Told You I Was On Vacation

Soooo, I've taken the last couple of days off the old daily posting. I've just been trying to get back to my zen place.

Early in the week, my anxiety was all jacked up. My nerves were all frazzled and my stomach hurt. I think I'd been carrying around too much stress for too long. Thank goodness, I've got one monkey off my back - I may talk about that later on. Or not. Depends on my mood.

The Evil Twin took Sissy to the circus last night and by all accounts, they had a wonderful time. It was her first circus experience. Buddy had opted out and all those animal smells make me throw up in my mouth a little.

I have a very keen sense of smell - which is both a blessing and a curse, as you can imagine. I mean, if the house was on fire, I would be aware right away. On the other hand, if there's something sketchy in the trash can causing it to smell like a hot dumpster, well, I'm also aware of that right away. The air freshener companies get a lot of our money - sprays, plug-ins, etc. That's one of my favorite aisles at the Mart.

I'm all about the good smells! :-)

Anyhoodle, Sissy does not have preschool today, so it's a seriously laid back day for us. Sure, I have laundry to do and a dishwasher to unload and reload, a kitchen that needs an antibacterial wipe down, etc., but that's nothing in the scope of things that force me to interact with the general (and generally rude) public.

I do have to swing by a grocery store of some sort because I need items to prep food for the next week. I must start my list and check it twice - otherwise, we'll have nothing to eat next week! Eeeek!

Happy Friday, hooligans. I still only have the one secret from last week, which I'm keeping until I receive one or two more.

For those new to the "Friday Secrets", you can get an anonymous email or just make a fake addy from where ever. Send it to eviltwinswife@gmail.com. I do not respond to secrets emails, I just copy and paste the secret in a secret file and delete the email. I never try to trace anything back to anyone. Even if you use your regular email, I will never share the info with another person. I also do not comment on Fridays, that's for my readers and they are awfully kind and insightful. I don't allow hateful comments, SOOOOOOO - Send in a secret!!! :-) Get that monkey off your back!

Love ya, hooligans!

Down Time Week

After a busy month or so and then last weeks' Easter Break with both kids home (and generally bickering the whole time), I have declared this week to be "Down Time". That doesn't mean I won't do anything - it just means that I plan to spend as much quiet time to myself as I can glean.

Yesterday, I had to make a run to the Mart, but I waited until the kids were home from school and just took Sissy with me. Buddy is good about staying here by himself and just playing video games or whatever. He knows not to answer the door unless it's one of us or someone else he's related to.

Today, I'm working on laundry and cleaning the kitchen. I also have some phone calls I need to make, so this will be short. Sometimes, I just need some time alone, even if I have to work around the house. It's still quiet and I'm not being pestered every second. I can actually move from room to room without questions of where am I going and what I am doing.

When I come upstairs with a basket of laundry, what might I be planning to do?? Building a rocket ship or folding the clothes in the basket?

And, with that, my hooligans, I'm off to build a rocket ship. Have a great Tuesday!

Love,

Did You Have a Nice Easter?

We did. Buddy and Sissy were both very happy with their baskets of goodies. We don't go overboard on toy-like things - maybe one or two small around $5 items and the rest is the traditional candy.

By 10 AM, Sissy was a human pogo stick. I thought she was going to get a boom box and start break dancing right in the middle of the room!

I don't know if I mentioned it before, and I'm too lazy to go back and find out, but last week was Easter Break here. The kids were out of school ALL week! Now, just when do you suppose the Easter Bunny is supposed to gather all his Eastery surprises when I'm still at the point of not being able to use the bathroom without an audience? "Mommy, what are you doing?" "Mommy, my DSi needs to be recharged!" "Mommy, what is that stench? Yuck."

God forbid I lock the door. I'll have to listen to uninterrupted knocking and "Mooooommmmy" the entire time. "I just have to ask you 2 questions." Me (seething inside): "It'll have to wait, I'm busy." Sissy: "But mommy, it's just 2 questions."

So, anyhoodle, I spent Saturday afternoon (nothing like waiting 'til the last minute, huh?) throwing things in my cart at the Mart of K. I did a respectable job, but then I sent the Evil Twin out on one more late night mission.

On Friday, the day before the ball-busting "candy and small toy" scramble, the Evil Twin brought home a cake from one of the best bakery in town. Spring Hill Bakery! I love yellow cake with chocolate frosting. They didn't have one even made and they weren't sure they had anything to make a yellow cake (almost no one does yellow cakes anymore - I don't know why). But, the guy said, "If we can't find one, we'll make one special." It was the best cake I have ever had in my life. There are still a few pieces left and I'll get to those in a bit.

All in all, it was a good Birthday/Easter weekend. I hope it was as nice for you hooligans, too. Now, I must go and continue my celebration. I keep the party going from April 22 to Mother's Day. I know how to work it, babies!

Love,

Friday

I only received one secret this week. Sad, since today is my birthday and all. You think you all might have tried harder! That's ok, I won't forget y'all in your time of need. I'm awesome like that.

So, I will hold the one secret over until next Friday and perhaps I will receive other secrets AND be able to show off what my new camera can do! YAY!

We've been on Easter Break this week - I know, I know....Most people call it Spring Break, but as a Catholic, I like to call it Easter Break. Even if it doesn't take place anywhere near Easter most years.

It's been a gloomy, rainy and coolish day around here, but the majority of the week has been rather nice weather-wise. Some years, it's still practically winter around here and we're still scuttling around in sweaters and coats, etc.

Now, I'm off to celebrate from today until Mother's Day. I might as well. I mean, who's gonna keep the wine market afloat in this economy if not me?? I'm proud to step up and fill the void.

I hope you hooligans have a lovely Friday and an even better weekend! Party like you're farty! Or something like that....

Love,

A Perfect Moment

This week at the Madhouse,the topic is "A Perfect Moment". I have several, so this is going to be difficult.

I like to say that figuratively, I've won the lotto 3 times. The first time was being adopted by my parents, who were awesome people. They supported me, no matter what. My dad passed away in 2004 and my mom followed 14 months later in 2005. I miss them both with all my heart.

The Evil Twin and I were married in 1993. I totally don't deserve him. He's that awesome. And, I'm not pretty enough for him - he could have chosen anyone. He chose me. That was lotto win #2

Our son was born at 28 weeks gestation, at 2lbs, 5 ounces, no one expected him to live. He did live and thrive and is a very intelligent person. Win #3.

We didn't think I'd be able to carry another child to full term, but after many years of trying, Sissy was born in 2006. Scheduled C-Section and at 39 weeks after twice a day injections of blood thinner medication. Win #4. Seeing her so big and healthy after the c section was perfect. I felt so wonderful to have a perfect birth situation with her. It took away all the hurt of Buddy's early arrival and the feeling like I didn't do right by him.

In 2007, I was reunited with my biological mother, sister and later, father. I wasn't looking for replacement parents, but it's handy to know my genetic background and I do love them. So, that's win #5.

Having both children baptized in the Catholic Church was a priceless moment as well.

Looking back, we've had more perfect than imperfect. (Knock on wood).

Life can be pretty crazy, but if you look around - there are beautiful moments everywhere.

Happy Wednesday, hooligans! Don't forget about Friday Secrets...If you want to see more - secrets and a bonus - send 'em in: eviltwinswife@gmail.com. Thx.

Love,

Pimping for a Friend

Jeff Kay over at the West Virginia Surf Report has published his first novel. It's called "Crossroads Road" and the Evil Twin designed the cover:

How sweet is that?

I had the pleasure of proofing it and loved every word. Jeff's characters come alive and the story flows so well, I forgot I was reading fiction. It all felt so real.

It's available in paperback on Amazon and also for the Kindle and Nook, in the ebook format...I'm not really familiar with those last two, so if I said it wrong, forgive me. I think it's as easy as going to the sites, doing a quick search and voila! Make the purchase.

This is just an example to show you how easy it is to order, but PLEASE go to Jeff's site and order it from his Amazon link, okay? --->

I don't get anything from pimping this, other than I like helping a friend and mayhaps, Jeff's undying love. I'll have to check with him on that one. His wife may not approve... Haha! He and the Evil Twin have known each other since the late 70s, so I feel okay about teasing him a bit.

If you're looking for a fun read, this is your book! And who doesn't like to laugh?

While you're at it, check out his website (link is above). You won't be sorry, you'll be laughing too hard. Seriously.

Happy Monday, hooligans. I'm getting a new camera tomorrow, so send in the secrets for Friday and there will be an exciting new picture!

Love,

Friday Secrets April 15

1. First of all I went through your blog. You haven't posted a titty shot since January 7th - that's just wrong. Maybe that's why you're not getting any secrets from us hooligans... 

Here is my secret - ever since the Rex Ryan foot fetish videos, I've started looking at women's feet. And by golly a whole new world has opened up to me.. man have I been missing out. I'm starting to develop a deep connection to women's feet. For instance there is a woman in my office who has beautiful feet. We were sitting in the company lounge - she was on her blackberry or whatever, I was reading the paper and I kept looking at her feet. Pretty soon I had a full on boner - what to do... what to do... can't get up. Fortunately she left before I had to get up --- and I ran to the bathroom to wank off.. it was awesome... it was pleasureful for sure... now I''m on the look out for beautiful feet. Ladies reading this, if you have any you'd like to share feel free to email me. A nice boob shot to go with it would keep this brotha happy .... :-)

2. I helped my neighbor celebrate her 40th birthday by fucking her under the giant magnolia tree in her yard while her husband was passed out inside.

3. My coworker loves office sex. I asked her out but she prefers to do it
at work. I'm not complaining. She's blowing me as I type these words.

4. Just about every girl I've been in a relationship with has admitted to becoming sexually aware while watching "labyrinth".   And I look NOTHING like David Bowie....

5. At my friend's bachelor party I hooked up with some random chick who was engaged. A few months later accused me of sexually transmitting throat cancer to her.  

6. I once fixed a girl's laptop for a BJ. The problem? The battery came loose.  (#WINNING)

This past week, I put a bottle of water I had been drinking in my purse. However, I didn't realize the lid was a little askew. My handbag was soaked. I immediately pulled out all my electronic goodies and tested them - all seemed well, but this morning, I tried to turn on my camera and....nada. I switched out the batteries from a remote control (we're out of AAs), and still nothing. It worked when I tested it. Yes, I have a DSLR I could work with, but it's not as easy as my point & shoot. I'd have to haul out a tripod, etc. etc.

So, until I find out if my little Canon is truly dead, I'll have to regale you with a rerun. Some of you may have not seen it, so it's all good.

Happy Friday, hooligans! Have a great weekend, too!

Love,

Me and Bobby McAllergies

I've had allergies all my life. This year has been the worst for me. Seriously, 42 years and I'm suffering more than usual. Don't feel sorry for me, I'm used to it.

But, it seems more severe this year. I hate taking the meds cause they make me feel weird (what a stretch, huh?)Okay, so they make me feel wiggier than I feel on a normal basis and I'm kinda used to being my own level of weird. I don't wish for any enhancements on that front.

I'm so off, I thought yesterday was Thursday. The bigger kids had a half day of school, which means the preschool kids (Sissy) didn't have school at all. So, after Buddy got home from school, Little Miss Priss and I made the trek to the Mart. I swear I bought a big bag of assorted chips, but when I got home, there were no chips and no charge on the receipt.

I'm really stressed out about my part time job. I can't get into it, but every day I'm reminded about how I need to step it up. It's PART TIME. I only have 12 hours a week to do all my own household stuff - cleaning, paying bills, shopping, etc. - it's hard to squeeze in much else. I lose at life, I guess.

Good news: I've received several secrets for the week, which means you will be entertained with secrets tomorrow and a special photo! That's something to look forward to. Until then, I leave you with this image:

This qualifies in the, "Are you sh*%&$g me?" categories.
This woman is out shopping - in public - with no shirt on.

She has her boobs tucked into her pants.

INTO HER PANTS!!!

(I found this on People of Walmart.com. Har har.)

Happy Thursday, hooligans. I love you all.

Love,

From the Madhouse: Eye Contact

I'm finding it very difficult to get motivated on grey days. I wish the weather would just perk up and stay that way. Oh well, I'm not Mother Nature or God, so I have no control over it. Just sit back and hope for the best, huh?

Anyhoo, today's Madhouse topic is Eye Contact.

I have been a solid introvert all my life. I don't mind being alone - in fact, at times, I enjoy it.

As I've gotten older, gone through school and now have children in school, I find that it's much easier for me to interact with people. And, yes, even make eye contact. ESPECIALLY make eye contact. If it's just general chit chat, people feel more engaged with someone who will look at them. If I'm upset, looking the person in the eye tells them I mean business and I'm treated much more seriously.

I do admit to averting my eyes from time to time in conversation, so I don't feel or seem like some sort of crazycakes staring stalker.

I also enjoy seeing what other people are doing while we converse. Most people look me straight in the eye, others will look at me for a moment, then look straight down my top. They don't even try to be slick about it. It doesn't bother me - it's nothing they wouldn't see if I had on a swim suit instead of a shirt.

That's much less an ordeal than someone the Evil Twin used to work with. We called him "The Dick Talker" (that's his Indian name LOL - I keed, I keed). Anyway, this friend would come stand beside the Evil Twin's chair and envision it: The Evil Twin is seated, the friend is standing. All of a sudden, TET would turn his head and be eye level with this guy's crotch - and he's one of those who likes to stand close, too. And, no he is not gay. He's a super nice guy and we all still keep in touch.

The one thing that fouls me up on eye contact sometimes is if a person has a strange mole or crazy little baked bean teeth or a big green booger. I'm not making fun of someone like that, but it's just not something you see everyday, so it's hard to NOT stare or to keep your eyes wandering that way. I'll even look at their nose if I have to, just to keep my eyes relatively in the right facial place. (except if it's a booger and then I go to the hairline).

Does making eye contact make you feel uncomfortable?

Happy Wednesday, hooligans! (This has been a long week, I thought it was Thursday earlier!)

Love,



_____________________________________

The other Madhousers:
Allison – Allimonster Speaks
Barb – Spencer Hill Spinning & Dyeing
Batty – Batty’s Adventures in Spooky Knitting
Dave – Notes from the Field
Eileen - Art Deco Diva Knits
Evil Twin’s Wife – The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau
G – Not-A-Box
Heather – She Flies With Her Own Wings
Jennifer – Ask Poops, Please
JMLC – Daydreams and Ruminations
Kate – One More Thing
LC – LC in Sunny So Cal
Louise – Child of Grace
Marcy – Mittentime
Melanie – usually, things happen
Nikki – Land of the Free, Home of the Depressed
Sara – yoyu mama

My First "Salon" Experience

We had many items from my parents' house and the Evil Twin decided to auction off a collection. It sold for a good price and he said we could split up the proceeds and all get a last gift from grandpa.

I decided I wanted my hair did. At a full service salon. I knew it wouldn't be cheap, but I had to check it out. You all know I'm a cheapskate, so for me to spend lots on my hair doesn't really jive with who I am.

With my hair being purple and black - and the roots over the purple were growing out, I really didn't want to deal with the bleaching and coloring routine by myself, plus my darker hair had plenty of greys to cover.

I made an appointment for Saturday. The tech I had an appointment with was young, but super nice and attentive. She did a great job on the hair. It was nice to be pampered a bit and have my hair washed by someone other than myself. Plus, whatever she put on my hair smelled sooooo good.

Anyhoodle, I was there for over 2.5 hours...That's a long time in the chair, but it was very interesting.

I noticed a really neat painting beside the mirror and asked if it was a well known artist in town here. My hair tech said no that her dad had painted it. Later, a guy came in and she said, "She really likes your painting." But, the guy looked like her brother and not her dad, so I just kept quiet. I didn't want to be a complete dork.

In a bit, she finished up with my hair and we all chatted while I paid the bill. Turns out, her dad is someone I know - not well - but he is one of the Evil Twin's closest friends from the way back machine! I couldn't believe he had a daughter old enough to be an extremely skilled hairdresser! It's such a SMALL world!

Without further ado, here is my new hair:

Not the best shot, but hey....I take them myself, so ya get what ya get.

Hope all of my hooligans are having a nice Monday. Remember to send in a secret or two at eviltwinswife@gmail.com, so we all have something to look forward to and you all get an awesome shot of my cleavage! :-) It's a Win-Win. DUH!

Love,

I'm Willing to Compromise

I did receive one Friday Secret...but I won't post it until I receive a few more. However, in the message, the sender let me know that if I posted more cleavage pics, I might get more secrets. So, I promise to add a li'l something special next Friday if I do, in fact, get a few more secrets. Deal? :-)

We've been really busy around here trying to get things back to normal after living in the "hobo camp" Monday, Tuesday and half of Wednesday. Granted, our "hobo camp" was slightly more comfortable and I'm sure it smelled better than an actual hobo camp, but getting back into the routine..... Vacuuming, laundry, you know - actually being able to see at night and trying not to die of hypothermia, dishes and restocking the fridge and freezer. It's all very exciting! \

I'm sure you can feel my joy.

Also a bummer about no electricity: falling behind on reading my favorite blogs (that would be YOURS, darlin'!) I'm going to try and jump back in the best I can.

Over the Great Blackout of 2011, we received a package from Crocs (yes, my children love them). Sissy got 4 Jibbitz and one is a Buzz Lightyear that actually lights up. I had to order a bunch of junk to get free shipping. I'm weird like that. Buddy is far too cool for Jibbitz on his Crocs. Even the Evil Twin likes his to wear around the house. I have narrow feet and high arches, so the standard doesn't fit me well.

However, when we went to Disney World in 2009, I found really cute Croc Flops (as I like to call them). It's just a Croc flip flop with a Mickey head cut out in the middle. I wear them for gardening or out on the back patio. For outings, I wear my Naot Montreals. Now, those do good for my calves.

Okay, send me the secrets and get a fancy boob shot, allright? Have a happy Friday and a good weekend, hooligans. I'll catch up over the weekend and see y'all again on Monday! :-)

Love,

Like A Little Hobo Camp

That's what my family has been experiencing since Monday night. We had a massive storm pass through the area. It did lots of damage and many residents all over the state lost power to their houses. Our area was one of them.

Until shortly after noon today (Wednesday, April 6), we've been living with no electricity, no heat, no hot water, no way to cook, etc. It's like roughing it in our own house. We had plenty of blankets, though and the Evil Twin had no power at his office yesterday (all the schools were out, too), so the Evil Twin decided to take some leave time and come home early - after all, there was nothing he could do at the office....no electricity = no computer = he can't do his job. He brought home some weird fire log thingies, since we had used up all our actual fire wood in the winter. He also burned every piece of scrap wood he could rustle up.

It's likely we've lost everything in the fridge and freezer. We'll have to shop tonight when we find out what things are needed.

It's been like a little hobo camp around here - only without the Mad Dog 20/20. Sure, I had my classy box o' wine on hand, but that's a few steps up from MD.

Now, I have the heat cranked up, even though it's supposed to be 67 degrees today and I'm waiting on the hot water tank to rev up enough for a halfway decent warm shower.

Let me say, I never realized how much an extended power outage could really put a crimp in our modern life. I couldn't charge my phone - the htc EVO - which is one of them thar "smart phones". Those don't hold a charge very long, so I have to charge it about every 12 hours. I went a while without a phone. Luckily, the Evil Twin and Buddy had their phones. Then, I found out I had a bit of battery life left on my laptop, so I charged my phone off of that and taking it out to the van to charge it that way.

And, I remember days when we didn't even have a microwave or even a VCR! We've gotten spoiled, haven't we? ;-)

Have a lovely Wednesday, hooligans! I know I will, now that I can use my appliances and get some heat. :-)

Love,

Not Catching a Break

But, I am catching every bug coming down the pike. I have had more stomach viruses this year than any I can remember. I'm chalking that up to having a kid in preschool. Those little buggers are nothing but germ wagons! Always with their booger hooks up their nostrils, picking up trash off the ground, never consistently washing their hands after a trip to the restroom.... you know, that sort of thing.

I think every child in Sissy's preschool has had snot noses for months now. Including Sissy. It's hard to talk a 5 year old into letting someone wipe their nose. I think if I had dried snot all over my nostrils, I'd be really bothered by that. Oh well....I'm sure I was just as gross when I was that age.

Today, I'll be laying low and trying to sweat out whatever has my stomach captive this time. Who knows? Maybe I'll lose that 5 - 7 pounds I've been trying to give the heave-ho for a few years now.

I don't get it. After both kids were born, I left the hospital lower than my pre-pregnancy weight (granted, I only gained 10lbs with Buddy and 13 with Sissy, but STILL!), then as the years go by, the weight comes creeping back. I suspect it's because I'll eat whatever is left over on the kids' plates. Or things they refuse to touch because (even though they've never tried it): "It looks dirty", "It doesn't smell right." "Ewwwww!" We don't have those issues with Buddy much these days, after all, he is a 13 year old boy and human trash compactor.

Sometimes we can talk the Evil Twin into being the leftover eating buddy. We went to Red Lobster a few weeks ago and TET ordered the "choose three seafood entrees" dish. He ordered 3 shrimp scampi, he also had a salad, wild rice, I think he had a biscuit and maybe another side - oh and stuffed mushroom appetizer. When the waiter returned to clear the table, he looked at the Evil Twin's plate (totally spotless, btw) and said, "Wow, I'm impressed you made it through all that." The Evil Twin looked at him and said, "Perhaps you haven't noticed I'm a fat man." Then, laughed.

He does like to eat. :-) I think that's one reason my mom loved him so much. As a Southern cook, it's taken as an offense if your guests don't get at least 2nds and preferably 3rds. So, when I was just getting my sea legs on becoming a decent cook, we could go to mom & dads' house and he could load up.

Anyhoodle, I can't wait for actual Spring weather. Perhaps I can shake the cootie bugs then. Well, my stomach feels all hinky again, so I'm off to find something for that and then just try to rest up for the day.

Hope all of my hooligans have a lovely Monday! It's supposed to be a beautiful day here, so get out and enjoy it (unless you live somewhere there is still snow, blech!).

Love,

No Friday Secrets (Again!)

Come on, hooligans! I know you have delicious secrets and skeletons in your closet. All you have to do is create a fake email addy and send your dirty laundry to eviltwinswife@gmail.com. I never respond to secret emails and I don't try to uncover anyone's true identity. That would just be all kinds of wrong.

Get that monkey off your back and let it all out! You'll feel better and my readers are very kind, non-judgmental people.

Don't make me grovel, because I hate that crap. I'm just too proud to beg. Hee hee!

In other news, I've been getting spam comments on older entries. Luckily, Blogger does not post these comments, but I have to go back and close off new comments on those entries. I chose to allow the existing comments, but cut it off for new comments. It doesn't mean I don't love you all - you know I do! But, if you didn't comment on a post that was written over a year ago, well....yer outta luck. Email me personally if you have an opinion. The email addy is up there somewhere. :-)

What is most annoying about the spam comments is that my Android phone bleeps and bloops when I get email. I don't have to pay extra for it (Thanx, Sprint!), but all those beeps are a real pain in my keister. I don't mind the beeps when it's legitimate email I might want to read on the fly, but when it's just junk... It makes me very irritated. Do you KNOW how much I have to charge that daggone phone on a daily basis? (side note: The "smart phones" are known to have a less than average battery life than other cells...I guess they're too busy being "smart").

Hooligans, it is FRIDAY and I am super duper happy! It's still cold here (it snowed yesterday!!), but at least it's sunny and I have a good day ahead. Hope that all of you do too!

Love,