This morning, I stumbled on this article/: from what is quickly becoming one of my favorite blogs, Rachel Lucas (but don't worry - I have enough love in my heart for ALL of you!).
So, I read the article and I'm thinking.... OK. We're talking about Playboy and Penthouse here. First of all, those are two of the stalest skin mags I have ever seen. Secondly, I wholeheartedly agree with Rachel that no one can tell another person how or how NOT to spend the money they've rightfully earned. Ms. Lucas also touches on the point of the phenomenon of some people's (namely, women) aversion to pornography (and I use that term very loosely when in context of the two magazines in question). But, that is where I'm going to pick up this gauntlet.
I have never fully understood why most women get their hackles up about this sort of thing. It's a 2 dimensional (or 3, in the case of movies) image. The chances of any guy meeting any woman in a magazine or movie is about as close as the odds of winning the lottery.
I have a very close family member who has starred in several porn films. I won't go into detail here other than to say the relative in question is a female. Let's call her Mimi. Mimi has told me that the industry is all about the women and they call the shots. No woman is ever made to do anything she doesn't want to do.
I'm talking about legal porn that utilizes only consenting adults (meaning no one is under duress or being forced to perform) here, just to clarify a bit.
She enjoyed her work and made a lot of money. She could have been flipping burgers at a fast food joint, but she CHOSE to become a member of the adult film industry. And all of her colleagues were in the same boat.
Sure, some of the people have substance abuse problems, but so do people in real life -- and people in Hollywood legit films. Where there's a hefty paycheck, drugs usually aren't too far behind. But that doesn't mean that men or women ONLY appear in the films because they're strung out on drugs. A junkie will find a way to get their fix no matter what.
So, that's my two cents on it. But, then again, lots of things don't bother me that DO bother other people. So, if you feel I'm wrong, please feel free to keep it to yourself. Thx.
**Actually, forget that last part. I was frustrated and had been working on these pathetic few paragraphs for hours and it just wasn't coming together.... I had finally just HAD it and wrapped it up in a huff.
Pr0n doesn't bother me. When I've been in serious relationships with guys whether or not their connections to porn bothered me depended entirely on the guy—his approach to it. For most guys, it seemed to me that porn was entertainment, diversion, stress-reliever, etc. Big deal. Enjoy. I used to like to do macreme, but that didn't mean I was going to fall in love with a ball of twine and leave them.
ReplyDeleteThere were others though who liked porn more than your average bear, even to distraction from other things going on in their real lives. That always made me a bit uncomfortable because it seemed to point toward an addictive personality and a tendency to avoid facing their own problems (when necessary) that could (and sometimes did) lead to those guys eventually opting out of any relationship by choosing a quick spurt with a stranger and getting caught. We all know girls on the prowl prefer the guys who've already been housebroken by someone else and they can spot the Achilles' Heel of having the nutsac have more control than the brain. Nutsac guys are easy pickings for them.
I guess it's like any other recreational interest to me. The question boils down to: Does it drive them or do they drive themselves?
Hmmm... what is this porn thing you speak of??? I don't know if I have seen of this material :)
ReplyDeleteBuzzardbilly, I know what you're getting at, but don't you think that sort of personality (addictive, too indulgent on self-medicating tendencies) says more about the guy than the girl in those types of relationships? And that's where I was going here - I didn't get the female objection to the material. By looking at these mags or movies, the guy isn't saying "I love you less." or "Hey! I totally stand a chance with that chick!"
ReplyDeleteThe guys who are unhealthily fixated on it aren't serious about anything else but that. It's like any addict: medicate with drugs/alcohol, cutting, porn addication, etc.
ETW, That's exactly what I was talking about: when it's a problem it's not because of the porn, but the guy's approach to it. Then again, I think when a woman causes too much of a stink about it she kind of draws a line in the sand that most guys are going to have to cross because the line's been drawn.
ReplyDeleteBut, you know, the more I think about it, the more I realize there are some types of porn that would be a big red flag to me if a guy was interested in it. KWIM?
I guess it's all relative, so would Einstein say that if you have to wait on a bus for 5 minutes it seems like an hour, but if you sit on a hot stove perusing porn for 5 minutes you're going to get severe burns because before you know it you will have been there an hour? Poor Einstein. There I go making him roll in his grave.
Do you think Ron actually thinks we believe he's never seen this porn we talk of?
Yes, there are things that are "unusual", but legal - like the big baby phenomenon that would cause me to stop and think, "Yuck-o". But if it's just a nekkid woman or two, perhaps a dude thrown in for fun times, I got no probs with that.
ReplyDeleteSo nothing that involves a vat of Jello, jumper cables, saran wrap and a Parka then :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still trying to envision buzzarbilly falling in love with a ball of twine and leaving her man...no one could ever be that depserate...too funny.
ReplyDeletedesperate...damn fingers!
ReplyDeleteWhat comes to my mind is a couple of men I've known (not my own, lol!) that became so turned on by the mags and films, they felt they had to check it out in person. That meant trips to the stripmall in a town 2-hours away or so. They were both married men. One spent $$ his family couldn't afford and his wife/3 kids did w/out things while he lied to them regarding his whereabouts and why his pay was short that month.
ReplyDeleteThe other man got herpes and eventually his wife found out what he'd been doing when her doc told HER she had herpes.
I believe that a man can stray for any reason under any circumstances, but porn can lead to negative life altering destruction.
One case we had when I was working in a lawfirm was a man that looked at magazines all the time took his needs out on his niece, who was 6 months old! The child had to have several surgeries as she grew up. He wasn't retarded, just a regular guy before.. but his actions were deplorable!
It wouldn't be such a big deal if other innocents weren't destroyed by it in the short/long run.
It isn't all men either, some women experiement and drag home disease or get into negative $$ sucking habits. (No pun/porn intended in that last remark, lol!)
As for $ sucking habits for the rest of us, there's shoes, clothes, makeup, golf, cars.... ;)
Yup. Porn is like any other material that could become addictive. . . food, drugs, alcohol, whatever. When used wisely it's probably ok. When it becomes an obsession, that person needs help just like any other addict. It's all about some poor soul's need to feel good and block out the real world.
ReplyDeleteOK, so that being said: ETW, are those real? Do they appear in any magazine, video or other art form?
Personally, I see no real problems with pornography as I don't care who starts the engine so long as I get to drive the car. LOL
ReplyDeleteOK ... obviously I would have problems if my significant other were obsessed with it, or it involved children, etc. However, if our guys overseas wish to view these mags and are using their own money for it, damn they are there doing a difficult job in an impossible situation if they can find a bit of release with a magazine good for them!
I had to chime back in to say LOL to the Mom. You are aware of the dude who was arrested for sexing up his lawn furniture, right?
ReplyDeleteWhat horrible stories Carolyn! All of those stories though still point to character flaws in the person who let their sexual fantasies go to life-destroying levels. The same argument could be made for sugar: some people can't control themselves because it tastes so good...even pass that habit on to their children. Try as we may, we cannot protect everyone from their own character flaws. We can only rely on the courts to mete out punishment when their character flaw leads them to do something that brings someone else harm. To me, there's a big difference between a habit and a character flaw. Habits can change; character flaws can't--you either have to be able to live with them or you stay away from those who have them.
SagH, I'm pretty sure you'll want to start icing your asshole now because I'm pretty sure when ETW sees your question there's going to be a giant flame shooting up through it. Then again, I could be wrong. Happens all the time.
Just for the record, I never stated that I felt any poor addicts needed help. I couldn't give a crap about it unless the're hurting others in the process of their selfishness.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Hillbilly, I'm not sure I understand the question. You didn't qualify what you meant by "those". But if you mean my girls, yes they are real and yes they have been in a video about piercing that was never released. I'm probably the only person who still owns a copy. (so, IOW, I am NOT the relative who was a porn star).
Hmmm... If you have a relative in the porn industry does that mean you get porn for free or at a discounted rate? :)
ReplyDeleteRon, no - I said "former". She is no longer involved in the industry, although she does keep in touch with some friends she made along the way. I have seen some of her stuff, which is kinda weird. Just chalk it up to curiosity got the cat....
ReplyDeleteLet me say if any (I say this loosely) woman wants to compete against porn all she has to do is give a "titty wash" once a day for the rest of her natural life. All will be happy, dogs and cats will live peacefully, and the caribou will come back.
ReplyDeletePierced nips? I find it disgusting, but regardless, it raises you dramatically in my personl opinion poll of internet bloggers.
ReplyDeletePron. Meh. See enough of it and it loses its deliciousness. From time to time though it can be just the right spice.
ReplyDeleteSo, to beat the metaphor some more, anyone who lives on a steady diet of spice soon can lose all sense of taste, while those who use it for flavor are the ones who get the fullest enjoyment therefrom.