Modern Technology?

We have three toilets here. 2.5 baths. One has a full tub/shower, toilet, sink - the whole nine yards. The 2nd one is just a toilet and a sink with a medicine cabinet: you know, the normal bathroom amenities. The 3rd is a full bathroom with a shower stall, toilet, sink, etc.

That's 3 toilets I have to clean on a regular basis. I'll do a thorough scrubbing one day and the next, I notice more nastiness on one if not all.

We have a self cleaning oven, why can someone make a self cleaning toilet?

Why do they get funky so fast?

I've tried every spray, potion, scrubber - you name it - on the market and nothing really lives up to the hype.

I know these cleaning product people have my number. They know if they put it on the TV, I'll be at the Mart buying it within a day or two. Bastids.

Well, while I'm high on the fumes from cleaning the first toilet, I may as well get to the others. Maybe it won't seem so painful. (riiiiiight).

Happy Wednesday, hooligans!

Love,

One

I had an appointment with my primary care physician yesterday - nothing serious, just a follow up to see if the increase of my crazy meds was helping (so-so, I'm taking a wait 'n see approach on this one).

Anyhoot, I was extra busy yesterday getting ready for my appointment and didn't have time for Blogger or many other things I normally do in the mornings. SAD.

The Evil Twin came home from work early to watch the kids while I went to the docs and then flitted on over to the Mart.

While I was getting myself ready for the day, I started thinking about how much I enjoy doing things alone. I like company, too, but doing things on my own doesn't really bother me.

Sometimes, it's just faster if I can go somewhere, achieve the mission and get back home. I've been that way all my life.

When my sister was staying with us in February, I asked her if she noticed how quiet I was and that silence doesn't make me all wiggy. She said, "Yes."

I have one friend - we'll call her Miss T - who is also okay with silence. She came over on Friday and had some classwork to do. I had bills to pay and laundry. We both did our own thing and only occasionally looked up to have a conversation. But, it wasn't awkward. I think that's a sign of a solid friendship: that we both feel comfortable chatting - or not - it's no big deal.

I think my solitude makes some people uncomfortable. As long as the other person isn't bored half to death, I can roll with it.

That being said, I would not want to attend a movie alone or eat at a restaurant by myself. Those are social outings I feel like I would be singled out as a loser by being alone, but everything else is fair game.

Am I weird? (Yes). Do I care? (No).

I hope all my hooligans have a lovely Tuesday! Personally, I woke up in a good mood this morning....I hope it lasts. :-)

Love,

Hmmmmm

Yesterday, I took Buddy to his first orthodontist consultation. As I've mentioned in the past, this is the same orthodontist I went to as a teen. He actually recognized me!

We chit-chatted about the past and I mentioned that (in passing) that it was discussed and recommended that I have my lower jaw broken, pulled forward and reset. It would have to be wired shut for 6 weeks, meaning 6 weeks of a total liquid diet. Typically, patients of this surgery lose 9 to 20 lbs. At the time, I weighed only 103. They felt it would just be too unsafe for me to risk the surgery.

Dr. D said if I would consider the surgery (often covered by insurance as a preventative measure against TMJ), that he would put my braces back on for free. No money. Nada. (as a side note, he is not an oral surgeon and has nothing to gain from me having the procedure).

I said I would think about it. Meanwhile, Buddy had spacers put in and the next visit we have, will be braces city! Oh! And, we also got a 10% discount on Buddy's braces because I am a former patient! ETW do love a bargain! :-)

I'm on the fence about the mouth being wired shut thing. I could stand to lose a few pounds and Lord knows I'm used to be sliced and diced by surgeons. I think, in the long run, it'll depend on whether our insurance will cover it fully or partially - and if only partially, how much of that "partially" will be our dealio.

I would love to have my teeth aligned again and have no more jaw pain....I tend to grind my teeth at night and often clinch it tight during the day if I am feeling stressed/anxious.

We'll just have to juggle the numbers. Buddy will have his braces on for 15 to 18 months, so I suppose I can mull it over for a few months.

What do you think I should do?

Have a lovely Friday and a wonderful weekend!

Love,

That's How I Roll

The more I have to do, the more I tend to procrastinate. Take this morning, for example: Buddy has his consultation with the orthodontist today around 1 pm. I'm still sitting here checking my emails and what not.

Sissy had her first Ballet/Tap class on Tuesday evening and she loved it. Not that I'm biased or anything, but she was the cutest girl in the whole class (there were only 3). She loved it and asks every day if she has "Tip Tap" class this day. I say, "No, just on Tuesday evenings." Once a week. She doesn't get that.

As far as the "sign off" on publicity photos went, I told the front desk clerk I wasn't signing and why. She said, "No problem, we'll just mark her form as you wish." So, that little issue was fixed. I don't mind if she is featured in a recital video, just not to plaster her on ads or fliers.

Anyhoots, I'm on my way to get ready and drive the kids downtown. Might need an extra Ativan for that - I hate HATE driving downtown.

At least I know where the office is located, since I went there myself as a teen and I know there is plenty of parking (free!). It's difficult to find parking downtown for many businesses and even more rare that the parking lot doesn't charge a fee.

Wish us luck and keep your fingers crossed we won't have to file bankruptcy to have our kids' teeth fixed! LOL.

Love,

I'm A Sick MoFo

In my exploits reading all of my friends' Facebook status' (statuses?), I saw one that had me about to pee my pants all day. This friend and her family go to Disney World frequently, but spent an extra week in Florida at the beach, so she has been posting her "vacation facts".

"My vacation fact #5: ya know what makes you get out of the ocean almost as fast as seeing a shark? Seeing two human TURDS floating right at you. Yes, I said human turds. Never have I ever seen that in the ocean but we (& the few people around us) were running for our lives. Not sure where they came from but bleh!!

Then later, after someone else referenced "Caddyshack", she replied: (Husband) was the one dangerously close to it, it almost hit him in the shoulder so he got a good look & is the one that told us to head to shore, lol."

So, if you know me at all, you're well aware that I find things like this both sick and hilarious at the same time.

And, it also kinda seals the deal on my vow to never enter another body of water that is not a chlorine filled swimming pool - although I've seen turds in those too and ya know what? Those fancy and expensive swim diapers don't hold in pee.

In other words, if you are floating around in the kiddie pool, you are most likely swimming in pee and probably some poop particles (diaper babies have "blow outs" sometimes).

Lordy loo, who would take a dump in the ocean?

Although, when I was about 2-ish, my family and I were vacationing at the Gulf of Mexico. My dad had me out pretty far in the water and I started feeling queasy. I barfed. It was purple. And, I watched it float away. I hope some kind of aquatic life form liked purple vomit and cleaned it up for me. :-( Sorry, Gulf of Mexico ocean....I really didn't mean to do that.

Have a great Wednesday, hooligans! It's time for me to get motivated and get going!

Love,

Odd Holidays

Yesterday was the "birthday" of West Virginia (the day it actually became a state unto itself). The Evil Twin works in a business where this day is a day off.

I have lived here 28 years and I STILL forget it's a holiday. In fact, I never remember the date at all.

Then again, I've never been one to embrace history lessons.

At any rate, the Evil Twin was off work yesterday and of course, the children have been out of school for a few weeks, so it was the whole fam damily here all weekend.

That's always interesting....

We're in for a busy week already. Tonight is the first class for Sissy to have ballet and "tip tap" lessons. She looks adorable in her outfit. Then, on Thursday, we have an appointment with the orthodontist for Buddy. Oddly enough, he will be going to the same orthodontist I did as a teen. I think it's kind of funny that he will be seeing me again after all these years - and I have two children.

I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see me again, as he has four ex-wives (far as I know) and the alimony must be astronomical. Once again, our family can help him cover his overhead costs. Or send his kids to college. Whatever.

The rest of the week will be filled with housework, grocery shopping, banking and any other little things that pop up (and they always do). In addition, I was called upon for a freelance job over the weekend. Editing another book. My editing skillz may bring me a fortune someday, since we never buy lotto tickets.

And, the Evil Twin doesn't think I do anything around here....

Happy Tuesday, hooligans. Remember: Tuesdays (not this one, but the next) are "Don't Take My Word For It" advice blogs, so if you have a burning question : eviltwinswife@gmail.com. Same email for Friday Secrets. Just be sure to put the category in the email or subject line, so I know where to post it. :-) You all are awwwwwweeesoooommme!

Love,

Tiny Dancers

I'm enrolling Sissy in Ballet and Tap dance class. I think I've spent more on her wardrobe than the class cost. (Sorry, Evil Twin, but you know I can't resist and our daughter can't be wearing shitty stuff).

Then, I get the sign up sheet for the class yesterday. They ask permission to "photograph or otherwise record" my child for "any legitimate uses it may deem proper". Hello? I don't think so. The Evil Twin and I wouldn't even sign off on the form to put her photo on the hospital newborn website.

They looked at me like I had a dick hanging off my forehead.

I'm sorry, but my children are minors (and they are MINE). No one has permission to use their photos for public consumption. Again, it kind of goes hand in hand with yesterdays post where I may be extra paranoid. I DO have photos of the children on my Facebook account, but the description is only something akin to "Kids, Christmas 2009". I never use their names and in addition, I also refer to the Evil Twin as such. I don't use his name.

I feel like, if it's my page or account or whatever, it's not about my whole family. They didn't ask to be flaunted publicly (even though my FB is set as totally private to all but my friends).

So, I will visit the dance studio today and let them know my objections for parading my daughter (cute as she may be) on fliers, ads, or whatever. If they want to use her in ads or whatever, we should be compensated for that. No one enjoys my children's names or faces for their own gain. I'm not signing it.

I'm sure the Evil Twin will be 100% in agreement with me.

Have a great Friday, hooligans! Even though I woke up way too early this morning, I'm in a good mood and ready for the day! :-)

Love,

There Goes The Neighborhood

There is a house to our left, but not on the same street as ours. The original owner was an elderly man who was moved to a nursing home, then passed away. The house was sold to a contractor who "fixed it up" and sold it to a very nice couple.

There were constant problems with it - the big issue being that the basement would flood every time it rained. I think the 2nd owners got fed up and just walked away. It went into foreclosure and was purchased by another contractor. He told us he was going to "fix it up" and then rent it. "But don't worry - I won't rent to just anybody." Famous last words.

The house is still under construction, the yard is a mess and whatever they used to dig up the side yard also took a portion of our fence with it.

Currently, it's nothing but a mound of dirt with a classy rectangular blow up kiddy pool on top of the mound of dirt - in the front of the house.

Now, we don't know the people who have moved in. We weren't really sure if anyone was actually living there with the construction still in progress.

Well, yesterday, the Evil Twin came home from work and said three of the kids were in our yard, playing, and one ran up into our backyard....I guess he hopped our back fence and got back around to the House of Questionable Status.

Again, we DON'T KNOW these people. I let our children play in the yard unsupervised because I know they are safe on our little dead end street and we know everyone who lives on this street.

When I was growing up, my parents taught us that we were not to play in any yard that we were either: A. Not invited or B. Not given permission. In Georgia, our next door neighbors were childless. We would walk to the end of our property line, then step on the asphalt and go around to a friend's house. I never stepped on that lawn the entire 8 years we lived there.

I may be paranoid, but what if the Evil Twin and I were some sort of weirdos (well, we are, but I'm talking serious weirdos)? We could lure those children into our house and have them buried under the shed with quick lime, just like John Wayne Gacy in no time. Of course, we're not that kind of sickos, but ya never know.

OK, so I marched over there and told the kids to not play in our yard or tear up the grass (we have a beautiful yard, if I don't say so myself.). Suddenly, Momma Redneck comes out to confront me. She turns to one boy, asks a question I couldn't hear, then turns to me and says, "He says they weren't in your yard and he don't lie to me." I gave her my special wink that says "Oh, right, kids never lie."

Basically, if I get to know you and your children (there were a bunch - not sure how many were hers), then they're more than welcome to play here, as long as they don't cause trouble and are cautious (we have a swing set and hammock - that's just a lawsuit waiting to happen if someone else's kid gets hurt using them...And I do tell visiting children the hammock is off-limits).

So, am I a crazy old shrew? Or perhaps just a spiteful bitch? Did any of you grow up with the same "don't play in yards that aren't yours" rule? I'm dying to know!

Love,

Don't Take My Word...Volume 1

I received an email from a regular reader last week and was asked:

Hi ETW,

You should start an advice portion on your blog. Maybe Tuesdays?

I need some advice.

I have a coworker that is extremely attractive. However, she's married. I have no intention of really going after her in any way shape or form. However, I would love to see a few naked pictures of her. It doesn't have to be fully naked, just some sexy boob and ass shots that's all. How do I ask for some? How would it go if I asked? I would never share with anyone.
_________________________________________
OK. I will not reveal a name, but I will say this request is from a male, if that makes any difference in your views. I personally don't care one way or another, I'm just gonna answer it to the "best" of my abilities, which...well...may not amount to much. If any hooligans have a thought, post it in the comments.

Remember, I don't tolerate harsh flaming. If you disagree, fine - say that and move on.
__________________________________________
Here is my advice:
Dude, Proceed with caution! I don't know many women who are cool with being approached with this request. Perhaps you could ask her if her husband is not the jealous type. Based on her answer, you *could* attempt the request, but don't be shocked if she turned it down. No one knows where those photos might show up. Some people are a little leery of the internet or "sexting" that goes on these days.

Also, be aware that she may feel violated or harassed just because you asked and this could get you in a metric boat load of trouble at work. It may be easier (and wiser) to visit the local porn shop and get a mag or look online. There is no shortage of naked women or half-clothed ladies on the internet! Good luck!

Hooligans, have a happy Tuesday. I'm getting in the shower, if that thought makes you happier. ;-)

Love,

Time Distortion

Have you ever had days when you look at the clock every so often and it just doesn't move forward? Or other days when you look at the clock and it's just speeding ahead (I know the Facebook phenomenon often causes the "losing track of time syndrome".) I can't figure that one out because I don't even play any of the games on there. I just click over when I get a chance and check updates.

I think my problem is I get sucked into watching YouTube videos that my friends share on FB. They're all enlightening and I do enjoy them, but I really get sucked into the FB time warp with that stuff. LOL.

At least I'm learning new things! Better than my pricey college degree!

I still have a mound of socks to match up and assorted other housework. You all know how glamorous my life can be. Kids to feed, self to shower (I'm not holding up so well at this point - my clothes are starting to smell odd. Then again, I do wear stuff for days at a time....Who cares? No one besides my family has to see me.)

Aside from all the housework, this has been a good Monday so far. Got off to a slow start, but now I'm all over it. Sometimes I just have to dig deep for the motivation.

I hope all my hooligans are having a happy Monday as well. I received a special request from a long-time reader and I'm going to roll that out tomorrow, so be sure to stay tuned. I'm gonna need some help with this one. :-)

Love,

A Dull Friday in the Sticks

I didn't get any Friday Secrets, so this will be rather lame. The children and I have lived through our first official week of "Summer holiday". We had some rough patches (sibling bickering), but overall, it was decent and relaxing. It was also hotter than Satan's nutsack outside, but I'll take that any day over snow and cold!

ETW don't care for the snow and cold. (<---- Remember, Southerner here!). I've been loving the sun and warmth, so has Miss Bella-Cat. She likes to sit in the front glass door or the back glass door and soak up all the happy sun while she monitors the bird, chipmunk, squirrel, bunny and deer activity. Sooo many critters she won't get the chance to chase down, torture and kill. It must suck to be her, what with all the treats and lovins she gets every day around here. Not to mention, the horrid conditions where she lives. I mean, she has her choice of comfy beds, couches, etc. on which she can lounge...plenty of food and water...Honestly, I feel sorry for her. OK - time for full disclosure now: I did not go to the Mart yesterday, but I WILL today! We need too much for me to blow it off another day. What can I say? I'm a last minute kinda gal. I hope my hooligans have a great Friday and an even better weekend! This has been a really long week around here, so I'm happy for some non-scheduled time. :-) Love,

Blue

For the past couple of months, I've lost all my enthusiasm for life in general. I don't know why. As far as I can figure, there isn't anything I can pinpoint to be a cause or causes.

I think I mentioned before that my primary care physician upped my anti-anxiety/anti-depression med, and I've been taking that dosage for a couple of weeks now. Maybe I just need more time.

Even though I don't have "the crib" anymore, I still have my ovaries (for the hormones), so I suppose I could still be experiencing PMS-ish symptoms or what-not.

Sorry to be such a "Debbie Downer" this morning, but it's just how I feel lately. I plan on getting a shower soon and getting my act together (hair, make up, etc). That usually perks me up a bit. But, then I have to face the fact I need to get to the Mart today.

At this point, tears are falling on the lenses of my glasses and I can barely see to type. I'm going to end this pity party now by carrying on with my morning routine.

I hope all my hooligans have a great Thursday - don't forget about Friday Secrets if you have something to let go. The Friday Secrets remind me I'm not alone. I may have either similar or different thoughts about topics, but I know I'm not the only person with "issues" in this big old world. :-) (That's a genuine smile).

Love,

I'm A Slacker

Yesterday was our first "official" day of summer break for the children and me, so we kinda took it easy and relaxed.

I ended up cleaning out my way out of hand "in box" for my make shift office and I was able to toss quite a bit of assorted junk and expired coupons.

Today will be more sorting of the much neglected "in box" and we're scheduled to have someone come to install a new router, since our current one seems to be itching to become less and less reliable. We can't have that, as we have one desktop and 2 laptops all sucking the glorious (and firewalled) Wifi. Plus, Buddy has a Wii and both rugrats have a DSi (they all connect to the internet with the Wifi).

We're all addicts!

I need to go clean up my act before a strange Geeksquad individual descends on my house, so I'm outta here.

Have a happy Wednesday, hooligans!

Love,

School's Out For Summer (Almost)

It's Buddy's last day of school. Sissy was finished up last week, so we're on our way to a relaxing (I hope) Summer break. We don't have plans for a vacation this year, but we do have plans to schedule a few "day trips" around the area.

You know, things we can get to and enjoy in just a day. We might have one overnight trip if things work out, but that's it for this season. Casa Evil Twin doesn't really have the funds to do a full vacay - and that's fine with me. The Evil Twin and I usually stress out so much over leaving the house, even though we have people to check on it and take care of the furry and feathery babes.

In other news, I went to have my hair did on Saturday. Again, I wanted a very vivid purple. The roots of my hair were algae green. No one knows what caused that, and furthermore, the purple on the longer hair was not right.

Now, I have to wait a few days. Then, I'll be stripping the wrong color out of the front of my hair and re-applying the purple I love (Splat!). I won't be lazy and do my own coloring from now on!

Alright, I'm outta here for the day. Please feel free to comment on any "Hair Don'ts" you have encountered in the past. We've all been there. :-(

Hooligans, have a great Monday (as you can).

Love,

Friday Secrets June 3

1. I work with a fair amount of women - and many are beautiful. So, to say I jerk off a lot at work is an understatement. Last year, I was leaving work and was very horny. At the first stop light I masturbated. First time in a car. It was awesome.

Looking forward to your pics dear...

2. I can't be the only reader here who does this same thing:  I have two different Internet personalities.  In the mornings before work (while my wife is still asleep) I have an entire list of blogs I read and my own blog I write, all centered on sexual stuff.  In other words, I look at pr0n!   In the afternoons and on weekends, I have a completely (mostly) different set of blog sites where I use my real name and link to my other (non-sex) blog.  

Funny how I often recognize many of my afternoon bloggers from my morning list of blog sites; you people obviously don't keep secrets from your spouses! 


3. One night my wife and I had another couple visiting. Lady X, who is an old friend, and I went outside to get some ice from the cooler.  While we were outside, we made out and I gave her a fingering.  It was extremely exciting, but I could never tell my wife about it.

4. I recently purchased a shampoo made by Pert called Fresh or something like that. It claims to have a menthol feel to it.  It really does make your hair feel tingly. It works very well on your balls and ass crack too.  I suspect most guys who have used this product know exactly what I mean.  The other day as I was showering and cleaning my nether regions with this shampoo, I slipped a soapy finger in my hole. Oh sure, I've done this before (really,who hasn't?).  The sensation of the menthol in the shampoo was incredible!  Yay for menthol shampoo!

[Rare Editor's note: Try Dr. Bronner's Peppermint soap. Available online or at health food stores. I heard Target carries it now, but I haven't seen it here].

This weeks pic is another re-run. I've just been too busy to do anything exciting or creative, but it'll give y'all something to stare at while you don't do any work! ;-)

TGIF, hooligans!

Love,

Like Sand

Some days just seem to slip through my fingers like sand. Yesterday was one of those days. I couldn't get myself together.

Sissy is supposed to have her last day of school on Thursday, June 2, but I decided last week we were finished. The whole schedule was driving me nuts and I was worn out. Buddy's last day is Monday, June 6. MONDAY. One stupid little day. I told him I would call in with an excuse if he wanted to stay home that day, but guess what? No, he wants to go on Monday. Apparently, they have some fun stuff planned.

After that, we are officially off for the summer! As long as the kids don't bicker 24/7, I'll be okay.

As my schedule is becoming cleared up, I've been doing more organizing. I have 4 essential "go to" guides that I use every day. I have one notebook that I keep my "to do" lists in and also grocery items. The 2nd notebook keeps bills in place and allows me to check things off when they're paid. My 3rd important lifeline is my day planner, I keep that within arm's reach at all times. I can't let any plans or deliveries go undocumented. Lastly, I rely on my address book - which also contains birthdays of everyone I know. In that one, I write everything in pencil because most of the people we know like to move around frequently.

Well, happy Hump Day, hooligans. Time for me to get to work for the day! :-)

Love,