugh about stupid stuff.

By the time I was in junior high, around 7th grade, I was smoking pot. Like who wasn’t?? Getting our hands on weed was lots easier than buying booze, so my friends and I got high - a lot. I continued to smoke off and on up until about 5 or so years ago - however, I stopped smoking on a regular basis back in high school. I never really enjoyed the feeling that went along with being high. It made me paranoid and self conscious. I would smoke at parties every now and then. In college, my roommate was a small time dealer, so she always had it on hand.

These days, I still go to places/functions where people smoke. They know me as the one hold out who doesn’t though, so when the pipe or joint comes my way, they just pass it to the next person. I’m always too busy pickling my liver to indulge in other things.

You know what they say: smoking weed leads to harder drugs, sooooo:

LSD - ahhh, one of my favorites. The important thing is to have a good trip. I’ve never had a bad one. I’ve had ones that were more fun than others and that’s mostly thanks to the company I’m keeping at the time. Some people are just better to experience acid with than other people. I’ve taken blotter about a zillion times, but did microdot once. Both were fine, but blotter is easier to find.

Cocaine - another great one. I would do this until my nose bled often. I kept it contained to weekends or special occasions (parties, etc.). It was kind of difficult to run across here and it was also not cheap, so that kind of would make or break any weekend plans of being a coke-fiend.

Crystal meth - this is one I can’t believe I did more than once, but I did. I loved it. Now that I know what’s in that crap, I’m appalled that I even tried it to begin with. Again, this one was limited to weekends only. It was less expensive and more plentiful than coke, and really even a better time, so this was a popular one for a while.

X or ecstasy - super fun. Better than acid in that the trips aren’t nearly as long, but are just as intense. Sex is amazing and do-able (unlike meth, which will shrink a guy’s willy and no matter how great of attempt is made… that thing won’t be seeing an erection until the drug wears off).

Shrooms - or psilocybin mushrooms - they don’t taste very good at all, but the hallucinations are worth it. Again, these aren’t super plentiful, so they didn’t come around often. I did this mostly in college and a couple times afterward.

Heroin - only once. I snorted it. I was sick as a dog ALL night. I said, “Never again.” and that’s been true.

Pills (uppers, downers, speed, etc) - these are just okay. Not my fave and I wouldn’t take anything unless I knew what it was. This was something I rarely did because the payoff seemed shitty. Like the work involved in the procurement, etc. was too great for the thrill later. Also, some of that stuff just made my scalp crawl.

I think that’s it. Not too many, huh? I was practically an ANGEL!

Kids, don’t do drugs.

Additionally - I've never done anything, even have a sip of alcohol, while pregnant and I waited until Buddy spent the night at my parents' house to do anything major. Never when he was home. It's okay to have fun every once in a while, but not in a setting that might endanger my children.

* The title comes from a little utility building in Nitro, WV. It’s had this phrase, along with a pot leaf, spray painted on the side since sometime before 1983. I don’t know why it hasn’t been sandblasted off.

Topix?

I'm fresh out of ideas, folks. So, if anyone has a specific topic they'd enjoy to hear me expound on, feel free to use the comments. If I get more than one suggestion, then I'll get to them in order in coming days.

Don't ask for too much, okay? Nothing particularly difficult or outside my knowledge base (i.e. I have a degree in Journalism and I'm a mom, so no physics or math type things LOL). Also keep in mind that my two brain cells have to work overtime just to come up with the daily drivel here, mmmkay? Thanx.
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I'm still reading my Smutty McSmutterson book. And, I read a passage last night that was far more disturbing and outlandish than the Captain Wood part.

I'm the type of person who will never walk away from a book I've started - no matter how dumb, or impossible, or confusing or whatever it turns out to be. I feel it's a personal failure to NOT finish that book. I mean, what kind of lazy mofo can't make themselves read another (in my case right now) 200 pages? Not me, that's who.

But, on the other hand, I have a good memory and the likelihood of me picking up another book by this author are slim to none. However, this book was a freebie - so I can make the allowance to finish it and be done with it. I can even pass it on when my task is complete. Anyone want to read smut?
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I also was tagged by Wyld for a meme that's a creative writing project. That one will take me a day or two. I've got it saved for my attention in a bit.

Creative writing (fiction) has never been my strong suit, namely because I am trained as a Journalist (impartial, unbiased and objective - or at least, SHOULD be, even though the media today doesn't resemble any education I received).

Actually, my strongest skill in Journalism was/is copy (ad) writing, which if you're a smart consumer, you recognize as glorified fiction, right? So, maybe I CAN do this tag. I will try.

Big Baby Clown Britches

I had to make a trip out to my favorite haunt, the old WalMart yesterday. Oh, joy!

The Evil Twin called me and asked if I was going and I told him that was my plan. He wanted me to pick up another pack of undies for him.

Now, some of you know the Evil Twin. He is not a small guy. In fact, I often call him “My Big Beefy Burrito.” I’m a tall girl, so I’ve always picked the taller, bigger guys. If they outweigh me by 100 or more pounds, I’m cool with that.

The Evil Twin was only about 180 pounds when we met. He’s currently somewhere north of 200. And I mean, real north.

But, ya know what? He quit smoking almost 4 years ago and he packed on a few pounds then and any other weight he’s collected along the way, I just attribute to the fact that I’m a good cook. (Hey, don’t laugh - I’ve acquired some mad cooking skillz over the years).

So, anyway, he told me what size undies to fetch and when I got to the store, all I could find were briefs in a size he specified (let’s say 10 to 12) and the lower number was what he was looking for OR I could go for the next lowest size, the 6 to 8s. I didn’t want to get ones that would be too small for his big business, so I got the range that stated the number he had requested, plus the larger number.

When he got home, I opened the pack to put them in the laundry to be washed.

These underpants look like the big, bulky cloth diapers babies used to wear back before disposables were all the rage OR they look like something from the fricking circus. Like joke underpants.

They are ridiculous big. We were laughing - the Evil Twin said you could pin them to a wall and show a movie on them, like a back drop.

They are 100% cotton, so we’re hoping for some moderate, if not considerable, shrinkage. Otherwise, he’s gonna be wearing really baggy briefs for a while.

<--- Actual photo documentation of Ridiculously Large Underpants. LOL!!!!

Tired

I spent my evening watching American Idol (of course, because I'm a dork who is addicted to that stupid show). Then, the Evil Twin came back upstairs and wanted to record a movie off the DVR. I wasn't much interested in it and there was nothing going on with the computer.

I decided to get in bed and read. The book I'm currently reading is smut given to me by a friend. It's not a Harlequin Romance type book. It's smuttier, but with a better plot. Not exactly high-brow reading, but it'll do.

I read for about an hour and a half, then decided I should try to get some sleep. Of course, my brain is working overtime thinking about this book and a certain series of events that happened.

The basic gist of it is: A guy and girl are in love with each other, but were separated early on by a sequence of strange twists. 15 years later, they're in the same town again and she's being stalked by some maniac. He works security so he goes to her parents' house to check on the security and place some bugs. They end up having wild monkey sex for the first (and second and third) time all over her room.

Of course, he's packing some serious heat - I mean, would any guy in these novels have small or even average weiners? No, they're always ginormous. Fine, fine. I can let that go. Because at least that is realistic.

Here's what bothered me and I'll try to put this as delicately as I can. They have sex three different times, using three different condoms, yet - he maintains a "hard feeling" the entire time.


Now, I've been around the block a time or two.






















Never happened to me. Have I been with a guy who could recuperate and go again fairly quickly after the first time? Yes. But not in that same manner.

It just ticks me off that people write this stuff. I mean, get realistic!

It's the same thing I hate about Hollywood. I think they sell people the idea that romance and love is always wonderful, always easy and always wildly beyond anyone's expectations. It's not.

Mostly, it is great, but it's also a lot of work. Things don't happen like the movies or books most of the time.

I guess I'll try to finish my book this evening, even though I can sense where it's going. Ho hum. I should write my own, huh? (note: although it wouldn't be nearly as interesting to anyone but myself... I'm nothing if not practical).

Excessive Celebration

My mind works in odd ways. I’ll be drying my hair in the morning and weird, random thoughts pop into my head. I guess that’s good for blog writing though. It usually gives me a topic.

Yesterday, my thoughts were on football. It’s not football season - who knows why this stuff comes to me? It’s a gift.

My first thought was that the penalty for excessive celebration is stupid. In discussing it with the Evil Twin, he went even further and stated that there should be no penalty on taunting at all.

Taunting may be seen as poor sportsmanship, but excessive celebration? It’s like saying you can’t be thrilled that your kid brought home straight As. I mean, bragging about it to everyone within ear shot probably won’t make you a very popular parent, but it’s okay to be really proud of your child and maybe even take them to dinner or give them a few extra bucks at allowance time.

So, you got these guys who run the ball in for a touchdown, shouldn’t they be allowed to do a little dance in the end zone? I think so. It’s not an easy game.

The other thing that pisses me off in football is the two point conversion.

If the team I’m watching has someone who decides to go for the conversion, you can believe that I am going to be screaming at the TV: “You idiots!!! That almost never works!”

Put your kicker in, take the easier one point and then work your ass off for a field goal next time around if you really need the points.

The Evil Twin disagrees with my opinion, as he says that he’s seen games won by the two point conversion. Every time I’ve seen it, it usually ends badly. Very badly.

I guess I’m more of the “sure bet” type of person rather than one who likes to take chances.

The Evil Twin hinted around a couple of years ago that he'd love a Hines Ward jersey for Christmas. Guess what he found under the tree that year? An offical NFL jersey (home team version, in black - not the "away" jersey in white).

So, are there penalties or other things in football that you would change if you ruled the world?

FLYing

After Buddy was born, we came to the decision to have me stay at home. Initially, I thought I'd be going back to work... I wanted to stay home, but it just didn't seem to be in the cards for us.

Then he was born so early and was only 3lbs, 12 ounces at 6 and a half weeks old when he was sent home from the hospital. My bosses were great and let me work from home for 12 weeks and by that time, Buddy was up to only 5 and a half pounds.

The Evil Twin and I felt it was best for me to stay home and take care of his almost round the clock care. It was tough because I really loved my job and my bosses, but my first obligation was to my son.

I decided early on that there would be no daytime TV. And that is something I've stuck with for over 10 years now. I mean, I do turn on the TV for the "quality" kiddy programming - more for background noise than anything. Sissy rarely pays attention to it.

I really needed some direction in life - it's hard adjusting from working full time to being a mom full time. I have always been the type who does better when I have a routine. So, I started incorporating little things into my day that became habits. Like the bed gets made before I get in the shower. That way, when I come back to our room to get dressed, the bed looks tidy.

A few years into my SAHM (stay at home mom) status, I heard about a website, Flylady. FLYing means Finally Loving Yourself. The website offers encouragement and solutions for SHEs (Sidetracked Home Executives). If you sign up for the mailing list, you get tons of email. I finally set mine to digest, so I only get one a day.

I am still in FLY larvae stage, even after all these years. I do follow the plan of getting up, doing my hair and make up and getting dressed. Flylady recommends getting dressed to include shoes, but hey, I'm a Southern gal and we don't wear shoes if we can help it!

During the warmer weather, I keep sandals by the door that I can slip on. In colder months, I do have to get socks and shoes from my room, but otherwise, I'm pretty much ready to go in a snap. Plus, I think I feel better about myself if I look decent. Even if I don't have any place important to go, I still like to look as if I do have somewhere important to go.

My days don't vary much, but that's okay. I like the routine. Even if I will remind myself 400 times today that "Today is Monday." LOL.

The Evil Twin is off today and he took me to Red Lobster for lunch (we didn't want to deal with the crowds yesterday). He is off tomorrow for the election, it's a regular day off for him, so he took today too so he could have a 4 day weekend. Of course, it's been cold and shitty just about the whole time. I'll be "off" this whole week since my routine will be out of whack. It's worth it to have him home, though.

Not An Easy Road

I've had a lovely day. I did make dinner - ground beef was in the fridge and needed to be turned into meatballs. I froze some and used the rest to make a spaghetti dinner, so it was easy enough.

The Evil Twin and the kids have all been super sweet to me, but they're kinda like that every day. I always feel corny when I tell people how amazing my relationship with the Evil Twin is, I'm sure it seems unbelievable - but we continue to be just crazy about (and because of) each other, more and more each day.

We had been married for about three years when we decided to start to try to have a baby. Or should I say: when I finally nagged the Evil Twin half to bits and he relented. It took us nearly two years to get pregnant with a "keeper". (I had lost two before I met the Evil Twin, then had a miscarriage and an ectopic [tubal] before Buddy).

After Buddy was born so prematurely, the Evil Twin was leary about having a second child. I was also diagnosed with MS around Buddy's 2nd birthday, so that added to the Evil Twin's fears for the future. He worried that a 2nd child may be born even earlier than Buddy was or not fare as well as Buddy had. Plus, he worried about my physical limitations.

I had always wanted two children, though - and I wanted Buddy to have a sibling. After a few years of cajoling, the Evil Twin gave in, again.

It took two more miscarriages before the OB decided to test both of us for a host of possible problems. My chart was marked "Habitual Aborter" and my husband's work order sheet said, "Wife is habitual aborter" as a reasoning for the extensive testing.

The blood work turned up a blood clotting disorder on my part. It's called Lupus Anticoagulant. It's not an anticoagulant disorder as stated, but a problem with the blood clotting too thickly. This will result in repeated miscarriages unless treated. Treatment is twice daily injections of blood thinner medication.

I got pregnant for the EIGTH time. I started on the blood thinner. I lost another baby.

More Clomid, more trying and finally, pregnant again. (I tested 5 days before I expected Aunt Flo, so I knew VERY early on). Immediately start blood thinner. Hope for the best.

My HCG blood work all came back great. I started spotting. Thank goodness, it went away as quickly as it had started and we had a very early ultrasound. There was a blob with a blink, blink, blink - a tiny beating heart!

Two weeks later, we had another ultrasound. The blob was bigger and had an even stronger heartbeat. Sissy was on her way!

Blood thinner injected twice a day, morning and night. I also rented a hospital grade fetal doppler. I listened to her heartbeat every single day, as much as I wanted to listen in.

The Evil Twin and I were put on "pelvic rest". That means nothing poking my pelvis, nothing that would cause my uterus to contract (that means no sex and no orgasm, for those who might be confused).

Going thru everything I did to have my two kids was worth it. I'm soooo lucky and I realize that. For Buddy - coming into this world at just over 2 pounds and Sissy - over 500 injections and a lot of nervousness on my part. I'm incredibly blessed.

Happy Mother's Day to all my readers, to include my blog buddies who don't have children, but are dog and cat moms, special aunts and all around wonderful people. I hope you've had a terrific day!

I Don't Believe in That

Disclaimer: This post is about my own feelings only in regards to myself and my own family. I have no problem with what anyone else does for themselves or their family.

I know I've groused about this in the past, but I really don't believe in sweatpants.

What?

That's right - I don't believe in sweatpants or sweatshirts or even those nylon tracksuits. I know stores sell them, but stores sell lima beans too - I'm not going to purchase either.

I don't consider sweats to be "real" clothing items. I don't own any (at all) and if I did, I certainly wouldn't wear them out in public. They'd be considered more "pajama" items. I don't buy them for my kids, either. I figure if they're not in the house, no one can wear them.

The Evil Twin does have a couple of pairs of sweatpants, but he only wears them around the house.

Speaking of clothing, I'm so bummed that the weather won't shape up. How am I supposed to get out in my hammock with my new swimsuit on and get any sun when there is NO sun to be got?




Actually, I only bought the top. I'm wearing a different, black bottom. I asked the Evil Twin if he thought the barely legal male lifeguards at the private pool we join each summer would enjoy my new tankini top and he figured they would. Any thoughts?

Of course, if the sun won't cooperate, NO ONE gets to enjoy my new swimsuit, not even me!

I'm going off to pout.

Book Reviews

I posted a day or two ago about the Sex Ed book I bought for Buddy called What's The Big Secret? . I had purchased the book several months ago, but the Evil Twin and I were both a little hesitant to hand it over.

After we finally gathered up the courage, I - of course! - went back online to find a link to it so I could write about the great find on my blog here.

In looking over the relevant info on the page, I had somehow not really paid much attention to the "ratings" given by other buyers of the book the first or even second time I visited the page. By the time I searched for the link, I had a bit of extra time to give the reviews a cursory glance.

Some wack-a-do posted her (I'm assuming it's a mom) opinion on the book:

"By A Customer

While this book is colorful and covers many common questions, it is not for attachment parents - or any parent who wants to teach her child a more natural parenting approach.

It does have one breastfeeding picture, but it also includes pictures of baby bottles and a baby bottle-feeding, newborns in a hospital nursery, a hospital birth with the mom lying on her back (which is very difficult and can lead to unnecessary Caesareans), and a newborn crying (which is not really natural, and rarely happens in a waterbirth), and a bit of rudeness (a child calling another child "silly").

The book also states that puberty can start at "ten or twelve or fourteen" but many children are starting earlier these days (possibly from the growth hormones in cow's milk, a good reason to switch to organic milk), and they may feel worried if they read that statement.

Two better books are Welcome With Love by Jenni Overend and A Child Is Born by Lennart Nilsson. "

HAAAAHAAAhahaha. Oh, Good Gracious! Like any kid would transfer the images in a book designed to impart sexual education information to their real life thoughts (i.e. merely SEEING an infant with a bottle in it's mouth or a woman laboring on her back that might lead to c-sections). What the fuckery? This woman is a full-fledged, card carrying MORON. She deserves to be pimp slapped or at least taken down a notch in some form.

God help us if a child feels "worried" that they may go thru puberty earlier or later than the book states! And let's not forget that all the growth hormones in milk may be causing that phenomenon.

I'd like to contact this mother and also let her know that President Bush has been transmitting thoughts to her head by space aliens who eat non-organic space lettuce. They are also meat eaters.

Our son slept in the same room with us until he was 10 months old and our daughter shared our bed until she was 5 months old. I pumped and bottle fed Buddy (out of necessity) and nursed Sissy. We don't let our kids cry it out. But, I have to draw a line somewhere and this review is about the most asinine thing I've EVER read - in all my years on the innernets.

I hate people.

History

Back when I was in college, before I met the Evil Twin, I dated a guy - kinda on and off for a couple of years. His name was Spit (at least, that is what I'm going to call him for this story, because that's the name he went by during our punk years).

We had a volatile relationship. We were young and stupid. But there was a lot of passion in that relationship.

We ran around in the same small circle of similar minded punk kids. If you were into punk music at that time and you followed the shows that came to this area, I knew you.

The Evil Twin and Spit were friends for years before I had met either of them. At the point I met Spit, the Evil Twin was in the Air Force, stationed out in New Mexico. He had sent Spit a Christmas card that he had designed - I think it was a bloody Santa or something twisted like that. Spit showed it to me and said it was from his friend "the Evil Twin" (his exact words). I didn't think much more about it or that card until about three years later, when I did actually meet the Evil Twin.

By that time, Spit and I were long over, but we were still friends. We remain friends to this very day, in fact.

Anyway, he did not want me to get involved with the Evil Twin. Not like he had much of a say in it at that point.

I think by then, Spit liked to keep me around as a fuck buddy. I certainly didn't mind - he was a good lay. He also taught me a certain skill that shall remain nameless, but it's a good skill for a girl to have.

I had a wild past, but he and the Evil Twin were the only two people I've ever truly loved in my life. Of course, after 16 years of togetherness - hot and heavy since April 11, 1992 - I still love the Evil Twin.

I know some people are ashamed of their pasts. I'm not. I figure all the things I've done in my life have helped shape me into the person I am today. No regrets.

Overheard

I have to go grocery shopping at least once a week, and I typically choose to shop at the Wal-Mart. Let's face it, they don't always have the most charming and civilized shoppers, but the prices are good - and when I have to buy diapers, wipes, cleaning supplies, and other non-food items, with a toddler in tow - one stop shopping is my friend.

So, I went to shop on Monday. As I'm pushing my cart along, I hear a mother say to her two boys, "Shut up." And I don't mean the sarcastic "get out of town" type of shut up either. She said it very rudely.

And I thought, as I often do, "Those kids don't stand a chance." They're just junior assholes in training, thanks to their hateful mother.

I guess I should NOT be surprised by this type of behaviour after all these years, but I am.

You might be thinking, "Well, 'shut up' isn't that bad." In my book, genteel and civilized people don't tell one another to "shut up!"

In my world, it's stated, "Could y'all please settle down?" or "Please! Be quiet!" Granted, it works about as well as "Shut up!" but at least it sounds nicer.

Why any person would talk to another person - let alone a family member - like that, out in public no less, is beyond comprehension for me.

Please, don't let my kids grow up to be insouciant, rude, self-absorbed individuals. I hope they stand a chance.

Saturday Night Special

Our family enjoys a special little treat on weekends, known affectionately as "Saturday Night Special". This means that someone (usually the Evil Twin) runs out and grabs dinner from any random fast food place.



Sometimes, it's on Sunday night if we skip Saturday. Like: this past Saturday, we had friends over for a cookout and thusly, did not have fast food on that night. So, Sunday found the Evil Twin on a mission to McDonald's for dinner.



My personal #1 is Wendy's, but I usually get vetoed because everyone is burned out on Wendy's, thanks to me.



Anyhoo..... I sent the Evil Twin to MickyD's and asked him to get two Happy Meals - one Mighty Kids meal and one regular with a sweet tea (the meal is for Sissy, but the sweet tea is for moi!).



At the drive thru window, he was told by the employee taking the orders, "I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of Happy Meals."



WTF???



How does a McDonald's RUN OUT of Happy Meals? Isn't that, like, their main draw? I mean, not many parents would voluntarily choose to eat their food if it weren't for the fun Happy Meals the kiddies enjoy so much.



And furthermore, couldn't the restaurant just sell him an order of chicken nuggets, a small fry and a drink for the Happy Meal price - even if they were out of Happy Meal boxes or bags or even toys?



Any reasonable human being would assume that would be the case, but no! He had to purchase the fricking nuggets, fries and drinks separately.



What a bunch of assclowns. As he was driving up to the window to pay, he heard the drive thru employee tell the lady behind him they were out of Large Cokes. I wonder if they were just fucking with people that day?

Hilarity Ensues

Sometimes I feel like a nut. Oh, no, that's not right. Sometimes life is like a box of chocolates.

Oh hell, I don't know.

I'm a 40 year old gal with a ten year old and a two year old. I gave my oldest a book about sex the other day and today, I'm online ordering a free potty training DVD from the Pull-Ups people. (I love free stuff - sometimes it includes coupons!).

Yes, that's right... I'm approaching potty training stage with Miss Sissy. So far, she has shown zero interest. I even have a little "Hello Kitty" journal type book for her. It's got lots of shiny blank pages just BEGGING for a sticker or two.

With Buddy, we used the sticker bribery method of potty training - and I still have loads of stickers (I never throw anything away). So, I even used the stickers to put Sissy's name on the Hello Kitty book and showed her the big baggie of stickers. She was thrilled to see Spongebob and others in the bag, but none of this super hyped up-sell talk has hit home for her.

We brought the potty home when she hit about 18 months and we've been talking about it, clapping if she even gets near the stupid thing and just generally behaving like loons.

I suppose I'm going to have to break down and buy the daggone training pants things. Having already had one child transition from diapers to undies, I fully realize that any child will use the potty in their own time. I'm okay with that.

In an effort to not jinx myself, I won't talk about my hopes and aspirations for potty training sooner rather than later.

Oh, the gods of irony wanted me to get it and good when I got pregnant with a girl. I remember teasing my friends when Buddy was a tot: "Thank goodness I have a boy - he doesn't have to sit on those germy public toilet seats!" Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

And for those of you without kids, here's a little factoid: Children who are learning to use the potty like to visit EVERY. PUBLIC. TOILET. known to mankind.

This includes the filthy Wal-Mart restrooms aka "Good Lord. I think there's a brown light special going on in there."

I have a sneaking suspicion I'm about to embark on lots of visits to "see the whiz-ard" soon.

Wish me luck!

Movie Night and Sex Ed

It seems to be a movie themed weekend around town. The Evil Twin and I watched Sweeney Todd last night and even at about two hours long, it passed by like no time.

In this Tim Burton directed film, it is much like all of Burton's movies - dark, gritty, gloomy but with a wry sense of humor thrown in at unexpected times.

I can't really go into it too much, 'cause I don't want to give it away, but it's an interesting take on an age old dilemma (spurned party returns for revenge). Not something the kids'll need to see - it's fairly bloody and the ending is quite tragic.

Speaking of kids, I had bought a book for Buddy a few months ago: What's The Big Secret about sex and whatnot. It's written by the same guy who does the "Arthur" series and his wife, but it's not a little kid book. It's pretty straight forward, a bit too much info for my liking in some parts.

He is ten years old and I suppose I'd rather he get the right story from a book or from us than crazy, wrong info from friends. I'd like to think the kids at Catholic school don't know about any of this stuff, but I'm sure they're just as bad if not worse than any other kid. Hee.

I'm just really not ready for this. But, I have to think back and I do know that by the time I was his age, I knew the true scoop. Not because my parents were these amazingly open-minded individuals, but because they felt a love of books trumped any other love in life - nothing I ever read was censored. Ever.

One thing my dad and I did together, just the two of us, was visit the local library at least once every two weeks. I would check out as many books as my little arms could carry. And, I checked out books from all over the library, not just the kids' section.

I received quite an education reading all those books. It didn't turn me into some twisted monster (just helped develop my sick sense of humor a bit, I suppose), so I'm fairly sure that Buddy will do okay with this new information.

I gave him the book, told him to read it and to come to us if he had questions afterward. I hope there are no questions - ha ha - or at least none while the Evil Twin is at work. I told him that he would get to have "the talk" with Buddy and that I would take the driver's seat when it came time for Sissy to know stuff. I think that's fair.

Buzzardbilly and The Power of Suggestion

Okay, so most of you know that Buzzardbilly and I are friends in real life - she's known the Evil Twin for, literally, decades - since they were little kids.

We chat on the phone sometimes and she is always chock full of interesting information. The other day, she recommended I try the Steakhouse Burger from Burger King. She said it was really, really good. Well, the commercials had already intrigued me, but then a personal two thumbs up from a friend was practically a red carpet welcome to hit the BK.

We don't have a BK in our little area of town. The closest one is directly across from the Evil Twin's office. With visions of the Steakhouse Burger dancing in my head, I decided one afternoon that after I picked Buddy up from school, I'd take the kids to their dad's office and then we'd all have dinner across the street.

At the office, we all chatted with several of the Evil Twin's co-workers - they all love it when I bring the kids in.

The next day, a male co-worker came by the Evil Twin's office and told him how nice it was to see the family, etc. Then, he said, "Your wife is looking good these days. She's put on a little weight." And, then he did the international sign language for tits. The Evil Twin asked, "Were you staring at my wife's tits?"

Co-Worker: "Well, yeah."
TET: "They're really great hangers."
CW: "I bet you're having fun with that."
TET: "What do you think??"

So yeah - my bust was the topic of conversation at the office. Niiiice. I'm flattered? Sure, why not!

Oh! And the Steakhouse Burger? As big as my head and really tasty, but if I get it again, I'll order it without mayo. You know these fast food joints - they like to put about half a jar of mayo on sandwiches. Some sandwiches, I can wipe the bun off and be fine, but this one was a bit messier. Still damn tasty!

If you're dying to think of ways to consume about 5,000 calories in one sitting, I can highly recommend the Steakhouse Burger method!

Don't Feel Like Blogging....

It's Almost Mother's Day

And this year, I have another mother to celebrate.

I was adopted as an infant. My parents' raised me and then adopted my brother (not biological) about three years later. We had a great life and were "privileged" growing up. My mom was unable to have children due to a problem with her fallopian tubes - a condition which today would be by-passed by IVF (in vitro fertilization).

My dad passed away in 2004 and my mom followed 14 months later. A year later, after searching for my biological family, I was contacted by my biological sister. Wow! We have the same biological mother and father. There is also a brother - but neither he nor my biological father want to be involved, and I'm okay with that.

My biological mother and father got married a few years after I was born and given up for adoption, had three more children (the 2nd son was stillborn) and divorced shortly thereafter.

My biological mother and I have a very good relationship. We talk on the phone at least twice a week and we're trying to plan a meeting get together for this summer. Last year, it was late July when we officially connected and with Buddy's school schedule, my biological mom's work schedule and the fact that my sister was finishing up nursing school, it just wasn't in the cards for us all to meet up then.

When I set out to find my biological family, I wasn't looking for a replacement family. And I'm still not looking for that. I had my family, my parents - and I loved, still love, them with all my heart. I miss them both every single passing day. Neither of them lived to see Sissy, and for that, my heart aches the most.

So, I'll be celebrating Mother's Day this year with another mother. That's really strange. How do you thank someone who loved you enough to give birth to you and then give the gift of a child to a couple who otherwise would have been childless?

I'll let you know if I figure it out.