Rolling on the Dog

I know I've talked about Pip in the past, but for the uninitiated, she's a jackahuahua (part chihuahua and part Jack Russell Terrier...we think. She was a rescue dog, but that's our best guess.) 

Anyhoodle, she sleeps with me and TFB every night. Every so often, I'll wake up to peek around, just to make sure she's in her rightful spot(s) - she likes to take up the whole bed if she can and she also will tuck herself in if it's a little chilly.

So, I woke up and didn't see her. It was super early in the morning and I was only half awake plus I had sleepy sand in my eyes. I turned with my head facing the foot board because her little princess bed and food and water neater feeder dish are down there so I figured she might be there. 

I started to panic and asked TFB, "Where's the dog? Where's the dog?"

TFB: "You're rolling on her. And, you're rolling on me, too."

I was rolling around, kinda in the middle of the bed  and on TFB's legs and feet and fretting about where the dog was. 

All the sudden, a little white head comes popping out the bottom of the covers.

I had been rolling all over whilst looking for the stupid thing.

She was no worse for the wear and she seemed to forgive me pretty quickly. She's a good li'l pup (if you consider a 15 lb, 2 yr old Jackahuahua to be a pup....that is LOL.)

So, there ya go. I almost steamrolled my dog half to pieces. 

Maybe she'll think twice about crawling under those sheets again. :-)

Happy Wednesday, hooligans. 

Love,

The Fart Barn

TFB and I have a small room, but it's the master bedroom with a big closet and a full bathroom only steps away, so it's pretty awesome.

We also have a great flat screen TV and all the cable we can take. 

Life doesn't get much better. 

We spend a lot of time in our awesome room when we're not busy taking care of his grandmama or the household chores. 

We also spend a lot of time farting and carrying on in here, so I made up a sign for our door that says "The Fart Barn".

The saying comes from the Billy and Mandy show:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/83605193/

We're kinda weirdos. 

And, we're snowed in so there's not much else to do. 

Have a happy Wednesday, hooligans.

Love,

Pirate Dog

So, y'all know we have Pip the Pup. She's a good little jackahuahua doggie (that's half chi/half jack russell terrier going on), but she's also a little scavenger. She will steal any food she can get her paws on. 

TFB went down the hall earlier to give his Ma a treat. Instead of only one cookie, he gave her two cookies. Chips Ahoy to be specific. 

Ma ate her first cookie and then stuck her 2nd cookie under her blankie.....This woman is 94 yrs old and is non ambulatory. She is a perfect prey for the cat and the dog for food stealing.

Unfortunately, the dog is the worst offender. 

Ma had her Chips Ahoys and guess who jumped up like a gazelle and snatched that 2nd cookie?

 

I'm not naming any names, but it begins with "P".

That's okay. TFB gives Ma milk bone treats to give to the food pirate and Ma tries to eat those, so I guess it's fair play.

And that's why we call her Pimpleton P. Pig (the dog, not Ma). 

Happy Monday, hooligans! 

Love,

Funny Butt Story #2

The FBD and I spend most of our days taking care of his 95 year old grandmama. It's an interesting and busy job. We also do all the laundry, dishes, trash and we take care of his teen daughter, two dogs, a cat and his dad who has an important job. 

So, when his dad goes to his job, TFB and I spend time hanging with grandmama.

A few days ago, we were sitting side by side on the main couch and I happened to notice the top part of a clean sock hanging out the back ouf his pj trousers. 

Of course, I was disgusted,  but I pulled that sock out anyway. 

I think he has worn it everyday since. On his right foot. 

Boys. Sheesh. It's his lucky sock. His butt sock.

Happy Sunday, hooligans.

Love,

Funny Butt Story #1

I never said my life was boring or too glamorous.

A few days ago, TFB and I were just hanging out,, in our little bedroom. Watching our stupid morning shows. 

And then I noticed he had a frigging penny ON HIS ASS CHEEK. Stuck on there, as if by magic. 

I said, "Baby, you got a penny stuck on your ass." 

He said, "No, I don't."

Then he rolled over and that penny disappeared. 

It rolled right into his ass crack. Yep. That's where we found it. 

Apparently it had fallen out of his pants pocket and landed on the bed and then melded itself to his right butt cheek. I am not making this up.

After he peeled it out of his crack, he threw it in the trash. 

A penny poorer.... 

Enjoy your Friday, hooligans.

Love,

Meeses

My bonus daughter has a little kitty. She's a super sweet little kitty and we love her. She's extremely loud and meowerly, though. It's not a big deal. 

She likes to come into mine and TFBs room in the mornings after his daughter leaves for school so she can hang out with Pip. She and Pip are both spayed females, but Pip enjoys "humping" her and I think Fifi enjoys the extra attention, if you know what I mean. 

It's fairly disturbing, honestly. All of us just try to act like there is nothing out of the ordinary. 

Anyhoodle, we have a little doggie door that opens into a fenced in area in the back yard. Both Pip and Fifi love that door. 

Fifi likes to bring in wildlife, like earthworms and mice from out back. Horrifying, but that.s what cats do. 

TFB and I went down the road to the local shop and when we got home, his dad told us a story about Feefs.

She had come in thru the dog door and was carrying on. He finally noticed that she was standing near a dead mouse. He threw it out the doggie door and she went after it. 

A few minutes later, that cat and the dead mouse were back indoors. He got another piece of paper towel and threw the dead thing out again. The cat ran after it and a few minutes later, the cat and the dead thing were back in the den. 

Third time, he threw the mouse out (using a paper towel), only this time, the cat didn't run out after it. 

He just gave us this caveat, "if you smell something stinky, look around for a dead mouse because I don't know if she dragged it back in." GROSS!!!  

LOL.

Happy Tuesday, hooligans! Enjoy your day! 

Love,

Cable

TFB and I have an amazing line up of cable channels, but the cable here doesn't have AMC. 

We have plenty to watch, we have Netflix, HBO, and Amazon Prime. It's all good. 

However, without AMC, we have no The Walking Dead, so TFB bought the season on Prime. We have to wait until Monday morning to watch the most recent episode and we got up at 3A to watch the newest episode this morning. 

It was awesome. 

I love the Amazon Prime. And TFB. 

We plan on renewing our Prime membership soon. 

My favorite price is free and I can get lots of free books and movies off that beyotch. I think it's worth it. 

Plus, I ordered my wedding ring there. I had a credit, and the ring was marked down, so it was a grand total of $2.99. I couldn't be happier. 

Happy Monday, hooligans. Love you all, 

How I Met The Forest Bard

My life has taken a number of changes lately. I know I haven't written much in a while. 

But, let's go back in time quite a bit....like back to 1988. I was  in my second year of college and had moved out of the dorms and into an apartment. I met some other clowns around town who took me to a party around the corner one night. 

On that night, I happened to meet my bestest best friend at his house. This would be The Forest Bard, who shall now be known as TFB. He rented the coolest, most dilapidated college house ever and there was always something interesting going on at that abode. 

TFB and I have tried to stay in touch over time. But, he left the University and went to a different one. A year or two later, I went to his house in a different town. While all the boys ran up on the hill, his mom and I sat on the front porch and talked and talked. She was a hoot. (and I say "was" because, unfortunately, she is no longer physically with us). Anyhoodle, I had a fun night. Later that evening, his mom told him that he should be with me. 

However over the years, he was with other people and I was with other people and it just never worked out for us. 

We lost touch again. I got married and had Buddy. When Bud was around 2, we went to a family reunion at a local park and couldn't find the right shelter. We happened to stumble upon one small park office and Buddy's dad went in to ask for help. When he came back out, he said, "You won't believe who is working there." and then TFB walked out. He was the only employee on duty that day. Of course, I flew out of the car to give him a big hug, since I had missed him so much over the years we had not been in touch. 

Then, he moved again (a long story, but I understand why he did what he did). Once again, we lost touch. Eventually, we got back together thru social media and by that time, he had moved back closer to where I am. He was (and still is) taking care of his non-ambulatory elderly grandmother - again making it hard for us to have face to face visits, but we would stay in touch by email or phone. 

I got in some legal trouble and called him out of the blue. He said, "I've got plenty of room, come stay here." So, instead of living in my van, I drove an hour and crashed in his living room. I figured it was temporary. We never had a romantic relationship or even anything remotely close to that....it had always been platonic. 

Somehow, things moved from platonic to more intimate and now we are best friends and also engaged to be married. 

It's kinda cool when you've known a person for 27 years and then finally get it together. 

Here's the fortune cookie I got on New Year's:

So, that's the short version of what's been going on with me where I haven't really been writing much. 

Happy Saturday, hooligans!

Toilet Paper T#@t Syndrome

I have a very close friend who has an ex girlfriend. (not unusual at our ages).

Anyhoodle, he told me she had a wild, untamed and not even one iota of landscaping going on "downtown". That's fine.

But, he says she went thru the toilet paper like a demon.

Then, she wanted his face in her special place and he'd be throwing spit wads out left and right, so he had to quit with the "extra love", if you know what I mean. He'd be going "Pfft, Pfft. Pfft" as if he was doing spitballs. YUCK.

He eventually just quit with the special love.

Why would someone let toilet paper roll up in their crotch/crack? I'm not sure.

Totally disgusting. Plus, she was a special kind of stupid when my friend left the toilet seat up and she regularly fell in the bowl.

Ladies, all you have to do is LOOK. Observe the commode before you sit on it.

Allright, hooligans, have a nice Tuesday.

Forest Bard's Wife